| Dreams Finding a place for me is hard enough as it is, but finding a place for someone else, now that is nearly impossible. I don�t know where life is taking me, but I know that no matter where I end up, it will be in the place that I want to be.. I don�t understand why everything I do is judged, and how I perform now tells how I am going to in the future. If people really knew me, they would know that I don�t like homework, but that doesn�t mean that I don�t like to work. Working for me is something that I always want to, always have to do. When I am not keeping my mind busy, even when I am watching TV, I get really annoyed and anxious. I don�t know why. So I need a place, big deal. My mind used to occupy me with enough room for that space, but now it doesn�t. I�ve grown out of that little place inside every girl�s head and I need a new one, a bigger one that is in the real world. My stories are not a part of that, and although they are a part of me, they are just places for me to write down memories in different ways. Sometimes though, I hurt people with what I write and sometimes, I just start feeling so bad about everything, even the things that are out of my control. But I still feel that way. Until I remind myself that I am in control of the way I feel. Sometimes I don�t know which way is up and which is down, and finding the balance between the two really hurts me. I don�t like to hurt. But the sad thing is, this is all me complaining. I guess I do that a lot, not on purpose of course, but enough to the point that I annoy myself with it. I am awaiting life to come find me, because I am afraid to find life. Isn�t that kind of stupid? I feel it is. But maybe I can fix that. Maybe not. Maybe I�ll find out when my life decides to finally go the way I want it to. But you know what is funny about life? No matter how bad it gets, you always feel like its going right. At least I do. And all of the bad things go with the good; you just have to accept it. It takes me a long time to sit down and think about why and how I have learned all I know. I am smart, but not book smart by any means. I just know about life. At least, I like to think I do. Life follows me everywhere, but never really catches up with me. I am too far into my dream world for that. |