Father John Ramsay

versus

"Rat Bastard" Gutter Rat

Bible On A Pole Match

Referee: Chris Forrest

Writer: Dom Stoate

JP: Remember folks that you can not win this match via pin fall or submission. Only reaching up and grabbing that Bible that is suspended on the pole in the corner can win you this match.

Sully: What a dumb idea for a match. Give me a paddle match any day!

JP: What? You want to see grown men swatting each other on the backside with a paddle?

Sully: Of course- I mean, No! Of course not! I-

JP: I wonder about you sometimes.

Sully: No, it s not what you think! Its- Oh look! Here comes Gutter Rat!

[Indeed, Gutter Rat heads down the ramp, the fans cheering him as he raises his arms, turning his head to face his opponent that is already in the ring, looking up towards the heavens, eyes fixed on the Bible.]

JP: I have to say this, but I m a bit of a Christian myself. And I cannot wait to see how this one unfolds.

Sully: I bet you can t watching grown men struggling about in front of you. You make me sick, JP.

[Rat Bastard climbs in to the ring, facing up his opponent who looks up at him, doing his best not to look intimidated as he faces the bigger man. Rat Bastard barks something at little John, pointing up towards the Bible. Ramsey would turn his attention back to it before reeling back, being struck hard across the face as he is caught off guard. Some of the fans seem to appreciate this, though still a measure of them do not.]

JP: Oh man! What a cheap shot!

Sully: You re you re a fan of them, aren't you, JP? Cheap money shots.

JP: What are- you babbling on about?

Sully: What are YOU babbling on about, JP?

[Gutter Rat capitalises as the bell rings, bringing down another fist hard across the face of his opponent, sending him to the side a few steps. Father John straightens up again and this time, manages to get an arm up to block the next punch, Gutter Rat s wrist connecting with his own. Father John replies with a snap punch, knocking Gutter Rat off balance with a force behind the punch that contradicts his size.]

JP: Father John Ramsey I don t know, but sometimes it seems to me like there is something Godly powering him, as if he has the power of the heavens flowing through his veins.

Sully: Steroids.

JP: Steroids? The guy s 5' 9" and he s hardly build like a building, is he?

Sully: That's not the point.

[Father John raises a hand in a salute to those above before slamming it across the face of Rat, knocking him backwards against the ropes where he slouches. The fans really start to get behind Ramsey as he gestures for his opponent to stand, bent over, hands waving at him to pick himself up.]

JP: This rather small competitor is giving everything he has to Gutter Rat, and what he has has really taken Rat down a peg or two.

[Gutter Rat holds his mouth, rubbing at his lower lip as he holds onto the ropes before hauling himself up. Ramsey does not go for him straight away, he lets Rat straighten himself up a little bit before lunging forwards. There are not any strikes right away, the two grappling together for a moment before Rat gets the upper hand. He would pull Ramsey into a head lock before tightening the hold and dragging him down onto one knee. Ramsey would yell, closing his eyes as he begins, it seems, to sleep out of the hold.]

JP: Gutter Rat is trying desperately to win this match early on. He wants to put Ramsey out of this match as early as possible and I think that he has a very good chance of doing that.

Sully: Feh!

JP: What is wrong- with you today, anyway?

Sully: Nothing.

JP: Are you angry because you didn't get to see these two men go at it with
paddles?

Sully: Just die.

[Ramsey chants start to build up around the arena as he seems to fade, the lock around his head tightening as Rat tilts his head backwards and roars up towards the sky. As the chants start to mount up he begins to show signs of life, stirring and beginning to show some more strength in his weak legs.]

JP: Ramsey's fans really starting to get to Gutter Rat.

A small group of Bible-bashers sing their praises, chanting for Ramsey to revive himself in this face of adversity. He does just that, opening his eyes as he begins to shake all over, filled with The Power. He launches two swift elbows at the gut of Gutter Rat, loosening the hold before escaping the hold. He would pull himself out of the head lock before showing great athleticism and leaping, from the spot, up and delivering a huge kick to the back of Gutter Rat s head, much to the delight of his fans and followers.]

JP: Oh man, what a shot!

[He would drag himself to his feet, heading towards the corner where the Bible hands. He would lean against the ropes before climbing up on to the first turnbuckle. He would not step up on to the next one, reaching up and trying to grab the Bible.]

JP: He is so close!

[He touches it with his fingers before being dragged back down again straight onto the canvas by Gutter Rat. Rat heaves in and out with breath as he looks down at Ramsey who rolls onto his side, holding his back, mouth open with pain as he lays there.]

JP: So close but no holy water for Ramsey.

Sully: That was crap.

JP: Quiet, gay boy.

[Gutter Rat stands there, looking down at Ramsey for a moment or two before snapping out of the trance and grabbing onto his hair. He would haul the smaller man up before pushing him back and away from the Bible, following after him as he does. He would step into the centre of the ring with Ramsey before ducking down under a weak swing and lifting John onto his shoulders. He would drop him down hard onto his back in a kind of front slam before kneeling up and doing a little flex as he kneels there, a majority of the fans jeering and booing him. He raises a hand and gives the audience the finger before heading casually towards the hanging Bible. The fans start to cheer again, but not because Ramsey is hauling himself up, but because, hopping the barrier, half a dozen of Ramsey s followers grab onto Gutter
Rat, sliding beneath the bottom rope and hauling him back away from the corner.]

