Flo could not understand why I was explaining Daylight Savings Time. After all, it has absolutely no impact on HER life since she works 24/7 anyway. That's when I realized that Flo doesn't work for a union shop. The good news is: The fruits of her labor are showing up everywhere around here. For instance, yesterday I cooked an ACTUAL DINNER, one that wasn't associated in any way with the freezer or microwave. Then, to add good news to good news, I CLEANED UP THE KITCHEN. And even though I'm not watching, I know for a fact that Flo is working during the night, because I'm waking up------get this------FEELING LIKE I HAVE ACTUALLY SLEPT! And, to boot, that morning cough to "clear my lungs" has DISAPPEARED! What a magician Flo is!
This morning I was thinking about Flo's favorite performing group, Side Effects, and specifically that one member, DyaRya. Let's face it, if he's going to be in a performing group he needs a more acceptable name, one that can be used in polite company. So, once again, I called the Bureau of Reservation Affairs. They told me that even The Reservation has reservations about this guy, and agreed about the name change. Together we reviewed the tribal name change choices. What do you think of "Green Apple Trot"? Yep, I liked that one too. So, Side Effects now officially includes Chief Big Jaw Pain, Aching Head, Green Apple Trot, and Red Face-------well, so I thought------then the B.O.R.A. official reminded me of a new member coming on board in the near future------Dancing Leg. He says I won't like him much. Then there's a guest performer who will be showing up mostly on dose titrating days. He's a military guy, acutally-----General Body Aches. At least he only has a temporary gig.
And speaking of titrating, Headquarters had me set up for Mondays, but said I could choose any regular day I wanted. Now around here Monday is laundry day, grocery day, and get over the weekend day. I just don't see how I can do all that on the same day I have tickets to the Side Effects Concert. Can you? I'm changing it to Tuesdays.
By the way, the first shipment of Flo's supplies arrived on my front porch on Saturday. It was six inches wider than the door. I've already called the contractor. We're widening the door and adding a room.
Flo doesn't like mornings any more than I do. So we struck a deal. We'll cook her supper at 10pm from now on. This was a hard decision for Flo, but I encouraged her to consider the cold facts. She finally laid down the line, put the pros on one side, the cons on the other, and decided not to hire any prisoners, so the pros have the contract. Nope, it didn't make any sense to me either, but there you have it. I only report the news, I don't create it.
Today was Emeril Day, where we 'kicked it up a notch'. Yep, one more nanogram. That makes 5 now. So how come I didn't notice the extra grandmother? Flo didn't notice either. Maybe the Side Effects' agent wasn't notified. I'll look into this later, on their website, www.annoyingguys.yuk.
Do you know what I found out today? Of course you don't. So, naturally, I will tell you. Don't I always tell you? Well,this morning I was asking Flo about her family.....you know......her genealogy. Turns out she has none. Not a single ancestor, descendant, sibling, relative, or cousin, no matter how many times removed. And, of all things, it's because SHE'S A CLONE! See! It CAN be done! Well, I suppose this does answer the one question I've had about Flo........her Attachment Disorder. I've never had ANYBODY, other than a yet to be born baby in the womb, FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE, invited or not. The therapist will see her starting next week. I'll have no choice but to go with her. But it's NOT going to be family therapy since SHE HAS NONE.
Did you ever notice that everyday problems seem to happen every day? Well, that's still the case since Flo moved in. Only difference is that Flo has a profound impact on the nature of everyday problems. They are new. Different. Annoying. AND THEY NEED TO BE SOLVED. Do you remember Tame? If you are old, maybe you do. If you are young, it was the first hair detangler not made of mayonnaise, and Dick Clark advertised it on American Bandstand. Well, you see, Tame solved a problem. It detangled the tangles. It was a novel idea back in the mid 60s. And now, 40 years later, I need something like that. I spend nearly 38.25% of my waking hours detangling Flo's tubing from the oxygen tubing from Flo's belt from my clothing from the hair dryer cord from the.......well you get it. Do you suppose I should call Accredo for this? One more bottle of Something Or Another shouldn't make the box any more difficult to get through door, don't you think?
Don't tell Flo, but I've been listening closely to her when the house is quiet and she thinks I'm sleeping. I mentioned once before how perplexed I was about Flo's sound system. Is it a WHEEZ I hear? Nope, not quite. Then, maybe snoring......nope, not really. Then last night, when she was lying very very still, I moved over ever so slowly and put my ear right next to her. I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! And the plan now is to nominate her in next year's Golden Flo Awards for Best Impersonation of a 35mm Camera! Picture THAT!