THE X-FILES

"HONEY, I SHRUNK THE FBI AGENTS"

By Alien Girl

mailto:[email protected]

Rating: G

Classification: Adventure, Humor

Spoilers: None

Archive Info: Anywhere, anyway and anyhow, as long as my name and e-mail

are attached. 

Keywords: Humor!!! (And some MSR)

Disclaimer: I'll make this *short* ...don't own 'em. Never have. Never

will. Don't sue. Cause if you do I'll murder you. 

Summary: The results of some slightly unnatural food poisoning leave

Mulder and Scully in a rather *small* position...

Author's Notes: Hey, everyone, it's me!! (You *do* know me, don't you??)

Oh well, even if you don't you're welcome to read this next story. No,

this is *not* a crossover, I just thought that'd be an interesting title.

This is almost entirely humor, although I'll try and get in some MSR or

UST. One thing...in this story, the Lone Gunmen's headquarters are across

the street from the FBI headquarters. Look, for all I know, the

headquarters could be in Virginia. I'm just putting it there because it's

necessary for the story! This is post-movie. (All of my stories are

except for 'Lost Paradise', okay?!) This is also pre- "Two Fathers"/"One

Son". Hope ya'll like this one!!  

Dedication: This is dedicated to Starsword, who came up with the idea for

this story. I love your jokes, even if I don't show it, and I really want

you to write some of those stories of yours! (I promise I won't steal any

more of your ideas!)

Feedback: You will give me feedback. You will give me feedback now. You

will give me lots and lots of feedback now. You will give me lots and

lots of feedback now if you want to live.

On with the show!!

--------------------------------------------------

"Honey, I Shrunk the FBI Agents"

By Alien Girl

   "Would you look at that rain," Scully said with a heavy sigh as

she gazed out the window absently. 

   A steady stream of January rain poured down outside as the two

agents walked into the heated FBI headquarters cafe'. The two had been

working hard all morning, and they had finally stopped around one to get

a quick lunch so they could go back to work. It had been a long, rainy

day with nothing to do except extensive paperwork. Kersh always made sure

they had plenty of it. It annoyed Mulder and Scully to no end, but right

now, they were not in much of a position to argue.        

   Mulder leaned in closer to Scully. "This place is getting pretty

crowded. Why don't you save us a table and I'll get us coffee and

sandwiches. Do you want regular or decaf?"

   "Regular. Need to keep from falling asleep."

   Mulder nodded in acknowledgement. Scully truged over slowly to an

empty table at the far end of the cafe' next to the window. She flopped

down in one of the undersized, cafe' chairs with a sigh as Mulder got in

line for their food. 

   Mulder walked up to the ordering booth and said dully, "Two

number threes and two regular coffees, please." He waited a while before

the lunch was set out before him, then thumbed around in his wallet for

the appropriate change. A few sunflower seed husks, an empty gum wrapper

and half a pencil littered the cafe' floor before he finally dug out five

crumpled dollars and some change. He picked up their tray of food and

started towards the table in the corner of the cafe'. 

   He let his thoughts drift a little. It seemed that all he and

Scully did now was paperwork, investigating minor offense cases and more

paperwork. He missed the thrill of the unknown, missed the satisfying

feeling working on the X-files gave him, now that Spender and Diana were

in charge of them. It had been an enormous disappointment when they were

reassigned to a different department; he had felt somewhat depressed ever

since. All the joy seemed to go out of his work. He felt certain that

Scully had felt just as he did. But at least they were still together. 

   He was so abosrbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice

where he was going until he ran head-on into Spender.

   "OOOFF!!!"

   Agent Spender collided with him in a horrible mess. He was

carrying a cappuchino, as well as a small flask containing a clear

liquid. The top came off the flask as they hit, spilling the clear

substance all over Mulder's tray. Part of Mulder's coffee went flying all

over Spender's suit as well. 

   Spender cursed under his breath, then picked himself up in a

huff. "Agent Mulder...sorry to have bumped into you like this..."

   "It's nothing," Mulder said hurriedly. "I wasn't watching where I

was going."

   "You alright?"

   "Um...yeah. Didn't drop anything. Spilled my coffee, though."

   "Hey, look, don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later,"

Spender mumbled, and walked off hurriedly. 

   "Yeah, whatever," Mulder cursed under his breath. He straightened

himself out as best he could and made his way over to Scully's table. 

   "Mulder, what was that about?" She asked as he set their food

down. "I heard you shout."

   "Oh, it was nothing. I just ran into Spender on the way here.

Made kind of a mess."

   "How ironic," Scully sighed. 

   "Well, at least I didn't drop the food. Here's your coffee." He

said, handing her the plastic-wrapped sandwich and steaming styrofoam

cup. Then he glanced out the window. "Weatherman said the rain should let

up by this afternoon."

   "Which means it'll be raining all night," Scully concluded. She

unwrapped the sandwich, took a bite, and then took a sip of her coffee.

   "How's the coffee?" Mulder asked, trying to start some form of

conversation."

   Scully pursed her lips. "Kind of bitter. Tastes like mineral

water."

   Mulder frowned. "When I bumped into Spender, he spilled some

stuff on our food. He must have had some mineral water or something. Do

you want me to go and get you another?"

   "Oh, no, it's fine. Don't waste your energy. I'll just live with

it."

   Mulder leaned back in his chair, grabbed up his coffee and took a

sip. "Must have spilled some in my cup, too. It *does* taste bitter." 

   "Well, now we're even."

   Mulder looked out the window, then back at Scully. "I wish I was

out there now."

   "Where? In the rain?"

   "Right now, I'd rather be anywhere than here," He sighed

regretfully. "It's extremely disappointing to think that I don't enjoy my

work enough any more to want to be running through a downpour instead of

this. What has happened to us, Scully? What have they reduced us to?

Nothing more than small bugs to be squashed, that's what. Well, you know

how when you step on a pincher bug and then you kind of sit there for

five minutes and watch as it writhes about in agony with it's abdomen

crushed to a bloody pulp, trying to get up and run, before you finally

stomp down with a squish and a twist to finish it off for good? That's

what they're doing to us."

   "Mulder, you're cute when you're depressed."

   He sighed even harder. "Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be a

bug."           

   "Okay, Mulder, now you're just getting strange."

   "No, really. It would be such a simple life. Find food. Find

shelter. Avoid danger." He looked at Scully. "Find a mate."

   Scully managed a half-grin. "As long as you weren't a black widow

spider. The females mate and then eat the males."       

   "I guess you would know a lot about bugs, Scully, being you are

in their range of height..."

   "Oh, shut up and eat your lunch, pincher bug."

   Spender slammed the door behind him angrily and thumped the

cappuchino down in front of his partner, Diana Fowley. She looked up from

the file she was reading over. 

   "Do you have it?"

   "Barely," Spender growled. "I ran head-on into Mulder while I was

getting *this* for you. Spilled quite a good bit of it." He set the flask

of clear liquid down on the desk. 

   "All we need is a small sample. It's no big deal."

   "What if it affects something?"

   "It won't. Completely ineffective on inanimate objects unless

they've been exposed to sweat or blood or some other such that has been

effected." 

   "I went to a lot of trouble to get this," Spender moaned. "Why do

we need it, anyway? It's not necessary for anything. Completely useless,

if you ask me." 

   Diana studied the clear liquid carefully. "This isn't for the

files department. The toxiology department wanted to analyze it and use

it for specific experiments or whatever."

   "To what? Develop an antedote?"

   "No. Just research or something. I don't know. All we had to do

was get it to them, and that's the end of our part."

   "Well then, you go deliver it to their office. I'm sick of

carrying around cappuchinos for everyone and colliding with other

agents." 

   "Hey, I wanted an espresso, not a cappuchino!"

