I didn't know how to speak up for myself at that time so I started reading to escape. I would immerse in the world of imaginery beings and places in an attempt to forget.....
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| MY HISTORY | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| When I started primary school in Australia I was teased because I was different. I became suicidal by the age of 9 though I didn't know how to accomplish the task. I didn't know how to speak up for myself at that time so I started reading to escape. I would immerse in the world of imaginery beings and places in an attempt to forget..... |
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| I got anorexia because I wanted to die. I didn't know at that time that I was anorexic. But it was the only way I knew that could hurt me and would eventually lead to my demise. I was 1.68m tall and weighed 45kilograms by the time i was in 7th grade. I wasn't a severe anorexic, but I was very very thin and my blood pressure was almost not registering on the blood pressure gauze. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| High school was just as hard, though even harder because it is a time when all youths are trying to work out their image and their view of the world. I would cut myself in the wrist many times especially to release my pain and even engraved the word "chink" on my left hand, which was a derogatory word used by racist against chinese which was used against me by some boys that day. I didn't know it at that time but some of my friends wanted to tell the teachers but never did. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I was harrassed by some twelfth graders when I just entered high school, calling me names and tripping me over, throwing rocks at me. When they graduated I was teased again by a group of boys in the grade above me. They would say racist things to me and when I retaliated they would laugh. When they threatened to hit me with a bat I told the vice principal, after which they stopped... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My friends thought I was weird because I would talk of killing animals. But I would never do a thing like that. I have four dogs now after all. I love animals. But I said those things to gain attention, especially to my mental condition which was in hay wires at that time. I didn't know what was going on in me and I wasn't diagnosed with depression yet. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I didn't met a single close friend until the end of my high school career, when I met a lovely girl by the name of Vanessa. She was a christian (protestant, I'm a catholic). She introduced me to the Bible and I would pray to God begging Him to remove my misery. Eventually He answered my prayers. I'd never had a boyfriend in my short life, no one seems interested maybe because I'm so weird. But maybe I'm not ready yet. I even contemplated on to becoming a nun, until I found out you have to be mentally sound in order to become one...... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| I became schizophrenic when I was 17 years old. I thought someone was stalking me and that I was being followed. I heard voices even in my dreams. I would wake up in a cold sweat. I had to sleep with my parents for almost three months. I was paranoid. Read more in My mental suffering experiences. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My life greatly improved when I started university. I was so happy to be there. I came first in my grade (in my school) for Mathematics and received an award. I came in the top ten in my grade for biology. I was happy but I had gained alot of weight (I went up to over 65 kilograms) because I was taking medication after being diagnosed with schizophrenia during my High School Certificate which is the time in the life of every Australian teenager when they are deciding their future. So that was an added burden...... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| I'm a much happier person now with many close friends that I love. I enjoy using the internet and meeting people. Read how I became better in My life now..... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| There is no such thing as normal. Only the average. Everyone was created, unequally and different from everyone else in some way or another. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Home | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My life now | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My mental suffering experiences | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||