Obsession

Guts churning, heart pounding, hands shaking,

I cry out in anguish, “Where are my boundaries?”

In learning to feel, I am frantic with wants and needs

to share my Spirit, share my Soul, to have that sharing reciprocated.

My mind will not quiet.  On and on the litany goes.

Danger!  Can I share too much of myself?

I want so much more than “Hello, how are you?”

Can I want too much?

From where comes such obsession?

How can I justify the desire for such spiritual closeness with another,

given the spectacular intimacy already shared with my life-mate?

How could I want more?  I feel ashamed.

My Spirit and mind battle.

“Save yourself, freeze yourself”, shouts my mind.

“I cannot go back there!  I cannot!

I have been frozen far too long, unable to share of myself.”

But my mind can’t help thinking it’s just an excuse for lack of self-control.

Oh Higher Power, I beseech you.  Comfort me, guide me! 

Let me not act in ways rash and damaging to myself and those I love. 

Maureen Voss