DIVINE MANDATE
By Nitro
FADE IN:
BLACK SCREEN
“River, Sea, Ocean” by Badly Drawn Boy
plays.
MBN NETWORK presents
A FILM BY NITRO
DIVINE MANDATE
INT. WES’S BEDROOM – DAY
The camera pans across a normal bedroom. You can see
daylight peaking through the shutters. The room is painted green and has
pictures of him and drawings he made as a kid that are now framed. His bed is
up against the wall and sleeping on it is WES FOLEY (Jesse Bradford). He wears
a white Hooters shirt and blue sweatpants.
JESSE
BRADFORD
His alarm clock suddenly goes off and startles WES into
waking up. WES rolls out of bed, opens his shutters and walks out of the room.
EVAN
RACHEL WOOD
WES’S THOUGHTS
Today will be a good day. Hopefully, I won’t die.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
WES pours himself a bowl of Cheerios
and starts eating. SONNY FOLEY (
CHEVY
CHASE
ALBERT
FINNEY
GOLDIE HAWN
SONNY glances at WES for a few seconds.
WES
You can’t yell at me, Dad. I studied for that test
today.
SONNY
I didn’t say anything.
WES
Yeah but I knew you were going to.
SONNY
(long pause)
No I wasn’t. (even longer pause) I seriously wasn’t.
INT. CHRISTIE’S BEDROOM – DAY
CHRISTIE’S bedroom is painted white
with a bed with pink covers. The curtains are red and white. It is furnished
with pictures of her and posters of boy bands. There is also a crucifix hanging
on the wall.
ADAM
BRODY
ADRIEN
GRENIER
MANDY
CHRISTIE WILKINS (Evan Rachel Wood),
who is wearing a white evening gown, clasps her hands together and prays.
CHRISTIE
Dear God, thank you for giving me the
strength to live another day. I know there’s a lot of
cancers and injuries and accidents that I could get into that would seriously
jeopardize my future and possibly end my life. Yet, I am so grateful that you
have decided that I should live a full, healthy life like I would like to.
Thank you so very much.
There is a knock at the door and DUKE
WILKINS (Albert Finney) comes in. DUKE wears a white button down shirt with
blue jeans and his priest collar.
WRITTEN
BY NITRO
DUKE (Warmly)
Christie, come eat some breakfast. You’ll be late for school.
INT. GARAGE
SONNY opens the garage while WES gets
into the FOLEY’S family minivan. Their garage looks like it was designed by a
seriously disturbed Nazi. There are tools everywhere; on the walls, on shelves,
and several cardboard boxes that say “Tools”. SONNY gets into the driver’s seat
and backs out.
PRODUCED
BY NITRO
INT. WILKINS’ CAR
The camera pans through the car. We see
DUKE at the wheel with a big grin on his face. CHRISTIE is in the back
polishing her nails. There is a little bobble head Jesus on the dashboard.
DIRECTED BY RICHARD LINKLATER
DUKE
Have anything going on today, sweetie?
CHRISTIE
Nope.
DUKE
Alright.
CHRISTIE
Oh, and Dad?
DUKE
Yes, sweetie?
CHRISTIE
That CD you wanted came in the mail
yesterday.
DUKE
Lovely! That’s lovely!
DUKE laughs.
DUKE
I love Yanni! We’ll listen to it later on tonight.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
Anyone who says “I love Yanni”
and means it should be shot on sight.
INT. WES’S CAR
WES stares out the window as the car
passes various buildings, houses, and the like. WES then directs his attention
to his father’s rainbow colored baseball cap.
WES’S THOUGHTS
My dad would need to be 1000x cooler
just to ascend to the level of “nerd”.
All of the cars are arranged in a line.
One car drops off a kid and moves along. The WILKINS’ car drives up and
CHRISTIE walks out.
DUKE
I love…
CHRISTIE slams the door.
DUKE (CONT.)
…you.
CHRISTIE (Not turning around)
Me too, Dad.
CHRISTIE walks up to the school. The
camera then moves back to the line as WES gets out of his car.
SONNY
Have fun, Wes. See you later.
WES walks up to the school.
INT. CLASSROOM
The middle aged TEACHER walks up and
down the rows of desks as WES and his peers take a test. The TEACHER wears a
red sweater and brown sweatpants. She has dark horn rim glasses. WES stares a
bit at his test. He looks confused. He raises his hand and the TEACHER comes to
him.
TEACHER
Yes?
WES
I don’t know what this word means.
WES points to a word on his test.
TEACHER
Don’t ask me. Look it up in the dictionary.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Lazy
fuck.
WES
Alright.
WES goes up to the bookshelf and opens
the dictionary to the C section. He sees that there is a hole after the word
“can”.
WES
Uh…Mrs. Kollings? The
word “can’t” is…
TEACHER (Interrupting)
Do not say that word in my classroom. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a four
letter word.
WES’S POV – SCHOOL CAFETERIA
WES is staring off at the other table.
The camera switches to his point of view where he is looking at JEANNIE TYLER.
She has dark black hair and ruby red lips. Her breasts are just about perfect
and she wears a blue shirt that exposes a bit of her midriff. She also wears
low slung, blue jeans. She is talking to her friends, a healthy mix of girls
and guys. Sensual porn music is playing.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Look at her. She is perfect. Her lips
are perfect. Her hair is perfect. Her BREASTS are perfect. I’d give my life to
find myself sweetly nestled in her sweet, sweet pants. That must make
Two fingers find themselves in front of
the camera and snap. This switches from WES’S point of view to the camera’s
point of view. The fingers belong to TATE. We see that WES is sitting by his
friends KYLE McCOWSKY (Adrien
Grenier) and TATE ARLINGTON (Adam Brody). WES wears a
green T-shirt and blue jeans while KYLE wears a blue sweater and jeans. TATE
wears a green T-shirt and blue jeans.
TATE
Dude, are you dreaming about gay porn again?
WES
Huh? What?
KYLE laughs.
KYLE
Heh. Gay.
TATE looks that direction.
TATE
Is that?
WES
Yes, sir. It sure is Jeannie Tyler. The girl with the RACK!
TATE, KYLE and WES laugh together.
TATE
HehehehehehehehehehehehYeah. It’s
just too bad she has a boyfriend.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Alright…play it cool, Wes. Maybe he’s
joking. Maybe he’s joking.
WES
Who is it?
TATE points to the table as the camera
zooms in on a geeky looking guy with pink hair. One side of his head is shaved
while the other half is spiked. He has head gear that sticks out like a sore
thumb. Not to mention that he has a rather bad case of acne.
WES
RYAN EDWARDS?!? That guy is a geek, man! How’d he get her?
TATE
I have no idea, man. I think he must’ve bribed her or something.
WES
I’m gonna kick his ass. I mean, really. David Spade could bench more than Ryan!
TWIGS have more muscle mass! Plus, remember that time he started crying in gym
because he was hit in the face with a Nerf ball?
TATE
True. However, he’s got a lot of football player friends now. All Jeannie’s friends, of course.
WES laughs.
WES (Smiling)
Yeah, I don’t think one of HIS friends weigh over 50 lbs.
KYLE
I dunno, man. If they were all 50 lbs., they’d probably be dead.
WES
(Long pause) Okay, here’s a new rule:
NO talky.
KYLE starts laughing.
KYLE
Heh. Emperor’s New Groove. That’s a hilarious movie.
WES’S THOUGHTS
If I were a violent man, Kyle would’ve been impaled on a coat-hook long ago.
WES
I still can’t believe she’s going out with that idiot.
From WES’S point of view, we see
JEANNIE making out with RYAN. She slides her tongue in and out of his braces
while he flashes a goofy looking grin.
WES
Sweet Jesus…
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
We see a male STUDENT walking in the
hallway. He has one backpack strap around his back which is clothed by a red
and white striped sweater. CHRISTIE WILKINS walks up to him. She wears an
orange T-shirt and blue jeans. She holds a handful of red flyers.
CHRISTIE
Hello? Can I have a minute of your time?
STUDENT’S THOUGHTS
Oh shit, not her again.
The STUDENT keeps on walking; totally ignoring her.
CHRISTIE
Hello? Hello?
The STUDENT stops for a moment.
STUDENT’S THOUGHTS
Why do I breathe more nerds than air?
The STUDENT turns around.
STUDENT
What do YOU want?
CHRISTIE takes a red flyer and hands it
to the STUDENT.
CHRISTIE
In two weeks, this school will have See
You At the Pole Day.
STUDENT
The hell is that?
CHRISTIE
Aren’t you a Christian?
STUDENT
I’m Jewish.
CHRISTIE
Wow! You’re just like a cousin of us! It’s really too bad that you don’t accept
Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. It’s just ONE BELIEF that would guarantee
you a spot in Heaven.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
I’m such a genius. Everyone’s a sucker for that little nugget of joy. He’s
totally sold!
STUDENT
You’re an idiot.
The STUDENT walks off, leaving her
behind. After he is halfway down the hallway, CHRISTIE speaks again.
CHRISTIE (O.S.)
DIDN’T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT “SEE YOU AT THE POLE DAY” WAS?!?!?!
MONTAGE
“Feed It” by The Candyskins
plays as a montage rolls.
a) CHRISTIE, wearing a white backpack,
gets on her pink bike from the bike rack. She rides past a few cars in the
student pick up line as the camera gradually goes up.
b) CHRISTIE rides past a lake where we
see a man fishing.
c) CHRISTIE rides past a few houses.
She stops in the middle of the road as she looks at one house where she sees
JEANNIE greeting people into her house. The crowd is a mix of big, muscular
GUYS and hot, sexy GIRLS. They all exchange high fives with JEANNIE. All of the
GUYS give her hugs. RYAN walks in and high fives all of the jock-types.
CHRISTIE looks quite forlorn as a lonely strand of hair blows in the wind.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
She tries to fill students with pep for a stupid
football game and she gets extreme popularity. I try to save students’ SOULS
and I get nothing. What’s wrong with this picture?
CHRISTIE continues on her lonely
stroll.
d) CHRISTIE rides past a few more
houses until finally getting to her own. It’s a medium sized brown colored
house with an open garage and about 15 American flags in the yard. CHRISTIE
rides the bike into the garage and locks it up as the song ends.
INT. CHRISTIE’S HOUSE – DAY
CHRISTIE opens the door and walks
inside. She gently takes off her backpack, and places it on the green couch.
Her house is a normal one for a middle class family. The walls are painted
white with portraits of her and her father. On the brown mantle, there stands a
crucifix. Above that is a framed passage from the Bible.
CHRISTIE
Dad? Dad?
DUKE (O.S.)
Sweetie? Sweetie, is that you?
DUKE comes walking out of the hallway,
which is opposite the kitchen. He wears a white button down shirt and blue
jeans with his priest collar.
DUKE
Sweetie, how was school?
CHRISTIE goes and sits down on the couch. She suddenly gets a blank expression.
CHRISTIE (Very sad)
It was fine, Daddy.
DUKE
Well, that’s great, sweetie. Do you have any homework?
CHRISTIE
I just have a few pages of math. That’s it.
DUKE
Well, get it done because we’re going to church in an hour.
CHRISTIE suddenly smiles.
CHRISTIE
Sure thing, Daddy. What’s for dinner?
DUKE
I thought we’d have a special treat. We’re going to go to Luby’s!
CHRISTIE
Cool beans.
