And now, it is time for a solemn moment. I come to you in a plea, a call for help, for all of the the men in the world. I, as well you males, are in the midst of reverse sexual discrimination. Yes, it's true. But I, as the dedicated person I am, have taken it upon myself to defend us all from this horrible transgression.
 

You may be asking "But why are we being discriminated against? And by who?" Ah, poor lost souls, so unaware. But I will tell you who is at the heart of this this male discrimination. The Lifetime Television Network. Yes, that's right. Some of you might still be asking the question "what the hell is this guy saying?" so let me explain further.
 

Think about it. Their slogan, "Lifetime: Television for Women," is a derogatory statement towards men. What, are only women allowed to watch this channel? Was "Lifetime: Not Television for Men" a little too blatant of a tag line? Are the Lifetime executives insinuating that red-blooded American males are not able to enjoy an episode of the Golden Girls, a rousing game of Supermarket Sweep, or a stellar TV movie such as The Marla Hanson Story? Well, dammit, I want my Bea Arthur! She's like an addiction or something. But I feel much too embarrassed to watch it because itís considered television for women! I mean, try bringing up watching Lifetime with a couple of your buddies: "But dude, it's television for women..."
 

All I'm asking for here is an equal opportunity network. Is that too much for me to be asking? CBS is one. So are NBC and ABC. I ask all of you in the male gender to join up and fight this tag line, to make it safe for all men in this world to tune into Lifetime Television without fearing persecution from their fellow peers. Or the next thing you know, Lifetime will be discriminating against us all and seeing just how little of an audience they can attract with their newest discriminatory slogan, "Lifetime: Television for Nobody."