("Neocon" opening.)
David: Tonight, MECCA makes its debut in Baltimore, Maryland, as we present Go Time on FSN! I'm David Mills, along with Dick Broccoli, and we are just three days away from No Regrets, which will air live right here on FSN.
Dick: And tonight, Nykk prepares for MECCA's first ever cage match this Saturday, as he will take on Cheesecake.
David: And in the main event, a big six-man tag as Cynric teams with the Backseat Boyz to take on the EDJ of Eddie Crowe and the Pyro Twins!
Dick: We've also been told that the new tag team champs Eddie Crowe and Alan Mayse will defend their titles this Saturday at No Regrets, and the number one contenders will be determined right now!
("Kobrakai" hits and the Killer Kanines make their way to the ring.)
David: The Killer Kanines believe they deserve to face Crowe and Mayse this Saturday, as they have been on a winning streak the last couple of months, defeating teams like the Surgeons and the Pyro Twins, amongst others.
Dick: I can't even remember the last tag team match they've lost. What a match that would be at No Regrets.
("Afternoon Delight" hits and David Caldwell makes his way to the ring.)
David: Well, here's Caldwell, but where are the CDT? He made such a big deal about the CDT getting the title shot last week, and so Katie Piehl booked this match to determine who gets it.
(Caldwell gets a mic.)
Caldwell: I know we're supposed to determine a number one contender right now, but I just couldn't wait to come out here! You see, this week marks the start of the inaugural Bikini Quest! So as far as I'm concerned, we're going to bump this match to give my pride and joy some extra time. So Killer Kanines, you can go back to the dressing room, because your services aren't required out here!
(The Killer Kanines are pissed, but Caldwell waves several officials out and they escort the Wild Wolf and Anubis to the back.)
David: Services aren't required? These are wrestlers on a wrestling show! MECCA isn't about this swimsuit contest garbage, it's about athletic wrestling competition. Caldwell is just angering our fans here in Baltimore, who have seen what MECCA's all about on TV and came to see wrestling.
Caldwell: Now, welcome to the first ever Bikini Quest!
(Balloons and confetti start falling, as well as a banner with a Bikini Quest logo on it. Cheesy beach music starts playing as several bimbos in bikinis make their way to the ring.)
Caldwell: I scoured the country to find the finest females, and these were the women who passed my personal audition. Say hello to Candi, Sandi, Brandi, and Mandi!
David: Give me a break. Those aren't even the same women as two weeks ago. It looks like he just raided a local strip club.
(Medea Knight follows the bimbos to the ring.)
Caldwell: And of course, the David Caldwell Project's own personal starlet, Medea Knight!
(Medea gets in the ring and poses.)
Dick: I guess it's no surprise that the Project's own valet is in this thing. How long is this segment going to go, anyway?
Caldwell: Now, before we begin the first round, I mean what I said two weeks ago. We're missing all the starlets of MECCA in the back, and I ask you all to come out here at this time, because when MECCA becomes David Caldwell Sports Entertainment, believe me, I'll remember who my friends were. So ladies, get your cute little butts out here and shake them for the camera.
David: How disrespectful. Our ladies are not swimsuit models, they're not strippers, they're professional wrestlers. I don't see a single one of them coming out here and undoing all the good they've done for women's wrestling over the last two years.
(Zoe Alexander comes through the curtain dressed to wrestle and marches toward the ring.)
Dick: Here's Zoe Alexander, but it looks like she's ready for a fight! We saw what Gail Kim did to one of Caldwell's bimbos two weeks ago.
(Zoe takes the mic from Caldwell.)
Zoe: David Caldwell, for the last year and a half I have been proud to compete here in MECCA. I have scraped, I have clawed, all in order to make a name for myself and change the perception of women's wrestling that's been damaged over the years. And you know what that's gotten me? Absolutely nothing. What do I have to do, Katie Piehl, to get a break in the ladies' division? But Caldwell, I think that you can help me get what I seek, and that's the Ladies' Title. And in return, I'm going to help you in your journey. Therefore, I am hereby entering myself into the Bikini Quest. So let's do this!
