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          THE ART OF LISTENING
          or
          SECRETS of BEING a BETTER LISTENER
          by
          Ernest John Rubin, MPS
                       
          Some years ago I took a course in public speaking, and to
          my surprise I found that one whole section was devoted to
          the art of listening. I learned about bad listening habits [there
          are at least six] as well as about effective listening [there are
          four main elements] also about other significant details such
          as a 'four word secret'. I found that listening is a skill that has
          to be learned just like playing the piano.
          While the course dealt with everyday conversation, lectures,
          radio, television, and meetings around a conference table, I
          realized right away how important it is to apply that skill to
          our Masonic activities.
          Assuming that there is nothing wrong with our ears, in other
          words that our hearing is normal, how effectively do we
          really listen?
          Most of us are probably too young to remember a broadcast
          some years ago, when NBC presented a radio play "Invasion
          from Mars" with Orson Welles. At the beginning, during the
          show, and at the end an announcer clearly cautioned the
          listeners that this was a play, and that it was fictitious. Yet 20
          families in a single block in Newark, NJ., rushed from their
          homes to escape from what they thought was a gas attack.
          Phone lines to radio stations, newspapers, hospitals and
          police stations were busy with people asking about 'the
          invasion'. Orson Welles and his colleagues had created a
          panic of national proportions.
          How poorly so many Americans listened at that time? 
          But how about more recently? Research shows that on the
          average we listen at about 25% of efficiency.
          Some people say: I can sit and look at a person and never
          hear a word he is saying. Why? Because most of our formal
          education is based on reading and writing, some on
          speaking, very little on listening, yet throughout history
          listening has been the only way of learning; writing has been
          with us only a few hundred years. The written word is slow
          compared to the spoken word. The world's most important
          affairs are decided around the conference table and/or by
          conference telephone calls. Flying a plane, just as activities
          in space ships, depend on the listening abilities of the ground
          crew and the pilots.
          To be a good listener we must apply certain skills that have
          to be learned: studies have shown that listening ability is not
          dependent on intelligence that listening ability is not
          necessarily related to hearing acuity. We think that we get
          much practice in listening every day, and therefore we think
          that training in this skill is unnecessary; also, we assume that
          learning to read will automatically teach us to listen. Not so!
          Most of our daily activities and all of our Masonic doings
          would be impossible without relying on listening; - but not
          many of us realize that a skill is involved in being an effective
          listener.
          First of all it is good to realize that good listeners regularly try
          to think ahead of the talker, try to guess what he is leading
          up to, what conclusions could be drawn. If we predict right,
          we hear the conclusion twice; if we guess wrong, we
          instinctively compare the point we surmised with the actual
          one made. This constitutes a learning process
          recommended by educators since the time of Aristotle.
          In other words, listening consists of hearing and interpreting
          what we hear.
          As good listeners we try to weigh verbal evidence to support
          the points we hear.
          There are explanations,good ones and bad ones, we should
          use part of our thinking time to decide, if the explanations
          are valid or not. Next we may hear emotional appeals; they
          strike at the listeners' fears, hates, loves or any of his basic
          instinctive drives; sometimes this turns into a harangue with
          names called and abusive language used. The good listener
          tries to remain objective and avoid emotional entanglements.
          He asks himself."Is there solid evidence mixed with the
          speaker's emotional appeal?" We may listen to illustrations.
          They may appeal to emotion and reason. Again we should
          test the validity. Is it dated?
          Does it illustrate the point?'This keeps us on the talker's
          path. Periodically we should review the portion of the talk so
          far. This improves comprehension and retention. We should
          listen "between the lines" for meaning that is not necessarily
          put into the spoken word; sometimes that may be more
          important than what the speaker says.
          In other words: we should think ahead, weigh evidence and
          from time to time review what has been said.
          We can listen even more effectively, if we become aware of
          words that upset us emotionally. Some call them "Red Flag
          Words." Many of our mental patterns are associated with
          labels, a word or two. The word "hometown" usually brings
          pleasant thoughts. Even if with passing years the hometown
          deteriorates, no one can tell us that our hometown isn't still
          the best place in the world. We hear the word "hometown"
          and we stop listening. No one can tell us about the changes
          that have taken place.--
          Another example: A firm's accountant drops in to see the
          general manager and says: "I have just heard from the
          Internal Revenue Service and . . .  "The general manager
          gets red in the face and thinks: "That blasted IRS. Can't they
          leave us alone? Each year the taxes are higher." The label
          "IRS' cuts loose emotions that stop the general manager's
          listening. In the mean time the accountant goes on to say
          that there was a chance for a considerable tax refund by
          taking proper steps, but the fuming manager does not hear. -
          We can analyze the impact of such words on us by
          discussing them freely with others. If we don't, emotions take
          over again and again, logic is tossed out, and we don't listen
          effectively anymore.
          How do we cope with emotional filters?
          While listening we are bound to be troubled by the very
          human desire to hear only what we want to hear and turn off
          everything we don't want to hear.
          There is a remedy, a four-word secret, and it is not an easy
          one: HEAR THE PERSON OUT! We should withhold
          evaluation using self-control until the speaker has finished;
          then review main ideas and assess them. We should hunt
          for negative evidence; seek ideas that may prove us wrong
          as well as those that might prove us right. This way we miss
          less of what people have to say. We should make a critical
          self analysis: Do we often feel that the ideas of other people
          are wrong? When we debate a point, does it turn out that our
          argument is almost exactly what the other person has said?
          Again, don't forget: Hear the person out! We should
          remember at least 6 BAD listening habits:
          Bad listening habit No. 1.  Faking attention, - If we are guilty
          of that, we only deceive ourselves. We may miss learning
          something.
          Bad listening habit No. 2. "I get the facts listening''.
          Memorizing facts is not the way to listen. When people talk,
          they usually want us to understand their ideas. Facts are
