Slackin' Off
By: Mr. Kritik
It's out there! In video stores across America, it waits for the unsuspecting watcher to stumble across it and be sucked int it's spiraling whirlpool of mindless banter, bad acting and plotless script. This movie, "Slacker" actually caused me physical pain to watch! Do not be suckered by the box, which brags "the cult classic of 1991." If you like movies that make sense, then you do not, under any circumstances want to rent or see this video, EVER!
Ok, here the basic idea. This movie bounces from group of pathetic, delusional losers, to group of pathetic, delusional losers, to groups of pathetic, delusional LOSERS for an entire one hour and 41 minutes! Nothing at all is accomplished by the people in this movie, and it is impossible for you to accomplish anything while watching this movie because of the pain it causes.
The only good--no, the only thing about this movie that comes close to being remotely amusing is the names of the characters, which can only be read in the closing credits. And here, so you don't have to rent the movie to see them, are the cream of the crop for this list of amusing names. Should've stayed at the bus station - Stephanie from Dallas - Sidewalk Psychic - Coke Machine Robber - Budding Capitalist Youth - Coke Heist Accomplise - Guy who tosses typewriter - Old Anarchist - Choking Girlfriend - Scooby Doo Philosopher - S-T-E-V-E with a van - Hand-stamping arm-licker - Tosses camera off cliff.
There that's it. The only acceptable thing about this movie. Now that you have read this, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE! And do not be sucked in by people who recommend this movie! They are either members of the Black Panthers (if you are white) or the Ku Klux Klan (if you are black), or merely people who wish to waste your money, you brain cells, and an hour and 41 minutes of your life!
"Slacker" gets a -5 on my Elements scale, kind of, considering that -5 is off my scale of Elements! I reiterate, do not watch this movie, for you own good. If you are actually thinking of renting this movie, don't! Rent The Pest, or The Long Kiss Goodnight, or Night at The Roxbury, or Liar Liar (bad as it is), even if you own all 4 of these movies, rent one of them instead, you'll thank me, and yourself.
"This ain't no ham on rye."
-Samuel L. Jackson
The Long Kiss Goodnight
A Note From Mark
OOOOOWWWWW!!!! OOWWW!!! MY HEAD!!!!!! IT HURTS SOOOO MUCH!!!!! WILL THE PAIN EVER STOP!!!!!! What kind of demonic personality could create such a painful movie. What a bad, bad, bad movie.