LIVE P*N*S ENVY a.k.a. THE LOVE DICTATORS
The story of Live Penis Envy/The Love Dictators is neither long nor illustrious. However, as a memoir, it has some merit in that it recalls a colourful and largely-forgotten segment of Jo'burg's live music underbelly - the principal characters of which have at best very hazy recollections of what went on. It was a time of reckless debauchery, probably typified by the Fear & Loathing at the Carousel Adventure - a fondly, but sketchily remembered episode best left off these pages.
The band started when, a couple of months after the Lonely In The Saddle cabaret gig at the Black Sun, bass player supremo JP Ridgeway contacted me to see if my broken wrists had healed sufficiently for me to play guitar. They had. Together with drummer Andrew Cleland we started jamming in the famous rooms behind the Alhambra Theatre in Doornfontein (the rooms have since been torn down by the greedy, but not very bright landlord, who thought he could make some money on the property).
During this time, a minor diversion sidetracked Andy and me, in the shape of Wanda DNA.
Soon after, Andy also began drumming for The Blast (with the late lamented Mike Mills on insanely loud guitar) and then for Swetty Lettuce, featuring the surviving members of The Blast, including lead vocalist Simon Light. Swetty Lettuce specialised in non-politically correct rock 'n roll, with a healthy(?) dose of the absurd thrown in, courtesy of Simon. Besides performing lewd acts with his microphone, among his memorable antics was stocking the stage with a large crate of ripe lettuces, which he hurled into the audience at poignant moments in his vocal delivery.
James - really loved the name!!
As Swetty Lettuce ground to a halt, Andy invited Simon to join us for a jam. At that stage, all our songs were instrumentals. Things clicked well enough to make it a regular thing. Around the same time, we were joined by ex-Live Jimi Presley guitarist James Donaldson. Live Jimi Presley had carved a name for themselves as a semi avant garde outfit with a penchant for industrial-styled noisemongering (lots of guitar feedback puntuated by on-stage metalwork with an angle grinder). In places they sounded a lot like the Birthday Party. In honour of their tendency to take themselves seriously, we christened our new band Live Penis Envy, much to James' annoyance.
Tres Amigos - JP, Alistair, Andy
Once we were satisfied that James was suitably unimpressed, we quickly rechristened the band The Love Dictators. While the band didn't get to perform live, we did write a lot of new songs, dropping most of the instrumental songs we had been playing. Songs we kept/introduced included Valium, Picnic and Lost In Your Space. We also braved a sprawling 5-minute marathon dubbed Epic (actually, I wrote this one - titled Arabian Nights - at UCT years before. Jo Rowlands, cf. Mining Town Cowboys has performed it solo as a party piece and she is still threatening to record it properly one day!)
A stolen day at an SABC studio produced an atrociously engineered demo consisting of five songs, including Picnic, Valium, Harlequin Princess and Lost In Your Space.
That was pretty much it for The Love Dictators. Soon thereafter, Simon bowed out, to pursue his own musical interests abroad. We were again vocalistless. But, in Andy, JP, James and myself we had the basic building blocks of a good band, comfortable with each other and with a good sound. The scene was set for "The Amazing" Gringolene.
"Swetty" Simon