          only useful for constructing the ideas. - Say the speaker talks
          about facts A to Z; the listener tries to memorize A; he
          almost misses B; trying to remember A and B, he misses C
          completely and so on.
          Bad listening habit No. 3. Avoiding difficult listening 'many of
          us have that bad habit. If we don't understand what the
          speaker is saying, we turn him off rather than sticking it out,
          attempting to understand his words. Gradually we move from
          easy listening to easier listening, down and down.
          Bad listening habit No. 4: Premature dismissal of subject as
          uninteresting. If we make up our mind that this will be
          uninteresting, we won't listen. Yet, uninteresting talks may
          have something worth listening to. Be selfish and find out
          whatever idea the speaker may contribute. Chesterton said
          once: "There are no such things as uninteresting subjects;
          there are only uninterested people."' - -
          Bad listening habit No. 5-. Criticizing delivery and physical
          appearance:
          "Anyone who talks like that, can't have much to say" or
          "Anyone who looks like that can't have much to say!" --
          Remember that content of message is more important than
          the form of delivery. - -
          Bad listening habit No. 6: Yielding easily to distractions. A
          noise coming through the window competes with the
          speaker: "Too hard to hear," you say to yourself.
          You lean back and turn your thoughts to pleasant things, but
          remember it is up to us to mentally shut out the distractions
          and to turn our attention to the talker.
          Listening takes courage:
          If we listen thoroughly to someone else's ideas, we might
          possibly find that some of our own ideas may be wrong.
          Lack of courage prevents us from opening our ears to
          whatever may be said, from trying to understand other
          people's point of view.
          So we should take time to listen and to be attentive.
          Concentration is difficult, basically because we think faster
          than we talk. The average rate of speech for most
          Americans is around 125 words per minute; average
          comprehension is 300 words per minute and more. Slowing
          down thought processes is difficult if not painful. In listening
          there is a differential between speaking and thought
          processes; in other words, we can listen and still have spare
          time for thinking. What to do with our spare thinking time as
          we listen?
          The answer to this question holds the key to concentration in
          listening. You sit in a restaurant listening to a friend who tells
          you about his job. Sounds interesting . . .  you decide to
          listen to everything he says. A waiter walks by with a frozen
          chocolate eclair, topped with whipped cream. Looks good,
          you think momentarily, quickly returning to what your friend
          is saying. You listen to your friend again. An eclair with
          whipped cream is fattening. You find that you jump back and
          forth in your thoughts while listening to your friend, who is
          still talking about his job. It's only three weeks before
          vacation, may be your next enticing thought. I'll be glad to
          get away.
          Suddenly you wake up and tune back to your friend. Did I
          miss something? What is he now talking about? The
          disintegration of your listening has begun. Listening gets
          tougher now, so your random thoughts become more
          enticing. Eventually you may give up listening altogether. It is
          too hard. This business of progressively tuning away from a
          talker until we lose his trend of thought is a bad habit that is
          quite bothersome.
          Critical listening is difficult in contrast to reading. There is the
          time-element: the spoken word comes and goes quickly; the
          written word can be read and reread over again; also it is
          harder to be accurate in conversation than in writing; and
          from childhood we are motivated to do things in anticipation
          of a reward. As listeners we may still think that the talker will
          reward us, if we say "yes."
          Thus we may accept what we hear.
          Increased use of critical listening will produce two results,
          and this is important: Life will be easier for those who try to
          persuade us to do something for our own good and for-that
          of our fellow men: but those who use oral persuasion for
          fewer honorable reasons will find the task increasingly
          difficult.
          Before closing let me report to you how instructors teach
          listening. It involves four main elements; they suggest:
          1. Try to concentrate on the speaker; this will improve your
          listening ability.
          Telephone operators and talk-show hosts for instance, have
          to be acute listeners or they would not be kept on the job.
          2. Listen to the quality of a voice; you'll like some and don't
          like others.
          3. Listen to sounds other than talk; see what sounds you like
          over others.
          4. Listen to spoken words: tapes, records, radio; evaluate
          what you hear.
          There is an art in listening: to listen effectively we should
          abandon all prejudices and preformulations (very important
          for Masons). If we have a receptive state of mind, things can
          be understood easily. Unfortunately many of us listen with
          resistance. We are screened with prejudices, whether
          religious or spiritual, psychological or scientific, or with our
          daily worries, desires and fears. Therefore we really listen to
          our own noise; we listen to our own sound; we don't listen to
          what is being said. It is extremely difficult to put aside our
          training, our inclinations, our resistance. Some of us lack
          concentration: we watch TV, read, talk, smoke and drink, all
          at the same time. In order to concentrate fully on listening we
          should be patient with ourselves. It is not easy to give full
          attention to the situation at hand, to learn to live fully in the
          present and to evaluate things as they are. We become
          better listeners and give our lives constructive and
          purposeful meaning, if we talk simply and understand
          clearly. The ear plays a double role: as a receiver of sound
          and as a perceiver of words and situations. Listening is a
          social activity. If we can relax and arrive at a free verbal
          exchange, productivity reaches its highest peak. We learn
          from each other and arrive at a new level of mutual and
          truthful communication. Since speech is the essential means
          of communication, mutual understanding must depend on
          shared meanings and experiences. A message can only be
          understood, if there is an overlapping experience between
          sender and receiver. A sense of mutual understanding will
          develop by more effective listening. We have to be eager to
          affirm the integrity of the others by evaluating what they say.
          Teaching attentive listening has been the secret of our
          forefathers: For many years the Masonic candidate had to
          rely on his coach for oral instruction, thereby learning and
          memorizing his work.
          It follows that well learned listening habits are of great
          benefit to us in the Lodge as well as in our daily life.
          Let me finish this little discussion with a short item that came
          to me from our State Department of Higher Education in
          Salem. It had to do with Halley's comet a few years ago, and
          memos were dictated over the phone, starting, with the
          Superintendent of Schools to the Assistant Superintendent:
          