   Despite the slightly unpleseant taste, the coffees were

completely empty when Mulder and Scully left the cafe'. They truged along

the halls to their office slowly, not wanting to go back to the extensive

paperwork and never-ending phone calls.      Mulder held the door open

for her as Scully walked in. She stopped at her desk, clutching her

stomach. 

   "Something wrong, Scully?" Mulder asked worriedly. 

   "Umm...nothing. I just ate that sandwich rather fast," She said. 

   "Yeah, I feel a little queasy, too," Mulder added suddenly. "Need

to sit down..."

   The two agents plopped down in their office chairs on either side

of the paper-covered desk. Mulder picked up a stack of papers to read and

was about to put on his glasses, (even though he didn't really need

them,) when he stopped. He rubbed some fingers against his forehead. 

   "Ugh...I feel...drowsy."

   Scully leaned forward slightly. "Are you sure you didn't

accidentally get decaf, Mulder? I feel kind of tired, too..."

   "No, I'm sure I got regular. Must be the weather and this

work...it has been such a long day..."

                                                                "I think I'll take a quick

nap...just want to rest a bit...." 

   "Yeah, and think what Kersh'll say when he catches you sleeping

on the job..." Mulder joked. But he too, was starting to feel extremely

sleepy.  Scully laid her head down on the table.           "Tell Kersh to

go bug Diana and Spender......" Mulder's head leaned forward. His vision

was starting to get fuzzy. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt an

unstoppable urge to sleep. 

   "You tell him....."  

   Within seconds, both agents had their heads down on the desk

asleep, completely knocked out.  

   He awoke slowly to the feel of hard wood pressed against his

cheek. Mulder lifted his face from the desk, gazing around through

sleep-brimmed eyes. He still felt somewhat drowsy, but he knew that he

had better get up and get back to work. Who knew how long he had been

asleep? Maybe hours. And Kersh wouldn't be too happy about that.  He

glanced over to one side and saw Scully, still asleep. Groaning heavily,

Mulder picked himself up completely and stood. He would have to wake

Scully up.  

   But then he noticed something strange. Looking down, he saw that

he was standing on wood, not the carpet of the office floor. 

   The wood of his desk.  

   Of his desk?!  

   Now that he got a good look around, he noticed that something was

*definitely* wrong. It was like being in a crazy dream. He and Scully

were on a long, wooden plain, and off in the distance, what looked like a

bizarre mountain range of thin, white stone slabs. And all around that,

even more strange, enormous sculptures. One resembled a pencil, another a

coffee mug, and another a desk clock..... 

   Mulder stared open-mouthed, eyes fixed upwards, for several

minutes before he ran to Scully and began shaking her violently.  

   "Scully, Scully, wake up!! Come on, wake up!!!" 

   Scully blinked at him sleepily. "Ugh...just five more minutes,

Mulder..." 

   "No, Scully, you have to get up NOW!!" 

   "Mulder..." 

   Mulder hefted Scully up so that she was standing upright and

shook her. "Look!! Look up! Look all around! What do you see?!" 

   Scully rubbed her eyes wearily, and gazed around. "Huh?...where'd

that  gigantic pen suddenly come from?....Mulder, is this some kind of

joke?..." 

   "No, Scully, keep looking! Look all around you! Something's

happened!!"  

   "Mulder, what are you talking about?" He gestured all around

them, eyes wide. 

   "Everything's....big!!!"  

   "What's big?" 

   "*Everything*!!!" 

   Scully, hearing the urgency in Mulder's voice, forced herself to

wake up fully and see what he was so excited about. She also noticed how

the floor was wooden instead of carpet and the mountain range of white

slabs to one side. But she was the first to notice the

humongous...*thing* that looked like the largest big-screen TV in the

world. It took her a few minutes to notice it was a computer. *Their*

computer. And *their* computer was the size of a 30-story apartment

building, not including the keyboard, which looked about the size of an

Olympic swimming pool.  

   "Uhh...Mulder...." 

   "I have a feeling we're not in Kanses anymore..." 

   They stared upwards for several minutes before Mulder spoke

again. 

   "Scully, do the words 'size doesn't matter' mean anything to

you?" 

   "What is this Mulder?" Scully asked, gesturing at the scenery

around them. "It *looks* like our office....only *bigger*." 

   "*Lots* bigger," Mulder corrected.  

   She turned to him. "Alright. explain this to me, because I don't

understand it." 

   "Well, judging from the sheer intensity of these inanimate

objects and the approximate time in which we were knocked out plus the

possibility of..." 

   "Get to the point, Mulder." 

   "We've been shrunken," He said simply. 

   Scully stared at him. Her shoulders dropped, and she groaned

aloud. "Well, I should have expected that kind of answer from you,

Mulder. 'Honey, I shrunk the FBI agents' and all that. Yeah, Mulder,

you're absolutely right. We've been shrunken. And I'm Rodney King."  

   Mulder frowned. "Then *you* explain it, Ms.

Know-it-all-scientist." 

   "This is a dream. This is all some crazy dream. I'm still asleep,

and so are you, and because of that dang mineral-water-tasting-coffee,

we're both having nightmares. It's indigestion, that's all." 

   Mulder glanced at her slyly. "Maybe you're right, Scully. Maybe

this is all a dream. Bad coffee, that's it. We'll wake up, and everything

will be it's normal size again, right?" 

   "Right," Scully nodded. 

   "Well, okay, Scully. If this is a dream...then...WOULD THIS

HURT?!!" He shouted suddenly, leaning forwards and giving her a pinch on

the arm.  

   "OW!!" Scully yelped, stumbling backwards before regaining her

dignity.  

   "As you can see, Scully, this is very real," Mulder continued

with an innocent look on his face as if nothing had happened. "Judging

from the size of that computer, I'd say I was about an inch tall and you

were 7/8ths of an inch tall."  

   "Oh, and so now you're going to tease me about my height, are

you? Well, if *you're* so smart, please explain to me HOW THE HECK we

*got* shrunken!!"  

   Mulder thought for a moment. "The coffee!" 

   "Yeah, Mulder, it's *always* the coffee." 

   "No, I'm serious. I think whatever Spender spilled in our drinks

was some kind of shrinking poison. And when we drank it all, the effect

was getting shrunken! I bet if we hadn't both drank the whole thing we

would haven't have gotten so small." He moaned aloud. "Mom always said

coffee would stunt my growth." 

   "So what's Spender doing carrying around a shrinking poison?!" 

   "I don't know, but I don't think he meant for it to spill in our

drinks. Maybe he doesn't even know what the effects of it are. Who knows?

The point is, here we are." 

   "Well, doesn't it wear off? You know, we slowly grow back to

normal size?!" 

   Mulder shrugged. "How should I know? We could stay this way

forever." 

   "FOREVER?!!!" 

   "Hold it, Scully, let's not panic yet." 

   "I'm less than an inch tall and you're telling me NOT TO

PANIC?!?!!!" 

   "We'll get out of this somehow. We just need to think for a

little bit, sort things out." 

   "Whatarewegonnado?!?!" 

   "Should we call Spender? Maybe he has an antedote to this poison

or something." 

   "No, we can't do that! Spender would go and blab it off to

everyone, including Kersh, before he ever gave us an antedote. And then

Kersh would find some way to make it seem like it was our fault. And then

we'd have scientists putting us in little glass cages like lab rats and

perform all these horrible 'tests' on us..." 

   "Good point," Mulder grimaced. "We need to think of someone else

who can help..." 

   "Who?" Scully protested. "Who would believe us?" 

   Mulder's face lit up with a smile. "Who do you think?"

   Scully's face dropped. "Oh, Mulder, not them..." 

   "Yes, Scully! The Lone Gunmen are the only ones who could help us

now. They wouldn't turn us into some experiments, they'd help us out,

find some kind of cure!" 

   "Mulder, their headquarters are across the street. Do you have

any idea how *long* it would take two people an *inch* high to get from

our office to their office?! It could be *weeks* before we got to them!!

What will Kersh and everyone else think has happened to us?!!"  

   "What would they care?" Mulder shrugged.  

   "Mulder, you're not getting my point." 

   "Well, you can stay here if you want, but I'm going to go do

something about this," Mulder concluded, and started off towards the edge

of the desk. Scully stood there for a moment, glanced around at the

enormous office furniture, then hurried after him shouting, "Mulder,

wait! I'm coming too!!" 

   She caught up with him just as he reached the end of the desk. He

was staring down at the ground that seemed like miles below. Scully

looked down and gulped nervously.  "Please explain to me how you plan to

get down *there*."  

   Mulder glanced around at the desk for a moment. There were

several stacks of papers, two pens and a pencil, a pencil sharpener, a

Starbuck's coffee mug, a file organizer, two telephones, a box of

tissues, a small office clock, some empty CD cases, some disc organizers,

other miscellaneous objects and the computer.  

   He looked back. The computer.  

   "Hey...the computer!" 

   "What about it?"  

   "The electrical wire goes from the computer to the outlet in the

floor. We can go down the wire to get to the floor!"        "You're

joking." 

   "No, I'm serious. We could get from the top to the bottom in a

snap!" 

   "Mulder, I am *not* going to slide down any computer wire, even

if I *am* less than an inch tall." She groaned.  

   "Fine, just stay here...shorty," He added before heading off in

the direction of the computer.  

   Scully ran after him. "You have no right to call me shorty! You

just come here and say that to my face and I'll bop you a good one!..." 

   Mulder edged his way to the edge of the cliff that was their desk

carefully until he came to the back of the computer. A tangled mess of

wires that instead looked like an array of black and silver firepoles

snaked from the computer to the floor that seemed like miles below them.

Scully joined him, looking nervously down at the descent.  Mulder caught

her worried look. "I'll go down first, Scully, and then I'll tell you

when everything's clear." 

   "Oh...alright." 

   Mulder stripped off his coat, knowing it could get easily snagged

on something on the way down. He then positioned himself on one of the

silver poles, carefully bracing himself.  

   "See, it's a sinch. You just slide down!" 

   He jumped off the cliff as if he were repelling and disappeared

down the wire in a flash, crying out with surprise of the sudden fall.

The ride was pretty smooth...until about haflway down when he suddenly

lost his grip and went flying into the trash can.  

   "MULDER!!" Scully shouted in horror as she watched scraps of

paper and  pencil sharpening waste spray in all directions as her partner

landed neatly right in the middle of a large pile of trash. Without

hesitation, she grabbed a black wire, leaped from the cliff and descended

a hundred stories down in a few seconds.     She landed on the

carpet next to the metal trash can. Picking herself up, she heard

scrambling and shouts of dismay coming from within due to Mulder's

recovery from the fall. He began banging on the inside of the can. "Hang

on, Mulder!! I'll get you out of there in a minute!" Scully shouted up to

him. She glanced around anxiously. The question was...*how* was she going

to get him out?  

   Mulder, meanwhile, was still trying to get over his shock. The

metal can was half-filled with disgarded papers, pencil sharpenings, the

remains of half a sandwich and several sunflower seed husks that he had

actually remembered to put in the trash. But instead he felt like he was

swimming in two-ton thin stone slabs, tree branches and metal discs each

the size of rowboats. The metal walls of the trash can stretched up above

him like the face of a menacing skyscraper. "Hey, Scully!! Get me outta

here!" He yelled, pounding on the metal.  

   "I have a mind to just leave you in there," She groaned. Scully

looked around at their office slowly. It looked so different now that she

was looking at it from a bug's-eye view. The desk leg was as tall as the

empire state building, it's sheer face stretching up out of sight. The

bright overhead lights of the office glared down like a miniature sun.

The carpet, which was very short and dense, came up to her waist and was

like walking on a spongy swamp. 'At least we didn't get thick shag

carpet, or we'd be walking in a forest of yarn', She thought.  

   The office certainly looked a lot *larger* when she saw it from

the floor. An endless meadow of carpet stretched out as far as the eye

could see, and beyond that, nothing but straight, blank walls like cliffs

that stood up above them and disappeared into the nothingness above.

Because of her perfectionist self, the office floor was mostly clean, but

that hadn't stopped Mulder from littering it whenever he could behind

Scully's back. There were, of course, the usual sunflower seed husks,

plus a piece of scratch paper covered with used tic-tac-toe boards, and a

long, wooden plank that took Scully a moment to realize was a ruler.  

   "Hey, Scully, you still alive out there? Some help would be

nice!!"  

   "Hold on minute, will you?" She shouted back. She half-ran,

half-swam through the carpet before she finally reached the ruler, laying

down on the carpet patiently. She steadied herself, then picked up one

end. It took her a long time to drag the ruler over to the trash can,

since that one wooden slate was nearly twice her body weight. With much

grunting and exhilaration, she was finally able to lean the ruler upright

against the trash can.  

   "Hold on, Mulder. I'm going to climb back up one of the computer

wires, grab this and throw it in to you! Just hang tight." 

   "Like I have a choice," Mulder mumbled, struggling to free his

leg from under a sunflower seed.  

   Scully stripped off her own coat, rubbed her hands together, and

began to climb back up one of the computer wires. It took some

considerable effort, but she was finally level with the trash can and the

top of the ruler, and was able to peer in and see Mulder.  

   "Well, I guess Kersh was right when he said you spend your time

picking around in the trash can." 

   "Oh, just shut up. Heck, I can't even eat a sunflower seed

anymore! What's going to become of me now?!" 

   Scully ignored him. Being very careful not to slip, she wrapped

her legs firmly around the wire and grabbed up the end of the ruler with

both hands, grunting from the work. After much upward tugging, she was

able to tip the ruler over the side of the can and into the trash below. 

   "Hey, don't throw away that ruler. I like it." She heard Mulder's

voice from below.  

   "Use it as a ladder. I'll be waiting at the bottom," Scully said

simply, and slid the short distance to the bottom.         Mulder quickly

found the ruler, considering that it had nearly landed on his head, and

pushed it upright until it reached to the top of the trash can like a

fireman's ladder. Making sure it was steady, he climbed up the long,

wooden plank slowly, taking care not to look below. The ruler was one of

those deep-riged ones, so he used the measuring dashes as ladder rungs to

climb up to the top. The end of the ruler stuck out of the trash can a

good ten centimeters.  

   Mulder reached the top and looked down, only to see Scully

standing in the carpet several stories below him. 

   "So now what do I do?" 

   "Jump. I'll catch you." 

   "You'll do WHAT?!!" 

   "Just jump, Mulder. It's not that far a drop." 

   "It is when you're an inch high!" 

   "Look Mulder, I'll try and catch you. If I miss, well, you'll

land on carpet. It's nice and soft, you won't get hurt. Trust me." 

   Mulder rolled his eyes skywards, which was pretty hard

considering how far away the sky was. "I *know* I'm going to regret

this." 

   "Hurry up, Mulder! We don't have much time left!" Mulder leaned

precariosuly over the edge of the ruler, still wondering if he should

jump or just decide to take up residence in his trash can forever. He

could survive on sunflower seeds and the last half of that sandwich. He

would just hope that no one would come along and decide to empty the

trash... 

   "Mulder, I'm waiting..." 

   His problem was soon solved. Because of the position of the ruler

and his leaning over to far, the trash can had begun to tip dangerously

over. As he leaned out a little farther, the can completely fell over

onto its side. 

   "LOOK OUT!!!" Scully screamed, running and dodging just as the

can fell over, spilling trash everywhere. 

   BOOM.  

   The entire world seemed to shake as the trash can hit the carpet,

it bounced slightly, then lay still. 

   As soon as the dust cleared, Scully peered from her hiding place

behind the table leg. She saw nothing but a mountainious pile of papers,

shavings, plastic and seeds. She didn't see Mulder.     

   "MULDER!" She shouted again, and rushed into the fray, moving

aside slabs of white material and six-foot seeds in a desperate attempt

to find him in the rubble.  

   She saw his arm sticking out from under a piece of paper, and

heard him groan. Scrambling over a piece of discarded plastic, she saw

Mulder... pinned beneath the ruler and several sunflower seeds. 

   "Mulder!" She ran, tripping over a seed. "Mulder!! Are you

alright?!"  

   Mulder groaned. "I *knew* I should have taken out the trash

yesterday..." 

   Scully ignored him and hefted the ruler off of him, as well as

several seeds. He stood up dizzily, apparently uninjured. 

   "Mulder, is anything hurt?" 

   "Just my pride..." 

   BOOM! BOOM!! BOOM!!! 

   Mulder and Scully instantly froze at the enormous booming noise

that sounded from far above them. Three claps of thunder in a row

followed the three they had just heard. As if a mountain were collapsing,

or a wave was pounding against a cliff. Or as if... 

   "I think someone just knocked on the door," Mulder said. 

   Scully wasted no time. She took him by the arm and dragged him

out of the pile of trash and behind one of the table legs, the wooden

legs the size of redwood trees.  

   "Someone's coming!" Scully whispered urgently. 

   "And that's bad?" 

   "We could get stepped on!!" 

   "Good point." 

   One of the smooth cliffs, which Mulder assumed was the door,

moved open like a tree being hit by a tornado, revealing what resembled

two enormous black trunks, supported by two dark brown boulders. 

   Shoes. 

   Shoes that could crush them as if a house were collapsing on top

of them.  

   "AGENTS MULDER? SCULLY??" 

   The two grabbed their ears in agony as a voice from up high rang

out briefly, calling their names. It was difficult to distinguish who the

voice belonged to. The sound was piercingly loud, like a hundred jets

taking off right beside them, and echoed over and over and over.  

   "It's so loud!" Scully cried.  

   "Quiet!" Mulder hissed. "Can't let him hear us!" 

   "As if he actually could," Scully countered. 

   The person's legs moved forward a step, creating a resounding

thunder and tremor in the earth with each step. Mulder didn't even want

to think about what might happen should they accidentaly be caught

beneath one of those boulders when they came crashing down to earth.  

   "HELLO? IS ANYONE HERE?" The voice called out again. Mulder and

Scully again plugged their ears to avoid being blasted with sound waves,

but they could still hear it clearly. 

   "Who is it?" Scully cried. "It's like a giant!" 

   Mulder risked a peek upwards at their visitor. "Worse,

Scully...it's Spender!" 

   Jeff Spender glanced around confusedly at the empty office.

Strange, he was certain that he had seen the two agents come in here

after their lunch. He had seen them on the way to the elevator. And he

doubted that they could have left.  

   'You'd better go check on them,'. He remembered the last thing

Diana had said to him after leaving their basement office. After telling

her how he had ran into Mulder and spilled some of the substance, she had

instantly become worried that some of it may have gotten on their food.

'Who knows what effect it could have on people. Lab rats, sure, but

people? What if it works on them, too?' Spender hadn't thought of that

possibility when he had rushed off to clean the coffee from his suit.

Leave it to Diana to think of details like that.  

   And now, looking around at the empty office, he began to get

suspicious. There was no sign of Mulder or Scully. The desk was still

cluttered with office papers, and the computer was still on. Half a cup

of water sat untouched on the desk. It was as if they had disappeared

without a trace. 

   He shifted his weight, and heard a crunching sound from beneath

his feet. Looking down, he saw that he had stepped on a sunflower seed.

He now noticed that the trash can had been knocked over, and papers and

shavings and seeds and a lone ruler littered the carpet. His suspicion

grew. 

   It couldn't be possible...could it? 

   Mulder pressed Scully and himself against the table leg tightly

as a deep rumble sounded from above. Spender shifted around and bent down

so that he was on his hands and knees. He began to scan the carpet floor,

searching attentively. Perhaps they had somehow ended up on the floor... 

   Now that he thought about it, the idea seemed funny. Agents

Mulder and Scully...a pair of small bugs! If it really *had* happened,

and he really did find them, he'd be laughing his head off. Diana would

probably scream at him, and so would Kersh. Oh well, he would just say it

was Mulder's fault. He wasn't watching where he was going when they ran

into each other. Besides, the scientists of the toxiology department

would be in a feeding frenzy to get their hands on them for study. Not

including the constant paperwork, Spender thought he'd be pleased with

the results of his actions, despite criticism from Diana and Kersh. 

   Mulder and Scully held their breath as Spender's head swung by

the desk leg. They both could hear and feel the sound of breathing, which

sounded incredibly loud in their ears. The hot, rancid wind beat down on

them for a few seconds before going on past them, accompanied by the

occasinal dull rumbling of Spender's movements. 

   The two agents breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't spotted them.

   "Man, I never thought Spender could have such bad breath," Scully

winced.  

   "That's cause you're not in his altitude." 

   "Very funny, Mulder." 

   Spender stopped for a moment, thinking he heard voices. No, it

was too quiet to be anything. He continued to search the 

   "Agent Mulder? Agent Scully?" He called out again, this time in a

softer voice. But it still sounded too loud for comfort to the two tiny

agents hiding behind the office desk leg.  Then something caught

Spender's eye.  

   It was a trench coat. A brown, worn, talored trench coat. A

trench coat less than an inch tall.  

   Scully cursed under her breath as she watched Spender's hand

reach down and pick up the coat that she had dropped in her rush. Spender

stared in amazement at the tiny coat in his palm that could have been a

good fit for Thumbelina. This was definitely Scully's trench coat, the

one she wore with her practically everywhere. Even Spender knew that. He

remembered what Diana had said, 'Completely inaffective on inanimate

objects unless they have come in contact with sweat or blood or some

other such that has been affected.' And if Scully's trench coat was less

than an inch tall, that could only mean... 

   Spender stood up excitedly. He lifted his feet from the ground,

making sure there were no squished remains of FBI agents underneath, and

hurried out of the office, being careful to watch his step.  

   Mulder and Scully waited until the echoing booms of Spender's

footsteps died away, leaving them once again alone. They waited a

reasonable time before venturing out into the open again.             "He

took my trench coat!" Scully wailed, pointing in the direction of the

door. "I'm going to kill that little weasel!!"      "Alright, you go

kill him...shortstuff." 

   "Enough with the short jokes already!" 

   Mulder grabbed Scully by the arm. "Come on, we're going to have

to hurry even more! There's no *telling* what Spender'll do once he shows

everyone his amazing one-inch trench coat that happened to belong to one

Agent Dana Scully."   

   Mulder and Scully ran across the carpet as quickly as possible

considering the loose threads that caused them to trip and stumble. It

was like trying to run through a field of thick bamboo. Mulder finally

stopped them at the door of their office, which loomed up above them

menacingly. 

   Luckily, the space beneath the door was large enough for them to

squeeze under; otherwise they may never have been able to get out. Scully

crawled beneath the doorspace first, then motioned for Mulder to follow.

All he had to do was crouch down slightly and he could walk under on his

hands and knees. Once out of the office, he stopped next to Scully. 

   His partner was cowering against the door in fear as he stared

out beyond them. They were in the hallway that connected the offices to

each other, as well as the elevator. The hallway was long, silver, and

the ceiling was too high for them to see.       But what was the most

frightening was the other agents that walked through the hallways to get

to wherever they were going. Like Spender, they were as tall as giants,

and just as dangerous. Normal voices, footsteps, even breathing was

amplified a million times in Mulder and Scully's ears; and the air was

filled with booms, rumbles, and echoing voices from a mile up. The earth

vibrated every time someone took a step nearby, reminding them of the

disaster that would ascend upon them from other agent's shoes should they

be trapped underneath. And because there were so many agents walking

through the hall, it was like they were standing in a continuous

earthquake. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, the sounds echoed in their ears like

thunder.  

