There are times that we must ask owerselves, Is this all that I am and is this all that there is for me. When this time comes in your life do you have any idea what your answers will be? I am allways in deep thought about a great many things. Who is to say that any thing in life is worth any thing at all. Who is to say that there is even a point to exsist. Prehaps it is just another flaw that resides within ower selves. The Need to be more then we are and to have some "hidden" meaning or use in this world. That someday ower "reason" for living will become known to us and we will be complete.
What do I believe out of all this. I believe it all and I believe nothing. I feel the same as many around the world and yet I also feel nothing. I am confused as to why we have such feelings; Needs if you will. Why do we need to feel important? Why try what ever we can just to be seen and noticed as a "Leader of the pack"? I see everyday people showing me this need of theirs. Who do you know really likes being told that they are wrong? Who do you know that really likes being alone in this world with no one at their side? You want to tell me your opinions, sure, you want to tell me I am wrong, but you cannot prove it.. be..low...me
What is the use to it... this answer eludes me. Opinions? Yea I have a few, doesn't every one? Most people fear what death is like. Most people will go thru their lives only to face death once. While there are a few that have died and then were brought back. I am among these people. I have died once already. When I came back I was different and my past is just a fading memory. I hardly recall many things that I had done before I died and the ones friends and/or family remind me of seem as if it was someone else, not me.
Most of the people that have died and came back tell tales of the after life and what "they saw" in almost perfect detail. All I can say about mine was that is was easy and painless, simply put, it was as if I welcomed it. What I saw was simply too difficult to describe perfectly. I saw many shadows of light that formed bodies of people. I heard voices, so many of them that I couldn't make out what they were saying. One voice rang out over them all and spoke directly into my very heart. The setting was as if I was dreaming and like a horrid nightmare all in one. The voice I heard within me was one that filled me with it's overwhelming wisdom. It said to me many things.. It called me back to this world and it was also not the first time I heard that voice. It told me that there is a master plan for me and now is not the time for me to die. It told me that if I didn't arise to my feet at that moment that there was nothing it could do for me. I have told a few people of this and if you are one of those people then you should know of the time I speak of.
From what I gathered from pondering this is that simply there are forces that work against me with all their might. How can I come to this theory? Easy, cause when I opened my eyes after the voice told me to "Get UP NOW!" I somehow shoved myself up off of the ground just before a Corvette came swooping by. if I had not got up just then, that car would have crushed me completely. For those of you that do not know what I am talking about, I'll tell you. Back in October, 28 1994, I was a passenger in a very bad accident that only involved 1 truck, no other cars. It took place in Davie Florida on Flamingo Road. There was 8 of us in that Ford Ranger. Yes, I remember the accident very well. I remember everything from the last thing I saw before the truck crashed to now. Before that time, no.. it is almost all fragments of what seems to me, someone else's life. Here is the kicker of all that.. I walked away with only road rash, nothing more.... how? Even the Doctor wanted to know. He told me that I should be dead or atleast paralised from the neck down. Yet I walk. There is more to the accident, but this is not about that..
Why did I not Die.. because there is some great hidden reason why I must live? Because I have a reason in this life? Because I am just that important to this world that I must live? I don't know anymore. This is why I ask what is the reason for life anyway. How many people just seem to be alive to make this world full? Everywhere I look and all that I see, I ask myself, Is there a reason for them to be here? Watching them all going thru the normal daily buisness. Doing the sames things everyday and never changing. What is the point to life if that is all we are ment to do? If we all DO have a greater reason to be here then I can understand the need for life, but this "SOSDD" (same old shit different day) thing has me really stumped.
Some people, me included, think that one reason for them to be here is that oneday they will find their soulmate. Others think that they will be something very important, be it the savor or the destructor of human life. All I know about my future is nothing but what I think. I beg God to allow me one thing. I want to be here till the earth grows black and is unable to support life. I wanna see the down fall of all things, mainly my fellow Humans. Cold as it may seem, I do not wish my friends harm but know this, if I get what I ask it will mean it is time for it anyway. Read the Bible if you don't know what I mean by "IT". If you are among the chosen, you will be taken before all this happens anyway. We will see eachother again, however I don't know if I will be where you all may go. I say this because, what I ask may cost me my chance. I may have to spend the afterlife burning in hell. I leave that up to God. I am not begging to be forgiven, I have sined and I will accept what ever I must.
However, as my time seems to be running out, I really start to think that I really have no great use in the great master plan of life. If this is a fact then I want to fade. I do not want to be here and suffer like I do unless there is a reason for my here. No reason for me? then take me out of the game, I couldn't stand being just a "filler". Now is my opinion not logical? In my opinion, if there is a reason for life then tomorrow will come, if not then this is my last day. However, I am not God nor do I know his logic behind what he does. I don't know the use of life if not for a reason. Most religious people would say that life is a "test" and what you do here greatly depends on what you have in the after life. Sorry people.. you cannot take what you gain in life with you in death.. I don't care what you think if this is what you think.
Here is another one for you to think about. What is the only thing on this planet that "has no real use"? US! What we effect here is everything, but what is the use in us? We destroy the very foundry of Nature. We take and take but what do we give back? There is only one other thing that is "like" us.. for those of you who have seen The Matrix, Yes the answer is a Virus. That having been said, is that the reason for us to be alive? to Kill everything else? What a GREAT REASON! Disagree with me do you? then tell me.. What have Humans done for this planet to accually help it? and the shit we have done to "fix" the fuck ups that WE caused DO NOT COUNT...
...I'm waiting...
.....here is a hint...
We have done NOTHING to help. Oh, was that unfair? "Like omg!? how am I going to answer you when, like, I cannot because I am reading this, like whatever..you don't even have a cell phone, so like, I could call you... loser, your so like 5 min. ago.." Easy answer, is called Write it in my Guest Book nerd...
So I ask you again, Why do people always think that there is some special reason for them to be alive when all every human does is destroys everything in their path? Welcome to my delema. How can we honestly think that there is some Greater Good as a reason why we are here...  And to you Christians, if this life is all just a test, then what am I suppost to learn from all the pain and hate that I have been taught over the years of my life? I'll tell you what I have learned, To hate every lame filler human that infest this world. Think this is a rude thing for me to say then ask yourself, "What kinda Human am I?" I meaning YOU... I know what kind of human I am.. one that would love to learn how to kill that part of myself without causeing my own demise. No, I cannot commit suicide no matter how bad I want to and belive me I Want to, something doesn't let me. I have found my own Religion, call me a satanist, call me what you will, but know this.. I learned my Religion from the Holy Bible. How I know it is ok, the Bible tells that Each will find their own meaning from with in it. I found mine.
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