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| Disclaimer: I don�t own any Gundam stuff in any way, shape or form. I also don�t own the song Shame. That belongs to stabbing Westward. I�m not making any money off of this at all, so please don�t sue. Please send all comments to [email protected] Shame I only see myself reflected in your eyes So all that I believe I am essentially are lies Running his fingers slowly through the black strands of his hair, Duo winced as he fingered the lighter strands growing out from underneath. Twisting it all behind him he almost let his fingers begin the long, slow process of braiding it, but stopped. Forcing his hands to his sides, he grimaced. It was almost time for his �date� and it wouldn�t do to look different than what was expected. Sighing, he grabbed his tattered jacket from the peg on the wall, ignoring the nice dress coat that hung beside it. The battered shoes that went on next wouldn�t have looked out of place lying beside the road. Sliding the keys to his new car into a drawer, he grabbed the battered metal that would start his rusty motorcycle. Enjoying the breeze in his face, he let his thoughts wander over the past. It had been so easy to let the others convince him to keep these monthly meetings, despite the fact that life would be easier without having to see Heero that often. This disguise was the only way to deal with that. A farce, like everything about him now. And everything I've hoped to be or ever thought I was Died with your belief in me, so who the hell am I? �Duo!� Quatre�s thrilled voice rang out across the restaurant like a bell, nearly shattering Duo�s resolve. �Hey Q. I said I�d make it, so here I am!� Plastering the false smile on his face, he slung his jacket over the back of the chair, quickly slanting a warning glance at the waiter. The man�s pale face betrayed his shock, but his mouth was set in a firm line. �What made you pick this place anyway?� Duo asked, relieved that the nosy man wouldn�t make trouble. �I thought it would be a nice change of pace.� Squeezing Trowa�s shoulder, he suddenly looked nervous. �I hope you don�t mind that I�m covering your share.. I knew it might be tough on you, but � we really wanted to try atmosphere..� Quatre looked relieved as Duo waved his hand. �Nah, don�t worry about it. I think I�m getting better at accepting things than I used to be. By the way, where are the others?� Looking around the room, he winced as one of the managers stared at him in shock. �I thought they�d beat me here, as always. Heero should be here at least.. he always considers it a triumph to prove me irresponsible.� Smirking slightly he stared at Quatre�s discomfited look. �They�ll be here soon.� Quatre moved closer to Duo, his voice dropping to a whisper. �I think they�re late because of the new treaty. They�ve been fighting Relena on the details for most of this month. When that unknown faction bought out so much of the economy, Heero and Wufei wanted to discover who it was and do something about it. Relena is convinced that the owner will come out in the open if they put forth the right offer. She really doesn�t like not knowing where all that money and power came from.� �Hah! She just doesn�t want to think someone is doing more for the economy than she is.� Snorting, Duo glared at the wall. �If someone wants to do good without being known for it, there�s no crime. I haven�t heard of anyone who hasn�t benefited from the new changes.� �That may be true, but whoever that person is, they have power, and we need to know where it�s coming from.� Trowa said quietly, holding Quatre�s hand. �Well don�t ask me.. I�m just a has-been Gundam pilot. Ask Heero or someone important.� Sighing, he slid his hand inside his pocket, running his fingers over the many bills folded there. I don't know if I am real without you What is left of me without you? Looking up, Duo watched his other friends walk in. Wufei and Heero looked like hell. Dark circles graced their eyes and both of them were scowling. �Fancy meeting you here.� Duo called out, earning two nearly-identical looks of disapproval. �Maxwell, I�m surprised they even let you in.� Wufei snarled, waving the waiter over with a irritated look. �What have you been up to anyway?� �Just the usual.� Duo said, glaring at their server again. �You know how it is.� �Yes we know.� Heero said tonelessly. �Just wasting your life trying to make ends meet instead of aiding national security.� Throwing his expensive jacket down he grunted an apology at Quatre. �So, what�s the agenda tonight?� he asked, pulling out a notebook and a pencil. �Agenda? Haven�t you gotten it through your thick skull it�s peacetime? We�re meeting to have some fun!� Duo put forth with a little of his old spark. �If I wanted an agenda, I�d be in an office or something.� Smiling almost evilly, Duo�s hand moved to his pocket again. �After all, I�d think you�d have enough work to do, trying to keep Relena from throwing everything we worked for down the drain.� �And what would you know about work?� Wufei retorted, sending the waiter around the table. �If you�ve done something, I would like to hear about it.� Suddenly looking at Duo strangely, he nearly stared at the signs he picked up on. �I would definitely like to hear about it.� He repeated, his gaze locked on Duo�s wrist. Glancing down at his hand, Duo nearly cursed aloud. Shifting his arm casually, he slid his hand under the table, removing the watch from around his wrist. Looking at Wufei, he glared a silent promise, grateful for the other�s distraction. I don't know what's real without you How can I exist without you? Standing against the cool brick of the outside wall, he watched two cars pull away. Quatre�s little sports car went first, soon followed by Heero�s sensible sedan. Turning to face Wufei he pointed towards his motorcycle. �It�s a little cool out for casual conversation, and I wouldn�t want to tax their hospitality here, so why don�t you follow me to my place? It�s not too far.� Pulling up to the first security gate, Duo wished he could see the other man�s reaction. Keying in the complicated code, he putted up to the next gate, reassuring the guard that the car following him was friendly. Finally pulling into the giant garage, he waited for Wufei to exit. �It�s you, isn�t it.� Wufei accused, anger in his eyes. �You�re the one that�s caused all the talk, buying out so many things.� �Yes. If you want to talk about it, you can come on in. I�m still not too fond of the cold ya know.� Pulling the worn jacket closer, he unlocked the massive door at the back of the garage and went in. Following closely, Wufei glared at his surroundings, shocked at the sheer beauty and quality of everything displayed. �I hope you�re planning to explain soon.� He growled, handing his coat to the servant that walked up. �Simple.� Duo stated, throwing his old jacked on a hook and heading towards a door across the entry hall. �When I turned twenty, I received an inheritance from the doctors. They amassed quite a bit of wealth you know. I think they picked me because they knew I�d put a lot into the colonies.� Following him into the bathroom, Wufei stared in shock as Duo lowered his hair into a large sink. The ragged appearance the black dye had given him was washed off in a matter of minutes, followed by the dirt that had carefully concealed his usual expression of mischief and cheer. �What are you hiding from, Maxwell? You know we wouldn�t spread your secret, not even Heero.� I'm wandering 'round confused Wondering why I try The more that you deny my pain, the more it intensifies �Sure Wufei. I just walk into the restaurant I own, and tell you guys, don�t worry, it�s all on the house? I tell Quatre that he doesn�t have to worry about paying for me anymore, that I�m rich? Heero would have me locked up in some asylum before you�d blink twice. Hell, you would have if you hadn�t seen it for yourself!� �I thought you�d tell Heero.� Wufei stated, brow creased in concern. �He wants you to make something of yourself, Maxwell. He wants you to be a man, not a daydreamer that can�t accomplish anything without the war. It�s not honorable to lie to yourself, or to him.� Shaking his head, he finally allowed his fingers to guide his hair into the braid it belonged in. �I�ve thought of telling him for awhile now.. it�s not easy pretending you know. But he didn�t care back when I was working at the junkyard, he called that a waste. I was doing something that I enjoyed, but he didn�t give a damn what I wanted, he just wanted me to be just like him. Well I�m not a toy soldier, and having money hasn�t changed anything, except give me a chance to pay the people back.� �You�re fooling yourself, and everyone around you.� Wufei looked disgusted. �If you don�t think everyone knows how you feel about Heero� then you are insane. You should just tell him rather pretending nothing has changed.� �Should I?� the hopeless look on Duo�s face hardened slightly. I pray for someone to ache for me the way I ache for you If you ignore that I'm alive, I've nothing to cling to �If he showed he cared, even a little, I would.� Throwing the towel down to the ground, Duo stormed into the next room. �You don�t understand though.� Slamming his fist into the wall, he caught his lip between his teeth. �All of this doesn�t matter! If I had something that did, or someone that did, I wouldn�t be pretending. I don�t have anything without him, and I never even had him in the first place!� Yelling, he stormed to a long black couch and threw himself onto it. Ignoring the show of temper, Wufei walked to the wall and carefully drew a sword from the display there, staring alertly into the shadows. �What will it take to get you to come out, Duo?� Quietly admiring the blade, he turned to face the familiar form on the sofa. �How long do you have before you break?� I don't know if I am real without you What is left of me without you? I don't know what's real without you How can I exist without you? �It doesn�t matter.. All that I�ve done for the colonies can�t be undone. I�ve buried it in enough paperwork that no one could ever dig it out.� Sitting up slowly, he stared at the blade Wufei held. �I didn�t do this for me, I don�t even know why I stay here, I don�t even know what I�m good for.� Sighing, he tugged on his braid. �Maybe Heero was right, and all I was good for is war, but I don�t care to repeat that experience.� �You�re doing something that makes a difference, and Heero or no Heero you�re worth something just for that. Do you know that you�ve done more good for the common person in the past five months then Relena has done in the last two years?� Take a stare into this mirror So tired of this life If only you would speak to me, or cared if I'm alive Once I swore I would die for you but I never meant it like this I never meant like this I never meant like this �Why don�t you take it all then, Wufei? You could do as much as I can. I wake up each morning wondering if it�s worth it. I wake up thinking that I shouldn�t have. I should have died in the war.� �Duo, you Baka.� The voice was not Wufei�s. I don't if I am real without you What is left of me without you? I don't know what's real without you How can I exist without you? Putting the sword back into the display, Wufei turned to leave, a smug look on his face. Nodding at the figure in shadows by the window, he exited the room quietly. �What the hell are you doing here?� Duo asked, flinging himself off the couch, his braid clutched in a death grip. �What do you think?� Heero walked across the room, his icy stare as chilling as it had been the first time Duo had viewed it. �Did you honestly think I wouldn�t find out? Hn.� Well what do you want with me?� Duo glared, putting his hands on his hips. �I won�t even try to pretend you didn�t hear it all. And I don�t really care anymore. I don�t have anything left for you to take from me, Heero Yuy. No self-respect, no happiness.� �Baka. What made you think I didn�t care?� He asked, his expression unchanging. �I waited for years to find out how you feel. You think this matters? You think I was angry because you were being lazy?� Growling, he crossed the room, shaking Duo by the shoulders. �I wanted you with me, you damned Baka, and now that I know how you feel, you�re going to be with me, like it or not.� Kissing Duo savagely, he dug his fingers into Duo�s back. |
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