Title:Confused Thoughts
Part:1
Author:Abby
Email:[email protected] or [email protected]
Rated:PG-13 so far
Content:Language,Violence,Alcohol/Drug Use
Distribution:just ask, most likely i will let you
Disclaimer:Everyone except Jeff,Matt,Amy,Shane,Kristy,Maggie,Sandra,Christine,Rachel,Samantha,Gilbert Hardy
Characters:Jeff,Abby,Matt,Amy,Maggie,Kristy,Anna and more
Spoilers: nope

Confused Thoughts chp1
I climbed in my window. It was 6:19am. I quickly put on my pajama's and jumped in bed. I hurd voices coming from downstairs. I figured my mom must still be up drinking. She has been going at it for 2 days now. It didn't really bother me that she drank. Sometimes i would hang around with her when she did. It was family so why not. My parents split like a year ago. When i was in grade 8.The school consellors were worried though because it showed how stressed and depressed i was. I began to get into trouble with the teachers and authorities. They alwayz told me that i had potentional. They alwayz asked me "why do you hang with them?" and i would simply say "they have been my friends since i was yay high" when really only Maggie and Kristy was. But there was Rachel and Sam who i have known my whole life too. The other people i just met along the way. It kinda jus fell in place. One thing that kept us together is racism. People judge us and stereotype us because we are Native. So we stick together. But i do have friends outside the "group". But it's mostly a hi,short convosation, then a bye. One reason it's like that is because they are friends with the people who i don't like. You know how it works.
*EARLIER THAT NIGHT*
"i will be back later"i yelled as i walked out the door
"ok but not to late" replied my mom
I walked to Stix to meet up with the "gang" or the "group" whatever you want to call it. But they weren't there. I stood there for a bit looking like an idiot while i looked around to make sure i wasn't trippin. I saw my cousins Christine and Sandra and her boyfriend
"hey you lookin for Maggie?"asked Sandra
"yeah"
"they left like 10 minutes ago"
"you fo real"
"yeah Kristy said they will be back later and for you to wait for them"said Christine
"aiight. Wanna play a game of pool"i challenged
"sorry cousin but i gotta get home. My mom wants me home before 11 and i wanna go eat at Subway"said Sandra
"i will"said Christine
I went to play some music. Then we played a few games which Kristy or Maggie still didn't show.
"Abby i have to go. My curfew is 10"said Christine as we finished our game
"since when did you have a curfew?"
"since i got caught drinking last week"
"harsh, but you can't leave me here"
"we will keep you company"said a voice
I turned around. I was surprised to see who was there
"see you have company" and Christine took off
"wait Chris...tine..."Abby looked at the group of people "you wanna keep me company"
"yeah why not"
"come on we don't even talk to each others"
"so what you are saying is that we can't become friends"
"no. That is not what i am saying, Jeffrey Nero Hardy"
"hey what's with the middle naming"and he smiled "well let's go" and he grabbed my hand
I was standing outside where i found myself watching this group of people piling into the cars. I was looking around,rubbing my arms because i was so cold, looking for Kristy and Maggie. Then Matt came up to me and gave me his jacket. It fit right over my hoody "thanx" and i smiled
"come on let's go" he said as he grabbed my arm and gently pulled me while smiling
I just stood there and looked around "you know ummm....."
"i don't think they are coming back" he said with a smile. Then he pulled a bit harder
I looked around as i walked to the car, then i got in the car. I sat in the back where Jeff was on my left and Shane got in after me,on the right of me. Matt was driving and Amy was in the front passenger seat. It was weird riding with them considering that we weren't friends. I seen them around school and all but never did talk. Jeff was in a few off my classes. Matt,Amy and Shane were in the senior school just down from our school. I looked around and never said a word. Then we came to Amy's place. When i got out i noticed it was only us. Then Matt told me that the others went to a party, which they didn't want to go.
****~****~****
I woke up when the music got turned up more. It was my mom's song Little Bird-Annie Lennox. She alwayz played that song and just had to turn it up. I looked at the clock and it was only 7:36am. I turned around and fell back asleep. It's a good thing that i am a heavy sleeper but then again i am a light sleeper. But i could sleep through my mom or dad's parties.
I woke up again, but this time by the ring of my phone. It was 3:15pm. I picked up my phone and didn't bother to look at my call display
"talk to me and it betta be good" i said all tired
"hey what happened to you last night?" said Maggie
"oh it's you" and i yawned "no i lie"
"jeez what did you do last nite?"
