2:03 pm so I'm moving�I'm not worried or stressed or scared, and that, ironically, is frightening to me�I have had to throw it all together in two weeks, and I think I'm pretty on top of things at the moment�I still have six days before I officially go, before I get in the loaded car, sedate my cats, make sure I have plenty of good road music, and take off�the drive from iowa to arizona will probably be quite nice, actually, and the only vacation I'll get for awhile�I'm going to try to make it in two days�I think I should be able to�it's only 25 hours�two 12 hour days are really not that much driving�I'll probably stop in oklahoma city, in albuquerque, and where ever else looks interesting�hopefully I'll get some good pictures�I'm going to shoot in color for the first time in awhile�the sky out there is the bluest blue�it's incredible�and usually cloudless�what am I going to do when I'm surrounded by such beautiful things? It'll be such a change�a welcome change, but a change�I'll be able to see the mountains from my front porch�I'll have a pool and a dishwasher and a walk-in closet that's bigger than some people's bedrooms�I'm not quite sure how I'll handle it all�I'm not quite sure how I'll ever be able to leave once I'm there�the desert is amazing�but, the thing is, I just keep wondering "is this really my life?" I mean, you get so used to certain things, and even if you don't like them much, you start to appreciate the routine of things�or, perhaps, you get lost in the routine of things�I don't remember thinking much at this job�this job I'm at right now, spending my very last day writing things to put on my web page�I don't remember thinking, and I don't remember being actively involved in anything�I suppose because I wasn't an active participant, I didn't really care too much, I just sort of let things slide over me, nodding my head from time to time, getting up to use the bathroom every hour or so�and that's not right�I want to care�I want to be excited and to be doing something that takes thought�I want to beg for more work and not see every minute of every day go by�I want to lose myself in what I'm doing, to have an idea that I'm so crazy about that I start talking really fast and really loud�I want to be appreciated and valued and used for the creative energy that no one here ever seemed to have any use for�I want to be happy, really, and right now, I think I'm getting there