| THE BEST YEARS I’VE EVER HAD by CHIPPER JONES |
| Please be forewarned: any similarity to actual events in this document is purely coincidental, not to mention unfair to the long-standing Atlanta Braves hotty Chipper Jones. I’ve finally found someone who knows how to sing decently! It isn’t often that you hear someone who knows how to carry a tune properly whether the mood is happy or sad. Tino Martinez is one of these, of course, but Chipper has a lighter, less sentimental approach to his music. Better than Derek Jeter and all these other musical charlatans. If you were to have heard people like Derek Jeter sing, he’d sound more like a Justin Timberlake wannabe. But that would seem obvious if you were to hear Chipper sing. His voice is, without a doubt, ten times better than Derek Jeter’s and especially Johnny Damon’s…both in timbre and in tone color (even though I do like Tino Martinez’s voice much better). He’s okay, but… …he is no Tino Martinez. Is it just me… …or is Chipper Jones hot as hell? Move over Tino…here comes Chipper! In my opinion Chipper Jones is one of the more noticeable MLB stars come singers in the music business, on a par with Tino Martínez and Nick Swisher. However, Chipper has a more practical approach to his music. It’s produced in the more embraceable territory of “easy-listening” ballad, but sometimes there are bits of Latin, rock, and soul thrown into the mix. (???) ranks among the best songs on this album. Good but too many ballads: I like this album but one too many songs on this CD are slow ballads. Here’s hoping Chipper puts more dance tunes on future ventures. It’s in his voice. You have to listen to understand it. Destined to become a musical Hall of Famer. Chipper Jones has an amazing voice and a strong personality. Marvin Gaye must be spinning in his grave right now. Well, let’s face it: Chipper Jones was a great baseball player but he forgot about his athletic successes and went out to release this album so he could beat Tino Martinez to the top of the charts in the USA. His voice is overrated, and his songs have nothing to say. Grammy winner, my butt! If he played an instrument then maybe I’d believe him. At least Tino doesn’t look for ways to sell out, and at least he can sing, like come on, yo… Who said anything about Chipper being “overrated?” I’ve been reading so many complaints about Chipper Jones’ music being “overrated.” That is not true: he presented himself as someone who had expression in his voice, even if not up to par with Luther Vandross’ voice. Not as good as his other albums: I really liked Chipper Jones’ self-titled album, which blended hip tunes with soulful romantic ballads. It’s in My Voice was even better despite taking a broad step ahead of Ricky Martin and brought Latin flavorings into virtually every song. However, this album (pretentiously titled Chipper Unleashed) is a mere carbon copy of those albums and his later release, Atlanta Bravery, without maintaining the charm of them. In the end, there isn’t much I could enjoy even in the included hit single, (???), so my suggestion is to get his other albums instead. Chipper you suck. Go back to Atlanta and take your stupid preachy message with you. It’s in his voice, indeed… I saw this CD and bought it rather skeptical. Granted, except for Tino Martinez (of course), I thought most of the baseball players who had released albums sounded rather terrible. But this one is a total 180°! Magnificent: Everybody keeps saying Chipper Jones is a musical charlatan. To them I say: “What part of ‘Chipper Jones is a talented artist’ do you not understand?” Can you say, sellout? Why are we having another episode of singer-wannabe baseball player trying to reach the public? Chipper is a great baseball player but I don’t believe what people are saying about his music. It all sounds way too sentimental. Now he’s got a whole new agency, but even they aren’t helping him. What do you mean, “sellout?” Look, the man is a baseball player, all right? Cute guy and all and his voice is not as terrible nor his music as “sentimental” as you said it was. He can sing, but just not as a rival for Tino Martinez. Give it up, Chipper. You can’t sing. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I’d give him 10,000 stars if I could! Chipper baby I love you! He is so cute. Too bad he’s married. That’s not how you review an album! So-and-so, you don’t say, “Chipper is cute” when reviewing this CD. You’re supposed to be saying what you thought about the album, not just of Chipper and his marital status. Yuck! The music is too syrupy. Ryan Langerhans doesn’t write his own songs, either, but they don’t sound anything like this. All in favor of saying Chipper can’t sing: If you say “aye,” click yes. If “nay,” click no. Can’t sing, huh? If Chipper was a bad singer, how come he and Tino Martinez won (???) and A-Rod, Jeter, et al didn’t even win one? You sound like you don’t know what you’re talking about. Why don’t you try singing on American Idol so Simon can laugh at you? Pure trash. If I hear one more thing about “Chipper Bones,” I’m going to hang myself from the top of the Boulder Dam. Negative stars down to the bottomless pit: Chipper, you’ve got to be one of the biggest idiot charlatans in music ever. You sing all these boring songs with a style unfit for this day and age. This is the 21st century, so if you really wanna make a name for yourself in the music world, for heaven’s sake go for something else other than this elevator muzak stuff. You have to give him credit. This is one fantastic album. Larry Wayne “Chipper” Jones Jr. was often stereotyped when he was a minor leaguer. That was then. Since he became an Atlanta Brave, people started taking him more seriously. Now that he has a recording contract with MLBPA Records, you have the nerve to insult him? Anyway, I’m supposed to be reviewing the album. It’s in My Voice is a fascinating listen from start to finish. I’m fed up with waiting! Chipper, come on please show me what you’ve got inside! I know you have some light waiting to be unveiled to the public! Do it for Takeshi Kaga to see lest Hilary Duff be hot on your trail! Somebody hurl this man back into the land of segregation! Please stop the negative comments. To all those people who are talking about “hurl Chipper back into the land of segregation,” you need to hang it up. Segregation has long since been abolished in America. If you studied American history, I hope you know this. Besides, Chipper was born in Florida, not Georgia. He doesn’t even live in Atlanta, for crying out loud! Wonderful album: Hey everyone I’d like to say Chipper Unleashed is a great CD. Is music dead? Yes, it is, and Chipper proves it with this album! His voice is so overrated, and the songs make nothing better! Chipper, do us all a favor and go back to where you came from! I feel so chipper when I listen to Chipper... Lame debut: Despite going #1 and selling over 7 million copies, this is a rather less than sensational first outing from the Atlanta Braves superstar we know as Chipper Jones. Songs like (???) don’t support Chipper’s honey-coated pipes, and yet they have lovely background beats. But chin up, Chipper: It’s in My Voice was good and you’ve had better outings after that. Boring. I’d rather listen to Jeff Francoeur. At least he can sing. Just love the man! If all you haters set aside your ill-conceived notions about “Chipper can’t sing” and listen to the music, you’ll see that it’s not as bad as you think it is. I wish people would appreciate the power of music even more than they think they do. The power of music, huh? Yeah, like Tripper Jones’ “lite pop” trash makes it any better? No wonder your teeth must have fallen off from gingivitis! He’s just an ugly, widow’s-peaked, Dutch-looking piece of trash! Get a life and a Pink Floyd CD, suckers! Stop dissing Chipper man! To all those people who keep calling Chipper Jones names like “Chipper Bones” and “Tripper Jones,” the name-calling is getting on everyone’s nerves and I would like it to stop. Please stop the hatred and listen. Somebody needs to send this jerk parcel post back to Florida. Who listens to this blond, frog-faced windbag? Not people like me. I prefer Iron Maiden. At least they don’t sing about anything that rots your teeth. Brave little man: Atlanta Bravery has to be the finest album Chipper Jones has ever recorded. It helped me through hard times… When I listened to this album I felt renewed interest in life on life’s terms. Chipper’s voice is so calming that you’ll find his music as pleasant to listen to as I did. Wish I could give this no stars…this is one of the worst CDs ever. This album finds a great baseball player desperately trying to connect to the mainstream even if via schmaltz. Over the course of 14 too long tracks, he does nothing but imitate everybody in Latin and popular music from Tino Martinez to Ricky Martin, and on to Derek Jeter and others too numerous to even name…not to mention violate forever the simple principles of making even good music: you need to have the right production team and skills. But Chipper has nothing of the kind. The title track is so indicative of the kind of problems surrounding much of music today that it makes even Tino himself want to retire from everything, not just from sports. “Embraceable” gives this otherwise big mess of an album a second star – only that comes closest to the kind of talk of love that should be done, and not so much the