"hung out wit Jeff,Shane,Matt and Amy"
"really"said Kristy
"oh yeah she's on the other line"said Maggie
"but you guyz never talk at all. Not even when your parents would visit their dad or he would visit one of your parents. Like what's up wit dat"
"i know eh. Well afta i played a few games of pool wit Christine they showed up jus as she was leaving. Then yeah i ended up chillaxin wit dem"
"come on what happened that's why you are so tired"
"i jus got in at like 20 after 6"
"tell us"
"nuttin happened. We jus chilled and that was it. Well actually"
"you didn't drink or smoke up?"interupted Maggie"cuz rememba you said you would do that with us first"
"no we jus sat around. Then Shane left cuz he was tired"
"and"said Kristy sounding really interested
"why should i tell you. You guyz never came back"
"yeah we did. Like at 11"
"see i would have been there for two hours. I prolly would of left at 9:30 if it weren't for Jeff"
"well sorry. We went to check out Sam's party and her mom asked us if we wanted her to run for us. So we told her what we wanted and she went to the liquor store fo us. Then we sorta forgot about you"said Maggie
"oh thanx, here i was actually gunna drink wit y'all. I had money and everything. Well i am gunna sleep fo a lil longer"
"hey you comin out tonight"
"i dunno"
"come on Abby it's Saturday"said Maggie
"man is it really"
"you must have had a good night"said Kristy "tell us what happened"
"may be i will be out tonight. We will see. I am gunna go now"
"wait Abby tell us"
"latah" and I hung up
"bitch. She clicked us" said Kristy as she hurd the click
Abby smiled. She alwayz did that to them. She layed on her back and was just falling asleep when the phone rang again. Abby groaned. She was just going to leave it but it kept ringing. She looked at the call display this time. The number was not familiar but the name was. Hardy G was on the dipslay
"G Hardy" she looked at it and raised an eyebrow then she pressed talk "talk to me" she said as she answered it
"with pleasure"said the voice on the other end
"Jeff?"
"at your service"
"good can you please let me sleep" and she smiled "hey how did you get my number?"
"shhhhh it's a secret okay. Don't tell Abby"
"ok i wont. But you haven't told me yet, so how can i not tell her"
"exactly" and he laughed
"considerin' i am tired, i still know what is goin' on"
"so your not a blonde like people say"
"oh i am a natural blonde. It jus doesn't show in the hair colour"
We laughed. Then it got silent
"so yeah.... why you call?" i asked curiously
"why did you leave me?"
"well i jus wanted to come home. Plus the fact that you have a girlfriend"
"so i was telling your lips a secret"
"that's the only secret worth remembering and keeping''
"so do you wanna chill with us later?"
"who's us?"
"me........."
"no cant you said me"
"what i don't understand"
"nevermind it was just a joke"
"oh ok,as i was saying it's me,Matt,Amy,and Shane"
"well i guess so,i was supposed to go and chill wit dem Kristy and Maggie but they ditched me last night"
"sweet what time should we go pick you up ?"
"how about you meet me at Stix around 8 aiight"
"ok we will be there"
"good now i can go back to sleep"
"bye"
"latah"
Soon after she hung up the phone Maggie phoned back
"talk to me"
"who were you talking to?"
"oh i was talking to Jeff"
"what time are you coming out?"
"i dunno may be 6 then go to Stix around 7"
"ok i'll phone Kristy and tell her,see ya"
"latah"
"finally i can go back to sleep" I layed there on my back. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep, but i was wide awake. I
looked at the clock and it was 4:46pm.

Confused Thoughts chp2
"Yo abby were you be?"yelled Maggie
"i'm in the bathroom,hold up!"
"where do you wanna go tonight?"said Kristy
I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed"what do you guys want?"i asked
"oh shut up"said Kristy
"we came to pick you up like you said"said Maggie
"holy shit where did you get those hickies?"said Kristy
"what hickies?"
"the hickies on your neck duh"said Maggie
"i dont have any hickies"
"follow me"said Kristy and dragged me into the bathroom"look, What do you call those"
"so i got in a fight wit a vaccum. Can you blame me?"
