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Stuff Of The Week |
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Home |
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Funny Quote(s) of the Week |
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What's My Sign? |
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Horoscopes |
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"If you say,'Can I use your bathroom,' then nobody cares. But if you say, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine,' it always breaks the conversation."
~Dave Attel |
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Aries- For some reason, there's a hunk of cheese in your living room.
Taurus- A giant slice of bologna will steal your lunch money.
Gemini- Click here to see your fate...
Cancer- This computer will now self destruct in 5 4 3 2 1...
Leo- Your great-aunt's cousin's father's roommate's sister's dentist's brother-in law's dog will maul you with power tools.
Virgo- A ferret will kick you in the butt.
Libra- A rabid screaming howler monkey will chase you for 5 miles. Don't poke him with a sausage.
Scorpio- You will find $20 on the ground. Laugh at all the other guys who aren't Scorpios.
Sagittarius- You will fall off the Sears Tower. Keep an onion in your pocket and you will be fine.
Capricorn- A good friend will stab you in the back. Stab him first.
Aquarius- You will get food poisoning from those little candy sweethearts.
Pisces- A monkey will steal your parent's credit cards and you will go bankrupt and live in poverty and start a program protesting the coexistence of monkeys and it will start a world war and you will be slain in battle. Oh well. |
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"Recent studies show that eating one pie a day shows a five percent increase OF YUMMY."
~Announcer in All Your Pie |
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"I don't see the point of testing cosmetics on rabbits, because they're already cute."
~Rich Hall |
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"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
~George Carlin |
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"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
~Steve Martin |
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"My wife asked for plastic surgery, so I cut up her credit cards."
~Steve Hall |
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"There are three types of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can't."
~Woody Allen |
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"Who are you going to believe, me, or your own eyes?"
~Groucho Marx |
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"It's naked time!"
~Albus Dumbledore, Potter Puppet Pals |
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"That's one of my 'pet peeves'."
~Mr. Myers |
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"Have you ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
~George Carlin |
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"USA Today has come out with a new study: Apparently 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population."
~David Letterman |
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"How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand."
~Emo Philips |
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"I got into a fight with a really big guy once. He said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face,' and I said, 'Yeah, well, you'll be sorry.' He said 'Why?' And I said 'Well, you won't be able to get into corners very well."
~Emo Philips |
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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
~Denis Leary |
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A Stupid n Pointless Production |
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