The new GAAP Accounting

• P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• Broker: What my broker has made me.
• "BUY-BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you stepoff the airplane.
• Standard & Poor: My life in a nutshell.
• Stock Analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
• Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
• Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240. per share.
• Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240./share.
• Institutional Investor: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
• Profit: Religious guy who talks to God.