this hate hasn't left me, yet
i keep thinking that it has...will
but somehow, every time i see a name
or hear a voice
it comes rushing back
a despicable weakness.

this disgust hasn't gone away, yet
some disgust with myself
but mostly for you and only you
at least i don't blame me anymore
it's like that song that goes
"it was the first time in my life that i did something right".

what's worse is that i've found
yet another reason to despise your very existance
for still making me feel -anything- for you
anything at all
you should mean nothing to me
less than the poor mice that mom catches on the sticky trays.

but how...how do i quit
when i lost so much to you
in your name, because of you?
i keep telling myself it will come with time
but time has past
and still you linger.

go away, die, cease to be
i will lose no more to you
for i am stronger than you
i am smarter than you
you get everything that you don't deserve
and i will still laugh when it's all torn away.
 

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