"hahahaha very funny,what really happened?"said Maggie
"i dont remember"
"what do you mean you dont remember?"said Maggie
"it means i dont remember,don't recall what happened,do i need to explain more"
"hold up!,what did you do last night?"said Kristy
"she had sex"yelled Maggie
"how can you tell?"said Kristy
"its just a gift"said Maggie
"i don't think that i had sex last night and i would know"
*AT STIX*
Me,Kristy,and Maggie were playing pool. It was Maggie,Kristy against me. I looked at my watch and it was 7:31pm
"man we need music"said Kristy" any of you have a dollar?"
"yeah i do"said Maggie
"go play some music then"
"yeah play Gossip Folks"I said
"and For My People"said Kristy
"and fo'sho Sexuality"said Maggie as she put in the loonie and played those songs
When Sexuality-DJ Quik came on we were singing along and dancing. The game was almost over. I jus had to get the 8 ball in and Kristy and Maggie had one more to get in. I was just going to shoot when i was distracted
"hey Abby look who it iz"said Maggie
I looked towards the door and saw Jeff,Matt,Amy,and Shane. I looked at my watch and it was 7:55pm. I looked away and got ready to shoot. Then i felt Jeff grab me from behind
"if you hit it right there" and the pool stick was pushed "then you will get it in" and we watched it as it slowly went in
"hey that's no fair he helped you"whined Kristy
Then Jeff grabbed the other end of the pool stick and locked me against him. I could feel him kiss my neck. I looked up at Kristy and Maggie and they were smiling. Then he put the pool stick down and put his arms around my waist and started to walk
"you don't mind if i steal her do you?" he asked as we were walked away
"ummm.... i guess not since your are already out the door" yelled Maggie as we disappeared
When we were outside by the car he spun me around. And kissed me. I was up against the car
"you are so lucky my girlfriend ain't here" and he kissed me again
"yeah and why iz that?"
"all these hickies you gave me" and he kissed my neck
"well your lucky i don't have a boyfriend"I paused for a second "you know i don't think we should"
Then he kissed me again "shhhh"
"alright you two just get in the car"said Matt"Shane you should sit between them just till we get to your place"
*MONDAY AT SCHOOL*
I dragged myself to school. I was tired and late, again. I walked into English class
"that's the fourth time this month Abby"said Mr. Lumis" and it's the beginning of the week. Why were you late?"
"personal reasons"
"personal reasons?"
"did i stutter"
"well can you please try and be on time"
"Abby what happened to you Saturday night? your mom said you didn't go home"whispered Kristy as i sat down beside her
"she got some this time"said Maggie as she turned around and faced us
I just smiled "i was at Shane's. I didn't want to go home"
"why?"
"dunno"
"yeah right you hooch,what were you and Jeff doing?"said Kristy
"nuttin. He was just holding me most the time"
They looked at Jeff who was sitting a few desks over in the next row. He was staring our way for awhile. He just smiled when i looked back at him. I noticed he was trying to hide the hickies just like i was. We all looked at the front when Mr.Lumis got our attention
"Maggie,Kristy,and Abby will you please pay attention or leave"
"why?we were talking about English" I said
"yeah isn't that why we are here"said Kristy
"and does English involve bugging Jeff? i advise you to look this way and not bother your classmates"
"oh what,we can't ask a question"said Maggie
"and we were looking out the window"
"there's a whole window across this room. Look beside you"said Brandon
"but we want to look out that one"
"you girls are disrupting the class and taking up time"
"well we didn't tell you to stop everything. You did that yourself"i said
"get out" and he pointed to the door"now. Go to the office"
We looked at each others and laughed. Then we gathered our stuff and walked out. We put our stuff in our lockers because we knew we were going to be in some trouble
"well, didn't expect you girls to be here this early"said the secretary"it's only first block"
"but it's Monday"I said" and we thought we would get a head start" I said as we sat down
"well i will let Mr.Davidson know your are here"
We always seem to be here for something. We are on good terms with both the vice principal and principal,except when we get sent to the office for back talking or "bullying" as they call it. We lost count how many times we have been suspended or had and in school suspension for fights on school property or "disruptions" in class
"why don't you just go to your next classes"said Mrs.Lewis when the bell rang"it might be awhile"
"you know we are just going to get sent back here"said Kristy
"just go please"
We got up and went to our lockers. Then we walked to our next class which the second bell already rung. Out of the 8 classes we have througout the whole year we are in 7 of them together. Which would be 5 blocks a day. It's H block where we part our ways. Jeff also had classes with us in all 7 blocks and H block with Maggie. We arrived in Math
****~****~****
After school we were just walking out of the office. This wasn't our best Monday. We weren't in the mood for anything. For the 5 blocks we had that day we were sent to the office. After we gathered our stuff we left as soon as we could. We stood outside talking to our friends
"well look who's coming"said Sandra
"Abby's luva"said Maggie
"how sick you are"i said
"man look at Amy"said William checking her out
"and that Shane ohhhhh daaaAaaamn"said Holly
"hey stop checking him out"said Will
"well stop checking out Amy"
Then Will kissed her "deal"
"hey Abby wanna come over?"asked Matt
"ummmm oooook"i said unsure. . I looked at Maggie "where you guyz going?"