   Scully covered her ears again. "What do we do now?" 

   Mulder covered his ears as well. "I don't know. We have to

somehow get to the elevator, and without being noticed." 

   "The last part shouldn't be hard," Scully groaned.  

   They stood there for a few more minutes, watching other agents

walk by, or at least watching their feet walk by, and listening to the

neverending thunderings.  

   "I think we should just make a run for it. The elevator should be

in that direction. We just need to get on that side of the wall, and we

can make our way to the elevator there. If we can just avoid getting

stepped on, we should be home free." 

   "But how will we get to the bottom floor? It's not like we can

reach the elevator buttons." 

   "We'll worry about that when get there." 

   They stopped, and waited. A female agent passed by quickly, then

disappeared down the hall. For a brief moment, the hall was empty. Mulder

and Scully took their opportunity, and started to sprint across the hall.

The hallway was very wide, making their run a good many yards across.  

   They were about a third of the way across when *three* pairs of

agents came down the hall, thundering towards them threateningly. "Hurry

up!" Mulder yelled, urging Scully along.        The pounding booms of

deadly shoes and the dull, rumbling echoes of voices from above grew even

closer, and was approaching faster and faster.             

   "RUN!!" 

   They were about two-thirds of the way across when the other

agents caught up to them.  

   BOOM! 

   Mulder grabbed Scully and held her back as a shoe the size of a

house crashed down right in front of them, causing the ground to shake

like an earthquake. They were both thrown to the ground by the sound of

thunder from in front of them and the shock of the weight hitting the

earth.  

   "Go, go, go!!" Mulder yanked Scully to her feet once again as he

saw yet *another* shoe approaching, this time heading quickly in their

direction. It was coming at them fast, too fast for them to get out of

the way.  

   In a despertate last instinct, Mulder shoved Scully out of the

way, but didn't move fast enough to save himself. He looked up just in

time to see the black, heavy tread of the person's shoe come crashing

down on top of him, but not enough time to open his mouth to shout.  

   "MULDER!!!" Scully screamed aloud as she watched Mulder disappear

beneath the black, solid form of the shoe. The ground shook and knocked

her to the floor as she cried out in horror. The shoe seemed to stay

there for an eternity, as if taking pleasure in pressing him into the

ground. Scully stood there, dumbstruck, her voice lodged in her throat.

Didn't this person know what they had just done? Didn't they realize that

they had just trod upon Mulder as if he were nothing more than a blade of

grass? 

   After what seemed like forever, the shoe lifted again, revealing

what remained beneath.  

   A strangled cry escaped Scully's throat as she saw Mulder lying

flat against the ground. He was curled up tightly, his hands covering his

head, quivering with shock. She shook him desperately, half with fear,

and half with surprise that he was still in one piece.  

   "Mulder, get up! It's me!" She pleaded. 

   Mulder lifted his hands from his head, slowly uncurling himself

from his desperate defensive posture. He looked at Scully, then at the

agents as they thundered away, and breathed a long, shuddering sigh of

relief. "Are you okay, Scully?" 

   "Am *I* okay? Am I OKAY?! Mulder, I just saw you...how come

you're not..." 

   He gasped thankfully again before answering in a halting voice,

"I thought I was, too. I could feel it pressing down on me. I think the

person had heels, or very deep treads..." 

   Scully hugged him tightly with relief before helping him to his

feet. He stared back after the agents as they walked away.

   "Remind me to  'accidentally' step on that person's foot if we

get back to normal size." 

   "*When* we get back to normal size." Mulder glanced around at the

hallway, and saw another person approaching from a distance ahead of

them. "Look, we don't have time to hang around! There'll be others coming

if we don't hurry up."  

   Taking his advice, Scully led a trembling Mulder the rest of the

way across the hall before arriving at the wall where they stopped,

panting for breath.        

   "Mulder, don't you *ever* scare me like that again!" Scully

moaned.  

   "Sure thing...Thumbelina," Mulder joked. Scully rolled her eyes.

Even almost being stepped on by a person as tall as a skyscraper couldn't

shake Mulder's irripressible sense of humor.                "Look, let's just

try and get to the elevator. Right now, all I want is to get back to

normal size." 

   "I don't think you'll be drinking coffee for a while after you

do." 

   "Oh, shut up...Tom Thumb." 

   The two ran down the hall, hugging the wall, and being careful

not to be seen by anyone passing by. There was no telling what someone

would do if they happened to glance down and see Agents Mulder and Scully

an inch high and apparently unconcerned about it. But most people who

went by were too absorbed in where they were going or what they were

going to do than to look at the floor the entire time.  

   The elevator was at the far end of the hall, waiting for them. It

came into sight about 20 minutes before they actually got to it. They

stood at the double doors, stopping to catch their breath again. A couple

meters was almost like a mile to them, and they had run the entire way.  

   "Most people don't think twice about going from their office to

the elevator...and here we are taking half an hour running to it," Scully

panted.  

   "Kind of a disadvantage if you were trying to catch a criminal,"

Mulder added.  

   "Kind of a disadvantage to life," Scully corrected. 

   Mulder strained his neck to look up at the elevator. "Now what?

'Open sesame'? It's kind of hard to open the elevator doors when the

button is in another atmosphere." 

   The problem was soon solved. Mulder and Scully pressed themselves

into a corner as a lone agent walked up to the elevator and pressed the

'down' button. They waited a few seconds before watching the great silver

skyscrapers slide open before them. The normal-sized agent stepped

inside.  

   "Okay, let's make a run for it," Mulder said, grabbing Scully and

leading her towards the doors. It wasn't until they were nearly there

when Mulder remembered the enormous gap in between the floor and the

elevator that would be wider than they were tall now that they were an

inch high. The elevator doors were starting to close again.  

   "On my count, jump! One...two...three!!"  

   Both agents took a running leap and jumped clear over the

bottomless crevice that yawned below them. Scully almost didn't make it,

but Mulder gave her a pull, and they both landed on their backs inside

the elevator.  

   They both breathed a sigh of relief as the doors slid closed in

front of them. "Close one," Scully sighed. All Mulder could do was nod in

agreement. He picked up himself and Scully and walked to a corner of the

elevator where they were least likely to be spotted. Looking up, they

both watched as the other agent pressed on the button for the bottom

floor.  

   "Okay, Scully. See, it's fine now. We'll soon be at the bottom,

and out of the building. It should be all downhill from there."  

   "Shh, not now. He could still hear you." 

   The other agent glanced around the elevator confusedly, thinking

he heard voices, then shrugged it off as nothing. Riding in an elevator

felt the same being an inch high as it did being six feet tall, just a

little longer. The elevator soon reached the bottom floor, giving a

slight bounce that made Mulder and Scully wobble unsteadily, but they

didn't fall.  

   The doors opened, and the taller agent stepped out quickly.

Mulder helped Scully leap over the gap in the door once again; though

this time it was not as frightening. They stopped to catch their breath

as the doors closed behind them once again.               Now they were in the

main lobby of the building. They could distinguish little of what

everything was, all the desks and furniture looked like nothing more than

mile-high skyscrapers. Then there were the ususal echoes and rumbles from

passing agents and other workers.  

   "How come there's not that many people?" Scully questioned. "The

lobby is usually so *busy*. It's like everyone left." 

   Mulder glanced at his watch. "That's because it's almost 9:30,

Scully. Everyone's going home." 

   "It's been almost *nine* hours?!!" 

   "Well, yeah. We fell asleep around two, and my guess is we slept

for an hour or two. And it took us a good long while to get down here.

We're probably not going to be able to get to Byers, Langley and Frohike

until two days from now." 

   "So what are we going to do?" 

   "Let's at least get outside. I don't really want to stay in the

building where someone could easily see us."  

