| THE LONESOME GURU WALKS THE PLANK by STEPHEN STILLWELL |
| This person doesn�t exist and any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is unfair to anyone who exists by that name. (He got blue eyes.)
Name: Stephen Joseph Stillwell Date of Birth: August 28, 1979 Birthplace: London, England Sex: Male Hair: Black Skin: White Eyes: Blue Height: Who cares? Stephen Stillwell (not Steven Stillwell) A voice from heaven: If Stephen Stillwell could be challenged by even Takeshi Kaga, I�ll bet he would outsmart Kaga�s horrific timbre. Kaga screams his lines. I don�t think so. Stillwell yells out his lines just Kaga does. Please, for the love of God... �stop comparing this man to Takeshi Kaga! Stephen�s voice has a darker timbre than Kaga�s and Kaga is overrated. Sucks. I don�t believe how such a wonderful singer could turn in such a disgraceful project! Vocally speaking, the singing was wonderful, but the production was crude and the songs themselves were bland! The only good song was (???). He can�t sing his way out of a paper bag. Tino Martinez can sing much better than he ever will. Beautiful voice, gorgeous man: He�s cute. His voice is mesmerizing. Sheesh...wish I could get his autograph. He�s cute? You�re out of your mind if you think he�s cute, girl! He looks way too much like Takeshi Kaga. No kidding! I am sick to death of Takeshi Kaga myself. When he sings, he has this really horrid, almost cow-like timbre. The way he screams on �We Gotta Power� is even worse. Phooey! This recording was garbage. Stephen does sound like Takeshi Kaga. The only reason he was popular was because all those women thought he was the equivalent of Tom Cruise. People can be funny... This guy makes Takeshi Kaga seem like Sylvester Stallone. Voice of an angel: Fuss all you want, but I love this man�s voice. Beautiful voice gone to waste: I don�t like the mush on this recording. Stephen sings beautifully, as usual, but the songs are too much sentiment. Pick up The Lonesome Guru instead. Touching. He goes up there with the best. Make him stop! AAAAAH!!!! This man does nothing but moan through the course of every song, most of which are ten-minute productions. Tino Mart�nez can sing much better than this monster ever will. Stephen is no monster. If he is, then so is Takeshi Kaga. Who do you really like? I just can�t believe you guys would throw violent harangues at each other over an imitation Whitney wannabe who sounds like he gonna break down on every note. Give it up, already! You people are ignorant. Why in the world do you people waste your hard earned money on this charlatan when in fact he makes you forget other equally important singers? True, he is handsome, but other than that he has nothing but h-y-p-e. His cousin looks and sounds like she�s had more training in martial arts and theatrical songs. To Stephen�s fans I�d like to say: the tortoise beat the hare. I would really prefer you listen to Takeshi Kaga, who�s actually been in the theater field for decades, and (as other people suggested) Tino Martinez, who may not be the best in the world but sure better as far as singing and mood of song. Similarly, try lending your ears to people with true theatrical voices like Michael Crawford, Julie Andrews, Liza Minnelli, Audra McDonald, Cliff Richard, Sarah Brightman...the list is endless. For good AC singing, listen to Phil Collins, Carly Simon, Celine Dion, whoever. International top picks include Eros, Ayumi, Faye, Jolin, and Mika Nakashima to name but just five. Stephen is to AC as Andrea Bocelli is to Classical Crossover: seriously overrated singers for people who don�t know what true singing really is. Sure, the tortoise always beats the hare... ...but then the Emperor has no clothes, either. Nope. Kaga can�t sing. What�s this Takeshi Kaga crap every time you say you hate Stephen Stillwell? Yeah, I know Kaga does fine on Iron Chef, but when people who hate Stephen say so, everything is Kaga this, Kaga that, Kaga, Kaga, KAGA! He�s terribly ugly and yells like a madman on a violent rampage. Screw him!! Perverted booty dancer: Ready for the Playgirl dustbin. Why� �are we reading ignorant posts about Stephen being a sex object? Because people who do that have no life and would rather we listen to heavy metal instead. Anyway, this album is well produced and well sung. I think every household that has an ear for good music should pick up this. I love you, Stephen. This album features a lovely mix of Latin, pop, and