INT. WES’S HOUSE – DAY
WES opens the door to his house. He has
a slightly smaller house than CHRISTIE. The walls in his house are painted
white as well. The kitchen is at the end of the house and is perfectly neat and
tidy. WES throws his green backpack on the floor and is about to hurry down the
hallway but is stopped by the voice of his father, SONNY.
SONNY (O.S.)
Wessssssssss!!!
WES sighs.
WES
Sorry, dad. I didn’t see you.
The camera pulls back to reveal SONNY
sitting in a blue easy chair reading the newspaper. The headline reads
“BLOODSHED AT THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL” with a picture of CRAIG AQUIFER.
SONNY
Well, you better grow eyes in the back of your head.
WES
So…you’re home early from work. Did you get fired?
SONNY
No, son. It’s my early day. Remember?
WES
Ahh yes. The early day. The
day which is supposed to make me feel jealous of my dad for having to work less hours than I do.
SONNY
You used to be such a good boy, Wes. Always laughing. Always smiling.
Now, you’re talking back to me! YOU are disrespecting your own father! What the
hell happened to you, Wes?
WES
(Long pause) My balls dropped?
SONNY puts down the newspaper and gets
up from the chair.
SONNY
Wes…I got your progress report today
and, to be frank, I didn’t like what I saw.
WES
Sorry.
SONNY
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, WES! I want you to shape up!
WES’S THOUGHTS
Lecture alert! Lecture alert!
SONNY (CONT.)
You are a JUNIOR, Wes! Everything counts towards college! You want to go to
college, right?
WES nods.
SONNY
I want you to go too. I will GLADLY pay for your college.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Wow! Thanks, Dad, for subsidizing my underage drinking, heavy drug use, and
excessive, but good natured, sex.
SONNY
You got a 60 in math and a 40 in biology. You are
BARELY passing English. All the other classes are either okay or horrible! You
have to get off your ass and actually do something about this, Wes!
WES’S THOUGHTS
So then why are you making me sit ON my ass and keep
me busy with a lecture?
WES shakes his head yes.
SONNY
What would that be?
WES
Studying?
SONNY
That’s right. Until then, you are GROUNDED, son.
WES’S THOUGHTS
This is fucking bullshit! I’m NOT taking this! I’m
standing my ground!
WES
(long pause)
Okay.
SONNY
Stay off that computer tonight! I MEAN
THAT!
WES
Okay.
INT. WES’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
WES is on the computer talking on AIM.
WES is furiously typing away. We hear what he is typing and the responses of
the people he is talking to.
WES’S
THOUGHTS
So, Amy, r u bringin’ any CDs tomorrow?
A response from SEXYGRL95 pops up.
AMY’S THOUGHTS
Sure am. I’m gonna bring my Soundgarden CD.
WES types a response. His screen name
is COOLMAN101.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Soundgarden is
okay but for my money, you can’t get better than Eminem.
A response from SEXYGRL95 pops up.
AMY’S THOUGHTS
I love Eminem!
He’s great!
WES types a response.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Sure is. So…do you have a boyfriend?
An IM from THEBIGLEBOWSKI69 pops up.
KYLE’S
THOUGHTS
Heya Wes. Did you see Barton Fink yet?
WES
Shit, it’s Kyle.
WES goes to x it out but a response
from SEXYGRL95 pops up and he accidentally xes THAT
out.
WES
SHIT!
On WES’S buddylist,
a sound of a door closing is heard. This indicates that SEXYGRL95 has logged
off.
WES
DAMMIT, KYLE!
WES types a response to KYLE.
WES’S THOUGHTS
No. I haven’t seen Barton Fink yet.
WES sulks in his chair.
WES
I was JUST about to ask her out!
A response from THEBIGLEBOWSKI69 pops
up.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
OH! It is awesome! John Goodman burns
down a house!
WES types a response.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Ok.
A response from KYLE pops up.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
It’s more than okay! It’s brilliant and
symbolic…although I don’t know what it’s symbolizing but Ebert says it’s about
Nazis and stuff.
WES sulks some more as another IM from
KYLE pops up.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
What CD are you bringing tomorrow, Wes?
WES types a response.
WES’S THOUGHTS
The
Marshall Mathers LP.
A response from KYLE pops up.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
Cool. I’m bringing the soundtrack to Xanadu. What
songs are on The Marshall Mathers LP?
WES types a response.
WES’S THOUGHTS
You’re such an idiot, Kyle. The Real Slim Shady! Stan!
THE WAY I AM!
A response from KYLE pops up.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
The Way I Am? How’s that go?
WES sighs a
deep sigh. Then he resumes typing.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Cause I am, whatever you say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
His song segues into the next scene
where it is now being sung by EMINEM.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOLBUS – DAY
It is a beautiful sunny day. Everyone
on the bus is talking, listening to music, sleeping, etc. WES is listening to
music on a CD player. Sitting next to him is TATE who is talking to KYLE who
sits in the seat in front of them. WES is wearing a turquoise T-shirt and blue
jeans. He looks out the window.
WES’S MUSIC
In the paper, the news, everyday I am.
I don't know it's just the way I am…
The song continues as the camera moves
in between seats to show CHRISTIE sitting in the seat behind WES. She wears a
white T-shirt and blue shorts. She also wears thick horn rim glasses. Nobody is
sitting next to her. Someone throws a wadded piece of paper at her. The song
stops as she looks to see who did it.
CHRISTIE
Hey! Who did that?
From CHRISTIE’S point of view, we see two jock-type BOYS laughing at her. One
is white and the other is black. Both wear blue shirts and white jeans. Both
have braces as well. CHRISTIE’S eyes burn with fury.
CHRISTIE’S
THOUGHTS
Bastards. When I make something of myself in the real world, THEY’LL
sure be sorry! But for now…
CHRISTIE looks out the window. The bus
passes a cow grazing in a field.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS (CONT.)
I’ll just be bored.
CHRISTIE looks at WES.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
Maybe he’s my ticket out of this boring cesspool I’ve been drug into.
CHRISTIE taps WES on the shoulder. He
obviously didn’t feel it. She taps him again. He takes off his headphones and
turns around.
WES
Yes?
CHRISTIE
What’re you listening to?
WES
Eminem. Why?
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
He is listening to a misogynist who hates gays! Eminem
is practically asexual! Well, I won’t let him influence ANYONE!
CHRISTIE
Don’t you realize that listening to him will get you a first class ticket into
Hell?
WES stares at her for a long moment.
WES
Hell?
CHRISTIE
Hell. Your soul is going to burn for eternity in a cesspool of fire, brimstone
and pain.
WES (Sarcastically)
Ooooooh. I’m SOOOOO scared.
WES laughs.
CHRISTIE
This is NOT a laughing matter! This is serious!
TATE turns around.
TATE
Who are you talking to, Wes?
WES
Some girl who apparently thinks listening to Eminem
will burn my soul in Hell.
TATE and WES laugh.
CHRISTIE
If you really think happy about yourself, you’ll put that CD away NOW!
TATE
Think happy about yourself? First you claim that rap
music is evil, than you butcher the English language. How retarded can you get?
CHRISTIE
Not ALL rap music is evil. I like some of it!
WES
Which kind?
CHRISTIE
Will Smith.
WES and TATE laugh at her.
WES
WILL SMITH IS THE MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT BASTARD EVER! No cursing or
anything!
CHRISTIE
Cursing is bad! If you want a CD that will entertain AND give a few good
messages about life, then pick up Jessica Simpson’s “Sweet Kisses”.
WES
Sure, I’ll pick that up…all I have to
do first is die.
CHRISTIE
Eminem is an evil misogynist! Jessica Simpson
promotes safe sex by proudly showing off her virginity!
WES (Sarcastically)
Jessica Simpson is a VIRGIN? Kyle! Tate! That means pigs can fly!
WES taps the window.
WES
I can see a majestic hog going about its noble flight.
CHRISTIE
You’re mean. The path you are on now will send you
straight to HELL!
WES
I’m not going to Hell.
CHRISTIE
That is for God to decide.
WES
You know why I’m not going to Hell? Because
it doesn’t exist.
CHRISTIE
I beg your pardon?
WES
I don’t believe in Hell. I’m an Atheist.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
I feel unclean! I’m talking to an Atheist!
CHRISTIE
You don’t believe in God?
WES
Nah, not really. Religion and I are like plutonium and anything: we just
don’t mix.
CHRISTIE
That’s unacceptable! You HAVE to believe in a higher
being!
WES
The only higher beings I believe in are taller people.
CHRISTIE
That’s a terrible thing to say! You
should wash your mouth out with soap!
WES
Hey! I’m not the one criticizing someone’s religious preference.
CHRISTIE
I’m not criticizing it. I’m just telling you that A…Athe…Ath…I can’t even say it, it’s so terrible! Anyway, I’m just
telling you that it’s wrong not to believe in a higher being!
WES
Hey, it’s a free country.
CHRISTIE
But this country was built by people of faith!
WES
So was the KKK.
EXT. FARM – DAY
WES and a group of his classmates gathered around a rickety looking red barn. A
very obese woman with a nametag that says MARLA is wearing a purple coat, black
shirt, and blue jeans is showing everyone farm tools. None of the kids look
interested but are happy to be there because it offers a day off of school.
MARLA
Alright, now this is an actual cattle
brand.
MARLA picks a red cow brand on the
ground.
MARLA (CONT.)
This was used to let farmers know which cattle was theirs. This one has the
letters “F” and “B”. Each farmer had their own brand especially made so that
nobody got confused? Now say it with me: cattle brand.
CLASS (Nonchalantly)
Cattle brand.
MARLA
Great!
KYLE raises his hand.
MARLA
Yes, sir?
KYLE
Yes. What if two farmers had the same cattle brand? You know…like…by accident
or…something…or…yeah?
MARLA
That never happened.
KYLE
You sure? Not even by accident?
MARLA
Yes. I’m sure.
KYLE
Alright then.
MARLA
Does anyone else have questions?
Nobody does.
MARLA
Great. Then let’s start passing as I discuss another tool.
MARLA gives the brand to a GIRL who
passes it down. Then, she picks up a white bowl and picks up the silver spoon
in it.
MARLA
This is a bowl and a spoon. It didn’t come with the
spoon but I’m pretty sure you all will agree with me that it…
The camera pans back to show CHRISTIE
glaring at WES. From behind CHRISTIE, we watch WES talking to TATE and KYLE. As
we hear CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS, everything is in slow-mo and all sound, except for
the talking, is drowned out.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
How can you be an Atheist? How can you NOT believe in
God?!? There is so much evidence that God exists. Such a self centered belief
too. I’ll bet that that guy’s a nice guy under his ugly beliefs. God doesn’t
make bad people. Society does.
INT. CHRISTIE’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
CHRISTIE is seated at a round table
blanketed in white tablecloth. DUKE is at the opposite end. There is an empty
chair right between them in memory of CHRISTIE’S MOTHER. The two are eating
taco salad. DUKE wears a blue button down shirt, jeans, and, of course, his priest’s
collar.
DUKE
How was your field trip?
CHRISTIE
It was cool.
DUKE
That’s good, sweetie.
CHRISTIE
How was work?
DUKE
Terrible.
CHRISTIE
How so?
DUKE
Only one person came. (long pause) And it was a homeless man. (long
pause) And he just came in to ask me directions to the nearest adult bookstore.
CHRISTIE
Oh.
DUKE
I’m tellin’ ya, it’s getting harder and harder to
stay on top of things over there.
CHRISTIE
Dad…could I tell you something?
DUKE
You can tell me anything. I’m your father, for Pete’s
sake.
DUKE laughs.
CHRISTIE
Well…you may be a bit mad.
DUKE
How?
CHRISTIE
Well…some guy in my school today…well…he told me that God didn’t exist.
DUKE
In
your school?
CHRISTIE
Yes, sir.
DUKE
You’re not joking? ‘Cause this is NOT a laughin’ matter.
CHRISTIE
No,
sir.
DUKE
Well, that’s not good. It’s not good at all.
CHRISTIE
I know. I would feel guilty if I didn’t save him.
DUKE
Is there anything the school can do?
CHRISTIE
No, it’s a public school. Even if it was a private one, there’d still be a heck
of a lawsuit.
DUKE
So there is nothing?
CHRISTIE
No.
DUKE
Well, then…I guess we’re in a bit of a
tight spot.
CHRISTIE
I could convert him.
DUKE
How would you do that?
CHRISTIE
I could take him to church with me. I’m sure that with your great preaching,
he’ll get back on his feet in no time.
DUKE
Thank you.
CHRISTIE
smiles.
CHRISTIE
You’re a great preacher, Dad. You’ll
show him the light.
DUKE wipes away a few tears of joy.
DUKE
Thank you.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
Could I get arrested kissing my own father’s ass?
DUKE
Well, why don’t you do that? You could
ask him to come with you on Sunday.
CHRISTIE
Sounds like a good idea. I’ll ask him
tomorrow at lunch.
INT. CHRISTIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
“The Sopranos” theme song plays during
this scene and segues into the next. CHRISTIE wears white pajamas and looks
skyward. She clasps her hands together and prays.
CHRISTIE
Dear God, please give me the strength to go through this. Please help me save
that boy’s soul. I just know that he is a good kid deep down inside. He just
has to look inside, deep, and find a shred of belief. Please help me on my
quest to cross him over. If you do, I will be eternally grateful. I know that I
have had a bit of success in the past but tackling this will be my most
challenging yet. Please give me the strength. Please.
CHRISTIE gets into the bed and turns
off the lamp on the brown drawer next her bed. The screen goes completely
black. We then zoom out from CHRISTIE’S eyeball. She now has on a gray T-shirt
and blue jeans. She is staring at something. We figure out that we are in…
INT. COMMONS – DAY
CHRISTIE is standing in the lunch line.
She has a salad and some Evian water on her lunch tray. All around her, people
are socializing. The camera zooms across the commons and zooms in on WES eating
lunch with TATE and KYLE. WES has on a red sweater and blue jeans. The camera
freezes on him three times. Each time, we hear the sound a camera makes when it
takes a picture. The camera zooms back to CHRISTIE who takes her tray and walks
out of the lunch line. She is fixated on him and has an evil smile on her face.
The WOMAN sitting at the cash register calls to her in a German accent.
WOMAN
Wait! You forgot to pay for your food!
CHRISTIE didn’t hear her talk and walks
and walks across the lunch room. She stops at WES’S table and taps him on the
shoulder. The instant he turns around, the song stops.
WES
Yeah?
CHRISTIE
Hello.
WES (Rudely)
What do you want?
CHRISTIE
Well, remember yesterday when I told you that you were going to Hell?
TATE
Of course he does. We’ve been making fun of you all day!
TATE and KYLE laugh as WES turns
completely around to CHRISTIE.
WES
Yes. Yes, I do.
CHRISTIE
Well, I just wanted to apologize. I still think that Atheism is wrong but I
shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I guess it was out of shock or something.
WES (Nonchalantly)
I forgive you. Bye.
WES turns back around and continues
eating. CHRISTIE taps WES on the back again.
WES (Mouthful of food)
WHAT?!?
CHRISTIE
Look. I don’t think you know the
gravity of your situation. You are on the path to Hell right now but don’t
worry because you can be saved.
WES (Feigning Interest)
Great.
A long moment passes between them.
CHRISTIE
Aren’t you going to ask how?
WES
No. I don’t really care. I am NOT a religious person. Can you deal with
that?
CHRISTIE
I just don’t want to see a nice boy go to Hell.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Does this girl not realize that she is
providing many sound bites to make fun of by keeping the conversation going?
WES (Feigning Interest)
Really, now? How do you suppose I get “back on track”?
WES makes quotation marks with his
fingers.
CHRISTIE
My father is Rev. Duke Wilkins at St. Anthoney Baptist Church. You should come this Sunday.
WES
Let me think this over for a…No.
CHRISTIE
Look. It’ll be a great introduction to Christianity for you. You’ll learn all
about Jesus and God and all sorts of things.
TATE (Redneck voice)
The only way to get him to go is to
give him a blowjob!
TATE, WES, and KYLE all laugh like
maniacs while CHRISTIE stands stone faced.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Why do I automatically laugh at any sentence with the
word “blowjob” in it?
CHRISTIE
I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that because I’m going to abstain from sex
until marriage.
TATE
If you’re lucky enough to find a guy!
The three laugh even harder.
CHRISTIE
Why are you doing this to me?
WES
Okay…how about this proposition: You fuck off and I’ll continue my lunch.
CHRISTIE
I’m not leaving until you agree to come
on Sunday.
WES
Ugh. Then fine! I’ll go!
CHRISTIE
Great. By the way, what’s your name?
WES
Wes Foley.
CHRISTIE
I’m Christie Wilkins. Pleased to meet you.
CHRISTIE extends her hand to shake
hands. WES sighs and shakes her hand very hard. He then pulls back his arm and
continues eating.
CHRISTIE
Wow. You have a strong arm. Do you work out?
WES
No.
CHRISTIE
Okay. Well, I’m gonna go. Sorry to have bothered you.
WES’S THOUGHTS
First thing she’s said all day that was actually true.
CHRISTIE smiles and walks off to a
table where she is entirely alone.
TATE
Wow. That was pathetic.
KYLE
Sure was.
WES
I’m beyond pissed off now. If this was a cartoon, steam would be shooting out
of my ears.
KYLE
Wes, at least A GIRL asked you out,
man!
KYLE holds his hand up in a high five
position but WES punches him in the face instead.
INT. WES’S HOUSE – DAY
WES’S mother, CAROL, is chopping
carrots in the kitchen. Since the kitchen only has three walls, she is watching
the TV that is on in the living room. She wears a black T-shirt and blue jeans.
WES opens the front door and comes in. When he arrives, the camera shoots up
from the floor. WES isn’t walking; he’s trudging. When he speaks, he speaks in
a nearly silent monotone. CAROL is overly ecstatic by his arrival.
CAROL
WES! You’re home!
CAROL runs from what she was doing to
hug WES.
WES’S THOUGHTS
I hate that the only girl I’ve ever had physical contact with is my own mother.
WES
Hey, mom. How was
CAROL
It was good. Good.
WES
Did your friends enjoy it?
CAROL
Yes they did. How was school?
WES
It was fine.
WES trudges across the room and then
trudges up the stairs. He stops halfway up.
WES
Mom…we’re not religious, right?
CAROL
No, not really, Wes. Why do you ask?
WES
No reason. Just curious.
WES goes up one more step. “Closing
Time” by Semisonic starts up. It segues into the next
scene.
WES
Mom…do you believe in God?
CAROL
What?
WES
I said, “Do you believe in God”?
CAROL
Why would you ask that?
WES
No reason.
WES trudges up the remaining steps as
CAROL goes back to her chopping.
INT. WES’S ROOM – DAY
The song is really loud now. WES throws
his backpack on the ground falls on his bed. His bed has brown covers and
pillows. He lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. He gets up to look out
the window. The camera shoots from WES looking out the window to a tree that
has a few leaves falling off of the tree in the backyard. He sighs and walks
out of the room.
EXT. WES’S HOUSE – DAY
WES rides an orange colored bike on the
sidewalk. He stops in front of the tree. The camera follows a solitary leaf and
it falls off of the tree. When the leaf is in mid-air, the camera goes back to
WES who sighs and continues his ride. He goes into the street and rides the
bike in a straight line. He lives in a normal middle class neighborhood. Most
of the houses are two stories but a lot of them are one story. Many houses have
political signs in them that say “VOTE FOR JULIO REDFORD” or “VOTE FOR JACK DeBRIAS”.
EXT. ST. ANTHONEY BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY
WES stops in front of the church. The church is made entirely of glass so
anyone can see inside. Inside, we see a mass going on. White and black people
are joined together in prayer standing up. WES looks at them curiously. WES
pictures his face on one of the worshippers. The IMAGINARY WES looks to be
having a great time. In between verses, he high fives people around him.
WES’S
THOUGHTS
Will that really be me? Are they really THAT convincing?
The glass fogs over to signify the
change into the real world and the camera pans to WES. He looks very curiously
at the worshippers.
WES
Odd.
WES hops on the sidewalk in the
direction home.
INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
WES is eating with his family at a red
table. WES sits in the middle while his parents sit on the sides. At the center
of the table, there is a plump turkey with carrots on the sides of the plate.
Nobody is eating. SONNY looks bored and CAROL looks chirpy. After a very long
silence, SONNY bangs his hand down on the table.
SONNY
I’m sick of having dinner without my other son.
CAROL
Honey, he’s a teenager. It’s normal.
SONNY
HE SHOULDN’T BE IGNORING HIS FAMILY! What’s he doin’
up there, anyway?
CAROL sits there smiling.
SONNY
Wes, go get him.
WES
Dad! No! He never listens to me! He hates me!
SONNY
He doesn’t hate you. He just shows his
brotherly love for you.
WES’S THOUGHTS
I’m pretty sure that brotherly love
doesn’t involve going to the hospital to get 15 stitches.
WES
Ugh.
WES leaves the table to go upstairs.
INT. HARRY’S ROOM
“Smells Like
Teen Spirit” by Nirvana is blasting out of the huge stereo system that is right
by the computer. The camera pans across the room which is littered with clothes
and other junk on the floor. It stops on HARRY FOLEY) who lays
on his unmade bed talking on the phone. HARRY, a blonde, has on a white T-shirt
that says “Aggies Rule!” on it and blue jeans. He is
deep in conversation.
HARRY
Yeah. That football game was tight. (long pause) Sure. I’d do you. When? (long
pause) Sorry, I’m doin’ another chick Tuesday night.
How about Wednesday night? (long pause)
A knock on the door is heard. HARRY sighs.
HARRY (CONT.)
Look, I gotta go, Renice. I’ll talk to ya tomorrow.
See ya.
HARRY hangs up the phone and runs to
the door, furious. He swings the door open in a mad fury. WES is standing there
looking meek.
HARRY
WHAT?!?
WES
Dinner’s ready.
HARRY
What are you having?
WES
Turkey.
HARRY
Fuck that.
HARRY slams the door in WES’S face. WES
knocks on the door again. HARRY opens the door again with even more rage.
WES
Dad is pretty serious about it. Just go down and sit there and make small talk.
You don’t even have to eat.
HARRY
Wes…I’m five years older than you. I can take care of myself. Life hands me
lemons and I turn them into wine. I have worked VERY hard to bring my life to where
I am now.
WES cracks a smile.
WES
And where are you in life?
HARRY
Uh…uh…
HARRY realizes that WES is insulting
him.
HARRY
WAIT A SECOND! THAT ISN’T VERY…
WES
I wanna hear you say it. WHERE are you
now?
