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| Quick! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Top Five songs about Spider-Man: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5. "Spider-Man" by Apollo 440; a remix of the 1960's cartoon theme song. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4. "High Wire" from "Spider-Man: Rock Reflections of a Superhero;" very 1970's, very upbeat. Not at all cheesy (ahem) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3. "Spider-Man" by the Ramones. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2. "The Amazing Spider-Man" from the 1970's "Rockcomic." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1. "Ben," by Michael Jackson. Funny, if you get the joke. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Songs by the Cure can fuck right off, on general principle. The Cure peaked with "Friday, I'm in Love." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Today's Film is High Fidelity, the appropriately-named adaptation of Nick Hornby's novel, starring John Cusack. Away and watch it. And read the book. Not necessarily in that order. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| OCTOBER THE 23RD | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| By Matthew Craig. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| (Or: Mattscrew breaks the Free Speech-quashing Anti-Anti-Religious laws. SSH!) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Separated at Birth: Felicity Kendal, circa "The Good Life," and Callista Flockhart, star of the drippy-ass "Ally McBeal." To be honest, you'd probably have to squint. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The consumption of Pop Rock Candy during kissing can lead to some not unpleasant consequences, depending on the quality of the candy. And the kiss. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The trouble with writing a largely autobiographical, anecdote-based column is that when you go for weeks at a time with nothing much to say other than, "I'm depressed," there doesn't seem to be any point in writing it down. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I could write about other things. I should write about other things. But it just seems like too much hard work. So I drift into familiar routines. Wake. Surf. Surf. Teeth. Toast. Surf. Comic. Piss. Surf. Comic. Lunch. Dress. Car. Shop. Letch. Car. Surf. Surf. Sleep. Radio Times. Dinner. Surf. TV. Surf. Dump. PlayStation. Erotic Fantasy. Bed. Comic. Sleep. Odd Dream. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Other things happen, but you don't need to know that much, right? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This happens ad nauseum until I break the routine with, for example, my Thursday trip to the comic shop. In which case, it goes, Car. Woolworths. Bank. Bookshop. Comics. The "New Comics Song." Car. Grin. Home. Bore Sainted Mother with Comics. Dump. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The last time I was unemployed, it was harder to get to the store on New Comics Day. It cost a full �6 to get there on the bus and the train. And I had less Dole, with no overdraft. So I bought less. I went out less in general. This made my routine more like: Wake. Breakfast. Ironside. Lunch. Countdown. Dinner. Surf. Bed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| With some exceptions, my previous tenure as House Bum was less than enjoyable. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hell, I'm depressing myself now. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Let's talk about something else. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| But what? There's only been one thing on my mind in the last couple of weeks, and that's been the Bloody War. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| That, and the sainted Mother's illness. Nothing major, but very painful and incapacitating. She's getting better. Really. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The night of September the tenth, all I really worried about was the plight of Romanian orphans so malnourished and abused by their supposed protectors that their brains were starting to shrink through malnourishment, while they slept in their own cold filth. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| That, and who I fancied more on Family Affairs: the Blonde One, or Pooky Quesnel. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I keep telling myself that I'm not qualified to talk about these things. And maybe I'm not. But my fear that The World Will Not Be The Same appears to be coming true. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I don't know what to do. As far as I can see, no one else does, either. It seems we have fallen into the same old same old: bombing Little Brown People. That's bad enough. However, there's this big, big raw nerve ending that's so sensitive, if you even look like you're speaking out against the War (which appears to be with Afghanistan, although we haven't formally declared it yet), then you're appeasing terrorists, and the next worst thing to anal warts. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I've seen anal warts in a medical book, by the way. They don't look a thing like Neville Chamberlain. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The same old arguments are put out in front of us day after day after day. No one wants to take any blame for anything. No one wants to acknowledge that they need to look at themselves in the mirror. Introspection, it seems, is for Morrisey fans. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Well, no. That's not fair. Some people have understood that The World Not Being The Same can be a Good Thing. If we can make the world a safer place in the long term, rather than just bombing one nest of scum (and missing, crippling children) and hoping the problem solves itself, then so much the better. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It's not all about religion, as much as it is about ideologies and mindsets. Religion is a comfortable little fiction that people tell themselves in order to justify or endorse behaviour that may or may not be, objectively speaking, moral. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| People don't need a pamphlet mistranslated from a dead language a dozen times by a dozen different minds, each of whom had varying levels of language comprehension (i.e.: guessed a lot of words) to know that they should be a good person. It's one of the things we should teach our children from Day One. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Good Morning Children." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Good Morning, Mr. Craigy." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Where did we leave off last lesson? Jimmy?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Erm...was it how fair distribution of wealth and assistance for the needy can lead to increased prosperity for all mankind, sir?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "That's right, Jimmy. Now, who can tell me the Seven Reasons Why The Truth Is a Good Thing, Even When It Hurts?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And so on. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This anti-Muslim crap has me pissed off, too. There are plenty of terrible, terrible Christian fundamentalists. I should know: I read their fucking emails. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| These are people who still believe the Sun revolves around the Earth, which was made in six days. Who believe that, because science can't explain everything (yet), it can't explain anything. Who believe that J.K. Rowling is a Wicca, and Harry Potter encourages the Occult. Who actually debate whether or not cloned human beings would have a soul. In other words, people who would rate cloned humans as less than human. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| People who believe that if you're good, in the way that they say is good, you get to go to Heaven. Eternal paradise, but only if you're a good Christian. Or whatever. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| If that's your only incentive for leading a good life, then it's a shallow, selfish one. Which kinda means you're being good for the wrong reason. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The only reason to live a good life is because it's the right thing to do. But you have to decide, every day of your life, not only to do the right thing, but what that right thing is. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Do the right thing because it's good for you (it leaves you content, and without regret), and for everyone around you (spread a little happiness; the ripple effect can go for miles). Live life a little less selfishly, because everyone matters. Everyone. Just Because They Do. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| We must be eternally vigilant. Not just so that we can keep an eye on those who might want to hurt people, but also so we ourselves can keep doing the right thing. So that we don't add to the world's woe, if nothing else. If that means taking a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror, then fine. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Freedom, and Freedom's children, Joy and Evolution, demand nothing less. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Right. Now I've finally got that off my chest, who's for a Top Five TV Babes with One Big Boob, One Small Boob? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Anyone? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Anyone? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Matthew Craig - She doesn't even look like Chewbacca - October 23rd, 2001. Normal service will be resumed, now... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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