"i thought WE were going to the mall"said Maggie
"WE were. I neva not know"i looked at Maggie and then Kristy"aiight, phone me latah"i said as i started to walk away
"ok i will"yelled Josh
"you can call me but i wont be home" and i smiled
"your funny Abby, you really are"
"what was that? your funny lookin. I know your are"
"jus keep walking"he said as he walked with Maggie
"so what did your mom do when you got home?"asked Jeff"i didn't get to ask you in any of our classes because you were always sent out"
"not my fault they sent me out. My mom was passout. I don't even think she noticed because she was drinking"
"your the only child right"said Matt
"actually i have an older brother but i've neva met him. My parents gave him up when he was born. Gave him to family we have down in Vanocuver. I don't even thinks he knows about us"
"i never knew that"said Matt"out of all this time we have known each others"
"not many people do and if they do they forget about it"

Confused Thoughts chp3
*2 WEEKS LATER*
In the past few weeks i was with Jeff most the time. I even went to dinner to his place with my mom or dad, because i usually bailed out. Even stayed by his house some nights. Mr.Hardy was happy that we were finally talking and getting close. I would say i spent more time with Gilbert then my own mom and dad.
I was in my room when i looked at the clock. It was 6:30pm on a Friday and Maggie or Kristy hasn't phoned yet. Lately they seemed to be drifting from me. When i would talk and just act like we normally do when we are together, they never respond or react. Last weekend i ended up staying at Shane's all weekend because we didn't make plans or tell me what they were doing. I got up and got ready to go out.I got to Stix around 8 o'clock. It was busy. I spotted Maggie and Kristy playing pool
"hey what's up?"i said as i appraoched them
"hey ask Danny to turn up the music"said Kristy looking at Maggie
"HEY DANNY TURN IT UP" yelled Maggie
Then the music was turned up. I looked at both Kristy and Maggie. They didn't even look at me or say anything. I looked around and noticed Amy and Shane playing a game of pool. I was going to walk towards them
"figures you would over there"said Maggie
I stopped and looked at her "well you ain't talkin' to me. What do you want me to do, just stand there"
They continued to play. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair "why you guyz trippin?" i asked as i stepped to them
Kristy looked at me "why do you care?"
Maggie walked around the pool table and took a shot "don't even bother"
"so you guyz are gunna be all stuck up and not tell me" and i looked at them again. They didn't say anything "fine" and i walked towards Amy and Shane "hey" and i sat on the stool
"what's wrong?"asked Shane as he put his arm around my neck
"dem Kristy and Maggie are trippin over something and i think it's me, but i dunno why"
"awww it's ok"then he messed up my hair
"hey don't mess wit tha hair dweeb"
"Matt and Jeff went to go get ya"said Amy
"really, how? i am here"
She laughed" i know. They thought you would be home since you weren't out yet"
"yeah i was gunna stay in but i decided not to"
"i see that" and then i felt hands slide around my waist
"well i'm gald you can see" and i smiled as i turned around to see him
I felt bad for what me and Jeff were doing. He had a girlfriend who is out of town. But he was so persuassive. But what i found out a few days before was that Jeff was telling everyone we were and item, and i didn't even know about it
"so what's on the agenda for tonight?"asked Shane
I was looking over at Kristy and Maggie's way. I missed hanging out with them. My peeps that i hung out with seemed to have turned their back on me as well. It wasn't the greatest feeling
"so is that the agenda"
I tuned in when everyone was leaving
"yup"said Matt "i guess. Unless there's something else we could do"
"you coming"asked Jeff with a kiss
"where to?"