HARRY
You’re such a little punk.
WES
You’re not saying it. WHERE ARE YOU NOW IN LIFE?!?
HARRY finally gives in. With a deep
sigh, he says it.
HARRY (Very quiet)
I’m living with my parents.
WES smiles some more.
WES
Why did you move in?
HARRY
This is BULLSHIT!
WES
WHY did you move in?
HARRY sighs.
HARRY
Because I was kicked out of five community colleges.
WES laughs.
HARRY
Look, I’ve had it up to HERE with your shit!
WES
Usually, when you say that, you hold your hand over
your head to illustrate your point.
HARRY sighs yet again.
WES
Now get downstairs so Dad doesn’t start yelling.
INT. DINING ROOM
HARRY is now at the table and the
family is eating and talking. SONNY is finishing up a funny story.
SONNY
…So then, Bob told me that the guy
driving next to me…WAS HIM!
SONNY and CAROL laugh. WES joins in
with an obviously fake laugh.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Not laughing at your parents’ corny jokes plus them having a temporary grudge
against you for something that happened just minutes earlier equals you in deep
shit.
SONNY
So, Harry, how’s the job hunt coming along?
HARRY
(long pause)
What job hunt?
SONNY
You HAVE been looking for a job, haven’t you?
HARRY
(long pause) I was supposed to do that?
SONNY
Harry, you really need to shape up. You should go back to college. Your mother
and I won’t be around to give you money forever and you really have to learn
the value of a dollar. You just keep blowing money on those damn videogames and
CDs that just rot your brain out.
SONNY keeps talking but it is drowned
out by WES’S THOUGHTS.
WES’S THOUGHTS
I gotta change the subject fast. The
only thing worse than hearing a lecture for the millionth time is hearing a
lecture intended for somebody else for the millionth time. The only thing worse
than that is the fact that you will hear it many times more.
SONNY
(CONT.)
You’re on a downward path, Harry, and
the only way to recover from it is to…
WES (Interrupting)
A girl asked me to go to church with her.
SONNY and CAROL smile.
SONNY and CAROL (In unison)
That’s great, son!
CAROL
You must be a real hit with the ladies.
WES
No, she wants to take me to CHURCH!
SONNY
Well, that’s great, son. It would be an opportunity for you to learn about
different religions.
WES
Dad…I can’t go to church! We’re not even Christian! I don’t even believe in
anything!
A long moment passes.
CAROL
So, is the girl cute?
WES sighs.
WES
No. She’s annoying. She’s bitchy. She’s a punk. SHE’S AN UBER
CHRISTIAN!
HARRY (Smiling)
Wes, she may be an annoying bitchy
punk, but uber-Christians can be fucking hilarious!
WES
For God’s sake, dad and mom, see with your BRAIN not just your eyes! Do you NOT
see that there is NO logic in the situation? See that!
SONNY
(Very long pause) If you don’t believe in anything, why should we do it “for
God’s sake”?
“Come As You
Are” by Nirvana starts up and segues into the next scene.
INT. ST. ANTHONEY BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY
WES is sitting in one of the pews next
to CHRISTIE. CHRISTIE wears a white dress while WES wears a black tux and red
tie. We see the people in the church singing. Everyone is white with the
exception of a few blacks here and there. Everyone is dressed nicely. Their
singing is drowned out by the soundtrack. WES looks very unhappy. Since the
camera is shooting a close-up shot right on him, he looks trapped in between
CHRISTIE and the very fat WOMAN he is seated next to. He looks straight at the
wall. Gradually, the camera closes in on the wall so that it nearly engulfs the
entire screen. WES puts his heads in his hands. CHRISTIE taps him on the
shoulder. WES pops up and looks at CHRISTIE.
CHRISTIE
You need to be paying attention.
WES, stone faced, sits up and looks
straight ahead.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Why am I here? I’m not a convert and never will be. I feel my integrity just
hopping on a train and going to Bill Gates.
WES leans over to CHRISTIE.
WES (Whispering)
I’m gonna go back home. Bye.
WES is about to get up but CHRISTIE
tugs his shirt so he doesn’t go anywhere.
CHRISTIE
Pay attention, Wes!
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS
I don’t blame him. Church can get incredibly boring but if I said that out
loud, my dad would be crushed. Then again, my dad is an idiot.
The camera focuses in on DUKE speaking
at the podium. He is drowned out by CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS (CONT.)
Look at him. My dad isn’t fooling anyone with that comb-over. And the way he
always quotes the Bible anywhere he is just gets annoying. I’m convinced that
if lame ass was in the dictionary, there would be a picture of him right next
to it. I swear to God…he makes Mr. Magoo look like
Shaft and Jerry Falwell look smart with all of those
stupid “beliefs” he has.
CUT TO:
A CLOSE UP OF DUKE
DUKE is sitting in a red room looking
straight into the camera.
DUKE
We did the right thing in taking
DUKE takes out a flask and chugs on it.
DUKE
Damn, that’s some good grape juice.
BACK TO:
CHURCH
CHRISTIE is still looking at DUKE talking.
CHRISTIE’S THOUGHTS (CONT.)
He’s such an idiot.
DUKE (Continuing his indistinct speech)
…THAT is why we must ALL unite in
peace...and happiness! Yet we must not…
As
DUKE continues, the camera cuts to SONNY and CAROL sitting in the very back. SONNY
is dressed in a white button down shirt and brown dress pants while CAROL has
on a black dress.
SONNY (Whispering)
I was really surprised by this whole thing. It’s REALLY entertaining…er…good. I can see now why this attracts all the rednecks.
CAROL laughs.
SONNY (Whispering)
Heh. I’m serious.
The WOMAN, 60-ish, in front of them
turns around and “sssshhh”’s them.
WOMAN (Whispering)
Some of us are TRYING to worship!
SONNY
Sorry. I’m still learning all of your...uh…catechisms? Is that what
they’re called? Catechisms?
CAROL
No, honey, catechisms are Catholic.
SONNY
Ahh, I see you, now. (To the WOMAN) Like I said, I
have no idea what these people are talking about but…I like it!
The WOMAN disapprovingly shakes her
head and turns back around. By that time, some organ music has already started
and everyone has been singing in Latin. The WOMAN quickly joins in. SONNY
starts tapping his feet and clapping his hands.
SONNY
That is some very good music! I didn’t know mass was
THIS entertaining!
CAROL
It says here (points to her prayer book) that this song is a song of mourning.
SONNY
I didn’t know mourning could be so fun!
EXT. ST. ANTHONEY’S – DAY
As everyone starts filing out of the
church, we see SONNY and CAROL looking very happy. WES is walking very slowly.
He is staring at the ground, eyes wide. He pauses
every few steps and sighs. He then starts up again. CHRISTIE walks up to him
and pats him on the back.
CHRISTIE
See, it wasn’t THAT bad.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Yes it was.
WES
Yeah, I guess not.
CHRISTIE
How do you feel?
WES
Good, I guess.
CHRISTIE
Well, that’s great. Glad to hear it. Hey, there’s my dad.
DUKE comes walking up to them.
DUKE
Christie, time to go. Who’s this young man?
CHRISTIE
Daddy, this is Wes. Wes, this is my father, Duke.
WES
Hi.
WES extends his hand to shake.
DUKE
Howdy doo.
CHRISTIE
Wes is going to be coming here a lot more. He’s just found Jesus.
DUKE
Well, that’s great to hear, Wes.
WES
I guess so.
DUKE laughs hysterically.
DUKE
Ha! You guess so! It’s nice to see one with a sense of humor! Ha! Ha! This guy
just cracks me up right here! Ha! Ha!
DUKE wipes away tears of laughter.
DUKE
Priceless. Just priceless.
SONNY and CAROL come walking up.
CAROL
There you are, son. We thought we lost you.
SONNY
Oh, hey! You must be Duke Wilkins.
SONNY extends his hand and shakes
DUKE’S.
DUKE
Howdy doo. (To CAROL) Howdy doo.
SONNY
Sonny Foley.
CAROL
Carol Foley.
DUKE
This is my daughter, Christie.
SONNY
Hi, Christie.
CHRISTIE
Hi.
CAROL
I just thought you did a great job
preaching.
DUKE
Why, thank you. I like compliments.
SONNY
Yeah. Good music, too. So, does Christie go to Wes’s school?
CHRISTIE
Yeah. I see Wes from time to time. We’ve become fast friends.
WES’S THOUGHTS
No we haven’t. Maybe in an alternate dimension where I’m an
idiot.
SONNY
Yeah. This was a good opportunity for Wes to learn about
different religions because we’re not that into God.
WES’S
THOUGHTS
Urge to commit patricide…rising.
DUKE
Well, I’m glad he’s taking the effort
to learn because diversity is one of the best things about life.
DUKE’S
THOUGHTS
Yes. The diversity of white people: some are tan, some are
albino, and some are just white.
SONNY
Sure is. (long pause) Well, Wes, ready to go grab a
bite to eat?
WES
Sure.
SONNY
Alright, then. Well, it was nice meeting you. Have fun…uh…spreading the
word as they say.
DUKE
I will.
CHRISTIE
See you tomorrow at school, Wes.
DUKE
Bye. Look forward to seeing you back here.
WES
Bye.
The FOLEYS walk out to the parking lot
and get into their dark green minivan.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. WES’S HOUSE – DAY
The family walks into the house through
the front door to find HARRY lying on the couch watching TV and drinking a
bottleneck. He is watching Nickelodeon and laughs out loud every few seconds.
He wears a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants. SONNY sighs.
SONNY
Harry…I thought you were going to look for a job!
HARRY
That’s what I thought too until I found the joys of SpongeBob SquarePants.
SONNY turns the TV off.
SONNY
There is a newspaper in the kitchen filled to the brim with classified ads. GO
LOOK AT THEM!
SONNY points towards the kitchen.
HARRY
…And to that…I say a very simple “fuck you”.
WES’S THOUGHTS
If he thinks that was clever, screw looking for a
job…he needs to look for a good mental hospital.
HARRY’S THOUGHTS
Shit, I’m clever.
SONNY
Harry…I love you like a son. (Long pause) Yet, I am still your father AND CAN
STILL KICK YOUR ASS!
SONNY rolls up his sleeves to take a
run at HARRY but CAROL holds him back.
SONNY
LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM!
SONNY finally stops and CAROL moves out
of the way.
SONNY
Ugh. Go look for a job…NOW!
SONNY points towards the kitchen. HARRY
stares at it for a minute and sighs.
HARRY
Fine.
HARRY gets up and walks towards the
kitchen.
SONNY
And you start showing some more respect!
Without looking behind, HARRY gives
SONNY the finger.
SONNY
I just don’t know what to do with him.
CAROL
So, Wes, did you like church?
WES
It was okay.
SONNY
I loved it. I can finally see what all those Christians see in it.
CAROL
Yeah.
WES
Do you feel enriched by it at all?
CAROL
What do you mean, Wes?
WES
Exactly what I said. Do you feel like your soul has
been re-awakened or anything by what you saw in that church today?
SONNY
We’re not really sure what you mean, Wes. If you mean
that we were entertained and had a good time, then yes we were.
WES sighs.
WES
Forget it.
WES is walks towards the stairs, goes up them, and stops mid-way.
WES
I’m pretty sure you didn’t and that’s my point.
