The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look."That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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Two Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER"

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Christmas stamps

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?

Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

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Mountain Country Wisdom

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.

Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.

Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.

Teachers, bankers, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.

Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

You can't unsay a cruel thing.

Every path has some puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Concerning worry. Some folks gather stick to build bridges they never cross.

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A drunk man who smelled like rum sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half bottle of Bacardi sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, d'ya know what causes arthritis?"

"Yes, my son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, drinking too much alcohol, having contempt for your fellow men, sleeping around with prostitutes, lack of bath, and things like that...."

"Well, I'll be dadgum," the drunk muttered returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized saying: "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strongly. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just readin' here that the Pope does..."

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May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy
Have nary a lump,

May your yams be delicious
May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off of your thighs.

Happy Thanksgiving.