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| MATT'S HIDE AWAY |
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| Joke's .... On Me? |
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| "Autumnmuse" |
| Commentary |
| The difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds The difference between a husband and a boyfriend? About 45 minutes What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harrasement What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same,but you get the remote. Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair? Because pulling them by their feet made them fill up with mud. What is it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? Marriage. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why are women like parking spaces? All the best ones are taken and only the diabled ones left. FROM BATHROOM WALLS "If you can pee this high (6 feet up wall) Join the fire department" To do is to be-Descartes. To be is to do-Voltaire Do be do be doo- Sinatra "I've decided to raise my grades I must lower my standards"-Bathroom in Harvard "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity" "Make Love not War-Hell, do Both- Get married" If Bush were Captain of the Titanic, he'd say "We're stopping for ice" "If voting could really change things, it would be illegal" If Pro is the opposite of Con, then what is the opposite of Progress? Congress! "If life is a waste of time,and time is a waste of life, then lets all get wasted and have the time of our lives" Remember it's not"How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? "God is dead" -Nietzsche "Nietzsche is dead" -God "At the Feast of Ego, everyone leaves hungry" "No matter how good she looks,some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit" "Beauty is only a light switch away" It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. A Woman's Rule Of Thumb; If it has tires or testicles, you're gonna have trouble with it. "What are you looking at the wall for? The joke is in your hands. |