WES walks up the stairs as some
classical music starts up and segues into the next scene.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
WES is walking through a very crowded
hallway in his high school. WES is carrying a red backpack and wears a red
shirt and blue jeans. Walking up a staircase at the end of the hall, he is
quite visibly pissed off at how congested the staircase is. In front of him is
a MAN and a WOMAN holding hands. The camera zooms in on their hands. WES looks
a bit pissed off. When he finally makes it to the top, he walks until CHRISTIE
walks up to him.
CHRISTIE
How was church yesterday?
WES
Terrible.
CHRISTIE
How was it terrible?
WES
It just was, okay? My time would have been better spent practicing self
mutilation.
CHRISTIE
Well…that isn’t that nice to say, man. (long pause)
You just insulted our religion.
WES
FUCK YOUR RELIGION!
A bunch of people walking stop to see
what the commotion is about.
WES
You fucking uber-Christians
are all the same, aren’t you? You don’t care about your religion. You don’t
care about actually FEELING your God. You just care about getting into Heaven
when you die. Do you realize that you are wasting your life so that you can
make your afterlife BETTER? If God exists, do you think He would actually care
how many converts you get? No. He would care that you lived your life to its
fullest. He would care that you actually did things that YOU wanted to do
instead of following a divine mandate. THAT’S how you would get into Heaven.
CHRISTIE
Wes, that’s enough. I…
WES (Interrupting)
I think religion is great. It adds to
the diversity. Yet, some people just take it WAY too far. Hijacking airplanes
and crashing them into buildings. Blowing up that building in
CHRISTIE looks very pissed off. The
song drowns out.
CHRISTIE
(long pause) That was mean.
WES
I’m just telling the truth.
CHRISTIE
Leave. Now.
WES
Fine. Take to heart what I said.
WES turns around and starts walking. He
has a wicked smile on his face.
INT. CLASSROOM
WES is seated in the front row with a
textbook and a piece of paper on his desk. His female TEACHER, 40-ish, stands
at the front of the room. She is very fat. On the board, she has written a pie
graph showing the
TEACHER
(CONT. A SPEECH)
…yet the animals still die from our
pollution. That’s why there are so many…
There is a knock at the door.
TEACHER
Carla, please go get the door.
A GIRL wearing a white sweater and blue
jeans goes to the door and lets the GUY at the door in. He wears a white button
down shirt and blue jeans. He walks up to the TEACHER and gives her a red note.
The TEACHER reads it.
TEACHER
Wes.
WES takes the note and walks out of the
class.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
WES opens the door and lets himself in.
He sees DR. JOHN MILBURN. He is dressed in a white button down shirt with a
brown jacket and red tie. His pants are black. His office has his college
degrees on the wall as well as pictures of his family. His brown desk has a cup
of coffee that says “WORLD’S BEST DAD”, some more pictures of his family, and a
stuffed
WES
You wanted to see me, sir?
JOHN
Ahh,
yes. Come on in. Have a seat.
WES looks at the chair right between
DUKE and CHRISTIE. He gulps and sits down.
JOHN
Now, Wes, I just want to run this school like I know I can. I want the student
body to be happy but I also want the staff to be happy. Yet if the student body
is not happy, the staff can’t be happy. So, I just wanted to make sure that
both sides are happy. Is that alright?
WES
Yes, sir.
JOHN
Now, Christie says that you two were involved in a little altercation
yesterday. She told her end of the story yet I would like to hear your end.
WES
Altercation? I…
JOHN
It means that you two got into a fight.
WES
No…I mean what exactly happened?
JOHN
She said that you made bigoted remarks about her religion the other day.
WES
What?
CHRISTIE (Sounding mad)
You said that I was a terrorist and
that my beliefs were a bad thing.
WES
I never said...
WES suddenly remembers.
WES
I NEVER SAID THAT!
JOHN
H-Hey
now. That’s JUST what this is for. It’s an opportunity for you
to tell YOUR story while Christie tells hers. Just like our court system. Now,
please, tell me your story.
WES
Alright.
BLACK SCREEN
A Few Minutes Later…
BACK TO:
INT. OFFICE
JOHN is nodding his head and drinking his coffee. He is seated on his desk
while holding one of his legs.
WES
And that is basically all that happened.
JOHN
Well…well…well, well, well, well.
JOHN gets up from his desk and starts
circling WES like a vulture, still sipping his coffee.
JOHN
Well, well, well, well, well, well.
WES
What’s the matter, sir?
JOHN
Oh, nothing. It’s just that this situation is a bit of a dilly. Both of
your stories accuse the other person of wrongdoing but only one of the stories
is true.
WES
So…
JOHN
Well, Wes, intuition is like a bad skin disease. No matter how hard you try,
you just can’t ignore it. Now, I don’t want to go off and blame somebody
without knowing the facts…but I just may have to.
WES
What do you mean?
JOHN
Well, Wes, as you know, we are a very diverse school and we’re proud of that.
When you walk out into the hallway, it’s like a rainbow.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Please don’t tell me he says that in public.
JOHN (CONT.)
We really don’t like it when you start discriminating someone just because of
who they choose to pray to.
WES stands up.
WES
What?!? She was trying to convert me! I didn’t want to but she just kept
pushing me and pushing me. SHE tried to force her religion on me!
CHRISTIE
That, simply, is not true. I did not try to force it
onto him. I was actually aiming more for an educational experience.
WES
NO YOU WEREN’T!
CHRISTIE
You said bigoted remarks about my people.
WES groans.
WES
Shut the fuck up! I didn’t mean it like that.
Everyone except WES gasps. JOHN picks
up a blue stress ball from his desk and squeezes hard on it. He talks through
his teeth.
JOHN
Potty talk…does NOT belong at
INT. WES’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
WES slams his backpack down on the
floor and then sits himself on the couch pouting. CAROL is behind him wearing a
black sweater and green pants. SONNY wears a white button down shirt and blue
jeans.
WES stares at them.
CAROL
TWO HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLAR FINE?!? Do you realize that this will follow you for
the rest of your high school career?!? IT IS GOING ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!
Say goodbye to Harvard, Wes! You said a horrible obscenity AT school! In front
of a teacher! In front of a PRIEST! His daughter was kind enough to educate you
about different religions and THIS is how you repay her?
WES (long pause)
It’s…NOT…going to affect my college
chances. I said a curse word!
CAROL
Yeah! And you just don’t say things like that in public.
WES
Mom…you curse, I curse, everyone
curses. It is NOT a big deal. They are just words!
SONNY
Words can hurt too, Wes!
CAROL
Well, what about the comments you made?
WES
UGH! Christie was trying to convert me! I was merely telling her that it was
wrong to force me be something I’m not. I’m NOT religious!
SONNY
Wesley…this is exactly your problem: you don’t accept help.
WES
WHAT HELP?!?!
SONNY
WHAT HELP?!?!? Helping YOU learn! Helping YOU succeed!
WES
Ok. So, what should I do?
SONNY
You’re going to apologize to that girl.
WES
I’ll apologize the day birds swim in the ocean and fish fly in the sky.
SONNY
YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT! And you’re going to do it now.
WES
Okay.
SONNY picks up a black phone from the
coffee table and tosses it over to WES. It hits him in the face.
SONNY
Call her. Now.
WES
I don’t know the number.
SONNY
Aww. Poor boy. LOOK IT UP!
INT. KITCHEN
WES is looking up CHRISTIE’S name in
the yellow pages. He runs his finger down the list until he comes across
WILKINS, DUKE. He dials the number. CHRISTIE answers.
CHRISTIE
Hello?
WES
Yeah, hi, this is Wes.
CHRISTIE sighs.
CHRISTIE
What do you want?
WES
Well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what happened. I…uh…hold on.
Parents are callin’.
WES puts the phone on the counter and
walks out of the kitchen and into the living room where SONNY is sitting on the
couch doing a crossword puzzle.
WES
What do you want me to say again?
SONNY
I told you about 5 times, Wes. Tell her that you were caught up in the heat of
the moment and that you let yourself get carried away, blah, blah, blah, blah.
WES
Alright.
BACK IN THE KITCHEN
WES picks up the phone and starts
talking again.
WES
Alright, I’m back. Sorry about that.
CHRISTIE
That’s alright. So, what were you gonna say?
WES
I just wanted to say that…
WES grits his teeth.
WES (CONT.)
I’m just so SORRY. What I said was said
in vain and I was caught up in the heat of the moment or something like
that…or…something. I know you’re a good person at heart…even if we are really
different people.
CHRISTIE
Well, I’m certainly glad you apologized…even though it was about as sincere as
the American government.
SONNY (O.S. and indistinct)
AAAAAAAUGH! DAMMIT! WHY WON’T “ZENITH”
FIT!!!!
WES
The fuck are
you talking about?
CHRISTIE
Now, Wes. I thought you would be
smarter than to use a curse word at me, you asshole.
SONNY (O.S. and indistinct)
Carol, could you get my eraser?
WES
Look, I just wanted to apologize. Is that good enough?
CHRISTIE
I will only accept an apology through ACTIONS not words.
WES
Whoa. Are you, like, working with my parents or something?
CHRISTIE (Slyly)
Wes, do you know how badly your reputation will suffer when people find out
that you’re an Atheist?
SONNY (O.S. and indistinct)
THE DAMN PAPER RIPPED! CAROOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
WES
Are you black mailing me?
CHRISTIE (Even more slyly)
Oh, I don’t know…
SONNY (O.S. and indistinct)
Boy…if I had a gun RIGHT now…!
WES
Like
you’ll actually black mail me. You’re Miss Goody Two Shoes!
CHRISTIE
That’s what I am to you, a type?
SONNY (O.S. and indistinct)
WHAT OTHER WORDS FOR “HIGHEST POINT OF
LIFE” CAN THERE BE?!?!?!
WES
No, I’m not that shallow.
CHRISTIE
Then why’d you call me that?
WES
Uh…
CHRISTIE
Is that how everyone in the school sees me?
WES
Those that notice you do.
A moment of silence passes between
them.
CHRISTIE
Wes, my father once wrote this religious poem that I quote from time to time.
Here’s just a bit of it. “God has the power/This you can’t deny/Though we’ve
had tornadoes, hurricanes, and meteor showers/We’ve always survived/Don’t be
unkempt/Don’t join a drug squad/And accept/The Lord as your God”.
WES
That’s not a religious poem written by a preacher!
That’s something Huey Lewis would write after an eight ball!
CHRISTIE
I LIKE Huey Lewis, you bastard!
WES
Christie…
CHRISTIE
BASTARD!
CHRISTIE hangs up.
WES
Christie? Hello?
WES hangs up.
INT. LIVING ROOM
WES walks into the living room and sees
SONNY sitting on the couch still doing the crossword puzzle. The paper is
totally ripped up.
SONNY
How’d it go?
WES
Just dandy.
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – DAY
The camera rotates around KYLE, TATE,
and WES at the table. KYLE wears a white button down shirt, blue jeans, and a
black beanie that says “Fubu”. TATE wears a white
T-shirt and blue jeans. WES wears a red T-shirt and blue jeans. WES eats a
hamburger as the other two guys are engaged in idiot conversation.
KYLE
Hey Tate, let’s say that the Muppets have bottom halves. Which one do you fuck?
TATE
What the hell are you talking about? I’m not gonna
answer a question like…Kermit. I would fuck Kermit.
KYLE
But Kermit’s a guy.
TATE
Well, of course, but there really isn’t much of an option there, man.
KYLE
Please explain.
