*****

A couple is lying in bed... The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

*****

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*****

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.

*****

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea ... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

*****

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

*****

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor

*****

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

*****

AND THE BEST ONE YET...

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord:

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN