On Sears hair dryer:
    "Do not use while sleeping."

    On a bag of Fritos:
    "You could be a winner!
     No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (The shoplifter special.)

    On a bar of Dial soap:
    "Directions: Use like regular soap."

    On some Swanson frozen dinners:
    "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    (But it's just a suggestion.)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
    (printed on bottom of box):
    "Do not turn upside down."
    (Too late!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    "Product will be hot after heating."

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    "Do not iron clothes on body."

    On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery
     after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
     construction accidents if we could just
    get those 5-year-olds with head-colds
    off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (One would hope.)

    On most brands of Christmas lights:
    "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (As opposed to what?)

    On a Japanese food processor:
    "Not to be used for the other use."

    On Planter's peanuts:
    "Warning: contains peanuts."

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    (Step 3: Fly Delta.)

    On a child's superman costume:
    "Wearing of this garment
    does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company.
    I blame parents for this one.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw:
    "Do not attempt to stop chain
     with your hands or genitals."
    (Was there a spate of this
        happening somewhere ???)

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