          
              AUG. 8, 1994
          
           A PLAY ON COMMUNICATION
          
              (A Hypothetical Case):
          Note: All memos dictated over the phone.
          
              from Superintendent of Schools
              to Assistant Superintendent:
          Next Thursday at 10:30 Halley's Comet will appear over this
          area. This is an event that occurs only once every 75 years.
          - Call the school principals and have them assemble their
          teachers and classes on the athletic field and explain this
          phenomenon to them. If it rains then cancel the day's
          observation and have the classes meet in the auditorium to
          see a film about the comet.
          
          from Assistant Superintendent
          to School Principals:
          By order of the Superintendent of Schools next Thursday at
          10:30 Halley's Comet will appear over the athletic field. If it
          rains then cancel the day's classes and report to the
          auditorium with your teachers and students where you will
          show films, a phenomenal event which occurs every 75
          years.
          
          from School Principals
          to Teachers:
          By order of the phenomenal Superintendent of Schools at
          10:30 next Thursday Halley's Comet will appear in the
          auditorium. In case of rain over the athletic field the
          Superintendent will give another order, something which
          occurs only every 75 years.
              ANNOUNCEMENT
          
          from Teachers
          to Students:
          Next Thursday at 10:30 the Superintendent of Schools will
          appear in our school auditorium with Halley's Comet,
          something which occurs every 75 years. If it rains, the
          Superintendent will cancel the Comet and order us all out to
          our phenomenal athletic field.
          NOTE
          from Students
          to Parents:
          When it rains next Thursday at 10:30 over the school athletic
          field the phenomenal 75 year old Superintendent of Schools
          will cancel all the classes and appear before the whole
          school in the auditorium accompanied by Bill HALLEY and
          the Comet.
          POSTSCRIPT
          from Parents
          to Parents:
              What's going on there anyway?
          