soul ballads with a rock bent. This man can�t sing. Whoever heard of dark-voiced young men like this one selling millions of albums? He�s cute but that�s it. Tino Martinez is not as cute, but at least he can sing�without getting too sentimental. Well, Tino can�t sing, either! I am sick to death of hearing about Tino Martinez. Some people have said that he is the most overrated celebrity since J. Lo and I am obliged to agree. But then so are Takeshi Kaga, this charlatan and Christina Aguilera. So-and-so is the ignorant one. According to one survey, very few people under the age of 21 have ever admitted they liked any singer like Bocelli, this one, etc. and NOT anyone like the Backstreet Boys, 50 Cent, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, etc. I didn�t take the survey but I know I am one of those people who love Stephen. And to the person who said Tino Martinez is overrated, I love Tino and I think both of them are talented despite what critics have said. Is it just me... ...or is Stephen Stillwell hotter than July? Disappointed by a remarkable talent: I like Stephen. Seriously. His voice and music are so unlike anything I�ve ever heard, but the digital techno fluff on this CD doesn�t support that. Specific tracks, like (???), have a guaranteed entry into a Greatest Hits album. But the whole album is outrageously long for just 13 songs. So, unless you�re willing to waste 79 minutes listening to this over-synthesized mess (which is exactly how long this disc runs), you might as well listen to any of his previous discs. Too long, huh? If you checked the album length of all Stephen Stillwell�s albums, they are no different from each other: anywhere from 71 to 79 minutes. His voice will touch your heart. What�s this about �Stephen can�t sing?� He has moved so many more people than Takeshi Kaga ever did. Talentless, pure and simple. First of all I�d like to say this man has no talent. He has no place in America. Sorry, but Stephen shouldn�t be selling music in America. Listen to Usher, Destiny�s Child, etc. This man can�t sing. Mad Lion shows his wrath: Hey, Stephen...why don�t you take everything off in your next video? Do it for Takeshi Kaga to see lest Hilary Duff be hot on your trail! TRASH HIM!! Way too sentimental: I like Stephen but this recording is horrifically too depressing. Too many songs about life and death invade this disc. Pick up The Lonesome Guru instead. Lovely, but there�s plenty out there like this. I like Stephen but why don�t you also listen to Michael Crawford, Julie Andrews, Liza Minnelli, and Tino Martinez, who are in my opinion just as good as Stephen is? He is no Takeshi Kaga. My God...if you are comparing this man to James Ingram, you�re actually comparing him to Maroon 5 or Ja Rule. I doubt he has any idea what heartbreak really means unless he went through it himself. Yeah, he may have more vocal talent than the Backstreet Boys or N Stink, but Takeshi Kaga is a million times better and has actually redefined the �art song,� instead of being a sentimental sourpuss about everything. But haven�t you even listened to his or Ayumi�s extraordinary talents? If you haven�t you�re probably so blinded by the media ramming this nutcase�s garbage down your throats that you don�t care about the outsiders. In other words, please listen to other artists and you will see how blatantly overrated this guy really is. I liked the album. Hello, everyone. This is so-and-so dropping by to say Stephen Stillwell�s Matters of Life and Death is a good album. There are happy tunes and there are sad ones as well. Stephen you are no Tino Martinez. Tino can sing and bring emotion to his songs without throwing too much emphasis on the mood of the songs, especially if they are heartbreaking. You, on the other hand, moan out your lines. Takeshi Kaga is way better! Hey, how come nobody likes Takeshi Kaga? He hosted Iron Chef on the Food Network, and he has a much better voice and image than this copycat clone. Nope. Kaga sucks! Why do you have to mention that ugly coward Takeshi Kaga? Nobody thinks he can sing. Even he admitted he couldn�t sing. He is too hot to handle. His voice is very sexy. He really is a professional. I wonder if he�s single? You guys don�t see that... Look, folks, this kid is O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D! He dresses half naked in water-based video clips and can�t sing at all. Maybe he should go do Playgirl modeling because we don�t need