even now, after so much time, i still imagine us being together someday. by some crazy twists of fate, i daydream our meeting again and remember what it was like to be in love with each other. after all, it was those crazy twists of fate that drug me away from you in the first place. even after over 3 years of getting over you, i'm still completely under you. i've never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do.

as strange as it is, i miss your voice every day, even when i don't realize i'm missing it. i miss it so much that it's almost like it's always been there, and suddenly was taken from me. your words echo in my head for months after you say them, the only thing that saves me from calling you weekly.

i still remember the way your arms feel, years after feeling them. i still remember the exact color of your eyes, the way you smelled. i remember all of it so clearly.

i once wrote that i was so utterly sure of how i felt for you...that i didn't believe that it would be denied me. i couldn't understand why i would feel such true, pure, all consuming love without it being returned. why would God, the universe, life...why would i do this to myself? why would you do this to me?

sometimes i still feel that way, but then i start to think with my mind again and realize that it's utterly possible that i'll never be near you again.

i hate myself for the way i treated you. and it wasn't even that bad...i was only young and unsure. i said i loved you before i knew it...and therefore, before i meant it. i never appreciated YOU as you should be. you're a genius, a beautiful, intelligent, good hearted person. more than i even knew i wanted at the time, and everything i could and will ever want now. and i let you go. i never showed you my tears, my love, my longing, my need after you left me.

that part is almost hazy now...whether we were even really -together-. i like to believe that we were, even if it wasn't an official thing. what with talking every day and saying that we loved each other...

i just miss you so.
if i were there, could we try again? or is it too late?

i don't think i could go there to find that you won't give me another chance. even the ocean would hold no comfort for having a final answer and it being no. maybe i should never ask...and that way, i'll never have the final answer, and somewhere, there will always be a chance for us. i'll always be able to have that crazy daydream where we remember being young and in love.

"you're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love"

you got that right.