(Zoe strips off her wrestling tights to reveal a bikini underneath.)
David: I do not believe this. I would have never guessed it of a proud competitor like Zoe Alexander to lower herself to this. Sucking up to the boss in the hopes of receiving something later.
Caldwell: All right! The rest of you ladies should have followed this fine lady's example, but this is going to happen with or without you, and there's nothing you can do about it. And since you won't fall in line, when the day comes, you can bet that I won't look kindly on this insubordination! Anyway, here's how this is going to work. You ladies will perform in a contest. And over the course of the next week, the fans of MECCA will vote on the MECCA website on who they found most impressive. And next week, the starlet with the lowest amount of votes will be eliminated. This will continue over the next few weeks until only one woman remains to claim the prize. And here to help us with this first contest... he is the entertaining doofus you all love, the one and only Huh!
("Pajamarama" hits and Huh makes his way to the ring.)
David: I don't know about everyone loving Huh anymore, not since he joined up with David Caldwell. And if you fans are wondering why there's been no Rundown the last couple of weeks, Caldwell has cancelled that program to make room on the bandwidth for this Bikini Quest voting, which he says will shatter all Internet voting records. Katie Piehl is currently fighting to have Rundown return.
Dick: Hopefully we'll see that show return, as it has been integral for the fans of MECCA in the last year to be able to keep up with current MECCA happenings in case they missed Go Time, as well as watch some great wrestling.
Caldwell: Okay, ladies, for your first task, you are all going to pleasure Huh.
David: What!?
Caldwell: Huh is going to lay on his back... you are going to take turns getting on top of him... and then you will stick your cherries in his mouth. I've got a whole bowl sitting over here, along with a number of toppings, such as melted chocolate, powdered sugar, caramel and others. Your task is to find the right combination that pleases Huh. You will each have fifteen seconds to feed him cherries, and when you're all done, Huh will pick which starlet's combination pleased him the most. First up, Candi!
(The girls take turns feeding Huh cherries with various toppings. Zoe goes last, and Caldwell then helps Huh to his feet.)
David: Look at Huh. He is a mess, but you know he had to enjoy that. How much more time is this going to take up, anyway?
Caldwell: All right, Huh, who's our winner of the first round?
(Huh thinks for a moment, and then raises Sandi's hand.)
David: Sandi is our "winner," I guess, though there's really no point to having a winner since the fans can vote off whoever they want anyway.
Caldwell: Remember, fans, log on to the MECCA website to place your votes, and don't mind the slow traffic, because that just means everyone all over the world is trying to cast their vote at the same time! Join us next week for another exciting and titillating round of the Bikini Quest!
("Afternoon Delight" plays as the ladies all wave goodbye.)
David: This is completely stupid. Well, we have a full show to get to, so we're going to take our first commercial break. When we come back, Bryan Danielson, a wrestler, will be here, and he'll be taking on the Human Tornado!
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Cool" hits and the Human Tornado makes his way to the ring.)
David: We're back and finally ready for some action, as the Human Tornado dances his way down the aisle.
Dick: Tornado is normally seen teaming with Delirious these days, but he's going at it alone in singles competition tonight. This young kid has such a bright future.
("The Final Countdown" hits and Bryan Danielson makes his way to the ring.)
David: The American Dragon is still climbing the ranks, looking to propel himself onto the Contender Star and then the MECCA World Championship.
Dick: This week he's finally worked his way up to someone who actually has made somewhat of a name for himself here in MECCA, as opposed to graduates from the training camp or guys who just arrived like Tristan Lee.