him. Overrated, shit! And your beloved Slipknot is so much better? Capital O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D: How this man became so popular is totally beyond me. He does look handsome, but he still stinks and I hate him. At least Tino Martinez isn�t as over-exposed or overrated. Stinks? How do you know he stinks? Did you ever smell him? I love him! Hello�this is so-and-so and I�d like to say Stephen Stillwell has one of the most beautiful voices in the world. Is there any way I can write to him? He is so fine! Stephen Shrillwell: I�m sick of hearing about this pale-faced clone of Takeshi Kaga. [email protected]: I�ve had it with this idiot. All he does is sing super-sappy ballads, and his voice gives me uncontrollable diarrhea. Go to heck you ugly coward!!! Go away you schmaltzy Kaga wannabe! If I ever have to buy one more album by this idiot, I�d be better off dead. The Lonesome Guru? What the hell does THAT mean? If Stephen Stinkwell were smart enough to be called a guru, I�d believe him, but instead this music sounds like he insulted Takeshi Kaga just to get in the spotlight. Forget him! Overrated, huh? People have really been accusing Stephen Joseph Stillwell of being so �overrated.� To those who have done this I�d like to say: that is not true. A lot of so-called �purists� have greatly dismissed Stephen as the same person whom opera critics have called the much publicly hyped Andrea Bocelli: handsome but no talent whatsoever. That also happened to Canada�s Celine Dion and Japan�s Mika Nakashima: both singers were dismissed as artists with voices �too irritating to the ears.� But look what happened: all of these singers managed to sell excessively well because of popular appeal and not because of over-commercialism associated with artists such as Good Charlotte, N Sync, Jennifer Lopez, Blink 182, the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson, and Hilary Duff, none of who have anywhere near the artistic merits singers like the Beatles do. So Stephen is actually underrated. Puke: I don�t understand why you are comparing this guy to Judy Garland. I urge you to think twice before going ahead and saying this man is the next Garland, Bennett, Sinatra�whoever. Garland was able to bring life into everything she did, and she is still a legend even in the face of today�s competitors for the title of �the world�s greatest entertainer.� I am sorry to say Stephen does not come even 100 miles of being eligible for that title. His singing is too mawkish, and the music is also too schmaltzy, as if Celine Dion also seriously manipulated him. He is only famous because he is designed to make ladies swoon Clark Gable-style. That�s it. People reviewing this in the future should listen to something else before having your say on whether Stephen Stillwell is the best entertainer since Judy Garland. Don�t let the media hype lead you into disillusionment. In response to what so-and-so said... There are more people who agree with us that Stephen Stillwell�s power is undeniable. Sure, Judy Garland may be the most ambitious entertainer who ever lived, but ... So-and-so is right! Stephen Stillwell is definitely a publicity-hungry fool whose only purpose is to make the more accomplished vocalists seem like they don�t matter. People say he is the next Judy Garland when in fact it seems more like he is the British Andrea Bocelli, who may not be much better but is by comparison much better-looking. Comparing Stephen to Garland is tantamount to comparing Kenny G to Miles Davis...or maybe worse! The Lonesome Gagger: What�s the point in calling this album great? I think he needs to tone down his dynamics. Capital O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D: He�s an overrated celebrity more than anything else. He can�t sing, act, or dance, and his songs are garbage. Plus, that whole thing about him being cute is nothing but a fallacy. Listen to Linkin Park instead. They can sing. So-and-so is an idiot! What do you mean, �listen to Linkin Park instead?� Maybe you don�t like Stephen because his music is too good for you or maybe you think his voice sounds �too muffled.