("Neocon" opening.)
David: Tonight, MECCA makes its debut right here in St. Louis, Missourri with Go Time! I'm David Mills, along with Dick Broccoli, and have we got a show for the great wrestling town of St. Louis tonight.
Dick: We have a Ladies' Title match, with Shadow taking on the challenge of one of her new cohorts, LuFisto.
David: Plus, we will hear from Nykk, who no doubt has something to say about Low Ki laying him out again last week.
Dick: And I understand the Eccentric Alliance has a challenge for the Straight Edge Lifestyle Foundation after what transpired last week in the Punk vs. Spanky title match.
("Miseria Cantare" hits and SELF all come down to the ring.)
David: We're starting things off with the MECCA Champion, C.M. Punk, who looks to be accompanied by all SELF members: Eddie Crowe, Trent Acid and the Pyro Twins.
Dick: Punk had another successful title defense last week against Spanky from the Eccentric Alliance, with a little help from his prize student Eddie.
David: I think his match with Cynric rattled Punk a little bit. He made sure that he had insurance last week.
(Punk gets a mic.)
Punk: So this is the historic wrestling town of St. Louis... I won't pretend I've never been here before, but believe me, I would like to forget I was ever here! Tonight, you people are getting something that you don't deserve. On MECCA's first night in St. Louis, Katie Piehl has signed another title defense for me, even after I whipped Spanky last week. And worse, it's against someone else from that wretched Eccentric Alliance... tonight I go one on one with Cheesecake.
Dick: It's going to be Punk vs. Cheesecake tonight!?
David: Cheesecake does have a victory over Punk from last month, and earned his way onto the Contender Star by beating Eddie Crowe at Midsummer Night Slam... I'd say he deserves a title shot.
Punk: It's a travesty when the finest wrestler in the world is reduced to defending his belt against buffoons like Cheesecake and Spanky, but I'll tell you this. Cheesecake, you do not have a prayer of taking this belt from me. The Eccentric Alliance's finest wrestler couldn't do it last week, and you won't be able to do it this week. Tonight, you come face to face with your worst nightmare. SELF means that I'm better than you, Cheesecake, and tonight, I'll show you why I was winning this title while you were losing tag matches.
("La Macarena" hits and the Eccentric Alliance comes out to the stage.)
David: Wait a minute, here comes the Eccentric Alliance in its entirety.
(Cheesecake gets a mic.)
Cheesecake: Th'ee.M. Punk... I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. This is the first big singles opportunity I've had in my career, and I plan on making the most of it. We th'aw what you did to Th'panky last week, and I'll admit, we made a mistake. Based on your past title defenses, we assumed you'd keep it one on one. But tonight, we won't make that mistake. You can bring SELF, because I've got all the backup I need right here. That belt's coming with me, and Punk, you're definitely going down!
(Punk looks disgusted.)
Punk: Look at you. You're a sicko. I will be damned if I let the likes of you get a hold of this title, because this title needs a straight edge champion. And Cheesecake... if there's one thing you can never be, it's definitely straight... edge.
Cheesecake: Punk, I didn't come out here to trade insults with you, just to let you know how things stand. But we were all talking, and we came to the conclusion that what you did last week was an act of war and we're prepared to answer it. So what I'm saying, is that at Liberty or Death, you bring your members of SELF. We'll all be there... let's make it four on four, elimination style. A full scale war between the factions of MECCA.
Punk: You want a war at Liberty or Death? You've got it. The Straight Edge Lifestyle Foundation vs. you four freaks. Then I can get back to what truly matters, and that's being a MECCA Champion the fans can look up to, even if they can never hope to aspire to my greatness. We'll see you on July 30, and you'll see firsthand why all of us are better than you!
("Miseria Cantare" plays as the Eccentric Alliance and SELF have a staredown.)
David: How about that? We have a main event for Liberty or Death, an eight-man elimination tag between the Eccentric Alliance and SELF. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back!
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Ironman" hits and Jack Fletcher makes his way to the ring, accompanied by Andy Nathans.)
David: We're back, and if you're just joining us, SELF has accepted the challenge of the Eccentric Alliance for an eight-man elimination tag match at Liberty or Death, and Punk will also be defending his title against Cheesecake right here tonight.
Dick: But right now we have the tag team champs out here.
David: The UK Wrecking Crew is quite a tandem, but tonight Jack Fletcher sees singles action.
Dick: Both these guys are similar in style, but I'd say that Fletcher is just slightly the quicker of the two, and also has more high-flying moves in his arsenal.
("Seven Nation Army" hits and Alan Mayse makes his way to the ring.)
David: Here comes Alan Mayse, who is on one point of the Contender Star. Dick: Wouldn't it be something if Jack Fletcher were to beat Alan Mayse and get on the Contender Star? If he won the title, he'd be a double champion.
David: I hear that Alan felt so confident after coming close to winning the tag titles from the UKWC that he's looking for a new partner to try them again.
(FINISH: Alan goes for a Tiger Bomb, but Fletcher sprawls out and doesn't go up for the move. He backdrops Alan and then goes to the apron. He hits a springboard spinning heel kick and signals for the Union Jack. He hoists Alan up, but Alan escapes and counters with a backslide for the three count.)
