02/02/01
3:30 pm I am tired�I am thirsty�I am 36 oz water bottles from active endeavors�I am drinking six a day�I am vitamin C�I am still sick�I am almost there�I am seeing the tunnel, but not yet the light at the end�I am a good start�I am swearing off "shoulds"�I am trying to focus on myself�I am trying to separate me from the past, and from the future, and trying to just be here now�I am impossible tasks�I am new roommates�I am pasta with tomato juice and garlic�I am unable to fall asleep at night�I am nyquil and possibly addicted to it�I am unable to drive my car�I am TOWANDA bumper stickers�I am elvira kurt�I am laughing out loud�I am my doorless bedroom�I am off of caffeine�I am off of alcohol (at least this week)�I am a random hook up when I least expected it�I am feeling 20 again�I am expecting to feel guilty, but I don't�I am the innocence of those drunken kisses�I am the innocence of hand-holding�I am not going beyond that�I am regressing�I am finally being honest with myself�I am learning a lot more than I'm giving myself credit for�I am getting lost in trying to be somewhere I'm not�I am getting lost in trying to be someone I'm not�I am getting lost trying to figure out "why"�I am wanting to throw up my hands but forcing them down�I am wanting to leave, to escape, to not have to deal with any of it, but realizing that now is the time�I am wading in it�I am taking it hour by hour, day by day�I am feeling like an addict�I am feeling like a "problem child"�I am feeling like someone who should apologize for my behavior, for not being there, for still struggling with all of this�I am sorry�
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