TATE
Well, Miss Piggy is a fat bitch. There’s NO WAY I’m fucking her.
KYLE
What about Janice?
TATE
The hippie girl?
KYLE
Yeah.
TATE
Well, Janice always has her eyes closed. I would feel bad for taking advantage
of a blind person.
KYLE
Then why Kermit?
TATE
Look at those eyes, man! He’s STONED! It would be HILARIOUS to see him in the
sack!
WES
Hey, can you two go five minutes without saying the word “fuck”?
KYLE
I can go 30 seconds. Does that count?
WES sighs while TATE laughs his head off. Just then, some girls run up behind
WES. TANYA GOODWILL walks up behind WES. She is an attractive, valley girl type
with a green shirt that just barely reveals the midriff and blue shorts.
TANYA
Aren’t you that Wes guy? I’ve been
looking for you all day!
WES’S THOUGHTS
See, Wes, I told you that you would become a sex symbol sooner or later.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
I wonder if she’s seen Rushmore. It was the most unrealistic movie about high
school ever made! Sure, Bill Murray was solid but…
TANYA (Interrupting)
Well, my best friend is Christie Wilkins. Do you know her?
WES
Somewhat.
TANYA
Well, she says that you’re an Atheist and I just wanted to know if that was
true.
WES
What the hell?
TANYA
You don’t really believe in God?
WES looks blank faced.
TANYA
Wes? Wes?
WES (Under his breath)
Christie…
TANYA
What?
WES
I gotta go.
WES gets up from the table and starts
running.
KYLE
Hey, don’t you agree that Rushmore is an overrated piece of crap?
TANYA
What’s Rushmore?
KYLE
Oh, it’s this movie about this kid who falls in love with a teacher. It’s okay.
It’s really overrated though. There’s this funny part where they adapt Serpico into a play. It’s kind of funny. Not ALL that funny
but you know…sophisticated funny. There’s some good…
TANYA looks at her wrist which has no
watch on it.
TANYA (Interrupting)
Wow! Look at the time. I really have to go do stuff now. They’re dismissing in
a few minutes. Talk to you later.
TANYA runs off as KYLE turns back
around to talk to TATE. In the background, TANYA is hugging a muscular boy
wearing a football uniform.
KYLE
See, Tate? She was SO into me! She actually said “Talk to you later”. This is
so fucking…she didn’t really have a watch on, did she?
TATE shakes his head no.
INT. HALLWAY
“Judy Is a Punk” by The Ramones plays as we see WES running down the hallway. He
looks at the doors as he passes them and from his point of view which grow even
more blurry as he runs quicker. He opens a random door and the song ends.
INT. CLASSROOM
As WES looks inside, the camera pulls back to reveal a female TEACHER standing
in front of the class. This bespectacled woman wears a red sweater and blue
jeans. She also has a thick Southern accent. Her class looks at WES for a
second.
TEACHER
So, ya’ll just can’t act like that. Ya’ll are fixin’ to be goin’ to college. Yous guys just ain’t got the time to be talkin’
like you be doin’. When I
leave the room…
The TEACHER turns around and sees WES.
TEACHER
Can I help you, boy?
WES
Do you know where Mrs. Loman’s room is?
TEACHER
Ya gotta get out of this hall and then
go down to the math hall. Loman is bein’ the fifth class.
WES
Thank you. Which hall is this, by the way?
TEACHER
English.
INT. HALLWAY
WES walks down the hallway until he
comes across a room with the door wide open. Right next to the room is a sign
that says “IDINA LOMAN-GEOMETRY”.
INT. CLASSROOM
MRS. LOMAN obviously isn’t doing
anything. She is just checking her E-mail on the computer while her class is
doing some busy work. WES walks in and approaches MRS. LOMAN.
WES (Whispering)
Could I see Christie Wilkins please? I really need to talk to her about
something.
MRS. LOMAN (Whispering)
Make it quick.
WES
Christie?
CHRISTIE looks up. She is wearing a
white shirt and blue jeans.
CHRISTIE
Yes?
INT. HALLWAY
WES closes the door and holds the doorknob so that nobody walks out.
CHRISTIE
Wes, what the heck do you want?
WES (Whispering)
Shush! Whisper! I don’t want to disturb anyone.
CHRISTIE (Whispering)
Yes, we all know how much Mr. Fuck the
Christians respects personal SPACE!
WES (Whispering)
Shut up! Did you tell Tanya that I’m an Atheist?
CHRISTIE
Did you tell me that I’m a “fucking uber-Christian”? As my philosophy goes:
an eye for an eye, a head for a head. You fuck with me, you end up dead.
WES
Well, as my philosophy goes: Those who speak in rhyme are hated even more than
mimes.
CHRISTIE
Might I remind you that I am supposed to be in class right now?
WES
Just tell me how many people you told.
CHRISTIE
Wes, do you see how stupid your thinking is? Why would I just go up to a random
person and say “I know a guy named Wes who’s an Atheist”. That’s like saying
“Hello, one of my friends has skin”.
WES
Then why did Tanya come up to me asking if I was?
CHRISTIE
Have you ever met Tanya?
WES
Not until a few moments ago.
CHRISTIE
Then why do you assume I told her?
WES
BECAUSE SHE FUCKING ASKED ME!
CHRISTIE
I see.
WES puts his hands on both of her
shoulders.
WES
I am asking you…DESPERATELY…who did you tell?
CHRISTIE
Are you respecting personal space NOW?
WES
I AM SERIOUS!!!!
CHRISTIE
Fine. I’ll tell you.
WES
Fine. Then tell me.
CHRISTIE
After our little “chat” a few days ago, I did indeed seek some outside help in
my little quest.
The
Who’s “Who Are You” starts up and segues into the next scene.
WES
What do you mean by outside help?
MONTAGE
a)
WES is eating lunch with KYLE and TATE. A rolled up piece of
paper hits him in the back of the head. He picks it up from the ground and
flattens it out. It says “God Hates You”. WES looks behind him to see three
jock-type guys laughing. One is giving WES the finger.
b)
WES rides by a church on his bike. Some girls he passes
laugh at him. He flips them off and crashes into a fence.
c)
A GIRL comes up to WES asking him stupid questions. WES
looks very annoyed but KYLE busts out laughing.
d)
WES is walking down the school hallway. A GIRL walks past
him holding the cross on her necklace and shoves it in WES’S eye view.
e)
WES looks very annoyed by a bunch of people pointing and
laughing at him. He imagines them all turning into 12 ft. cartoon Jesuses. He starts running frantically as everyone he sees
turns into a giant cartoon Jesus. One takes out a block of wood and throws it
at WES. Another tries to crush him with his sandal. WES runs as everyone around
him turns into a Jesus and the school turns into the
CHRISTIE
Hello, Wes.
WES
DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
WES picks up a giant gun from off of the floor and shoots CHRISTIE. She falls
off the chair with a pool of blood running off of her.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
School has let out for the day but a
few people still remain. They are either very sexy cheerleaders dressed in a
blue midriff revealing shirts that say “JACKSON HIGH” and blue dresses or chess
club nerds. The camera moves through the hallway to one of the entrances. We
see WES walk up to the door, press his face against
the glass and walks on in. The camera follows him as he goes to his locker. He
puts in his combination and opens the locker. As he turns his head, he sees
JEANNIE TYLER go to her locker. She is dressed in one of the cheerleader
uniforms.
WES’S THOUGHTS
She will not speak to me. I will have to speak to her.
Bring something up about homework. She’s in your class. Bring up something
about homework. What class is she in? English? Do we
have homework in there? (long pause) No. DAMMIT!
JEANNIE drops one of her books to the
ground and bends down to get it. The camera focuses on her ass. WES’S eyes seem
to pop out of his head.
WES’S THOUGHTS
I must not let her get away. Do we have a test in English? (long
pause) YES! THURSDAY! Make sure she doesn’t know you are madly in love with
her.
WES
Hey, aren’t you in my English class?
JEANNIE turns around and looks at WES.
JEANNIE
I’m not sure. You do look kind of familiar.
WES
You know, I think you are. See, I have a question
about that class.
JEANNIE
Shoot.
WES
We’ve got a test in there on “To Kill a
Mockingbird”, right?
JEANNIE
I believe so.
WES
What day is it? I kind of forgot.
JEANNIE
I believe it is Thursday.
WES stares at her breasts.
WES
Cool.
WES realizes what he’s doing and looks
up.
WES
I mean…thanks.
JEANNIE
No problem.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Prolong the conversation.
WES
Aren’t you glad we get off Friday?
JEANNIE
I sure am.
WES
What are you doing?
JEANNIE
Well, let’s see…I’m going to go to church.
WES
Cool.
JEANNIE
What are you doing?
WES
I’m not sure. Probably go to movies.
JEANNIE
You won’t be going to church?
WES
Nah, I’m an Atheist.
WES’S THOUGHTS
DAMMIT! I’M SUCH AN IDIOT…or am I? As the proverb says, fools will do foolish
things for love…DAMMIT!
JEANNIE
Seriously? You don’t believe in God?
WES sulks.
WES
No.
JEANNIE
Why not?
WES
Some people are religious. Other people don’t swing
that way.
JEANNIE
Oh.
WES
Actually, this girl is trying to
convert me to Baptism.
WES laughs.
JEANNIE
Is that Christie Wilkins?
WES
Yeah. How’d you know?
JEANNIE
She’s in my History class. She is SOOOOOO annoying.
WES
Yeah, tell me about it.
JEANNIE
She walks around with her holier-than-thou attitude. It drives me up the wall.
I mean, I’M deeply religious but I’m not a freak about it.
WES
Yeah. I can’t believe she’s trying to make me into a Christian.
JEANNIE
Yeah. (long pause) Well, it is kind of a
good idea ‘cause you really need something to believe
in.
WES’S
THOUGHTS
If she didn’t have such great breasts and if she wasn’t a girl, I would have
smacked her across the face.
JEANNIE
Do you at least believe in Mother
Nature?
WES
Who?
INT. WES’S ROOM
WES is watching TV from his bed.
Outside, the leaves are swirling around and around off the trees.
SONNY (O.S.)
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS! GET DOWN HERE!
CAROL (O.S.)
For God’s sake, Sonny, don’t yell at the boy!
WES walks out of his room.
LIVING ROOM
WES walks down the stairs to see SONNY
on the couch reading the newspaper. The headline is “
WES
You wanted to see me?
SONNY
Yeah, we’re having a Christmas party next weekend and wanted to know if you
wanted to invite any friends.
WES
Thanks.
SONNY
That way, you won’t get into a “fight” with that
Wilkins girl.
WES
WHAT?!? CHRISTIE IS COMING TO THE PARTY?!?
SONNY
Why the heck not?
CAROL
We’ve become friends with her father.
WES
Christie is pure evil!
CAROL
Wes, don’t you think that’s a bit mean to say?
WES
Mom…shut up.
SONNY
Don’t you talk back to your mother!
WES
I CAN TALK BACK TO ANYONE I WANT!
SONNY gives him an evil glare.
WES
(long pause) Sir.
SONNY
Wes, you need to take a long, hard look at your life and where you are going. I
know that adolescence is very hard and that you probably think we’re not “cool”
if that’s the new slang word this week. Yet, we are still your parents and we
still are in charge of you.
WES
I’m sorry.
SONNY
Hey! Show me by your ACTIONS! Not your words. Words are meaningless.
