| Part 4 The wonderful world of Backstreet� hello again! My day, was of course, shity, because my dad decided to be an ass. Come to think of it, he loves being a jerk, at least, that�s what I believe. I mean, what kind of father would let his daughter suffer through a concert with a back stabbing bitch standing next to her? Mine, apparently. So we finally make it to the concert. By this time, I am completely pissed, because both my dad and my �friend� have turned against me entirely. So when I got into the Bradley Center, I just left them. I went into the bathroom and waited my turn for one of the stalls. Once I got in there, I did my usual finger-down-throat tactic hoping that the food hadn�t digested yet. That�s all I needed, after all� to be even fatter than I already was. I couldn�t have that�AJ wouldn�t fall in love with a fat girl� that�s not what happens. As soon as I exited the bathroom, my dad�s hand snaked around my arm. He pulled me over to the wall and yelled at me in a hushed voice (and yes, that is possible�it sucks when it happens too.) Missy just stood there looking helpless, before coming over and asking me with concern dripping from her voice if I was ok. I looked at her a calmly said of course I was. She smiled and said good and we went to find our seats. I was really perplexed because I thought that she didn�t like me and then she was being all nice to me. My mind couldn�t process what was going on. I started to feel very dizzy, and the next thing I know, I am on the floor with a crowd of people gathered around me. My dad had bent down and was frantically asking me if I was all right and the only thing I could mumble was �did I miss AJ?� That got a few chuckles from throughout the crowd, which quickly disappeared after that. In my life, there have been very few problems that I understood right away. I wasn�t the smartest person in the world, but I most certainly was not the dumbest. So when Missy told me that I shouldn�t have fainted because people started to pay more attention to me than her, I told her to shut her slut-faced mouth and that I wasn�t listening to her anymore. That was a big step for me. Although I had no idea what slut-faced meant, I never insulted anyone, and the fact that I could do it to my so-called friend gave me all the more confidence. It was that point during the night when everything started to look a little bit better. The concert was amazing. But then, what did you expect? It was, after all, a Backstreet concert. Missy had said maybe two words to me during the whole show, and it was no wonder why. I surprised even myself with what I said to her. There were a few points when I wanted to apologize, but thought better of it. After all, with what she said to me throughout the night, she should be the one saying sorry, not the other way around. The car ride home was silent. I presumed that my dad thought it was just because we were tired out after the concert. I wish I could have told him otherwise. It wasn�t as though I didn�t like talking to him, quite the contrary, it�s just that I couldn�t tell him about this type of stuff, could I? I knew though, that if I told AJ, he would understand, so I started thinking about what he would say back to me. I closed my eyes and drifted off into the peacefulness of dreams, and when I awoke the next morning, I was sweating like mad. I looked over at my clock and read 8:42 am. Oh shit, was the first thing that entered my mind, because school started at 7:30. I got up, then realized that I had a race to win. I ran to the toilet just as the vomit escaped from my mouth. Except nothing came out. It was just a lot of saliva and some really nasty tasting red stuff dangling at the corners of my mouth. Oh good, I thought. It was only blood. Coughing up blood was becoming more and more frequent as of that time, yet I could not understand why. I would do it at least twice a week and afterwards my dad would ask me if I was alright. Of course I would say yes. I knew what it was from too. When I was 7, I developed an ulcer. The doctors told my dad to always keep me well nourished or it would become more serious. While he was doing a good enough job of it, I was not. I was being stupid, but at the time, nothing else mattered except AJ falling madly in love with me. I would have gladly given my life for us, for him. When I looked up from the toilet bowl, I felt my dad�s hand on my forehead. He nodded his head and said that I did indeed have a fever and that the best way to cure it was to go lay down in my bed. He would bring me something to eat and drink after I had rested for a while. I knew I wouldn�t eat what he brought me, but there was no use arguing with him at that point. He led me to my bed and made sure that I was asleep before going downstairs. That was the first time in a long while that my father had taken a day off of work to stay home with any of us. It felt good knowing that he cared enough to do that, a feeling I hadn�t felt in the longest time. My dad was showing me some kind of love. I was so desperate for that. After my mom left, I needed someone there to help me through it. I couldn�t get through it on my own, but he was feeling so bad about it, he was so upset� I couldn�t go to him with my own problems. My brother and sister did, and I saw that it was hurting him even more. I took on the responsibilities of mother, I helped both my siblings, I cooked, I cleaned�I did what any mother would do� but I was only 9 years old. I felt that was what happened to all 9 year olds. I just knew that my family couldn�t be any different than that of anyone else�s. I got teased enough at school because I was different. I wouldn�t let my family get teased too. It was that morning I knew he loved me, but my mind didn�t exactly let it kick in until about a year later. On my 13th birthday my family took me out for dinner. My brother, my sister, my dad and me; we went out for a wonderful meal, then I begged until I got to go mini-golfing. As I did before, I wrote about it in my journal: 8/15/00 Well, I am now officially 13 years old. My birthday was yesterday and I have to say, it was the best birthday I�ve ever had. I thought that last year�s would be the best, and as far as gifts go, I�d have to say it was. But, as for emotionally, this year was. My family has shown me that I don�t have to be thin or have the perfect complexion to be loved; as I once thought. What happened was that we went out to dinner at �Fridays� and then we went mini-golfing. That was it, and it was wonderful. I didn�t even get any gifts, but I don�t care. I learned that my family loves me, and that�s all that really matters. Mindi Kay 13 years old, Waukesha WI Interesting, isn�t it? How just one day can make a difference that big in someone�s life? How one person, one event, can make or break you? My life has always been full of complications. I started writing this story as an outlet for them. To finally get them down on this computer screen so that I know that no matter where I go, what I do, or what I forget, I�ll always have them with me. But as a 14 year old girl who doesn�t have a mother, I don�t know what to do. Did I ever really leave that depressive stage in my life? Or am I doomed to always live it. Wait, I can�t live, as I am dead. Maybe I should wake up from this dream now... maybe� maybe� |