(FINISH: Tornado's antics only serve to piss Danielson off, and he unloads with a flurry of slaps to Tornado's face. He whips Tornado into the ropes, but Tornado reverses and then charges, hitting a spinning clothesline. Danielson falls into a seated position, and Tornado does some dance steps, kicking Danielson in the face each time he steps forward. He tells the ref to look at the big distracting thing and then spins and does the splits, kicking Danielson low in the process. Tornado picks Danielson up and whips him to the opposite corner. Danielson reverses, and Tornado jumps to the second turnbuckle and vaults back at Danielson with a flying body press. Danielson counters with a Fujiwara armbar, and segues right into Cattle Mutilation. Tornado taps out.)
Winner: Bryan Danielson
David: Danielson was able to put away the Human Tornado without too much difficulty, but now he won't let go of the hold!
Dick: Tornado's tactics were getting under the skin of the American Dragon, and he's showing Tornado exactly what he thinks of him.
(Danielson releases the hold, telling the ref he has 'till five. He then applies the hold again. The ref pulls him off, but Danielson picks Tornado up and puts him in the Crossface Chickenwing. Delirious runs out, licking his own hands. He rubs them all over Danielson's face, and he breaks the hold. As he tries to get up, Delirious hits a running kick to the face, and Danielson rolls out of the ring as Delirious runs laps.)
David: Delirious came to the aid of his partner, and it's probably a good thing, because Danielson is not amused at all and could have seriously injured Tornado's arm or neck if he chose to.
(Danielson gets a mic.)
Danielson: You know, when I came to MECCA, I came to wrestle the best competition, not put up with the antics of freaks like you two! I didn't come here to wrestle guys who kick you below the belt and wipe their grimy hands all over your face. And I noticed one thing... I've been climbing up the card the last few weeks, unbeaten I might add, but MECCA has neglected to book me for the big show this Saturday, No Regrets. Well, Delirious, I just beat your partner tonight. What do you say me and you meet up in Philadelphia and I'll finish what I started with him on you.
(He gets in the ring and hands the mic to Delirious.)
Delirious: Bryan Danielson, mahebahehajhbhoeha Cattle Mutilation ahabhaeoahbeahahe Cobra Stretch abhaehahebouahohba Philadelphiaaaaaa!
Danielson: I don't know what you're saying, you retard! But I think I get the gist of it. I'll see you on November 25, and you'll see what happens when you face off with the Best Wrestler in the World!
(Danielson turns to face the crowd as he says that, and Delirious applies a cobra clutch. He gives Danielson a backbreaker and segues into the Cobra Stretch. After a few moments, Danielson taps out and Delirious releases the hold, jumping around the ring. Danielson rolls out of the ring with a look of utter disbelief. "Hybrid Stigmata" plays as Delirious plays to the crowd.)
David: I can't believe what we just saw! Delirious, of all people, just made the American Dragon tap out! If he applies that hold on Saturday, what will that do for the masked man's career?
Dick: Look at Danielson, he's in absolute shock.
David: Delirious can play the psychological game too, and we'll see on Saturday if lightning can strike twice. When we come back, Nykk will be here, and he'll be taking on Cheesecake!
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Filthy/Gorgeous" hits and Cheesecake makes his way to the ring, along with Coquette.)
David: The action continues on Go Time, as the former Eccentric Cheesecake makes his way to the ring... well, eccentric as in his team with Huh, not as in strange. He's still one strange guy.
Dick: He's also been ashamed to show his face much since losing to Eddie Crowe in three straight MECCA Championship matches. His spot on the Contender Star had to be vacated, and now he's looking to getting back on there with a big win here tonight.
("Destroy" hits and Nykk makes his way to the ring.)
David: Nykk will be in the main event this Saturday at No Regrets, as he takes on Ronin Fox in MECCA's first ever cage match. And Nykk has vowed that Fox's career will not live past that night.
Dick: A feud for the ages could come to an end this Saturday, not because anything will be settled, but because one man may not be walking out of that cage.
(FINISH: Nykk dominates Cheesecake for the most part, and manages to hit the Trinity. He covers, but Cheesecake manages to get a foot on the bottom rope. Nykk goes for Howling Moon II, but Cheesecake escapes as Coquette gets on the apron. Cheesecake gives Nykk a low blow behind the ref's back, but suddenly Ronin Fox comes out. He slides into the ring and nails Cheesecake right in front of the ref, causing him to call for the bell as Fox throws Cheesecake out of the ring and attacks Nykk.)