"jus going to Shane's and watch sum DVD's and that"
"ummmm... how bout i'll drop by latah. I'm gunna go check out the party in harlem" and i stood up" i need to talk to Kristy and Maggie"
"ok" and he kissed me again "you gunna be alright?"
"yeah" and i started to walk away "latah"
By the time i got there, the party was already jumping. I walked in and it was packed. I sat on the couch beside Holly and William
"hey lil' cuz how's your night?" asked William as he put his arm around me
"looks like you can use a drink"said Holly as she got up
I looked around and spotted Kristy and Maggie dancing. Then i looked up at Holly when she came back. She handed me Smirnoff Ice
"i don't drink" i said as i held it "plus i told Kristy and Maggie i would get drunk wit dem the first time"
She smiled"be right back" and she walked to Kristy and Maggie. She dragged them towards my way" well here they are"
We looked at each others. I opened the bottle
"you wouldn't"said Kristy
Then i chugged half the bottle
"oh yeah that's my lil cuz"said William
"i think you guyz are related by the way you both drink"said Holly
We both smiled. Kristy and Maggie walked away
"don't worry bout them. They're just worked up about you and Jeff. They feel like you are drifting from them"said William
I stared at him and then i looked at Kristy and Maggie. Then i looked down at the bottle and took a drink
"then why is everyone else trippin' over it"
"they also feel like they are taken you away. That they are losing you. Abby you have no idea what you ment to them"
"what about you?"i asked after i took another drink
"your my lil cuz how can i ever turn my back on you. We're family"
"yeah sadly we are" and i laughed " i lie"
"hey"
I got up "i need some more"
"whOa take it easy"
"it's only my second"
Throughout the whole night i was drinking bottle after bottle, trying this and that. Soon i was staggering my way around the house. William and Holly kept close eye on my because they didn't want anything to happen. I was walking through Kristy,Maggie and Josh
"why did she even bother to come"said Kristy
I stopped and looked at Kristy "fuck you Kristy and Maggie.You are the ones who wont talk to me"
"you're the one who stop talking to us"said Maggie
"i did not. And besides i can't make friends other then the ones we have. I have to stick to the people we know"
"well you are alwayz with Jeff, Shane,Matt or Amy. Like we don't exist"
"so i am alwayz wit you and you don't see anyone else makin' a big deal outta it"
"that's because they know we are sistaz"
"look you two are alwayz meetin' new people, hangin' out wit them and i don't do anything. But now that i am hangin' wit Jeff you guyz don't like it"
"i thought you said you would never let any guy get between us"said Kristy"you guyz started to date and then you are taken away from us"
"i didn't. You guyz let a guy get between us. That's your own doin. You let him get between us"i said as i started to walk away
"Abby why don't you just leave. Leave us and don't bother comin' back"said Maggie as she pushed me
"yeah don't botha talkin' to us"said Kristy as she stepped infront of me as i turned around
"you both are really stuck up you know. You need to let loose and realize that i am only human and i can't make everyone happy, especially you guyz. I've tried to make you happy but i asked myself do you even care about me. About how i feel about my position in life. I've been makin' myself unhappy by doin' everything for you guyz. It stops here. You can hold your own damn hand from now on"
Then Maggie swung at me. Everyone was surronding us screaming. Soon i was trying to fight off Maggie and Kristy. I had Kristy on the ground while i was punching her. Then Maggie grabbed my hair and pulled me up. She kicked me in the back off the knee and i fell, but i was so drunk i just fell back and she missed the punch. Soon Holly pushed off Maggie and Kristy while William picked me up. He carried me out to his car. Then Holly got infront and drove off
"man look at you"said William as he looked back at me "we are taking you home"
"fuck no. Take me to Shane's"
"but it's 4 o'clock in the morning"
"jus fuckin' do it please. I don't wanna go home"
He sighed "fine. Show us where he lives"
We got to Shane's. William carried me to his door. After 10 minutes Shane finally answered the door
"hey sorry dude, but she didn't want to go home"he said as he passed me to Shane
"no that's ok"
"take care of my lil cuz aiight" he said as he walked back to the car
Shane closed the door. He helped me to one of the spare bedroom. I flopped on the bed. Then he left and came back with a t-shirt and shorts
"here put these on if you want"
I grabbed it and tried to get up "awww gawd i am tired" as i made it to the bathroom. When i came out i tripped and fell
Shane helped me up "jeez i think you had too many" and he layed me on the bed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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