� Hey, I know that�s the way kids are to his music and similar artists, but eventually you�ll grow up and learn that Linkin Park, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, and all these crappy musicians overrated by too many of today�s �music fans� were no more than exactly that: overrated. He�s so gay. He looks like a fag, dresses like a fag, sounds like a fag�maybe he is a fag. Don�t listen to him! Talk trash about Good Charlotte but not about Stephen Joseph Stillwell. He�s not the new Garland. Not by a long shot. Yep, Stephen can sing, but that style of singing is a little too pop-like for him to be considered the male Judy Garland, as he himself admitted. Wonderful, but... The Lonesome Guru Returns is a masterpiece throughout just like the first was, but there seems to be less Geez...how can you call this music �romantic?� It all sounds sleazy and as if Stephen was rehearsing a Simple Plan song at Wembley Stadium. At least he went to school, unlike Michael Jackson and Madonna, both of who never made it through school in their lifetimes. I�ve had it with the global obsession. If I hear one more thing about �Stephen Shitwell,� I�m gonna drop dead in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Why do you hate him this much? Buddy, if you can�t say anything nice about Stephen Stillwell, shut the hell up. He may be no Judy Garland or Frank Sinatra but that doesn�t mean music as of late is �dead.� Please. This �professional vocalist� is no Judy Garland. At least Judy didn�t sing songs half as schmaltzy as this guy does 101% of the time. The Loathsome Guru: �Stephen this, Stephen that!� That�s all I ever hear from you! I hope you wake up and realize that this pale-faced dimwit is overrated beyond belief! Stop with the Stephen Stillwell shit already and listen to some Judy Garland instead. Stephen you get me sick. If I met you, I�d only have this to tell you... You�re cute, but you make Tom Cruise seem like Bela Lugosi! Go back to England, you pale-faced idiot!!!! Please don�t listen to Stephen �Shrillwell.� He can�t sing. Handsome STEPHEN STILLWELL The Lonesome Guru CD Stephen, schmeven! This guy isn�t cute or talented at all and he�s making his more seriously advanced martial artist cousin, Sandra, seem like an alien. If you want a real voice, listen to Celine, Mariah, Whitney, or Luther. Heck, liking Tino Martinez even would suit you better. Andrea Bocelli sucks, and Sarah Brightman makes him sound good. Charlotte Church sounds like a boy, and Il Divo are just plain overrated. Bubba Crosby stinks, and Tanyon Sturtze and Mike Mussina lovers are 12-year-old girls. And please don�t talk to me about that sad-faced Japanese girl, whatever her name is, because she gets me sick, too. I hate him. He�s so ugly and disgusting no wonder he�s never in the American spotlight. No he�s not, for the last time! I�m sick of hearing about how ugly and untalented this man is. He is not the male equivalent of Ashlee Simpson! Stop the offensive comments. To all the people talking about �The Loathsome Guru� and �he�s so ugly:� you need to hang it up. Maybe there is a reason Stephen upsets you. Perhaps I can explain why you hate Stephen Stillwell so much: he has long hair, blue eyes, and a Tom Cruise-like face. Even while in school, he�s been singing and training since he was a little boy, and yet you pick on him like he�s some type of alien. Unremarkable voice: He sounds like Frank Sinatra on steroids. And don�t talk to me about Tino �Fartinez,� either, because he can�t sing. I�d like to tell this man something� Recently I was reading this man�s biography on his official website, www.stephenstillwell.com. On it he said and I quote: �I have been training professionally since childhood, and during my training I had been warned again and again not to sing opera or other classical music the way Andrea Bocelli would. My voice teachers didn�t want me to be the next Bocelli. But when singing popular music, I felt that this was the opportunity to let my inner voice run free.� He can�t be serious. If that�s the way he was brought up, why, when you hear this disc, did he still sing the �operatic� pieces in a poppy style? Which leads to the truth of the matter: Real professionals don�t sing opera or classical music in general so �beautifully,� Stephen. True, your contemporary pop albums may be beautiful, but if you apply that type of singing to opera, you take away enjoyment of it for the listeners. Therefore you leave yourself with a bad name and a discography whose album titles mislead people. That said, to the rest of you, you�re much better off buying a disc by a serious professional rather than this Disney-incarnate stuff. Enough is enough! If I ever met any of you people who call Stephen a hunk of poop, I�d hurl you across the Superdome! |