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Solenoid / jam tart / Wendelberry |
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(A Random Collection of Thought |
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By Matthew Craig |
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Define "Irony." |
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Irony is being sold a mouse mat featuring Queen Amidala from Star Wars: Episode One by a woman named after the daughter of said Queen from Star Wars Episode Four. |
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This irony escaped Leia, despite my drawing a large colourful diagram. |
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Today's Repugnant-Sounding Foodstuff: Spatchcock. �2.99 a punnet. |
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Among the many things I hate about the world, one of the worst is people dressing their children up in combat fatigues. I've nothing against people joining up as adults, as long as they make a well-informed choice. |
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But dressing your child up like G.I.-Fucking-Joe is just not on. |
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Seriously. |
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Your child is not a soldier. Haven't you seen those kids in the Middle East? The twelve -year olds with guns instead of footballs?
If you'd just stop to think about a soldier's primary job a bit (Kill people or be killed), and all the crap they have to go through in the line of duty, whether in peacetime or not, then you wouldn't be encouraging you little boy or girl to put that uniform on. At any point of their life. |
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Three groups of people look good with Mohican haircuts: |
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Mohicans.
Punks.
Mr. T (and not Arnold from Diffrn't Strokes) |
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This is what You would look like if the New "Don't Copy Bloody David Beckham Law" makes it through the House of Lords... |
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Mr. T. The King of the Mohawk.
'Nuff Said. |
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Punks made the Mohican popular again... |
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David Beckham is none of those things. And you people who seek to imitate him (and are secretly glad for a Beckham haircut that anyone can copy) should be made to face this fact. You don't look cool either. |
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And if you shave your kids' hair like that, male or female, you should be made (by law) to get an Inverse Mohican. Which is as hideous as it sounds (see above). Dickhead. |
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I need to lighten up. |
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"Battlefield: Earth" is by no means the worst movie ever made.
But, then, it's no "Space Truckers" either. I can forgive John Travolta for his scheming wiseguy alien carpetbagger. I can forgive That Guy From Saving Private Ryan, You Know, The One With The Rifle and The Jesus Bit (er, the sniper in the tower) for being a cross between Charlton Heston and Rain Man. But I can't forgive the film for ripping off Independence Day. Jesus. Did they think no one was going to NOTICE, you THEIVING BASTARDS? |
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Of course, I suppose ID4 could have stolen from Hubbard. He did publish his book first. I could be wrong...(ahem) |
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Most of the email I receive is junk mail. Porno junk mail, to be precise. Depressing Porno junk mail, as well. |
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I mean, it's just not fair. You get an email with a subject line that sounds nice and inviting, and it gets your hopes up. Then, it turns out that it's just a leather and fisting website (apparently). Doesn't seem fair. Got six in one day last week. Nearly started crying. |
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Just once, just once, I'd like to get a nice romantic email with honest intent. |
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Did the male lead in the film "Intimacy" need a Fluffer? |
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Matthew Craig, Time on My Hands, 6th August 2001 |
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