Mirror, mirror in my hand,
Who�s the man who just saved the land?
I�ve single handedly rescued my fellow civilians,
By spending my private collection of billions!
Whilst debt was paid off by Costello & Howard,
And each and every Australian was empowered,
I sat on the opposition backbench eating my earwax,
Thinking of ways I�d one day introduce more tax.
I had my ups and downs on the road to the top,
But I persisted, never gave up, never did stop,
Get my teeth capped, new glasses, a new hair style,
On Sunrise with Kochie, all giggles and smiles.
And when I got my chance it really came so easily,
I mean a drover�s dog could�ve beaten Beazley!
And beating old Howard really wasn�t so hard,
The suckers fell for the bullshit, the whole damn fa�ade!
I had a few close shaves, exposed some flaws,
Got pissed in a strip joint, but who�s keeping �Scores�?!
Arranged a few �coincidental� dinners with Brian Burke
My wife ripped off her staff, underpaid, overworked,
But I got there, I made it, I�m Australia�s Prime Minister,
I started quietly, stealthily and did nothing sinister.
Just rolled out the clich�s and kept my eye on the ball,
In fact, to be honest, I�ve done nothing at all!
I�ve have forums and summits, watches and reviews,
I�ve made sure I lick my lips on the evening news,
Signed Kyoto, said �sorry� and along with Wayne,
I�ve sent consumer confidence down the drain.
The critics said I�d screw it up, ruin a strong economy,
It seems they were right, the bastards are onto me,
I haven�t been helped by the global situation,
But it�s time I did something, tried for salvation.
Howard and Costello left me lots, too much to mention,
I had to do something, but �what� was the question,
I have no ideas, original thoughts are few,
Think, think; �What would Malcolm Turnbull do�?
So I�ve got all this money, and I was feeling the heat,
I�ll give some to the pensioners, I suppose they should eat.
And these first home buyers are doing it tough,
Apparently a $12,000 grant isn�t enough.
I suppose they should save money, but they�ll give me thanks,
I mean, who on earth would put money in banks?
I�ll spend my billions, this is gonna be great,
Australia, my very own welfare state!
I�ll just throw money at people, the battling folk,
So they�ll vote for me again, even though we�ll be broke.
And before you can say �there goes the surplus�,
I�m Ruddy, the ringleader of this Labor Party circus.
