today(s):
may 4: noooo. so i did it. i got a xanga. here it is.
forever i said i would resist. mainly because it sucks up your time. secondly, ppl tend to write in it all the time, often with little that is relevant..thing is, it is to those that know them. so i see the worth in it. it's a personal thing, afterall.
mainly i avoided it because i like this hacknied place called geocites. i like my pink fonts and playing with color.
but it's okay. it can be time-consuming as well. if i ever think of anything important, i'll bring it here.
this is now a place reserved for the lengthy stuff. issues. what have you..
til i know what those issues may be, this will lay dorment. i'll play around w the links and such, still, to help you curb boredom in those long hauls of endless web perusing.
thanks for your patronage. over & out.
april 30: fin`.. okay, the end is here. another year behind us. this last week had been insane. one all-nighter on top of another. not due to procrastination, mind you, but because of the ridiculous number of hours need for certain ridiculous projects. i hope i look back on them later and appreciate them, because over the past month or so i've somehow lost myself in them, and i can no longer distance myself enough to take them in. it's a little hard not too loose your initial feelings about a work - especially if you're forced to meet someone else's expectations - after pouring every last moment into things like the crazy 6 ft self portrait piece. forces you to compromise in other areas. in fact, i think i just broke my english streak-o-A's. now that was a class i was proud of - or of which i was proud :) it was challenging and yet it was something in which i didn't want to accept a lower grade; what with all the big-deal english stuff in high school. and to be nerdingly honest english, in all it's vocabulary/literature/grammistic glory, has always been a favorite of mine. i fought to test out of english 103 when they almost wouldn't let me and sweeped right into 104 - the cool class! so yeah, danged art sucked all the life/ time out of me. i literally typed a ten page research paper up until the minute it was due. i can only expect a b or c this time. horrible job on citing...so, enough mind-numbing educational talk. i keep watching all this drama blossom around me: ppl creating it, loosing the effort to understand one another, and ppl getting sucked in. well, the piece was bound to land on me. got sucked in. caught up in other ppl's drama by sheer accident. by sheerly being there. i've supposedly taken side and said things, unbeknownst to me. so it seems that i'll be taking an extra effort to distance myself from this whole mess until they come to terms and leave me completely out of it. i mean, this kinda stuff is something that actually does push my buttons - assumptions. you know, that saying is so true: "don't assume: you make an ass out of u and me.." :) good stuff. ppl, put some work into it. relationships are not crystal clear. they don't drop out of the sky perfect. you weren't on absolutely perfect terms when you met, so how are ppl going to quit communicating half-way into it and expect it to get anywhere, to fix itself? i understand how ppl do it, seeing as it is only human nature, but isn't that the point of being a human to use our "supreme intellects?" don't go discrediting yourself and everyone around you by shutting your window to logic. animals don't posess this "self awareness" and conscience, but in all their supposed simplicity, i sometimes think they're a whole lot smarter - or more than we think, even - than ourselves. on the note of ppl. i'm just now missing home and indy, at the end of the year. maybe it has come as i've started to envision myself back at home, etc. it's just funny that it hit me only this last week or so. maybe staying up late all the time has done it. i stay up, knowing it's the only solution. i don't have my parents here to tell me to go to sleep, which was comforting somehow. friends look out for me and tease me about it, but my mom and dad used to actually get mad at me for doing it, like it was one of the worst things i could do to get to them. aww, silly, sweet, and scarey, all at once. mom kinda scared me - by the 5th tme she'd tell me to go to bed she'd sound pretty darn preterbed. hehe geez. i think i just miss having my family nearby. and talking on a regualr, causal basis. it's been okay this year, tho. not bad. but i am missing the ppl i no longer talk to anymore, too. it's a strange, mixed feeling, like an ache almost. hope everyone's doing alright. do alright!
vance bell once said, "if you find yourself dozing off, don't fall into the table saw, or you'll never wake up..or if you dio, you'll wish you hadn't."
later g a t o r s |