   "And *I* don't fancy having to try and run across the hall again.

The next person may not have heels." 

   "I know," Mulder grimaced. "We'll just keep to the walls and the

desks. And then we'll do the same thing with the front door that we did

with the elevator: wait for someone else to open it. I don't think the

front doors have doorspaces." 

   It took them a good hour and a half to walk from the elevator to

the front door, which normally would have taken them 30 seconds. They

stopped for a break only twice, and then forced themselves to keep going.

They always froze when someone passed by, and several times they had to

sprint to avoid being trod upon by someone stepping rather close to the

wall, but there were never any calls too close. During that long hour and

a half, they rarely talked, they concentrated only on getting to the door

and getting out of the building. There was little to talk about, anyway.

When they finally reached the door, they stopped for a good ten minutes

to take a rest and catch their breath.  

   "So...we made it, Mulder," Scully panted.  

   "Yeah...no big deal...just imagine how long it would take to walk

to the post office from the headquarters," He answered sarcastically.  

   "Do you see anyone coming? We need to get the door open."

   Mulder looked back behind them. "Yeah, there's two people coming.

Come on, get to the corner of the door. I think they swing outward."  

   Mulder and Scully got themselves into their corner position as

the other two agents pushed the door open easily. Mulder and Scully

watched them with slight envy. They walked out the door, and Mulder and

Scully followed, sprinting fast to avoid having the door close on them.

They reached the outside just as the double doors closed behind them.  

   "Ohh....SHOOT," Scully groaned aloud. 

   Mulder looked at her quizically, until he too looked ahead, and

remembered the one detail that they had forgotten in their exhausting

journey: it was still raining outside.  

   They stared beyond the sheltering overhang that surrounded the

front of the FBI building out into the world ahead of them. And the world

suddenly seemed very large, cold and threatening. A steady downpour

rained down from the clouds above, filling the sidewalks and streets with

puddles of water that to them could end up being dozens, maybe hundreds

of feet deep. The raindrops themselves were enough to easily drown both

of them. People walked down the sidewalks hiding beneath their umbrellas,

splashing in the puddles with their enormous rainboots. And wrose yet, an

endless line of cars, taxis and trucks whizzed along the street,

splashing water everywhere. Mulder didn't even want to think about how on

earth they were *ever* going to get across that street. 

   "Somehow...I think that we're going to need more than a traffic

light if we're going to get across that," Scully muttered.                "I

don't even want to think about it," Mulder moaned. "I don't think we

should even bother trying...not today, anyway. We need to find someplace

where we can spend the night, and then we'll keep going in the morning." 

   "And get something to eat," Scully added. "All we've had in the

past couple of hours was that sandwich and that dang *coffee*..."  

   "I know," Mulder sighed. He glanced around them, looking for

something that could perhaps protect them from the rain. Even bugs and

mice knew better than to be outside in a downpour. He saw nothing except

the front of the FBI headquarters building, which obviously couldn't

shelter them for long.  

   Scully was obviously trying to do the same. She pointed to their

left, where a few leaves from the surrounding trees had dropped off onto

the ground. "Mulder, why don't we use one of those? It won't keep us dry,

but it will at least keep us from getting injured. Just one of those

raindrops could seriously break our necks." 

   Mulder glanced out at the rain and the street, and then back at

the few pitiful leaves on the ground. "Well...it's not like we've got

anything better. Might as well. We'll try and find something to eat, and

then maybe a dry place to spend the night."                "Which direction

should we go in?" 

   Mulder looked to his left, then to his right. "To our left is

another street, so we can't go that way. To the right is just the

building for a long ways, then I think there's some kind of newspaper

stand aways down. Maybe we can find shelter there. Besides, I think

Byers's, Langley's and Frohike's place is to the right, too." 

   Scully walked over to one of the yellow-green leaves and picked

it up. "Oof, it's just a bit heavy. Here, help me, we'll carry it

together."  

   Mulder came over, and together, they hefted the single leaf above

their heads. It seemed sturdy enough, and would at least keep them from

getting hit directly by raindrops. A raindrop falling at the speed of

several hundred miles per hour could easily knock them down.  

   Holding the leaf above them, they walked to the edge of the

overhang, and stared out into the shower of water and gray that stood

before them. 

   "You ready?" Mulder turned to Scully. "It may be a long walk." 

   "I'm ready," Scully said confidently.  

   "Alright," Mulder sighed, and together they stepped out into the

rain.  

   The shock of the sudden downpour on top of them caused them to

halt suddenly. The leaf thumped like a drum as raindrop after raindrop

after raindrop hit it like a steady stream of missles. The raindrops that

hit the leaf soaked through the material and still got them wet, and the

raindrops that didn't hit the leaf hit the ground instead, sending up a

spray of water into their faces and soaking them clear to the bone. They

stood beneath the leaf, shuddering, trying to get themselves to keep

walking and ignore the rain.  

   "Come on," Mulder said, his teeth chattering. "We can't stay out

here too long. We need to get moving." 

   Forcing themselves to carry on, the two agents began to walk

through the downpour.  This turned out to be a lot more difficult than

either of them expected. As soon as they got down into the sidewalk, they

found out that the water easily came up to their waists. Raindrops

splashed down all around them, never stopping, making the sidewalk an

angry, splashing sea of rainwater. Within seconds they were completely

soaked. The depth of the water on the sidewalk itself was enough to make

them feel as if they were swimming. 

   So when they started stepping into puddles, things began to get

messy.  

   The first puddle wasn't that deep. It only came up to their

necks. They gasped for breath horribly and managed to half-walk,

half-swim through the puddle, still tugging the leaf over their heads. It

took a good ten minutes for them to get to the other side of the puddle.

They hit several more, one that came up to their chests, and another to

their necks.  

   Scully shook her head at Mulder. "I don't think I can take much

more of th--" 

   Her comment was cut short as they both suddenly plunged into a

puddle a good three and a half inches deep.  

   It was like falling into a 20-foot swimming pool. They were

suddenly thrown underwater and began sinking rapidly, pulled under by

their own weight and the steady stream of rain that made the puddle even

deeper than before.  

   Mulder groped about desperately in the cold darkness for Scully's

hand, but he could feel nothing. He still had a hold of the leaf, but

Scully herself had slipped from his grasp. He looked about desperately,

but he could see nothing except complete blackness. Finally unable to

hold his breath any longer, he kicked for what he hoped was the surface. 

   He broke the surface of the puddle with a gasp and a shout,

holding the leaf above his head to shelter himself from the rain. 

   "SCULLY!!" 

   He saw her. She was splashing about somewhere ahead of him,

choking for air and for something to grab onto. When suddenly, a raindrop

dropped from the sky on top of her like a missle, striking her and

driving her beneath the surface.    "SCULLY!!!" 

   Mulder gulped in air and dove beneath the surface. He groped

about in the darkness madly, reaching out blindly for Scully. He lunged

forward, suddenly feeling her arm, and grabbed on tightly. Then mustering

all of his strength, he towed himself, Scully and the leaf back up to the

surface, and swam despairingly for the shore.  

   The two agents struggled up out of the puddle on their hands and

knees, Mulder holding the leaf above them for cover.     Scully's

face was pale and she coughed up a lungful of water. Mulder himself was

busy coughing, trying to rid his throat of the filthy water that they had

just been plunged into. Scully let out a gut-wrenching cough and gasped,

"This is no time for swimming lessons, Mulder..." 

   All Mulder could do was shake his head. They sat there for

several minutes, gasping for air and coughing before once again forcing

themselves to their feet to continue walking.  

   They walked through the rain for what seemed like an eternity.

They kept on the lookout for very deep puddles, and when they came to one

they swam through it instead of accidentally falling into it. The rain

continued to drop down, and showed no sign of letting up. Mulder and

Scully both looked about longingly, but they saw no sign of shelter, just

the tall, forbidding side of the FBI building, and the endless sidewalk

ahead of them.  