WES
But if I show you by my actions, it’ll take a while for you to stop yelling at
me.
SONNY
I…You…Don’t…Dammit…
SONNY is about to say something but
quickly backs out.
SONNY
Dammit. If you want to talk back to everyone
you see, fail school, and get into FIGHTS…with GIRLS, then just be my guest.
WES
Fine.
WES runs upstairs.
SONNY
I tell ya, kids today. They have no boundaries whatsoever. None.
CAROL
Yeah.
SONNY
You know what’s to blame? That damn
Jackass show.
CAROL
I know!
SONNY rubs his temples.
SONNY
Oh boy, I need some Tylenol.
WES (O.S.)
My dad is an idiot.
INT. MOVIE THEATER
WES, TATE, and KYLE are seated in the front
row. The place is not very crowded. The movie isn’t playing yet. WES wears a
blue long sleeved shirt and jeans. KYLE is dressed similarly. TATE wears a
white T-shirt and black shorts.
WES (CONT.)
No…my parents are idiots.
KYLE
Why do you say that?
WES
Okay…they invited Christie to this Christmas party we’re having Saturday. They
are SYMPATHIZING with her. They have MADE FRIENDS with that douchebag
that she calls a dad and to top it all off…they’re middle aged dipshits!
KYLE laughs while TATE smiles.
WES
Shut the fuck up, guys.
KYLE
Dude…that is so damn funny! They
actually invited Christie?
WES
You heard me right.
KYLE
Oh my God. That is just hilarious.
WES hides his face in his hands.
WES
Shut up, you stupid Jew.
KYLE
Dude…I thought I told you, man. We prefer to be called “Happenin’
Hebrews”.
WES sighs.
KYLE
Hey Tate, have you seen Falling Down?
TATE
Yeah. It was a while ago.
KYLE
Is it good?
TATE
Yeah. Why?
KYLE
Just wondering. What about Bob Roberts?
The voices continue indistinctly as the
camera focuses on WES with his head in his hands whispering to himself.
WES
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
TATE
Never heard of it.
KYLE
It’s that movie with Tim Robbins as a folksinger who runs for senator.
TATE
Is it good?
KYLE
Never saw it.
WES takes his head out of his hands and
stops whispering.
WES
Hey. You know…my dad said that I could invite people to the
party. Do you guys want to come?
TATE
Sure.
KYLE (loudly)
Cool! I was invited to a party!
AUDIENCE
MEMBER (O.S.)
Shut up, nerd!
KYLE
Would a nerd have been invited to a
party?
AUDIENCE MEMBER (O.S.)
Yes. A party that the
nerd is throwing himself.
KYLE
Well, you sadly are mistaken because…
KYLE is interrupted by a coke that hits
him in the face.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
CHRISTIE is taking some books out of
her locker. She wears a white T-shirt and blue jeans. WES pops up behind her.
He wears a red T-shirt and blue shorts. He has his backpack slung over one arm.
WES
So…I heard that my parents invited you to our little
party tomorrow.
CHRISTIE
Yup.
WES
Well, you better make sure you don’t embarrass me. You understand?
CHRISTIE
Wes, why would I embarrass you?
WES
I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I just want to make sure that you won’t
and that will make me happy.
CHRISTIE
Well, before you make sure…you might want to construct a sentence that actually
makes sense.
WES
Alright. Here’s one: Shut
your fucking mouth, bitch.
CHRISTIE (Sarcastically)
Ouch. Are you the comic equivalent of OJ Simpson? Because I think your wit has
just pierced me through the heart like a knife.
WES
(long pause) What?
CHRISTIE
So, anyway, what makes you think I would embarrass you
at the party?
WES
You made me go to church. You got me in trouble at
school. You got me in trouble with my parents. You’re bound to do something at
my party.
CHRISTIE
Oh, Wes, don’t you think I would waste my time on someone who actually MATTERS?
WES (Sarcastic)
Well, that wasn’t very nice.
CHRISTIE
Wes, I’m just tired of this. Let me just tell you this: I do what I want when I
want and I don’t need a twit like you mucking things up for me. So if I feel
like getting you in trouble at the party I will do that. Rest assured, though,
if you insult MY beliefs at that party…Hell would be an understatement to
describe where you are going.
WES
On tour with Bon Jovi?
CHRISTIE sighs.
CHRISTIE
By the way, I did exactly as you wanted me to. I stopped trying to convert you.
WES
Why?
CHRISTIE
What do you think?
CHRISTIE walks off. The camera recedes
from WES as we see him standing there looking confused.
WES’S THOUGHTS
That has to be the worst question ever to ask a
teenager.
CLOSE UP:
MORBIDLY OBESE WOMAN’S FACE
WOMAN
Oooooooooooooooooh.
You’ve gotten so handsome!
CUT TO:
INT. FOLEYS’ KITCHEN – NIGHT
WES is talking with a couple around
SONNY and CAROL’S age. WES looks very embarrassed.
WOMAN
I remember you when you were this tall.
The WOMAN holds her hand up to her
stomach.
WOMAN
Of course, back then, he wasn’t as handsome.
The MAN and WOMAN share a very odd laugh.
MAN
Wes, you know I gotta say…you just start looking more and more like your old
man every day.
WES
Thanks. Horrifying but thanks.
MAN
I’ll bet you’re a real hit with the ladies.
WES
No…not really.
WOMAN
Oh, he hasn’t discovered girls yet. Well, one day, you’ll see a girl that looks
like…a sunset. You’ll just have to have her.
The WOMAN happily sighs.
WOMAN
Young love is the most beautiful.
MAN
What about that Wilkins girl? She’s cute.
WES’s eye
starts twitching.
WES
I really have to go now.
WES walks over to the couch where we
see KYLE and TATE observing the party. There are people talking with the
FOLEYS, HARRY is listening to a CD player, and a lot of people are eating.
WES
Kyle…Tate…you ever wonder where the
hell we’re going in life?
TATE
Yeah.
KYLE
All the time, man.
KYLE’S
THOUGHTS
Ha ha ha ha. They called it Billy BONG
KYLE
Heheheheheheheheh. Bong.
WES
I mean I look at what’s happened to me this year and what happened to me last
year and I gotta say…I’m pretty scared. It is INSANE how much we have changed
since 2001. Insane. We got LAID since 2001, man!
KYLE
YOU got laid?!? WHY was I not informed?!?
WES
We’ll be in college in two years. We probably won’t
see each other as much. I realized something, man. I realized that we gotta
appreciate what we have right now, right here. I mean…shit, we don’t have much
but we have all we need. People keep telling me to do that shit but…
WES laughs.
WES (CONT.)
…fuck if I know how to. This is such a weird time for us. We can’t treasure
anything during adolescence. Absolutely nothing. We’re
too worried about “Noooo! I have a pimple!” or “Hey,
that girl is hot. I’d chop off my nuts to sleep with her” to appreciate things.
It’s like that poet wrote…you don’t know what you got until it’s gone, gone,
gone.
TATE
(long pause) You’re sounding like a queer, dude.
WES sighs.
KYLE
So here’s my idea for a movie.
WES
Oh God.
KYLE
It’s about this guy who works at this burger stand. This woman thinks that his
selling her a burger is such a favor that she asks him to do something in
return for her: kill her husband. Then, things spiral out of control.
WES
Kyle…she asks him to kill her husband for selling her a hamburger.
KYLE
Well…she’s mentally disturbed.
WES
Why doesn’t she just kill her husband?
KYLE
She doesn’t know what the word “kill” means because
she was raised Amish.
WES
Then what’s she doing at a burger stand?
KYLE
I meant she was raised unorthodox Jewish.
WES
Isn’t that a pretty liberal religion, though?
KYLE
No.
KYLE’S THOUGHTS
Damn, I wish I had a dictionary.
WES
I’m out.
WES gets up from the couch and walks
out to the...
BACKYARD - NIGHT
WES sits on the ground playing a Game
Boy. To indicate the passage of time, the scene fades. Now, WES is asleep.
CHRISTIE pokes him in the throat to wake him up.
WES
Ow! OW! That hurt!
CHRISTIE
Your mom’s calling you.
WES gets up.
WES
How long have I been out?
CHRISTIE
A good 25 minutes.
WES
Holy shit.
CHRISTIE
Wes, can I ask you a question?
WES
I guess.
CHRISTIE
Why do you hate religion?
WES
I don’t hate religion.
CHRISTIE
So, you don’t believe in it as some sort of rebellious
statement or something?
WES
It’s not rebellion.
CHRISTIE
Then what is it?
WES
I’ve just never felt any connection with a God or anything like that.
CHRISTIE
You don’t hate it, though?
WES
It’s not that I hate it. It’s just that I don’t give a damn.
CHRISTIE
Oh.
WES
Yup.
A long pause passes between them.
CHRISTIE
We’re so different, you and I.
WES
Yeah. So different that we’d be in each other’s pants by now if
this were a movie.
CHRISTIE
I don’t really blame you, Wes, though.
WES
About what?
CHRISTIE
Religion can get a little crazy at times. I mean, really…all those stupid
rules. I mean, isn’t being a good person enough for God?
WES
Yeah.
CHRISTIE
That’s where our similarities end, though. While you
choose not to believe in God at all, I feel His presence everywhere. I just…I
don’t know. It’s a really indescribable feeling. I just feel comfort in knowing
that there is someone who is watching over me and taking care of me and
answering my prayers. It’s just a good feeling, you know?
WES
Yeah, I’ll bet it’s
good for some people but not for me.
CHRISTIE
God and I have a great relationship,
too. He’s not just a God but also a very loyal friend.
WES
Well, I mean a lot of people still find comfort in…wait
a second.
CHRISTIE
What?
WES
WAIT A SECOND! YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO CONVERT ME!
You’re trying to be all sly about it, saying that you won’t do it and all.
BULLSHIT!
CHRISTIE
Wes…you’re scaring me.
WES
No…you shouldn’t be scared. You should be ashamed. Ashamed
that you are letting down your entire religion by trying to con an unsuspecting
outsider into your little club.
CHRISTIE puts her hands up and steps
back.
CHRISTIE
Wes, we can talk things over. Don’t hurt me.
WES
I’ll bet my parents aren’t even friends with your dad. You probably bribed them
or something to come here.
CHRISTIE
No. They’re friends with my dad.
WES
Bullshit.
CHRISTIE
No, they really are friends with him. They come over a lot for dinner.
WES
Oh, I believe you. I’m just fond of the word “bullshit”.
WES picks up a stick from the ground
and starts swinging it around. CHRISTIE screams.
CHRISTIE
Wes! WES! What the hell are you doing?!?
WES
You’re right.
WES drops the stick.
WES
I should not have been doing that.
WES picks up a tree branch and starts
brandishing it.
WES
Now, I’m back on track.
CHRISTIE
Wes, what the hell are you doing?
WES gets a crazy look in his eye and
smiles like the Grinch.
WES
Aww, Christie. You know better than to say the “h”
word.
As WES is about to swing the branch,
“Fly Me to the Moon” by Frank Sinatra starts up. CHRISTIE dashes to the house
and goes inside. WES is swinging the branch like a madman. He goes…
INT. HOUSE
CHRISTIE is running through the house
as WES knocks over things with his branch. The people at the party are looking
a bit shocked and confused. CHRISTIE runs past some people on the couch. DUKE
sighs. WES jumps on the coffee table and then hops onto the couch. He knocks
CHRISTIE in the throat and she falls. WES gets an even crazier look in his eye.
