Vegetarianism

Becoming a Vegetarian (or �Meat Hating Fascist�) is relatively simple. Vegetarians are naturally contradictive and do not take the time to listen any other side of an argument. Vegetarians also believe that they are always right, and, if at any time a person disagrees, their opinion is thrown out to the dogs. They then blame any and all of societies problems on consuming meat products. The process to becoming a Vegetarian begins and ends with a few simple steps.

The first step to becoming a vegetarian is (quite obviously) to stop consuming any form of meat product. You may no longer go to Hardies, McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC, and even Subway (Unless of course you are insane enough to eat the �Vege-Special�). The classic family meal of steak and potatoes must be erased. You must change your diet to revolve entirely around salads and pasta.

The next step to becoming a vegetarian is to create your own unique reason for becoming one (No idea is too farfetched). You may come up with any story that pleases you, whether it is because your best friend was formally a cow before it was sent to the slaughterhouse, or even a spirit coming to you in a dream and saying, �Thou shalt consume no meat.� The crazier the better, many stories are created in a vegetarians free time, and also, never believe that you are restricted to one single reason. Your number of reasons can change from 1 to 1,000 at your discretion. Some vegetarians even play games with each other to see who can come up with the most, before declaring them to the public.

The third step to becoming a vegetarian begins with creating random figures and outrageous sums to discriminate against the other, non-vegetarians. Some vegetarians say, �You could plant billions of potatoes on the land used for grazing cows,� or �you could feed 500 people with the grain used to feed one cow.� You may come up with any figure you want, as long as it is discriminatory. Explaining the truth like, �Millions of animals are ruthlessly murdered by wheat and soy combines during harvest,� or other researched facts is unacceptable. All figures must distort the truth and fail to represent reality.

The next step to becoming a vegetarian is to completely ignore a non-vegetarian�s opinion about vegetarians. If he or she says something similar to, �In reality more animals die from harvesting vegetarian foods than actual meat products,� completely ignore the comment and yell in his or her face, �You slaughter innocent and defenseless cows!� If they come over the top saying, �The cows are killed humanely. They feel no pain, whereas the animals murdered by combines are crushed and mangled, and sometimes a few live through the massacre to be tortured and pecked at by hungry crows,� answer with the same previous statement and then some, �Your slaughter innocent and defenseless cows AND pigs!� Never give in to another�s reasoning. Who cares if the facts are behind them, your opinion is always correct.

The final step to becoming a vegetarian is to blame each and every problem of society on consuming meat products. Thousands of young teenagers have eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia. Why? Because they eat meat. AIDS is becoming an epidemic. Why? Because too many people eat meat! Anything can be blamed on a carnivore. You must stand by and support the statement, �Anything and everything can be solved by becoming a vegetarian. It is the next step in human evolution.�

As you can see, the title of vegetarian is simple for a person of form. All you need to become a vegetarian is a few simple ideals and you are set for the rest of your life. Vegetarianism is not restricted to age, race, religion, or even nationality. Take the next step into evolution, become a vegetarian. And always remember, MEAT IS MURDER!

Go eat some cabbage today!