   "I can't stand this anymore, Mulder," Scully whimpered after a

long time of treading onwards. "We're going to collapse here if we don't

stop and take shelter soon. We've been running and walking and swimming

all day, and we haven't had any food." 

   "I know, Scully," Mulder replied, shaking water from his hair.

"But I still don't see anything we can use in the way of shelter. We just

have to keep walking." 

   "That's just it, Mulder. I *can't* keep walking. I'm so

tired...all I want to do right now is sleep. I can't keep this up much

longer..." 

   "Try, Scully. You have to try. If you stop right now, you'll die.

If not from raindrops, then from hypothermia. We need to find someplace

*warm*, this rain is almost freezing..." 

   "You go on, Mulder," Scully gasped. "Go ahead and see if you can

find someplace to stay. I'll stay here, and then you can come back for

me. I'm just slowing you down..." 

   "No, Scully, I'm *not* going to leave you here," Mulder shot

back. "We'll get out of this somehow." 

   "Mulder...." 

   "Wait," Mulder stopped, suddenly looking ahead. "I think I see

something." 

   "What?..." Scully asked in a slurred voice.  

   "The newspaper stand!" Mulder said, his voice suddenly excited.

"That old newspaper stand, right there! There's shelter back there, I'm

sure!" 

   Scully looked ahead, and through the curtain of rain and mist,

she could barely make out what looked like a brown skyscraper, though not

as tall as the silver one on their right. It was defintely a welcome

sight. 

   "Come on!" Mulder cried, starting to run forward. Scully

struggled to keep up with him, stumbling a little on the way. The two

agents sloshed through the waist-high rain as fast as they could, eager

to reach the old wooden stand that stood above them like a mountain. A

mountain that could possibly provide a shelter from their liquid missle

attack.  

   They reached the newspaper stand 20 minutes later. To

normal-sized people, it was a small, wooden stand that had two tables,

one of them a small one attached to the big one. A sign that had 'NEWS'

painted in red letters stood above, attached to the table by wooden

posts. The stand itself was connected to the warehouse-like building

behind, and the way behind the stand was blocked by a small swing-door. A

door in the warehouse building behind the stand itself suggested that the

papers themselves were stored indoors. Right now, the stand was empty,

and all the papers and magazines had been removed from the stand to keep

them from getting wet. A small sign that read 'CLOSED' was hung on a peg

on one of the stand's posts, and wavered slightly in the rain. 

   Mulder smiled at Scully. They walked quickly behind the stand and

under the swing-door, which had a doorspace below that was large enough

for them to easily walk under. Mulder and Scully stopped, looking around

the back of the news stand for any sign of shelter. The door that led

inside the warehouse building was closed, and had no doorspace. There was

a small door on the stand itself were papers could be stored beneath, but

it too, was closed and locked. For a moment, it looked like there was

nothing here that could shelter them either, and that they would have to

go back out into the rain and torment.  

   But then they noticed what else lay behind the stand.

   There were a few disgarded newspapers, now wet and useless with

their print bleeding all over the paper. But the thing that really caught

their attention was a cardboard box, turned over on its side, facing the

warehouse door. They walked slowly over to the box's entrance, hoping for

the best.                                                    Mulder and Scully peered

inside. Now it was Scully's turn to smile. The box was dry, and had a few

dry nespapers inside as well. And best of all, there was a corner of a

ham sandwich left in the box, also dry.  

   "Yes," Mulder said, throwing aside the leaf and stepping inside

the box. "I think this will do nicely." 

   Scully let out a long, heavy sigh. "At last...someplace dry." M

   ulder quickly explored the box. "I can't see any leaks. Yes, this

should keep us warm, at least until tomorrow." 

   "And well-fed," Scully cried eargely, walking inside.  

   The two agents quickly made themselves comfortable inside the

cardboard box. Mulder and Scully both tore off strips of newspaper to

wrap themselves in in order to try and get warm. They also tore off small

pieces of the leftover sandwich to satisfy their ravenous appetites.

After a few minutes, they were both wrapped completely in newspaper and

were busy munching on the sandwich. They just sat there, eating and

keeping quiet, before Mulder finally spoke.  

   "Whoever says no news is good news should go and have a cup of

Spender's spiked coffee." He said.  

   Scully managed a grin. "I wonder what the weasel is doing now.

Probably still trying to convince Kersh that he shrunk us. As if *that*

will ever happen." 

   Mulder sighed heavily and took another bite of a crumb. "Well, I

wanted to be out in the rain, and I wondered what it would be like to be

a bug, and here I am." 

   "Not exactly the simple life you envisioned, is it?"

   "Well, I was right, wasn't I? We found food, we found shelter,

and we avoided danger, right?" 

   "Now all you need is the mate." 

   "Who says I don't already have one?" Scully gave Mulder a

surprised a look as he tried to recover from his

Oh-my-word-I-can't-believe-I-just-said-that syndrome. Scully noticed, and

tried to change the subject.                                                       "At least

we're still alive. I'd say we've managed pretty well." 

   "*Managed*," Mulder added. "Bugs have to *live* this way. The

best we can do is to survive. Humans just weren't built for this kind of

thing." 

   "Which is why," Scully concluded, "We need to find the Lone

Gunmen as fast as we can in order to find some sort of cure for this

thing." 

   Mulder sighed again and took another bite. He chewed slowly,

gazing about at the inside of the box, at the newspaper he was wrapped

in, and at Scully. "Assuming, of course, that getting shrunken *can* be

fixed." 

   "Mulder, don't even think such things..." 

   "No, wait Scully," Mulder continued. "I'm not saying this is

gonna happen, I'm hoping not, but what if...what if we couldn't ever get

back to normal size? What would you do if we had to stay an inch tall for

the rest of our lives?" 

   "Mulder..." 

   "Just what if, Scully. Here we are, only an inch high, struggling

for our lives on a busy street in downtown Washington D.C. We may end up

this way forever. We should at least have an idea on what's to become of

us." 

   Scully paused for a moment before answering. "Well...I guess we

would have to adapt to our new enviroment. We'd have to fend for

ourselves in some sort of way. Find a place that we can use as a

permenant home. Also try and find some food source that wouldn't run out

quickly. We'd kind of have to act as if we were stranded on a desert

island. You know, build some sort of home, and devise weapons for use

against predators." 

   "Adapt?"  

   "Yes...learn to accept our new position, and try to learn to live

in it." 

   "Do you think you could ever adapt to only being an inch tall?" 

   Scully shook her head and coughed. "No. Our lives would never be

the same again. Every day would be a battle for survival, not a life. I

don't think we could ever adapt...but we could try."

   "You're saying 'we' a lot. I asked you if 'you' would."

   "Well...wouldn't we stick together, Mulder? We couldn't separate.

It would be suicidal. I would drown in a puddle or you would get stepped

on by someone."

   Mulder grinned. "You do, of course, know the other quality

necessary of being a bug..."

   "Reproduction? No, Mulder. I don't think I would want to bring

any one-inch lives into the world. It would be too depressing, too

emotionally stressful."

   "If it was a girl, we could name her Thumbelina, and if it was a

boy, we could name him Tom," Mulder mused. 

   "Very funny, Mulder."

   "What do you suppose everyone would say after they find out we've

disappeared for good? What would your mom think?"

   "I don't know...I don't really want to know, either. If we're

lucky, they'll put Spender in an insane assylum for thinking that he

shrunk us."

   Mulder sighed regretfully. "I wish I hadn't ever run into that

weasel. If I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten us into this mess."

   "Mulder...don't say that. If it's anybody's fault, it's

Spender's. He shouldn't have been carrying around that stuff so

carelessly, anyway. It's practically a federal crime..."

