| THE BRØWN-EYED MØNSTER OF IRØN CHEF AMERICA by MARK DACASCØS |
| Yeah... This man was the bomb on Iron Chef America and was also a fox in Brotherhood of the Wolf, but as a singer he just doesn’t cut it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? He’s kind of crazy on ICA and I don’t like that show to begin with. This man can kick some Takeshi Kaga butt! Say what you must, but this man has the heart and soul of Bruce Lee in disguise. You must be sick. Why do you like this “brown-eyed monster” better than Kaga? If you don’t think Alton Brown’s music rocks by comparison then neither does anything this stool pigeon throws into the basketball net. Surprisingly good: Out of nowhere I happened to bump into this CD at a jukebox, so when I listened to it, I was quite impressed. Mark’s dreamy, dare one say over the top, vocal stunts make most of today’s pop phenomena sound dull. No they don’t. He sounds just like many of today’s pop terrorists. Pretty schmaltzy: I like Mark but the songs on this CD are a little too mushy, especially the title track, which has been played a lot on Canadian radio. The Brown-Eyed Monster actually has ballads that don’t put too much mawkishness into its content. My suggestion: buy that one instead. No topic: Mark Dacascos I love you forever and I hope to see you in New York in the future... Mellow like frosted smoothies on a hot day: I just don’t understand why so many people have negative opinions about Mark and his music. Granted, the music sounds totally unlike the muddled fluff loudly touted on the radio and TV all the time, and in comparison to much better artists, I must say Mark goes right up there. With regard to the music, every track is worth one listen or 100. (???), for instance, proves that Mark is capable of delivering the same kind of soul Hall and Oates did, while (???) has that delicious touch that makes smoothies taste so good. His voice isn’t amazing but it is better than other artists of modern times. Geez...why do you compare him to smoothies? You are supposed to review his album in terms of song, etc., not bring food into the subject! You say you call Mark a “rock and soul” superstar a la Daryl Hall and Phil Collins, and yet you proceed to talking about food? You pig! How can you say that (???) is smoothie-flavored? You don’t taste something when you a listen to a song. This all reminds me of how people say Doritos are more Latino than Gloria Estefan’s music is. Sheesh...you are talking about Iron Chef America, not musical aspects! Other than that I give this album three stars because of some good tracks, but in general the disc gets kind of boring sometimes. The Brown-Eyed Monster and Make Your Mark are better than this. Maybe Mark likes smoothies, too. Look, some people like to describe albums even if it means talking about food. And I just love smoothies, the smoothness of which this music has that a lot of today’s music doesn’t. Yummy! GO AWAY MARK! I don’t need a further explanation. Just take your ugly, overrated Iron Chef America team and pack up and go away. Stupid. We don’t need another crappy remake of “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” and we definitely don’t need Stephen Stillwell’s collaboration, but it’s not him I’m complaining about. It’s Mark’s charlatanism that gets me ill. He needs more than five stars. Oh, how romantic this CD is! If he sang this to a sixteen-year-old girl, she’d go out and buy as many boxes of Ferrero Rocher as she could afford. One of the greatest singers exported from France! Just kidding. To heck with him! Listen to Takeshi Kaga for true talent and good music! Proper example for today’s generation: Okay, so he’s no Josh Groban, but he does have the kind of vocals not inevitable in anyone who relies more on image for success than on true integrity. Yeah, right. This guy’s voice is annoying. All he does is growl like a lion. Well, golly... ...if Mark does growl like a lion, then Britney Spears squawks like a parrot. A Brown-Eyed Masterpiece: What’s all the fuss about? At least Mark has more singing potential than Ashlee Simpson. Sure, he is no Stephen Stillwell or Kaga, but with this release, Mark has blossomed into more than just your average Iron Chef America star. Yeah, right! If you like him that much, it just goes to show you how little taste in music you’ve really got. I love you Mark: This album is a pleasure to listen to. He mixes catchy dance tunes with sappy ballad-style songs. Most of the songs are slow but even those are interpreted to finer effect than you’d think. Sometimes you can believe your ears! This martial artist whines too much without expressing himself, and the songs have no taste in them whatsoever. Forget it! Amazing! This disc is so enjoyable that I had to play it twice over the first day I got it. NEVER! This guy makes Michael Jackson seem like Charlie Chaplin with long hair. Forget him! Is it just me... ...or is Mark Dacascos a bald version of Takeshi *PUKE* Kaga? Nope. His voice is one that makes Phil Collins’ sound good. He is much better as a martial artist. I hate you Mark: Take off that damned wig so people can see what’s really underneath that ugly bowling ball head of yours. Know what I think? I think Mark Dacascos sucks his own toe. That was very disgusting! Geez...if you think that’s what Mark does, I wish you’d have gone to Iraq and blown yourself up on the battlefield! Don’t give me that brown-eyed monster crap. You suck, Mark. Take Iron Chef America off the air and let Kaga have another chance at fame. Ain’t No Foolin’ Us Now... The over-hyped celebrities of Iron Chef America and this previously unknown actor/martial artist makes Iron Chef and Takeshi Kaga, not to mention the more professionally trained Stephen Stillwell, seem