Ramble
Quest - Introduction
It's been quite a long pause for cancer, or
at least so it seems to me. Subjectively, my last Round The World Journal entry seems like a lifetime
away instead of a couple of years. I cannot adequately describe how long ago
those days seem to me.
I believe that many of my friends and family
were surprised (yet relieved) that I didn't immediately strike out on a new
trip after Sybil's death. It might seem to be a natural reaction for me. However,
it took me a bit longer than a year to get out the door.
At first I was struck with an overwhelming
absence of feeling, a complete indifference to practically everything. For
example, in one extreme instance I noticed myself staring at a blank wall and
finding it difficult to stop what I was doing. I know this sounds a bit silly,
but it was a very strange experience. Normally, turning my head away from a
blank wall would be an instant decision, practically a reflex. I would
immediately move on to something more interesting without even noticing that I'd
decided to move my head. In this case I was stuck and couldn't seem to send the
right signal to get my head to turn.
I actually had to puzzle my way away from the
blank wall. I thought about doing something I would normally enjoy, like
reading. Then I tried cajoling for something less taxing, like watching
television. I even tried to build up some fear of the state I had fallen into,
but couldn't even manage that. Finally, I set my sites low and persuaded myself
to turn my head ever so slightly to the left to look at a houseplant. I
honestly believe that houseplant saved me from a much longer gaze at a blank
wall.
Of course I was hearing the words
"depression" and "shock" from people. No doubt there is
truth there but it didn't feel like depression or shock. It didn't feel like
anything.
Not exactly the right mood for traveling!
Getting my head to turn was a start, but I
had a few other obstacles to overcome. Most notably, somewhere around this time
period, I badly damaged my knee without realizing it. I don't even remember
what I did to hurt it. It took me several months before I even realized I was
in severe pain. Then I put off doing anything about it for a long time. The
last place in the world I wanted to go back to was the hospital, which had been
like a jail for me.
My apathy was gone though and I did want to
travel again. So, I took the necessary steps to make this possible. I sold my
condo, got my knee fixed and quit my job.
I never lost a feeling of optimism, even in the depths of abstraction. Now that I'm just about to hit the road, I'm feeling rejuvinated. My knee still hurts but I believe it will not hurt forever. I have to admit that I'm not particularly enthusiastic about the normally intriguing prospect of visiting lots of new places. I realize that this may seem to be a major deterrent to a traveler, but it's not for me. Most experienced travellers must yearn for the days when foreign lands were wonderous places. Those days are gone for me, but I have something equally thrilling to look forward to -- a better appreciation about all those bright, beautiful new days ahead of me on this trip. The traveler's time canvas is completely blank. I'm going to gorge on free time in a world where so many things are possible. That is the true treasure of the long term traveler.
The most common question the RTW traveler
hears before his trip is: "What places are you going to visit?" For
me, the answer is: "Who cares!" I'll have plenty of time to decide
where to go.
[email protected] If you are going to email me while I'm on the road, then please put the word "ramble" in the subject line. I'll be checking mail infrequently and will more than likely delete all other messages.