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| This is not a review. I cannot review this book with a clear conscience. I tried to review this book because it is the oldest romance I own. It is a Harlequin Romance originally published in 1957. I see this book and I think to myself: Hey Self, let's review this really old book. It'll be different. It'll be fun, even. There was but one problem. I couldn't read it. See now, that's a really big problem when trying to review a book. I had a lot of little problems that built up to the big problem. The first little problem I shamefully admit is totally my fault. |
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| I need white space. As the product of the MTV jump cut, short attention-span generation, I must have some white space. When I reached page two and it consisted of one whole paragraph plus a tiny little bit of a second paragraph (which took up most of the next page), my mind --and my eyes-- balked. |
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| There were shorter paragraphs. Unfortunately all the short paragraphs were actually just long sentences. Really, really long sentences. Unbelievably long. . . you get the picture. Here's just one example in case you don't get the picture. |
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| Sometimes she was even sent on messages |
| to the village when every phone line was |
| engaged and it was impossible to get |
| through to such people as Miss Mackintosh, |
| who was generously lending valuable china |
| and glass for the reception after the |
| wedding, or Colonel Carpenter, at The |
| White House, who promised hothouse blooms, |
| including orchids, to form part of the |
| decorations in the church. |
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| Another little problem was that whole 1950's type romance crap. He's a 35 year old landed aristocrat and she's his 18 year old ward. He barely notices her, meanwhile her girlfriend has cooked up this scenario for the heroine's future (warning: another long assed run on sentence approaching!!) |
| "You will marry the guardian who has been waiting for you all these years . . .[some snippage here. It's really too much to bear] and in |
| a sense it will be a marriage of convenience, because you will act as his |
| housekeeper, and bring the feminine |
| touch to his home and be the light of his life during his declining years! You will |
| make up to him for all his goodness and |
| generosity to you, and it will not |
| matter greatly that he is so many years |
| older than you. . ." |
| Rose's-- she's the heroine-- only objection to this so-called romantic scenario her friend cooked up is that Sir Laurence Melville-- he's the hero-- is not that old. Yeah right, Miss Half-his-age. |
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| And then there was the problem of there being no actual romancing happening between our Rose and Sir Laurence. The story starts off with Rose as a bridesmaid Sir Laurence's wedding. Sir Laurence is jilted at the altar, so he splits. Rose goes off to Rome where she meets a prince. The book is more than half over before Sir Laurence makes another appearance I know because I looked ahead to see when this romance was supposed to start. |
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| Oh, and let's not forget the main reason why I couldn't read this book. There are many, many (many, many, many, many) characters in this book. One of them is named Mrs. Wilson-Plunkett. I kept expecting her to jump up and start singing "Land of 1,000 Dances". It was quite distracting. |
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