Ramble
Quest - Flashbacks on the Night Bus from Istanbul.
My next destination, Cappadocia, involved an odious 13-hour night bus out of Istanbul. In theory, you try to sleep as much as you can, but this is impossible for me as the bus is smokey, crowded, and stops often. At most stops, all the lights are turned on and everyone gets out for tea and cigarettes. Still, it isn't the worst bus in the world. Unlike many Asian buses my knees are not jammed up into the seat in front of me and an attendant splashes the passengers down with lemon cologne every so often. This keeps the smell down and is a practice Greyhound needs to emulate.
The trip is exceptionally arduous for me though. At around 2am, soon after finally falling asleep for a few minutes, I wake suddenly in a cold sweat. I'm nauseous and then feel very stongly that I'm about to pass out. I tear at my clothes and put my forehead against the cold window (and it is quite cold outside) and pray, hat in hand to vomit into. I pray myself out of this state and even manage to avoid freezing to death in my damp clothes during the endless night.
Earlier, around midnight and not feeling sick at all, I had a strange period of flashbacks to particular moments in my life. These were momentary flickers back into past and often distant, ordinary moments. Flash -- I'm walking through College Park in Iowa City and my legs feel a bit tingly from stress. Flash -- I'm reading a large Russian novel in my large Russian bed in my Youyi apartment in Beijing. Flash -- I'm a child, coloring with crayons in the basement. Flash -- I'm in a fortress in Lisbon, with a beautiful view in fron ot me that I can't enjoy because Sybil is feeling sick again. Flash -- I'm crossing LaSalle street in Chicago, between Erie and Huron, not far from my place on Wells.
Many more as well, all the more bizarre because I can feel and remember just how I felt at those distant moments. Later, while recovering from my sick spell, I reflect on these flashbacks and wonder whether all of the moments of our lives are recorded inside us. You hear about people who can recall amazing details about past events under hypnotism. Could is all be there? I mean truly all of it. I start to think about the bad moments in my life, including the one I just had. Then I think about still more awful moments. They must all be recorded as well.
Just at this moment, while I'm contemplating these eerie flashbacks and giving thanks to God for feeling better and hoping I've become a better person as I've grown older, just then, the bus has a near (and we're talking centimeters and blaring horns and nearly getting thrown from the seat) head-on collision with a truck. Most of the other people on the bus who were awake for this are in shock and we soon stop for everyone to calm down. However, I'm stangely unaffected by the near death experience. In fact, I seem to be completely unfazed. Maybe I had some preparations for it.