05/21/01
4:09 pm I am 100 degrees and bomb-pops and not-so-efficient refrigerators�I am trying to stay away from yuppie-dom, but, god, that�s such a cute couch and wouldn�t it go really well with that chair and match my rug? (not to mention my toe-nail polish�tee hee)�I am unpainted toes, unpainted fingers and not dressed up enough for work�I am a furniture switch-a-roo, concrete walls, and a fantastic back porch�I am plane-ticket-searching and running out of money way too fast�I am the new face, and I like it that way�I am contemplating coming out at work�I am an office full of people who have the potential to be very fucking cool, but who are still in that shaddy in-between area of perhaps, maybe�I am sketchy lesbian clubs, and never going back on a Thursday night�I am surrounded by mountains and endless hiking opportunities�I am rattle snakes and cute lizards and bobcat tracks�I am a jumping cactus who reaches out to prick anyone who comes near enough to smell�I am Mexican food and Mexican food and more Mexican food�I am trader joe�s and recycling my grocery bags�I am switching to color film�I am bright and sunny and hopefully going to stay that way�I am well connected bosses and trying not to be a kiss-ass, but wanting to be liked and respected�I am laughing at the self-confidence of a man who never gets anyone�s name right and can never remember the correct titles of the movies he claims to love�I am not having time to think, to sort it all out, to question, and I�m trying not to miss the over-analyzing quality my life had taken on�I am thinking that that �phase� is over�I am june 11th and unable to really think about what that date meant for me last year�I am disconnected from this whole thing that I keep talking about, this whole �last year at this time� thing�I am wondering if I�ll ever stop mentioning it, ever stop feeling it, ever stop reliving it from time to time�I am the face of �it� and the way it�s changed over time into something more recognizable and not-so-scary�I am wondering when I�ll go home again, or when this place will feel enough like home for me to not have to leave to find it�I am adobe-walled strip malls and chains from iowa all the way out here�I am loving driving, the openness, and the amazing view I get from almost anywhere�I am the positive, energized way I feel when I wake up and can eat breakfast on my porch staring at the catalinas�I am so ready for this, for this change, for this new direction my life is taking�I am still the beginning�
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