29 October 2002
Maxim is truly a fabulous little boy. I cannot express the delight and wonder that fills our hearts when we have him around.
Last year in preparation for the baby, and when we were in Iowa this
summer, we read many books about baby care. In
all the books, we read that we should feed the baby whenever he wants.
All the books said that if we let him cry, he will learn that people
don’t care about him and he will become lifeless because he would not feel
that he has any control over his life. They
euphemistically changed “demand feeding” (when the baby wants) to “cue
feeding.” They did not want us to create a schedule, but get into
“harmony” with the baby. One
book put their advice out in black and white:
“Scratch the schedule. By
two months, you will realize that feeding schedules are an illusion of writers
outside of the inner circle of baby feeders, especially with breastfeeding
babies.”
Well, when we got back to Almaty, and took Maxim to the doctor to get some advice about the “cradle cap” on his head. (His glands sometimes produce too much adult-like oil that babies can’t handle.) We asked the doctor if he had any advice for Maura because she was planning to go back to work. We wondered how we could be sure that we had enough food at home and when to tell the nanny to feed him, etc.
The doctor didn’t mince words as he said, “You have to put him on a schedule.” This was news to us. He sketched out a rough plan for us and said he should be feeding a maximum of 15 minutes on each side. That was a popular idea—especially for Maura. We talked to our friend Jane about it and she said she scheduled their daughter from the start. Jane fed at 10, 2, 6, 10, 2, and 6. That way, she didn’t have to think about when the last feeding was or how much time had elapsed. She didn’t have to monitor anything about the feeding time.
We weren’t sure if Maxim would be able to go four hours without feeding, but we were willing to try. The first time, he wailed like a pig with a sow standing on its foot. When those four hours were over, however, he got down to business like he was fighting off other members of his litter. One of the books says, “Your baby may suck a little, then stop and look at an interesting scene or passerby, then resume sucking.” If the baby knows he has only 15 minutes to suck, he will look at the passerby and suck at the same time. We are preparing him for a life of multitasking. When Maxim is feeding now, he looks around and he tells us all about his day. I’ll bet you didn’t know babies could talk and suck at the same time.
Now, after about two months on the schedule, we are 100% satisfied and willing to tell anyone that it is great. Maxim gets done eating in 30 minutes and we have an hour to 90 minutes of “Golden Time” with him while he is happy, smiling, playing, grabbing toys, learning to sit up, etc. When he starts to get crabby, we put him in his crib. As soon as he finds his thumb, he’s out. In the evenings, he has long discussions with us. The pitch and volume of his voice rises and falls as he tells us his how we’ve been doing as parents.
When he starts to get cranky, we put him into his crib. About half the time, he fusses for two minutes before he finds his thumb and he falls asleep. Other times, he seems to realize that it is time for bed, and he goes straight to sleep.
I know that our baby may be one of a kind and that we may just be lucky. I’m sure that another baby, raised that same way may come out completely different. This is just our story. We are by far not experts on the subject but it is interesting to note that what all the “experts” advised us to do, would have driven made us crazy.