Need a date? I can help! Here's some bullet-proof methods of being asked out. Or shot ((good thing they're bullet-proof...)) Enjoy :): 1) Start off every story with "This happened when I was still a man..." (If you're a guy, use woman instead.) 2) Call 'im "Little Lady." 3) Make your ex an inanimate object, like a water bottle ^^; hehe, would that be embarassing... 4) When you go to "powder your nose," really go powder it. Bright blue. This would work even better if you're a dude. 5) Burst into tears shrieking something along the lines of "You think I'm fat!" or "You're cheating on me, aren't you?!" every ten minutes. 6) At random intervals in a baby voice ((or monotone:)) "Does soomebody need a hug! Coochie coochie coo!" This is most effective after your date has just revealed a very macho achievement, such as making the football team. 7) Has your potential date just given you something? Omg! I'm so happy for you! You're getting *married!* Although this works best with a bracelet, a napkin will work too. Start fanning yourself and "omg"ing hysterically and then turn to someone and whisper "He proposed!" in an absurdly loud whisper. You could substitute "proposed" for married, dumped me, or any other situation that meets your fancy. Here's an example of how this list will benefit you: You: I need to go powder my nose. ... Date: What happened to your nose? You: I powdered it...you don't like it? *sniffle* You think I'm fat, don't you, Little Lady! *bursts out crying* Date: No, no, that's not what I meant! I don't think you're fat at all! Here, have my brownie. You: *abrupt stop* Ok ^^! *while eating* You know, I used to be on a diet, but that was back when I was still a man. Date: Uh...what? You: Does soomeone need a hug... :)
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