Winner: Cheesecake
David: Nykk has been disqualified, as Fox had to attack Cheesecake first to get him out of the way, and now he's laying into Nykk with right hands!
Dick: It looks like all that fear from last week is gone, and a fire has been lit under Fox.
(Fox slams Nykk's head into the mat multiple times and tells him that if he thinks it's his career that's being ended in the cage, he's sorely mistaken. Fox goes to ringside and gets a chair. He cracks Nykk across the head with it and leaves the ring. The camera follows him through the curtain as Bill Bicknell comes up with a microphone.)
Bill: Fox, you just laid out Nykk with a chair, so does this mean that your going into this cage match at No Regrets with no fear or hesitation?
Fox: There was never any fear of Nykk, Bill, there never has been. Yes, Nykk is dangerous, yes he may have almost ended my career before, but when it comes down to it, Nykk, you can't get the job done! The truth of the matter is, I never apologized to Lisa for what I did because I felt no remorse! Any friend of yours is someone just as vile as you are, and if taking out your loved ones can cause you more anguish, then that's just better for everyone. In three days, the end is coming. But it won't be my end, it will be yours, and when you're being taken out of the building in an ambulance never to return, I assure you I will have No Regrets!
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Pajamarama" hits and Huh makes his way to the ring, along with David Caldwell.)
David: We're back on Go Time, as this is the second time we've seen these two tonight. The first was that farce of a Bikini Quest earlier on.
Dick: I don't know what these two are doing out here now, but you figure that this has something to do with David Caldwell Sports Entertainment.
(Caldwell gets a mic.)
Caldwell: We just wanted to come out here and thank everyone who made the first round of the Bikini Quest a rousing success! First of all, the MECCA starlets. Huh, thank you for lending your body and appetite to our contest. And most of all, thank you to me, David Caldwell! Without me, it would have just been another boring wrestling show, but now when the ratings spike and the MECCA website has to upgrade to a new server for all the hits we're sure to get, all of you ungrateful fans will be thanking me as well! I know you came to...
("Fighter's Passion" hits and Low Ki makes his way to the ring.)
David: Uh oh, Caldwell may have sung his swan song tonight. Low Ki has not been amused with all this sports entertainment BS recently, and even made Ryan Saito of the David Caldwell Project tap out in less than five minutes last month.
Dick: Low Ki is a competitor first and foremost. He doesn't care about being entertaining, he just wants to win. Whatever he's out here for can't be good for the David Caldwell Project.
(Ki takes the mic as Caldwell bails out of the ring.)
Ki: I think you know why I'm here, Caldwell. You already took up enough time on this wrestling program with your shenanigans, so if you don't have a match, I'll just have to make one myself. With full authorization from Katie Piehl, I'm going to take you on, Huh, right here, right now!
(Huh looks a little hesitant, but Caldwell says there's nothing he can do. Referee Keith Young slides into the ring and calls for the bell.)
David: One way or another, we're getting in as much action as possible after the Bikini Quest took up our first twenty-five minutes. It's Huh vs. Low Ki right now!
(FINISH: Ki nails Huh with repeated Kawada Kicks and then picks him up. He whips him into the ropes and puts his head down, but Huh tries a sunset flip. Ki pushes him down to the mat and hits a double stomp to the chest. He then goes to the top rope, but Caldwell shakes the ropes and Ki crotches himself on the top turnbuckle. Huh slams Ki to the mat and then goes to the top rope. He goes for the moonsault, but Ki kicks him in the face on the way down. He gives Huh the Tidal Wave and then hits the Ki Krusher, getting the three count.)
Winner: Low Ki
David: Low Ki beats Huh very decisively, and now will go on to No Regrets to take on Kevin Stone in what has to be considered a MECCA dream match. Just who is the biggest bad ass in this company?
(Kevin Stone runs out and slides into the ring. He tackles Low Ki, but Ki retaliates with kicks to the face. Stone gets to his feet and trades right hands with Ki, sending him into the ropes. Ki gives Stone a basement dropkick, and Stone rolls out of the ring.)
Dick: Speaking of Stone, he just tried to get one up on his opponent for this Saturday, but Low Ki was having none of it, not even having just finished up a match.
David: What a hard-hitting classic that should be, but up next we'll see a Ladies' Triangle Match.
(Stone yells threats at Ki from the aisle as Low Ki tells him to bring it into the ring.)
(Commercial Break)
(In the office, Katie Piehl is with David Caldwell.)
Katie: Caldwell, you know I told you that if you want to play out there, you adhere to my decisions back here. Last week, I was ready to name the Killer Kanines as number one contenders to the tag titles, but you wanted the CDT in that spot. So I agreed to the match, and what did you do? You scrapped it for that blemish on our company, the Bikini Quest. As far as I'm concerned, when you did that, you forfeited on behalf of the CDT, and at No Regrets, it will be the Killer Kanines that take on Eddie Crowe and Alan Mayse for the MECCA Tag Team Championship.
Caldwell: Come on, Katie, I say...
Katie: And I'm not finished. You made the stipulation last week for the Surgeons vs. Stage One match that if Walters and Stryker lose, they're suspended from MECCA for ninety days. That's all well and good, co-owner, but don't forget that I can make stipulations as well. So at No Regrets, if Stage One lose the match, they can never team up again. Their team is done. You want to keep playing, Caldwell? You want to push me to the edge? As you've just seen, you do not have free reign here. I recommend that you rethink this big business plan of yours, because I will fight you every step of the way.
(Katie leaves, and Caldwell looks after her with disgust.)
(In the arena, "Dance Commander" hits and Heather Star makes her way to the ring.)
David: It looks like this contender problem has been cleared up, as the Killer Kanines will take on Eddie Crowe and Alan Mayse in their first title defense this Saturday.
Dick: And if Stage One lose their match, they have to split up as a team. That Bikini Quest must really have angered Katie Piehl.
David: Right now, it's time for some real women's competition, as "Heavenly" Heather Star makes her first appearance here on Go Time in a while.
("My Friend of Misery" hits and Misery makes her way to the ring.)
David: Misery is out to look for a big win tonight, as surely the winner of this match has to be climbing the rankings here in the ladies' division of MECCA.
Dick: Misery is always a, well, miserable individual, and the fact that she hasn't gotten a big win in a long time can't help that fact. She has her opportunity to prove herself right here, though.
("Take It Off" hits and Kelly Schweickart makes her way to the ring.)
David: Kelly Schweickart doesn't have to prove a thing right now, as she will compete this Saturday at No Regrets. She, LuFisto and Gail Kim get a title shot against Shadow in a four-way elimination style match.
Dick: Shadow wasn't happy about that fact, but there's really not a whole lot she can do about it.
(FINISH: Kelly gives Misery a hardway suplex, but when she gets up, Heather takes her down with a hurricanrana from the top rope. She gives Kelly Greetings from Heaven, but Misery breaks it up. She gives Star a suplex and then goes for a senton splash, but Heather moves. She rolls Misery up with an Oklahoma Roll and gets the three count.)
Winner: Heather Star
David: Star picks up the win, and I could definitely see her positioning herself to challenge the winner of the Ladies' Championship match this Saturday if she can keep this up.
Dick: Certainly not someone to overlook, this could be Heather Star's big break.
David: Up next is the main event. The EDJ takes on Cynric and the Backseat Boyz in six-man action when we return!
(Commercial Break)
(Backstage, Bill Bicknell is standing by with Kevin Stone.)
Bill: I'm here with Kevin Stone, the MECCA Monster, and Kevin, you tried to attack Low Ki after his match tonight, but unfortunately the tide turned against you. Was that an attempt to get into Low Ki's head just three days before your match at No Regrets?