Winner: Alan Mayse
David: Alan Mayse just beat one half of the tag champs!
Dick: Good for him! It means squat.
David: Anytime you pin a champion, it means wonders for your career. Now Alan could have a claim to a tag title shot if he can find a partner.
(As Alan celebrates on the second turnbuckle, Andy Nathans attacks from behind. He trades rights with Alan and then rocks him with a hard one. He goes up and hits London Bridge is Falling Down. The UKWC then give him the Wrecking Ball.)
David: Andy Nathans just attacked Alan, and the tag team champs have left him laying!
Dick: That's what you get for turning your back on a dangerous team like these two.
David: If Alan didn't have any motivation to take the titles from Nathans and Fletcher, he certainly does now. When we come back, we'll have our Ladies' Title match.
(Backstage, Kevin Stone is stretching when Cynric walks up to him.)
Cynric: What the hell?
Stone: What do you want?
Cynric: What do I want? You drove me into the mat last week and you have the gall to ask me what I want? What I want is an explanation. I thought we were partners.
Stone: Yeah, I thought so too. But the first opportunity you got, you ran off to chase after Punk's title and left me flapping in the wind. You know, everyone talks about how I've changed, how Kevin Stone is such a nice guy these days. You know what? I think I liked the old me better. The only thing that Kevin Stone was lacking was experience. Now, I don't care who's in front of me. I'm laying waste to MECCA until I get that MECCA Championship. You'd just better stay out of my way... ex-partner.
(He shoves Cynric aside and walks away.)
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Fell in Love with a Girl" hits and LuFisto makes her way to the ring.)
David: We're back, and it seems like Kevin Stone has forsaken the love of the fans to advance his own career.
Dick: Yeah, he's acting smart again.
David: Speaking of people forsaking their fans and friends for their career, we're set for our Ladies' Title match.
Dick: The dangerous LuFisto has been training all week for this.
David: But some would say that she hasn't actually earned her title shot, especially after losing to Kelly Schweickart last week. She only got this match because Shadow gave it to her.
("Queen Bee" hits and Shadow makes her way to the ring.)
David: Shadow turned her back on Lisa Letty to join the Dangerous Liaison at Midsummer Night Slam, and I'm sorry to say she was responsible for our first title change here in MECCA.
Dick: She seems to be favoring her new friends when it comes to title shots, but make no mistake, Shadow could hold onto that belt for a long time.
(FINISH: LuFisto goes for the LuFisto Launcher, but Shadow escapes and gets a waistlock. LuFisto elbows her to get out of it and then bounces off the ropes. She ducks the Interceptor and kicks Shadow. She goes for LuFisto's Law, but Shadow lifts her and hits a hardway slam. LuFisto staggers up and Shadow whips her into the ropes, hitting the Interceptor. She covers and gets the pin.)
Winner: Shadow
David: Shadow was successful in her first title defense, but I have to wonder how long Shadow is going to get away with excluding non-Dangerous Liaison workers from the title picture.
Dick: She's the champ. She has a lot of influence.
(LuFisto and Shadow shake hands.)
David: That would almost be a good show of sportsmanship if it wasn't so superficial.
(Kelly Schweickart runs out and dropkicks Shadow into LuFisto. She starts hitting Shadow with right hands, and Shadow tries to get away. Kelly keeps her from getting through the ropes, and gives her a European Uppercut. She whips her into the ropes, but LuFisto trips Shadow from the outside and drags her out of harm's way. They retreat up the ramp.)
David: Kelly is incensed at what Shadow did to her two weeks ago, but it looks like she'll have to wait until another time to get revenge. Up next, we see this new... or should I say, old side of Kevin Stone in action.
(Backstage, Bill Bicknell is standing by with Nykk, who has a bruise on his face.)
Bill: Nykk, last week Low Ki once again attacked you as you challenged him to a rematch at Liberty or Death. Seeing as how you look pretty beat up, shouldn't you be at home resting?
Nykk: I wouldn't miss MECCA's St. Louis debut for the world, Bill. Yes, I am beat up. Yes, Low Ki attacked me again last week without any reprisal from myself. But at Liberty or Death, beating him in the middle of the ring is all the reprisal I require. I didn't want to sit at home again on account of Low Ki, so I'm here. Low Ki, you better be ready for Liberty or Death, because I know I am. I'm taking that title shot and you'd better be prepared as well, C.M. Punk... because you never know when the Alpha Wolf is going to hunt.
Bill: There you have it, fans. Nykk is setting his sights on both Low Ki and C.M. Punk.
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "Smoke on the Water" hits and Kevin Stone makes his way to the ring.)
David: Kevin Stone said earlier that he will lay waste to MECCA until he gets the MECCA Championship, even though the title picture is a bit crowded right now.
Dick: We've got Cheesecake challenging tonight, and either Low Ki or Nykk after Liberty or Death, if they're still on the Contender Star by then. Then you have the others on the Contender Star, like Alan Mayse and Cynric who want their rematches.
("Hit That" hits and Joey Sprinklers skateboards his way to the ring.)