like aliens from Pluto by comparison. Sure, Kaga’s voice and music have been more underrated than Celine Dion’s ever were, and people under 30 agree Tino Martinez’s music is schlock, but those four singers have real voices, with which they are shamelessly able to express their feelings in the strongest possible way even though they don’t write their own songs. Mark, on the other hand, has this almost J. Lo-type approach to music from the screen: go in there with little or no vocal experience and rake in big bucks. To everyone who likes him I’d like to say: Cinderella has lost both of her slippers. There is nothing on here that makes him up to Tino or Stillwell standards; it is merely a tool to connect Mark to the has-beens of the music world, of which there are too many to mention. Especially “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” is terrible. I prefer the original version. And what is it with that Ricky Martin-style butt shaking? Stephen shook his booty with more commitment to feeling the rhythm than Mark did in that video. Sorry, Mark, but if you improved on your lack of talent, maybe I’d give you more credit next time. Garbage: This guy really looks like he should be dancing with J. Lo on Dancing with the Stars. Pleh! Mark, Dr. Doolittle, Captain America, the Cat in the Hat, Willy Wonka, Boutros Boutros-Ghali...ah, screw what his name really is. He can’t sing. Pure and simple. No more Iron Chef America PLEASE! That show is so overrated it makes ICJ seem like a flop don’t watch it! It’s all this jerk’s fault and Bobby Flay’s that ICA went on to beat Emeril Live in the ratings in the USA. At least Emeril teaches us with pizzazz, and at least ICJ had class, like come on, yo... Phooey on Marky D! He can’t sing. Phil Collins is the best. “Ain’t No Stoppin’ You Now?” Who cares what you say, you little pipsqueak? The Brown-Eyed Monster? What the hell does that mean? This kid isn’t bad as a singer but he is embarrassing on Iron Chef America. If Takeshi Kaga had learned English enough to still continue his work on Iron Chef, none of the hype about that terrible ICA would have happened. From the look of it I think Mark is true to the album’s title. He really is a brown-eyed monster. Go away Mark. All you ever do is brag about how you’re polishing up your act, you little idiot. It could’ve been better. He sounds like Lionel Richie. The bulk of the songs put too much emphasis on strain. Stop hating on Mark, you idiots!! People have really chastised Mark Dacascos in the past, but at least the critics weren’t deaf to his lovely timbre. A thousand times no. This dimwit makes me wanna vomit on the grass. His timbre is not lovely, by the way. It’s too mediocre like Justin Timberlake’s. Stop with the Mark Dacascos garbage already and listen to some Donna Summer instead. Mark stinks. He can’t sing, play instruments, write songs (if he even does), dance, or ever be as good a Chairman as Takeshi Kaga was on Iron Chef. And what is with that Norwegian lettering for this album’s artwork? Sorry, folks. Mark has been going down in history for doing stupid videos to songs like “Just Got Paid,” and I am glad people haven’t responded very well to this work. Those videos look like Mark did them for Comedy Central! But then I don’t get why Make Your Mark, which came after this, was more popular; maybe it’s because he polished up his act? Mark polished up his act: In his rather blasé review of Release Me from These Chains, so-and-so pointed out that the album didn’t sell very well because some of its related videos, most notably “Just Got Paid,” were full of indecent subject matter. Look who’s talking about “not polishing up his act!” Mark hasn’t done anything to make his music or style better. He’s basically the Asian-American equivalent of that vampire Bubba Crosby. To be honest… …I think this guy does sound like Lionel Richie. In fact he sounds worse than Richie. At least Richie’s voice makes his songs make sense. Handsome MARK DACASCOS The Brown-Eyed Monster CD Blasé album but Stephen Stillwell saves it: Mark Dacascos tries too hard to make this album a good one, judged from its uneven mix of club and jazz. On the other hand, if you were to consider Stephen Stillwell’s performance on their cover of McFadden & Whitehead’s “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now,” now there’s someone whose voice makes this disc worth every penny of its price. I don’t get it. So-and-so, I don’t understand how you say Mark Dacascos is an unspectacular performer, while you worship Stephen Stillwell like he’s some type of Tom Cruise. Stephen. Always Stephen! If people stopped saying how Stephen Stillwell makes this album good and realized that Mark is not as horrible as people say he is, I’d be overjoyed beyond belief. Mark’s formula: Get a contract without even having vocal training, record a chocolate-covered album, go #1, make big bucks, do it again the next time around, but this time sing in English and make the songs more sour with the enlistment of rappers and whatnot. Mark, honey, nobody wants to deal with that all the time! Disgraceful! This album is a waste of time, money, everything. I was hoping after hearing “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” that the rest of this album would live up to the success of that cover. I was wrong. Instead we get track after track of tasteless, boring, Earth Wind & Fire-like songs sung by an inexperienced martial artist, who also happened to have done no justice to Iron Chef with that phony Iron Chef America. The only thing good about it was Stephen Stillwell’s performance. Mark you are no Takeshi Kaga. If Takeshi Kaga saw Iron Chef America he would have been hopping mad. Personally… …I think Tino Martinez is better. |