Stone: I don't need to get into Low Ki's head, Bill. This is about who's tougher, who's the baddest and who's the stiffest. I think it's safe to say that would be me. I don't need to beat down Low Ki after a match to prove that. I was just having some fun. And at No Regrets, Low Ki, we will finally find out...
(Low Ki suddenly runs in and forearms Stone from behind. He lays some kicks into Stone's chest, bringing him to his knees. Stone picks up a chair to defend himself, but Ki kicks the chair into his face. Stone falls to his back and Low Ki leans over him.)
Low Ki: You want to sneak attack me? I just did what you failed to do, Stone, and this Saturday, you may be bigger than me, but you're not better than me, because I will still be the one standing tall!
(In the arena, David Mills and Dick Broccoli are at the broadcast booth.)
David: Low Ki and Kevin Stone are certainly ready for their match, and they will meet this Saturday, November 25 at No Regrets in a MECCA dream match.
Dick: But that's not all for MECCA's debut in Philadelphia, as we just found out tonight that Eddie Crowe and Alan Mayse will put the tag titles that they won just last week up for grabs against the Killer Kanines.
David: Also just made tonight, the American Dragon Bryan Danielson will take on Delirious one on one.
Dick: And in a battle of the East Coast vs. the Midwest, the Backseat Boyz will battle the Pyro Twins!
David: In other tag team competition, the feud will be settled between the Surgeons and Stage One in an Anything Goes environment. If the Surgeons lose, they're suspended for ninety days, and if Stage One loses, they have to split up.
Dick: And the Ladies' Title will be on the line in a Four Way Dance, as Shadow defends against LuFisto, Gail Kim and Kelly Schweickart.
David: Finally, the main event, the first Steel Cage Match ever in MECCA history, as the feud for the ages explodes once again. It will be Nykk vs. Ronin Fox!
("The Chase" hits and the Backseat Boyz make their way to the ring. It turns into "Soul Creation" halfway down the aisle, and Cynric follows them out.)
David: It's time for our main event of the evening, as Cynric will team up with the Backseat Boyz of Trent Acid and Johnny Kashmere.
Dick: Acid recently brought his longtime friend and partner Kashmere in to battle the Pyro Twins and they will meet this Saturday in the Backseats' hometown.
("Fire" hits and the EDJ make their way to the ring.)
David: Eddie Crowe, one half of the first ever double champions in MECCA, as you can see he's holding the MECCA World Title and one of the MECCA Tag Team Titles. He and Alan Mayse will make their first defense of the tag titles this Saturday.
Dick: Sooner or later, you would think that they will have to face off with the Pyro Twins, though they're solely focused on tearing up the Backseat Boyz right now.
(FINISH: Eddie goes for the Gutwrench Driver on Kashmere, but Acid saves him with a Yakuza Kick. Jay lifts him and drives him down with the Overhaul and covers, but the ref points out that Acid isn't legal. Cynric hits the Lift Off on Jay and covers, but the ref says that Jay isn't legal. Dusty gives Cynric a sitout spinebuster and covers, but the ref says Cynric isn't legal. Kashmere ambushes Dusty from behind and then whips him into the ropes. Dusty reverses, and Kashmere hangs on. Dusty charges and gets backdropped over the top rope. He lands on the apron, and Kashmere charges for his spear through the ropes. However, Dusty steps aside and kicks him in the face when his head comes through. Dusty gets back in the ring and he and Jay lift Kashmere in a back suplex position. Eddie goes to the top rope and comes off with a somersault, executing a seated senton/double back suplex triple team. Eddie covers Kashmere as the Pyro Twins hold back Acid and Cynric, and gets the three count.)
Winners: The EDJ
David: Eddie, Dusty and Jay, the EDJ, win the main event of Go Time, but all three are in store for big challenges this Saturday at No Regrets.
Dick: No doubt, it's going to be awesome in Philadelphia.
David: Thank you for joining us, fans, and we welcome you to join us this Saturday on FSN!