11:44 am I've got a new mantra every day�"suck it up"� "ignore it"� "stop caring so much"� "don't let them get to you"� "stop caring so much"�did I already say that? I don't want them, or anyone, to think that they've hurt me�I don't want to ::be:: hurt by them�so, right now, I've got no "them" in my life�there are people that I come in contact with every day, people who's company I enjoy from time to time, people I can go out for a drink with over the weekend�but I can't care about them�I don't care about them because it's clear to me that they don't care about me�I listen to them bitch and moan about one thing or another, tell them "hey, man, that sucks," but I don't say anything more�and I certainly don't say, "listen, you have it easy-listen to MY story"�nor do I believe that anyone really does have it easy�but I can't interact with people the way I am used to, the way that has been natural for me�iowa city has numbed me�the folks here have transformed me into the kind of person I never thought I'd be�apathetic�uncaring�numb� there's that word again�it's not that I don't care about anyone, in general, it's just that I can't care about anyone here, in this town� I have somehow grouped every single person in this town into the same category�petty, immature, hateful people�(I feel like corky in "waiting for guffman"-"you people are bastard people")�I realize that not everyone in this town really has those terrible characteristics, and that I'm merely reacting to my experiences with a very small representation of the population�but I can not help but make these huge generalizations�I can't help but think: everyone in iowa city is an asshole, or, women are not capable of caring about anyone but themselves, or, lesbians are petty and not worth the trouble�why do I have these thoughts? Especially when I know that there are people here who aren't assholes, there are definitely women who care about anything BUT themselves, and there are certainly lesbians who aren't petty and who are worth the trouble�I've just come in contact with a string of not-so-nice people lately, and they are making me jaded�the second I meet someone who 1) doesn't like talking to me just because s/he needs someone to talk to about a problem, 2) isn't my friend because I have a cool car that I'll let them borrow, or 3) cares enough about me to let me finish a sentence when I'm talking, I'll probably change my mind�really-that's not too much to ask, is it? To want people in my everyday life who actually ::want:: to be in my everyday life? it shouldn't be too much to ask�maybe I'm just having a bad day�"suck it up"