super-romantic blather so categorizing boat rocking music. If you want this type of music, listen to Frank Sinatra. Better than that crappy A-Fraud album: I listened to A-Rod’s albums and found them to be bitter trash. He kept wobbling from one note to another without maintaining pitch. On the other hand, Chipper goes into each song on this album as if he grew up musically his whole life. The Atlanta Braves are overrated and I’ll prove it! With all the acclaim the Atlanta Braves have gotten for their winning the N.L. East 14 times, they should’ve won more than just one World Series. But no! They kept getting shut out of the playoffs by everyone from the San Diego Padres to the Houston Astros and back. And Ted Turner owned them? Tsk, tsk, tsk...shocking. The album itself? Don’t buy it. You’re only going to get schmaltzy, almost 1930-sounding ballads that never became hits in this era of urban and rock domination. His voice itself is like a terrorist threat to even the least interested people. I don’t give a hoot that he’s one of the best switch-hitters in major league history...comparing him to Mickey Mantle is like comparing Panic at the Disco to Pink Floyd! Sheesh...at least Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams and Tino and O’Neill and the Babe and Pete Rose and many others had the guts to win two or more World Series. Please stop insulting Chipper! To all the people who keep saying these mean things about Chipper Jones being a talent-less piece of grime or whatever you call him, I don’t appreciate what people like you would say just to be funny. I don’t think Chipper himself would have approved of it. He’s been through severely hard times in his life that I won’t disclose to any of you. But if you read his biography, you’d learn that his is one of the best switch-hitting records in MLB history. He was the first switch hitter to have more than 300 home runs and hits. So, I suggest you do some research before arguing your case. Thank you. P.S. The Braves didn’t move to the N.L. East until 1994. Why all this panic? True, Chipper Jones only won one World Series championship in 1995, but he does have one of the most impressive records as a switch-hitter. Pete Rose had Hall of Fame potential, too (he has the highest number of base hits), but he still remains ineligible for election into the HOF because he gambled on baseball and denied it for 15 years. So sweet and gentle: It’s hard to put into words what Chipper Jones has done in recent times. This album includes inspirational pop songs and ballads that don’t take the subject of heartbreak so far as to leave one in uncontrollable tears. I pity the American people for liking this kind of music. This is just another horrendous example of how someone with no talent even in his nose could get so much money. To everyone who thinks Chipper is talented, you need to get your ears tuned. Ditch him and listen to some Stevie Wonder instead. Me and Chipper, Chipper Jones… All I can say is that The Best Years I’ve Ever Had is Chipper Jones’ best album ever, Greatest Hits album or not. If you listen closely you’ll see that none of the songs are so-called “radio edits” often found on best-of albums. With all the watery trash being played on the radio I just wish people would give the man his due and respect him for being so much more than an incredible baseball player. (BEBE CAT: HE) So sweet and gentle: All I can say is that he has done yet another incredible job with this album. The songs on this album speak of discovering who you are and appreciating life. This album will make your heart melt like never before. Try not to cry as you might, you’ll end up in a pool of tears just from listening to this album and Chipper’s voice. I guarantee it! Ahhh, phooey! Phooey on Chipper Bones! Phooey on the Atlanta Slaves! Phooey on the imbeciles who signed the talentless “MLB Snobs in Song!” What’s all this “phooey” stuff? Brilliant: This album features lavishly produced ballads that offer better quality than you think. I hate the pseudo-musicians whose music is played out even if it sounds worse than a nuclear explosion. (ROCKY CAT: SHE) Gulp! His voice isn’t bad but the songs grow stale faster than bread ever will. A breath of fresh air: Chipper Jones has to be one of the most promising newcomers in music today. I wish people would give musicians like this their due. (BABY CAT: REOW) It’s not in the songs. Chipper, your sentimental expression has gone too far on this album and the title track speaks for itself. You did much better, though, on other releases. Wonderful treat: Unlike the rather watery balladry on It’s in My Voice, Chipper Jones matures into the flexible and true artist everyone wanted him to be with this mixture of gentle and soulful rock ballads. He’s better than all these poseurs out there. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Chipper this. Chipper that. If there was no such team as the Atlanta Braves would he have existed? I doubt it. The man should go hang out in bars and shut his mouth. Very refreshing: I hate him so much! Chipper this! Chipper that! Chipper, Chipper, CHIPPER! That’s all I ever hear on the radio, in department stores, at Wal-Marts—you name it. Whoever signed him obviously didn’t know about talent. His songs are not of the sing-along type, but instead they’re just lame, muzak-type songs that pretend to be alternative rock. Listen to Iván Rodríguez’s music and you will know what this ugly bonehead is missing: everything but the kitchen sink. Handsome CHIPPER JONES Atlanta Braves Poster Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I’m sick of these “MLB Skunks in Song.” All they sing is these crappy love songs that make the American Idol music sound good (which it is). Nobody listens to music like this nowadays unless they’re old folks. Losers like “Albert Butthole,” “Iván Fraudriguez,” “Tim Crudson,” “Tino Fartinez,” “Jeff Frankfurter,” “Nick Squisher,” “Jason Giambroids,” “Sucko Screwtaro,” “Josh Bucket,” “Barry Ponds,” “Kyle Nose,” and “Chipper Bones” himself never should have been signed by Sony BMG. If you listen to David Wright, José Reyes, A-Rod, Torii Hunter, Shannon Stewart, Derek Jeter etc. now those guys are singing the kind of music that these worthless, so-called “talented” pseudo-musicians should have been doing. Chipper, Pudge, Tino, Flinchy, et al, this is the 21st century, not the 20th century, so if you wanna make it big in music, go for some heavy metal or hip-hop and not this junk. Enough is enough! Okay, all you morons trashing Chipper Jones and saying he shouldn’t be doing music like this or whatever… And if you think the American Idols are better, get your ears tuned, because they don’t sing as well as the “MLB Stars in Song” and other talented people do. Chipper, schmipper! Chipper Jones is probably the most overrated of all these “MLB Stars in Song.” He’s ugly, he can’t sing, and plus he doesn’t even compare to legends like Babe Ruth. If you want to listen to any of the MLB Stars in Song, listen to Pujols, Tino, Frenchy, or Swisher. They can sing. The Worst Years I’ve Ever Had: “Chipper Bones’” voice gives me a nasty case of gingivitis!! He’s just an ugly, mopheaded, motor-voiced jerk. He can’t top Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, or Derek Jeter. I don’t think he was ever even a halfway decent baseball player! Other “MLB Snobs in Song” like “Jake Pee-wee,” “Nick Squisher,” “Jeff Frankfurter,” “Stinko Spewtaro,” “Snobby Abreu” and the like should all just go back to playing baseball. David Wright is much better. Oh, please! And you think your precious Mets are the best team in baseball? I’m gonna tell it like it is. So-and-so said that Chipper Jones wasn’t a decent player and that David Wright was better. Well, let me tell this person something about Chipper: He was the first person in Major League history to have (???). Plus, he’s one of the three most productive switch hitters ever when it comes to home runs. If you don’t believe me, I did my research. Later! [email protected]: He’s so ugly he makes me laugh. And please don’t even talk to me about Marco “Screwtaro,” either, because he gets me sick, too. Please stop all this baseball talk! You’re supposed to be reviewing this album, not Chipper Jones and his Major League career. If you wanna talk about that, go to www.atlantabraves.com. Simply engaging: If you’re tired of spending money on CDs that have only one or two good songs, then this is the album for you! Every song makes you want to go back and listen again and again. Well…just speaking as somebody who hates bad artists. Anyway, Chipper can sing and the emotions he brings into every song are not what Justin Timberlake brings into his just plain awful music, no matter how overplayed it is. Dear Chipper… Sure, you can slug, but you know what? I know what. I’m sick of having to deal with your ugly, pig-like face every day. And you can’t sing, either. Your most wonderful days are over, Larry Wayne… Go back to the Sunshine State, you ugly rat!!!! Chipper Jones? Naw, man. Tripper Jones is more like it! Atlanta Brat: He’s a blond bimbo and that’s it. If he’s ugly… …then so is Takeshi Kaga!! Get a grip! Okay, all you people calling Chipper a blond bimbo or whatever: Everyone around here is getting bored with reading your silly reviews, not just me. No more insulting remarks. If I met any of you fools who call Chipper Jones a sack of trash, I’d throw you across the Atlantic Ocean! |