He jumps down as CHRISTIE gets up. WES looks at her and starts chasing her
again. He knocks over a table tray of food and runs into the wall. CHRISTIE
runs to DUKE, crying. SONNY gets up from the couch and goes to WES just as he’s
about to strike CHRISTIE. He tries to take the branch away but WES punches him
in the stomach. SONNY looks pretty much pissed off now. WES runs into DUKE and
CHRISTIE, knocking over just CHRISTIE. He keeps slapping her in the face. The
camera goes up and we…
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. FOLEY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
WES is seated on the couch, wearing a
red shirt and blue jeans. SONNY walks up to him and sits in his recliner.
Taking his own sweet time, he looks at his water for a bit. WES looks very
nervous.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Shit. Come on, already. Fucking tell me
what my punishment is.
After he takes a sip of water, he
starts talking.
SONNY
Wes, how are you doing at school?
WES
Fine…I guess.
SONNY
Good. Are you popular there?
WES’S THOUGHTS
I’m from the seed of YOU. What do you think?!?
WES
I manage.
SONNY
Good.
SONNY takes another sip of water.
WES
Why did you call me down?
SONNY
I just want to start up a conversation. Is that okay? Just a
normal conversation.
SONNY drinks again from his water.
SONNY
You have a girlfriend?
WES
No.
SONNY
No what?
WES
No, sir?
WES’S THOUGHTS
I don’t really remember addressing anyone as “sir” during a normal
conversation.
SONNY
Wes…I want to talk about last night.
WES
What about it?
SONNY
DON’T GIVE ME THAT! DO NOT GIVE ME THAT!
WES
I’m just asking a normal question.
SONNY sighs.
SONNY
Wes…your mother and I think that you
and Christie should not be together.
WES’S THOUGHTS
Dad, your sins have been washed clean.
WES
You know, I could not agree more.
SONNY
This is why we are taking you out of
WES
WHAT?!? I don’t know anybody at Twain! All my friends
are at
SONNY
So? Make new friends. You’re not leaving the Earth,
you’re just going to another school.
WES
Aww man.
SONNY
Wes, we do things for the greater good of the family. Sometimes, you gotta
bleed to save the whole.
WES’S THOUGHTS
An anti-skateboarding parent would say
THAT?!?
WES sighs.
WES
When do I start?
SONNY
Two weeks. Between then, I want you to apologize.
WES sighs.
SONNY
What’s wrong now, you poor overworked boy?
WES
Nothing. Just nothing.
“Fortunate Son” by CCR starts up.
INT. MILBURN’S OFFICE
WES, CAROL, and SONNY are sitting in
front of JOHN’S desk. WES looks up to the sky, bored. CAROL and SONNY are
conversing with JOHN and signing some paperwork.
INT. CAFETERIA
WES is eating lunch with TATE and KYLE,
talking about something idiotic. He tells them the big news and they stop for a
moment. Then, they begin again. WES sighs and hides his head in his hands.
INT. FOLEY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
WES looks sad as he comes home from
school and throws his backpack on the couch. He looks at CAROL who is holding
about 15 flags that say things like “Go Twain Go” and “Mark Twain High Rules”.
She flashes a great big smile. WES sighs and continues walking. CAROL looks
confused.
INT. CLASSROOM
WES sits in his desk looking at the
clock on the wall. It reads
TEACHER
Time to get going, Wes. I’m fixing to shut down.
WES
Alright.
TEACHER
Have fun at Twain.
WES nods his head.
WES
Thanks.
HALLWAY
WES opens his locker and starts taking
out his stuff. He shoves it all into a brown paper grocery bag. The bag breaks
and he sighs.
NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
WES is struggling with his bag, which is being held together with tape. He
walks past some kids on their tricycles and watches as a few cars pass. Then,
he sees CHRISTIE and he suddenly looks very, very mad. CHRISTIE looks at him
and she flashes a very small, almost invisible, smile. This makes WES even more
pissed off. He raises his hand up to flip her off and his bag breaks. The song
ends.
FADE OUT:
WES
DAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!
“
TITLE CARD: Unnecessary Epilogue
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM
TATE, dressed as a cat, is appearing in
CATS. He is dancing around and looks quite happy. He is singing as part of the
chorus. They are all involved in a big musical number with some of the
crappiest pyrotechnics ever.
TITLE CARD: Tate
TATE smiles straight into the camera and
holds both thumbs up. The camera freezes.
TITLE CARD: He has also developed an
unhealthy addiction to ecstasy.
INT. KYLE’S ROOM
KYLE, in a tank top and blue jeans, is
asleep at his computer while an infomercial plays on the TV behind him.
TITLE CARD: Kyle McCowsky
did nothing and continued doing nothing.
EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT
DUKE’S car drives up to a middle-aged
HOOKER who is wearing a midriff revealing white shirt and tattered hot pants.
She is quite fat.
DUKE
Heya.
What’s a nice and attractive girl like you doing all alone tonight? Shouldn’t
you be out at a party or nightclub or something?
The HOOKER smiles to reveal that she is
missing almost all her teeth.
DUKE
You want to come in?
HOOKER
Sure.
DUKE
Get on in.
The HOOKER climbs into DUKE’S car and
the two start making out in the backseat.
TITLE CARD: Duke learned the hard way
that you don’t fuck the stupidest damn hooker in the
The HOOKER gets out of the car and goes
to the next one in the line. The MAN in the car rolls down his windows.
MAN
Can I help you, there?
HOOKER
Is it against religion to fuck a
priest?
MAN
Well…it depends…
INT. MOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT
DUKE is checking into a hotel clad in a
red T-shirt and blue jeans. He looks terrible with dark circles under his eyes,
a stubble, and uncombed hair. He is conversing with the CLERK, who has a bad
case of acne. Their conversation is drowned out by the music
TITLE CARD: Stripped of his priest
collar, Duke Wilkins spent his last few dollars on booze and checked into the nearest
motel he could find to end it all.
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
It is raining hard outside. DUKE, in a
white undershirt and blue jeans, holds a gun up to his head. The camera pans
away to his shadow as he pulls the trigger.
DUKE
DAMMIT!
TITLE CARD: Of course, he also learned
that guns have to be loaded before they can kill. He is currently residing in
various vacant lots outside
INT. CHRISTIE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
We see CHRISTIE arguing with DUKE.
CHRISTIE is wearing a red shirt and blue jeans. They both look incredibly mad.
Their arguing is drowned out by the music.
TITLE CARD: After Duke was fired,
Christie got understandably ashamed and moved out.
CHRISTIE walks out and slams the door
behind her. DUKE looks pensive. A few seconds later, CHRISTIE returns.
CHRISTIE
I FORGOT TO PACK!
EXT. DARK ALLEY – NIGHT
CHRISTIE is crying behind a trash can.
Her mascara is running down her face in huge gobs. She is wrapped around in a
red blanket as the rain crashes down hard on her. A HOMELESS MAN comes up to
her with some cocaine in a napkin.
HOMELESS MAN
Hey, you look a little down. Try this.
CHRISTIE gets up and crosses her legs.
She wipes off her tears and snorts some of the cocaine.
TITLE CARD: As Christie doesn’t really
like the fact that she can make her own decisions, she found something else to
control her life for her.
INT. TRAILER – DAY
CHRISTIE slides open the doors in a
white dress and walks in. Her trailer looks horrendous. She is pregnant and
smoking a cigarette. There are all kinds of magazines, pizza boxes, newspapers,
utensils, etc. on the floor. A fat, shirtless Chinese MAN in orange pants walks
up to CHRISTIE. He is about 50 something years old.
TITLE CARD: Christie then married the
first man she could find and found a nice home in
MAN
(Speaking Chinese)
CHRISTIE
What the hell did you just say to me?
MAN
(Speaking Chinese)
CHRISTIE
I DON’T EVEN FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOUR LANGUAGE, TONG!
MAN
(Angrily speaking Chinese)
CHRISTIE
Oh no you didn’t just say that around me! OH NO YOU DIDN’T
SAY THAT AROUND ME!
The MAN hugs CHRISTIE who then proceeds
to fling them up into the air.
CHRISTIE
Get your hands off of me!
CLOSE UP ON:
SONNY
SONNY starts sweating profusely and
breathing heavily. His eyes open.
SONNY
J-J-Jesus.
TITLE CARD: Sonny suddenly had a
religious vision one night.
INT. WES’S ROOM – NIGHT
WES is surfing the internet and
flinches when SONNY comes barging in, out of breath.
SONNY
Get dressed. We’re going to church in two hours.
WES
Dad, it’s
SONNY
I have to make up for lost time. Move!
Move! Move!
The FOLEYS are all sitting in a pew.
They are the only ones there and only SONNY looks interested. CAROL is
struggling to smile, WES looks pissed off, and HARRY is asleep.
TITLE CARD: When he decided that Wes
wasn’t into the religion at all, he did the only logical thing…
EXT.
We see a giant banner that says “
WES (O.S.)
Dad…you cannot be serious.
OPEN FIELD – DAY
TODD, a 20-ish guy wearing a green
shirt and brown shorts, is standing on top of a stage shouting into a megaphone
in front of tons of kids.
TODD
Hey there, kids. I know that most of you feel…a little distant from God. Maybe
betrayed. Maybe some of you feel hate…no, that’s too strong a word…dislike
towards the Truth. Well, don’t worry because at
The kids cheer and cheer while WES
looks annoyed.
INT. CAFETERIA
WES moves up in the lunch line to where
the lunch lady gives him his lunch of a chicken sandwich in the shape of a
Crucifix and some fruit. WES looks so very annoyed.
WES
Man…
The lunch lady smiles at him.
EXT. OPEN FIELD – NIGHT
The stage now has a closed red curtain.
All the kids are sitting outside on the ground. WES has his legs crossed and is
staring into space. The song fades out. He is interrupted by KYLE who taps him
on the shoulder.
KYLE
What is up, Wes?
WES
Kyle? What are you doing here? You’re not Christian.
KYLE
My cousin’s here. She’s in the play tonight.
WES
Is that what this is?
KYLE sits down.
KYLE
Yes.
WES groans.
KYLE
Don’t worry, man. It’ll be great!
ANNOUNCER
Alright, kids. Get ready to rock along with THE NEW TESTAMENT: THE ROCK OPERA!
The audience erupts into applause.
ANNOUNCER (Speaking very quickly)
The following rock opera has nothing to
do with the other rock opera based on the New Testament.
The curtains go up to reveal a very
crude set of a manger. We see two teens dressed in cheap costumes as MARY and
JOSEPH. She holds a Cabbage Patch Kid as Jesus.
MARY
Don’t you love our new son?
JOSEPH
Yes. He is my baby boy.
MARY
He will grow up to do great things.
JOSEPH
His accomplishments will probably never surpass my own, though.
The audience laughs at this stupid
joke.
MARY
Oh, I feel like singing!
Music starts up as cow puppets start
dancing in the background.
MARY (Singing)
We are family!
JOSEPH (Singing)
Mother, father and baby!
MARY
We are family!
JOSEPH
Come on, everybody and sing!
WES hides his head in his hands.
KYLE
Hey Wes, you like it?
WES says nothing.
KYLE
Have you seen Great Expectations?
FADE OUT:
We hear KYLE get punched in the face.
WES (O.S.)
No, Kyle.
“On a
Plain” by Nirvana plays as the credits roll.
THE END