David: Based on Kevin's demeanor, I don't like Joey's chances of scoring his first victory this week.
Dick: What's amazing is that he's been such a loser here in MECCA that the fans are actually starting to gain sympathy for him and cheer him on. I guess the fans can sense their own.
(FINISH: Kevin destroys Joey until he goes for a clothesline and accidentally takes out referee David Bowers as Joey ducks. Joey dropkicks the knee and staggers Kevin. He bounces off the ropes and hits a dropkick, but Kevin doesn't go down. He bounces off the ropes again, and Kevin lifts him for the Stone Cutter. Joey swats his hand away and lands on his feet. He drops to his knees and gives Kevin a low blow. He goes for his skateboard and charges Kevin with it, but a big boot puts the skateboard back in Joey's face. Kevin whips him into the ropes and hits the spinning chokeslam as the ref wakes up. Kevin covers and gets the three count.)
Winner: Kevin Stone
David: Even the advantage of Joey Sprinklers's skateboard didn't work against Kevin Stone tonight.
Dick: He's fixing to dish out some punishment still. Check it out.
(Kevin picks up the skateboard and slams it over Joey's head. He then grabs him by the throat with both hands, choking the life out of him.)
David: Come on, Kevin, you won. Your point is made.
Dick: Joey's turning blue. Look at him.
(Cynric runs out and slides into the ring. Kevin sees him coming and charges, but Cynric spins and sweeps his legs. Kevin rolls to the corner and gets up as Cynric gets into a fighting stance. Kevin stares at him for a moment then points at him, making a slashing motion across his throat. He steps out of the ring and leaves.)
David: Thank goodness for Cynric, or we might have seen the end of Joey Sprinklers.
Dick: Stone warned him about people getting in his way, and Cynric may have just made him even angrier. I'd watch out if I were Cynric, because Kevin Stone could be coming for his spot on the Contender Star.
(Backstage, the Pyro Twins and Eddie Crowe are sitting in the locker room when Joey Sprinklers comes in.)
Eddie: What do you want?
Joey: I'm not here for you. I'm here to see youse guys. The Pyro Twins.
Jay: Joey, now is not the time. We have to go back up Punk.
Joey: I know. Listen, I know you guys don't want nothin' to do with me right seems like, but in case you haven't noticed, I need some help here in MECCA. I really need a victory bad, and I'd like you two to help me train.
Eddie: Train you? You're the biggest loser I've ever seen. You're pathetic. I've been in this business for six months, and I've already climbed higher in this company than you ever will. Just your presence in the same room as me is repulsive. Dusty, Jay... remove him, please.
Dusty: Well... okay.
(The Pyro Twins attack Joey and throw him into a locker. They beat on him until he runs out the door.)
Eddie: What did you two ever see in that guy?
(The Pyro Twins shrug.)
(Commercial Break)
(In the arena, "It's Raining Men" hits and Cheesecake makes his way to the ring, accompanied by the Eccentric Alliance.)
David: It's time for our MECCA Championship match, and here comes the challenger.
Dick: Cheesecake said he was bringing his friends, and he wasn't kidding.
David: The Eccentric Alliance will be at ringside to counteract anything that SELF tries to pull during this match.
("Miseria Cantare" hits and C.M. Punk makes his way to the ring, accompanied by SELF.)
David: Punk was successful against Spanky last week, but Cheesecake is cut from a different cloth.
Dick: Yes, a dumber kind.
David: Take it away, Jared Schrunk.
Jared: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the MECCA Heavyweight Championship! To my left, the challenger... from Bellbrook, Ohio... weighing in at 230 lbs, and accompanied by the Eccentric Alliance... Cheeeeesecaaaake! And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by the Straight Edge Lifestyle Foundation... from Chicago, Illinois... weighing in at 220 lbs... the current MECCA Heavyweight Champion... C.M. Puuuuunk!
(FINISH: Punk goes for Welcome to Chicago, but Cheesecake manages to slip behind him and hit the Screw-Driver. He covers, but Eddie Crowe grabs his foot and pulls him off. Eddie gets on the apron to confront Cheesecake, but Spanky comes over and yanks Eddie down, causing him to strike his head on the apron. Huh and Delirious brawl with Jay, Dusty and Acid, who gets on the apron. Cheesecake sends him down with a rolling butt bump and then ducks a clothesline from Punk, kicking him and hitting the Long Kiss Goodnight. He covers, but Eddie places Punk's foot over the bottom rope and brings it to referee Keith Young. Cheesecake protests, but the ref has the final say. Cheesecake goes for another Long Kiss Goodnight, but Punk slips out and gets a side headlock takeover, segueing into the Anaconda Vice. Cheesecake reaches for the ropes, but they're just barely out of reach. Finally, he taps out.)
Winner: C.M. Punk
David: Punk retains with the Anaconda Vice as the Eccentric Alliance and SELF are tearing up ringside!
Dick: It's total chaos out here, David. I need to leave.
David: Not just yet, we have to close the show. Thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen, and be sure to join us next week... look out!
(David and Dick jump up as Dusty throws Delirious across the announce table.)