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V. A Taste of the Bait You may be wondering, If women like language so much, what kind of language do they like? Is it really so different from what men like? Well, judge for yourself. Imagine someone saying to you, in a very dramatic, emotional way, “I want to speak… to the deepest part… of who… you… truly… are.” Do you find that statement compelling? Do you find it fascinating, alluring? Does it in fact speak to the deepest part of who you truly are, or does the phrase “the deepest part of who you truly are” seem meaningless or pretentious or ridiculous? Most men would give you a very funny look if you said that; while you can get them to the point where they would respond powerfully to that statement, it would require a good deal of preparation and trance-inducing oratorical skill. (For the record, a trance is a mental and physiological state during which some sensations are ignored and other sensations, or thoughts, or experiences are experienced very, very powerfully—it’s a state which is ideal for learning, and it’s the state you tend to enter when something really grabs your attention, for example, when you’re falling in love or reading a book or listening to a really good speech.) Most women would also give you a very funny look if you said something like “I want to speak to the deepest part of who you truly are,” but it’d likely be a different kind of funny look. Their eyes might widen, their pupils might dilate, their lips might even part. Far from requiring a trance state to be acceptable, this is the kind of statement which, to women, is so acceptable and eagerly sought that it tends to induce a trance state on its own. When you say something like that, women tend to shut up and listen. “Imagine your heart spreading open, unlocked in a way it’s never been before, and feeling my heart’s energy come inside you, my heart’s energy coming inside you again, and again, and again, as powerful and rhythmic, as sure and relentless, as the ocean’s salty tide.” Most men would think that statement was a) utterly trite, an example of the worst and most banal cheap bullshit sentiment imaginable; and b) blatantly, obviously, even alarmingly sexual. Most women would find it somewhat trite, yes; somewhat heated, yes; but above all emotionally compelling and deeply erotic. The obviously sexual imagery would be rationalized, experienced primarily as imagery of a perfectly legitimate and appropriate passion. It’s not the kind of stuff men often say, but it’s the kind of stuff women wish men would say. “It’s as though what you most want to feel is locked away, locked in a box of oak and iron, and then suddenly you meet someone who holds a gleaming, golden, oiled key. And this key, inlaid with designs of the most unearthly beauty and intricate workmanship, slides deeper and deeper into the lock, slides so deeply that you wonder whether it will ever stop, until at last it strikes home, and you feel it turning against the lock’s inmost chamber, turning…turning…turning…until it clicks, and the lock seems to shudder, and at last the box spreads open, and you feel all that you’ve so long wanted and waited…and waited…and waited…to feel begin to flood through you.” Again, while that kind of thing is called “purple prose,” and you’d probably throw away a Tom Clancy-ish technothriller if it had dialogue like that inside, this is exactly the kind of stuff that can get women who know nothing about you aroused and attracted to you really fast. Notice how much imagery there is—the words paint explicit pictures, and word-pictures bypass your listener’s intellect and go straight to the right-brain, the seat of the imagination and emotions. Notice also how much redundancy there is—and it’s okay to say basically the same thing over and over, for a couple of reasons. First of all, when you tell a woman something, you aren’t only giving her information, you’re giving her an experience, and if the experience feels good, she’ll want to feel it again. Words, for women, are experiences. Second, almost everyone is highly repetitive in conversation. In speech, unlike the newspaper or a technical manual, redundancy is natural. Finally, you may have noticed how sexual the language in that example was. I mean, come on--an “oiled key” slides into a box which spreads open and shudders? Did you notice how sexual that image is? Good. Women won’t. Or, more precisely, if you present stuff like that with a straight face and seem perfectly earnest and sincere, women won’t mind—in fact, they’ll like it a lot. If you act as if you don’t realize you’re being sexual, they feel free to be sexually aroused by what you’re saying—because, hey, you’re not talking about sex, you’re talking about a key and a box, or an ocean wave pounding the shore, or a flower being made wet by the morning dew. Remember, women really do process things differently. When you use sexual metaphors, and seem like you don’t realize you’re being sexual, women will a) get very turned on by what you’re saying (assuming you deliver it well, and we’ll cover delivery later) b) rationalize that you’re not being sexual, you’re being passionate and romantic and poetic—and therefore it’s okay if their own lustful, depraved imaginations lead them to sexual thoughts and feelings... Review 1. Women like very different kinds of language than do men. 2. Women like highly descriptive, metaphorical, image-filled language. 3. Words for women are emotional experiences; they therefore enjoy redundancy, because each repetition creates an experience. 4. Language that seems redundant, overwrought, and over-the-top to men often seems poetic, romantic, and erotic to women. 5. Language that seems blatantly sexual to men is easily rationalized as poetic, romantic, and socially-appropriate by women, even though this language may arouse them sexually.
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