Sevin didn't pay any attention to me at lunch and the girl next to me in class never once looked at me. She just sat with her head down listening to her music. My real teacher also didn't look at me, even if I raised my head until I knew he could see my full face. I got some white face paint from the school store. We didn't know what the word store meant, it was just a place where you could go and take whatever you needed. Somehow the shelves were always full of things.
I put the paint on my face carefully until it completely covered everthing except my eyes and lips. I ringed my eyes with black and put on black lipstick. My hair was already dyed as black as possible and I had it set so it hung straight down. I had let my bangs grow and they now reached my eyes. I somehow thought that this would make people talk to me again. I don't even know why I wanted that. I had never talked to anyone before and I was happy with things that way. Why now did I have these strange feelings to talk to people or to have them talk to me? I was worrying about it and I had never really worried about anything before. It was strange and uncomfortable. I didn't like it.
I went to class with my freshly painted face and make-up. When my real teacher began to speak, I slowly raised my head. Soon my face was completely in his view. I stared at him as he spoke, but he looked right through me without any acknowledgement. I then did something I would never have done before. I don't know why I did it, but I reached up and pulled the shoulders of my robe down. It fell to my waist, but his eyes never wavered. He didn't even glance at my naked body. I looked around the room and saw that everyone's head was bent down. Nobody noticed what I had done. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. I had cried before, rarely, but at times in class when something affected me. I don't know what it was that would make me cry and it only lasted a few seconds. This time the tears began to silently well up in my eyes and run in streaks down my cheeks. I felt the white face-paint begin to run. Even with this, my real teacher never looked directly at me. I cried for awhile in silence. Then it was over. I reached down and pulled my robe back up, lifted my hood up and bent my head. I turned my music on as loud as it would go and drifted into my own little world.
I didn't think about it again and that night I took a happy pill with my sleeping pill and woke up calm and peaceful, just as I used to. I felt calm. I had washed the face paint off and looked as I usually did. Maybe, it will be okay. Maybe, today it won't upset me if nobody notices me. Maybe, I can go back to the way it was before I met Sevin. It was better that way. Everyone lived in private little worlds. We had grown up that way and there was never any need to change anything. But, now I needed more. I had seen things as I had wanted to, but this was not how I expected to feel.
I was walking to my class with my head down when Midnight came up along side of me. She leaned in close and in barely a whisper said " they think it was you." Then she turned and walked away from me.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think. What did she mean? I drifted into my class, a million thoughts racing through my head. One thing that suddenly became clear was that I had to see Sevin. Of anyone, he would know what Midnight meant. My real teacher gave his talk and as the chime sounded, I lifted my head just enough to see him. Suddenly, he looked directly at me and moved his head from side to side as if saying no to me. It only lasted a second, but he seemed to be telling me not to do something. As he left, I lowered my head and turned the music up.
At lunch I saw Sevin across the room. I waited until he seemed to be getting ready to leave and made my way across the cafeteria so that I would walk out the door at the same time.
"I need you," I whispered as we walked down the hall.
He didn't say anything, but as we came to a turn in the hall I felt his hand touch mine and give a slight tug. He turned and I followed him down a hall I didn't usually use. We walked for awhile, me slightly behind him. There began to be less people in the halls. We kept walking and turned from hall to hall, each time we turned the hall was emptier. Eventully, we turned a corner and there wasn't anyone walking in the hall. There were, however, muted figures sitting on the floor against the walls here and there, maybe every twenty feet or so. It was totally silent and the figures were bent slightly forward with their hoods completely covering their heads. We had been warned not to sit in the halls, or for that matter, not to even stop walking when we were in the halls. I heard Sevin's voice. He was speaking in a normal volume and his words actually sounded louder because of the total silence.
"These are the ends, the lost. Even the suicide clubs and the occultists don't bother with them. "
We walked down the hall and not one of the figures moved. They seemed frozen in place. As we walked further the hall began to get darker. It was very slow, but the lights were getting dimmer. Soon, it was hard to see the figures against the wall clearly. They looked like dark shapes not people. I looked up and saw that eventully the hall would turn to complete black. The seated figures continued into the blackness. Soon, we had reached the blackness and as we entered, I felt Sevin take my hand. We walked a little further until it was pitch black and I could not even see him next to me.
"The occultists made you do it," he said in a calm voice. "They can cast spells and make people do things that they don't remember."
"Do what?"
"They made you kill the people from the parallex room. We all wanted to show you things, but they went too far. We had to show you things, we had to keep you from ending up in this hall. We had to..."
"Wait, what are you saying?" I interrupted with more force than I meant. "Are you saying that I killed those people?"
"Yes, and we have proof. The girl who sits next to you in class found you late one night. Someone had let you out and you were lying in the empty hall with one of the dead bodies, cut open in front with blood smeared over you from head to foot. You were naked and were drinking the remaining blood in the body while you vigorously rubbed yourself between your legs. "
"What?" My mind was reeling with what he was saying.
"She had a hard time getting you to stop, but eventually she was able to get you back to your room and clean you up. You then went to sleep as if nothing had happened."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could this be true? How could the occultists have put me under such a spell? How could I have killed people and done what he said with their bodies? What was happening?
" It's okay, it was the occultists who made you do it. There is something that you must do for me though,"
His voice was calm, reassuring, but I was in such shock that my mind would not work. I felt his hand reach down between my legs and begin to rub me. I felt him take my other hand and move it toward him. He put it on what I surmised was the thing between his legs and realized that he must have taken off his robe. I had never felt this before and it was softer than I thought it would be. We had seen drawings of them in the one health class we had had. They had told us that they were used to become parents, but we were never allowed to touch them or let them push them into us until we got word that we were to leave the school to become parents for the next six years.
"Rub it back and forth," he said.
"No, I'm not suppose to," I said pulling my hand back. "Not until we are going to become parents."
"Princess, you have seen many new things and there are more to see, but I have to become a parent and get out of the school. I can't stay here anymore. It's the only way out for me."