| Simpsons Quotes |
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| Simpsons Quotes |
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"Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that, for one reason or another, he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so...the following people are gay..."
Mr Burns (after watching the Ramones play): "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
Smithers: "But Sir, that's not..."
Mr Burns: "DO AS I SAY!"
"I can't take much more of your blundering numbskullery."
Homer: "I want everyone to know that THIS IS NED FLANDERS, MY FRIEND!"
Lenny: "What did he say?"
Carl: "I dunno. Somethin' about being gay."
"Oh, I have had it...I have had it with this school, Skinner. The low test scores. Class after class of ugly, ugly children."
Homer reading aloud a letter from Ned: "You are my brother...ha ha ha...I love you...ah ha ha ha...and yet I feel a great sadness...hee hee hee...in my BOSOM! (whole family falls about laughing)"
Professor Frink
"Ah, ah, uh, sorry I'm late, there was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying."
"You've got to listen to me! Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters, and run amok in an orgy of blood and kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving!"
Homer: "Oh, this isn't going to be about Jesus, is it?"
Reverend Lovejoy: "All things are about Jesus, Homer. Except this."
"This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let us say the Lord's Prayer forty times, but first, let's pass the collection plate."
"I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you, Marge, take Homer, in richness and in poorness? Poorness is underlined. In impotence and potence? In quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered monkey-navigated...and it goes on like this."
"It's always good to see young people taking an interest in danger."
"Aah, there's nothing more exciting than science. You get all the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, paying attention...science has it all."
Superintendent Chalmers: (seeing Skinner's kitchen is on fire) "Good lord, what is happening in there?"
Principal Skinner: "Aurora Borealis."
Superintendent Chalmers: "Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localised entirely within your kitchen?"
Principal Skinner: "Yes."
Superintendent Chalmers: "May I see it?"
Principal Skinner: "No."
Homer: "So Mr Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person that was trying to catch him!"
Skinner: "How ironic."
Marge: "Kids can be so cruel."
Bart: "We can? Thanks mom!"
"Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul, it's just something made up to scare us kids, like the boogieman or Michael Jackson."
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
Homer (over the phone): "Hello, is there a Mr. Snotball there? First name Youra."
Moe: "Youra Snotball?"
Homer: "How dare you! When I find out who this is, I'm going to staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"
"I'm just saying, why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blows up."
Homer: "Do you sell toys?"
Evil Shopkeeper: "We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yoghurt, which i call froghurt!"
Homer: "Well, I need a present for my son."
Evil Shopkeeper: "Take this object, but beware - it carries a terrible curse!"
Homer: "Ooh, that's bad."
Evil Shopkeeper: "But it comes with a free froghurt!"
Homer: "That's good."
Evil Shopkeeper: "The froghurt is also cursed."
Homer: "That's bad."
Evil Shopkeeper: "But you get your choice of topping!"
Homer: "That's good."
Evil Shopkeeper: "The toppings contain Potassium Benzoate."
(Homer stares blankly)
Evil Shopkeeper: "That's bad."
Homer: "Can I go now?"
"There's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy..."
"Internet, eh?"
Insurance Man: "Now Sir, just before I give you the cheque - this place Moe's you say you were at - this is a business of some kind?"
Homer's Brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night?"
Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
"Your new duties will include answering Mr. Burns's phone, preparing his tax return, moistening his eyeballs, assisting with his chewing and swallowing, lying to Congress, and some light typing."
Renee: "Really? You think I'm gorgeous?"
Moe: "Yeah, well, the part that's showin'. Guess you could have a lotta' weird scars or a fake ass or somethin'."
Renee: "You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?"
"Attempted murder. Now, honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"