| The story of Maximum Headlessness is one of triumph, virtue, integrity, and random acts of vomiting. Legend has it, that approximately 80.5 million years ago a great comet beset the Earth (planet where we live now) and caused all living creatures to come down with a serious case of dirrhea. Now, no one really knows how or why the comet hit Earth instead of ,say, your anus, but thats what happened. Because of this magnificent epidemic, most animals were either destroyed and were forced to become extinct, or they all were forced to open their own McDonald's franchises to stay alive ( most of which ,eventually went out of business).Now , before we go any further, let me set the record straight, Tom Hanks was not alive in this time, this was apporximately during the year 1992 or 1993, so by this time there weren't even hamburgers or portable drills (so the Bible tells us) yet there were massive penis shaped monsters that roamed the Earth after all other creatures were extinct. The so-called Erectus Shlongamus (e-rectus* shlong-a-mus) reign upon this world under terror and much flatulance. The woman hadnt even been invented yet! So obviously the monsters had no one to make them pizza rolls and, they just had crappy horse porn internet sites instead of the luxorious sites we have today. things were quite different then. After close to 8000,000 years of the Erectus Shlongus Dynasty reign, as we all know from school, space ninjas had now invaded the planet enslaving the walking fallacies, putting them in dresses and forcing education onto these poor beings. Can you imagen? Huge penises forced to learn mathemetatics in dresses? i Shudder to think. But anyway when they did that everyone died and then the hot dog was invented,but unfortunatly, were later wiped out during the Tom Hanks Holocaust of 1998. Millions of hot dogs were shot in the streets and brutally executed. I still , to this day, ask myself ......why Tom? But then he was forced into slavery by a group of rebel motorcyclists, the Anthony Hopkins'. This evil group of nomads took over Earth and made everyone puke. They must have reigned for about 10 minutes and then my pants fell down. Now, as history has it(or so our schools tell us) this is the Decade of Funniest Home Videos. So i sent them a short video clip of me last christmas playing tee-ball with my son, its really funny because im standing so close to him when he strikes, that he stirkes me in my genitals with the bat! My My. So this is how Maximum Headlessness was born.leave me alone. |
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