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| Santa Claus, or "Oul' Nick," as my parents generation likes to call him, hovers on the thin line between sinner and saint. Much like the rest of us. |
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| Many of the rumours surrounding Nick's supernatural powers are true: for instance, he can tell at a glance whether you've been bad or good. And he can slip in and out of your house whether you have a chimney or not. |
| However, he rarely leaves coal in the houses of little boys and girls on his "Naughty List..." |
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| Timmy's parents forgot to leave out the usual Mince Pie. So, when Timmy went down to see if he could catch Santa... |
| NAB! |
| Santa doesn't just bring train sets and teddy bears. No sir, he brings presents for the...big kids in the house, too... |
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| Batteries Not Included... |
| Mwoh Mwoh? |
| Yes, even in these dark days of foot & mouth, crisis-stricken public transport and Cilla Black dressing like a geriatric hooker, you can still count on Santa to get the job done... |
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| ...no matter the cost. |
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| So here's to you, Santa! You may be a tubby-assed, elf-enslaving, breaking-and-entering, child-frightening, mince pie-munching, reindeer-stuffing piece of crap, but you sure do bring nice presents. |
| I hereby present you with the Fattest Anthropomorphic Bastard Award, for Outsanding Contribution to the Frightening of Small Children! Now, about that train set... |
| Is he laughing, or is that his Vinegar Face? |
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