JP: What is this?!

Sully: Attack of the Bible-bashers!

[Gutter Rat, swinging around, with manage to knock a few of them backwards, but many of them continue to club him with whatever things they hold in their hands, be it smaller versions of the Bible, or candlestick holders. Gutter Rat throws off the remaining few, but he has already had enough of a delay to allow Ramsey to find his feet and move towards the corner. He spares a few moments to make sure that his brothers and sisters are okay before moving to Gutter Rat and, with a great tug, hauls him off, bringing him down on to his back.]

JP: Thanks to his followers, Father John Ramsey has pulled this back!

Sully: That was not fair! Ramsey is throwing everything at Gutter Rat! He had interference; that should be a disqualification!

JP: The only way you can win is by getting that Bible, and by the looks of things, Gutter Rat has not got it, therefore it is still very much game on!

[Ramsey holds onto a nearby rope before lifting a foot and planting it onto the big man s chest, a thump resounding about the arena as he does. He does the same again, slowly raising a foot before bringing it down hard onto Gutter Rat s chest. The third time he does it, he does not raise his foot but keeps it pressed hard into Rat s chest as he uses him as a leg-up to get up onto the second turnbuckle. He can just about grab onto it, but can not unhook it from the pole. He is about to climb up the last turnbuckle in order to do this when his foot is grabbed by Gutter Rat. This pulls Ramsey off balance enough for him to step back down onto the second one, hand held onto the pole as he struggles to keep his balance. Gutter Rat continues to pull before eventually hauling Father John back down onto the canvas where they both lay very briefly, neither making any sign that suggests that they are about to move any time soon.]

JP: Both men needing some respite, and they seem to be taking this time to do it.

[Their chests rise and fall as they suck in the hot arena air. It is Gutter Rat that moves first, pulling himself up with a grunt, sitting up, holding onto his reddened chest. Ramsey is not far behind, picking himself up with his hands and knees planting into the canvas, saliva dripping from his mouth as he does.]

JP: It s just a question of who can get up first and get that Bible!

[They both stand and face each other, breathing heavily beneath the dazzling lights. Gutter Rat, who looks the more confident, leans back slightly before darting forwards with surprising speed. He throws himself at Ramsey in an attempt to land The Proverbial Train Wreck, although he slams into the referee, knocking him backwards across the ring as Ramsey pulls himself out of the way just in the nick of time.]

JP: Oh man!

Sully: He just Train Wrecked Chris Forrest!

JP: There's no referee!

[Gutter Rat looks uncaringly down at the referee before turning back to Ramsey, walking straight into a kick to the gut. Ramsey goes to land a suplex but Gutter Rat manages to pull out of it, pushing Ramsey in the face until he lets go and stumbles back a few feet. Gutter Rat, as he did before, surges forwards only this time, he hits Ramsey with the move, although it is not pulled off to the same effect as the one administered to the still-down referee.]

JP: And The Proverbial Train Wreck to Ramsey, and that has got to be all she wrote for him!

[Ramsey lays down on the canvas, his arms wrapped tightly around his body as his supporters around the outside of the ring hammer their hands in encouragement, one of them taking to singing a hymn as if trying to rouse him with the spirit and energy of God himself. Gutter Rat yells down at the singing one to Shut up before, dazed, heading towards the turnbuckle with the Bible attached. He would start to climb his way up onto it, hands wrapped around the pole as he glances back, only to find that his boot is snagged by a revived, but still very dreary Ramsey. Gutter Rat tries to kick
him off but finds himself unable to. Soon, he would find himself fighting to keep his balance at the top of the turnbuckle, his hands still gripped around the metal pole.]

JP: Ramsey has him!

[Ramsey gives an almighty tug that sends Gutter Rat, and the pole down towards the canvas, the pole pulled straight out of the turnbuckle, landing on top of Gutter Rat as he hits the deck.]

JP: Oh man! And the pole and the Bible are down on the canvas! Either man could get it!

[Gutter Rat and Ramsey both get to the Bible at the same time, the referee rousing himself ever so slightly. The two begin to tug and fight over it, Ramsey looking particularly upset by the fight over the precious book. It looks like it could be anybody s to win until, eyes straying, Ramsey notices the large pole. He uses his smarts and grabs onto it, letting go of the book before swinging, cracking Gutter Rat across the back of the head, forcing him to let go of the precious book. Gutter Rat falls to the canvas, holding his head as Ramsey rolls the pole beneath the bottom rope and grips onto the Bible, the referee, just conscious, noticing it and waving for the bell, giving Ramsey the well-deserved win.]

JP: He's done it!

Peter Santos: And your winner, Father John Ramsay!

[Father John Ramsey opens up the Bible. He flips through the pages andfinally stops and begins to read. His voice booms out over the arena.]

Father John Ramsay: Romans 1: 18-23, 26-32. The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godless and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-- his eternal power and divine nature-- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for imaged made to look like mortal man and beasts. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned their natural relations with women and were inflamed with lusts for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore, since they do not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing
evil; they disobey their parents, they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but approve of those who practice them.

[He then leans down and places it carefully into the hands of Gutter Rat. He gently rubs his head and kisses him on the forehead. He stands tall with what bit of energy is left in his body and leaves the ring only to be
accompanied by Gutter Rat and his newly acquired gift.]

--- Commercial Break ---

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