Dear Raj Kumar,

I think your idea of liberal sexuality is very different to mine. To me, liberal means that a person decides for himself, or for herself. Liberals understand that every person is different and sees the world differently.

Sexually that means that a liberal will find his or her own partner or partners because each person knows the most about how to make themselves happy.

I don't mind when people introduce me to other people but to sit with them and ask them how they like each other before they even spent a moment alone is too pressurising.

I am 30 years old. I had many girlfriends, who I found, talked to, and chose for myself. And suddenly I was under pressure to invite a girl to my bed = by her parents! Can you imagine how strange that is to me? Usually I keep my loves private until I want to talk about them. I certainly don't want to tell her parents every ten minutes how good I think she is. And with parents watching I could only talk about clothing or the weather - but we had so little time to get to know each another.

It seems a lovely idea to me that a young girl should be instructed in the ways of love for a few days by an experienced foreigner passing on a motorbike. But it seems more like a secret rebellion against Indian morality instead of a demonstration of liberal behaviour which will affect society. If you are a liberal, Raj, who wants to change the world, then its no good keeping secrets. You keep secrets from your wife, and worry what the village will think if I drive off with Anu but not her mother. Your vision for a liberal world is just a dream if you don't start creating it in your own family. India has many problems, not just sexual, and it needs thinkers and doers to experiment, learn and find solutions. You don't believe in marriage? Have you seriously considered getting a divorce? Living honestly for yourself instead of lying for other people's approval.

Perhaps India needs to make its own definition of liberal.

In the west each person must discover how they can become happy. They learn by trying, by making mistakes, by changing and growing. I have a friend who is 45 and has just changed his life and started being happy.

And everyone's happiness is from different things. We are free to look for happiness in money, sex, bikes, meditation, health, drugs, friends, business or anything. We might not find it, but we try to learn from each experience. Some teachers say that happiness doesn't depend on any of these things, but that you can be happy with nothing in the darkest dirtiest prison. Maybe they are right, but I need to try everything and find out what makes me happy. Then if I am unhappy. I know it my fault. But if something or someone is stopping me from trying to be happy, then my unhappiness is their fault and I will hate them and be angry. Understand?

Did you know that the US constitution says that everyone is free to try to be happy. Isn't that a great idea?

Anu, Your mother may be able to choose a nice boy for you who will respect you, and work hard to make a family. But only you know who you can love. And if you don't know then I suggest you go into the world and start finding out! I hope you will love many men and learn something from each one. and teach something to each one. I hope you will become skilled in love and wise. I hope you will learn to know when a man loves you, and when he is good enough for you. I hope you will discover what makes you happy. I hope your parents do not help you too much. If you help a baby chicken out of the egg, it will become a weak chicken.

We must do what our heart tells us to do in life, not what our parents tell us. Parents sometimes try use their children to correct all the mistakes they made in life. Sometimes parents don't know their children, especially if society is changing fast. . My friend's heart told him to come to India and his parents said: "Why go to India? What is in India? You would be better to keep your job and stay in England." He came to India and I don't need to tell you he is happier than ever before.

Raj, you can do many things to help your daugher to be happy. You already did many things. But in liberal philosophies you can't tell her how to be happy, and you can't make anyone happy except yourself. You can only make an environment for them to be happy. When the bird is old enough, it flies from the nest and makes its own life. Sometimes I think Indian parents don't let their children grow up and become responsible. Even in the West where there is sexual liberalism, still some people choose not to have sexual partners, others choose only one. Liberalism does not mean everyone has many partners, it means that there are few rules, and that everyone can decide for themselves.

I hope you find my views interesting

Matthew