   "But I could have at least had the decency to go back and get you

another coffee. Then at least you would still be your normal size. I

wouldn't care if I was an inch high, just so long as you were alright..."

   "Mulder, I'd rather be with you and only an inch high than be

five foot three and not be able to find you." 

   There was a long, tense silence. The sound of rain drumming on

the box outside continued on as the two partners stared at each other for

the longest time. 

   "I guess one of us should stay up to keep watch," Scully mused. 

   "I'll stay up, Scully. You go to sleep. There's a bunch of

newspapers back here you can use..."

   "No, Mulder, I'll stay up, you get some sleep. You need it more

than I do, trust me."

   "Scully, *you* sleep. You need it the most. If you're worried

that I'll get tired; well don't, 'cause I won't."

   Scully looked at the pile of old newspapers in the back of the

box. They certainly did look inviting after their horrible journey

through the rain. She gave in. "Alright. But wake me as soon as you start

to get tired. We both need to sleep."

   "Will do," Mulder answered. Scully crawled gratefully to the back

of the box and shuffled around the papers to create some sort of

makeshift bed. She pulled a piece over herself and snuggled down, trying

to keep warm. 

   "Wake me when it's my turn," She mumbled absently, but almost

instantly went to sleep. 

   Mulder grinned briefly, then turned back to his watch. The sound

of rain pounding outside droned on continuously, creating almost a

soothing rhythm. He shivered and pulled the newspaper around him tightly

as a cold wind blew inside. He moved over and half-shut the flaps of the

cardboard box to try and keep the wind and rain out. He sat back down,

feeling much warmer already. He tried to stay awake, but the sound of the

rain outside and the pleasant dryness of the box seemed to lull him

slowly to sleep.....

   He awoke the next morning to the sound of scratching outside. 

   Mulder blinked and stretched, silently scolding himself for

falling asleep during his watch without waking Scully. However, he felt

nice and warm wrapped in the dry newspapers, even though his clothes were

still damp, and let himself sink down into a pile of paper again. He

didn't want to get up just yet...they had a long day ahead of them, and

he didn't fancy greeting it with a 'Good morning, sunshine'. The sound of

overhead missles pounding on the outside of the box had ceased.

Apparently the rain had finally let up sometime during the night. He

glanced over in Scully's direction. She was still there, wrapped in

week-old newspapers, her damp clothes clinging to her body pitifully, and

her hair wet and strewn all over in pieces in her face. 

   Man, was she beautiful.

   The faint sound continued from outside, like a quiet scratching.

Mulder squinted into the bright sunlight that shone through the box's

opening with slight curiosity. An odor drifted in with a breeze, a scent

that Mulder could barely identify. Something must be outside.....

   Scully stirred from under the newspapers, groaning slightly. He

heard her mumble something, whether in her sleep or to him directly, he

didn't know. "Scully, wake up," He called to her softly. 

   Scully turned her head to stare at him, damp red hair dangling

across her face. "Mulder, what..."

   Mulder turned back to the entrance and froze. A shadow was cast

over him. A large shadow. A shadow with fur, and pointed ears, and

whiskers. 

   A cat.

   It was a horrid, scraggly thing. It was a grey cat, with black

stripes and a white belly and chin. The cat's fur was dripping wet with

last night's rain and it's paws were caked with mud. Judging from it's

haggard appearance, thin body and horribly nasty expression, it was an

alley cat, possibly one that had been caught outside in the rain.

   The cat, that was probably the size of an African elephant,

stared down at him with angry, yellow-green eyes. Mulder watched,

horrified, as two sets of long, sharp claws extended from the cat's

forepaws, and then as the cat opened it's mouth and barred a set of

razor-edged, yellow fangs at him. 

   "SCULLY!!!"

   MREEOOOW!!!

   It was difficult to tell who's scream Scully awoke to first. She

suddenly felt herself fully awakened from her half-sleep by a crazed

Mulder who was shaking her violently and yelling at her to get up and

run. She came awake completely as Mulder shoved her aside just as a

pawful of slashing claws came crashing down. 

   The cat hissed in frustration and attacked. Mulder dodged to one

side of the box as it pounced, missing him by inches. Mulder shouted to

Scully in a panic, "Come on, we have to get out of here! Run for it!!"

   The cat turned around in the box and instead tried to catch

Scully. She cried out and dove beneath the cat's legs as it launched

forward, getting a mouthful of newspaper instead of a mouthful of Scully.

   HIIIIIISSSSSS!! 

   Scully, in a daze, ran into a corner of the box. The cat turned

to her once again, trapping her in the back of the box. Mulder was just

about to make a run for it when he noticed Scully, trapped in front of

the cat like a helpless mouse. The cat began to advance forward, baring

its fangs hungrily. 

   "HEY, YOU!!! OVER HERE!!" Mulder shouted at the top of his lungs.

The cat ignored him, intent only on getting a biteful or two of his

partner. Mulder ran up and attacked the animal, giving it a fierce kick

in the hind leg. 

   "Scully, run for it!!"

   *That* got its attention. The cat spun around, spitting in a

rage, and pounced on Mulder. He was thrown against the floor of the box

and held down by a huge, blunt paw. He looked up dizzily and saw the cat

staring back down at him with those deadly, feline eyes. Mulder suddenly

remembered back to his childhood, when he was about nine or ten. Samantha

had gotten a cat for her birthday that she named Muddy, because he was

kind of a brownish color. Mulder remembered waking up in the morning and

going outside to get the paper, and being disgusted as to the fact that

there was a headless mouse on the doorstep. He wondered how someone would

react if they went out to get the paper the next morning and found a

headless FBI agent on their doorstep.

   Pure instinct told Mulder to play dead. He head heard somewhere

that a cat wouldn't eat a dead mouse, it'd just leave it. Maybe this one

would do the same thing. Mulder closed his eyes and let his body go limp,

feigning death. 

   The cat stared down at him for a moment, apparently confused, and

prodded him with a curious paw. Mulder didn't move. Unfortunately for

him, this cat was too hungry to care whether or not he was dead. Mulder

kept still, seeing and feeling nothing. And then he suddenly felt the

cat's jaws close over his body. 

   Scully watched dumbstruck as the cat lifted it's scraggly head

with her partner's limp body in it's mouth, apparently pleased with

itself. The thing cocked it's head and prepared to chew, seemingly

enjoying the taste.

   Scully's scream didn't actually come into creation until ten

seconds after she opened her mouth.

   "MULDER!!!!!"

   cat was so surprised that it opened its mouth and dropped Mulder.

Scully ran faster than she ever had in her life, despite the fact that

the cat was standing right over her, to where Mulder was laying on the

floor of the box, groaning with pain. 

   At seeing her, he suddenly sprang to his feet as if nothing had

happened. "Come on, run!!"

   "Mulder!..."

   "Just RUN!!"

   The cat got over it's surprise just as they both sprinted out of

the box. It hissed in anger and started after them, claws barred. 

   Neither Mulder nor Scully remembered how immensely busy the

sidewalk was in the morning until they actually got out there in the

middle of it. They ran out from behind the news stand and into the open,

the cat hard on their heels. A few people were already out on the

sidewalk, and Mulder and Scully ran right into the middle of them. 

   The people didn't notice them, but they did notice the spitting,

muddy cat, and dodged out of the way. Mulder and Scully were thrown to

the ground by a nearby footstep, and then stumbled into a leftover

puddle, and then narrowly avoided being trod upon again. Mulder didn't

know how on earth they ever expected to outrun a cat, especially when

they were only an inch high on a busy street in the morning. All he knew

was that somehow they had to escape the thing. 

   They dodged again as some enormous thing whizzed by them faster

than the people that were walking. It was going too fast for them to see

what it actually was. Then they stumbled and tripped into another shallow

puddle yet again.

   There was a sound like a dull thump, and then a piercing,

agonizing wail came up from behind like a broken ambulance siren. An

ear-splitting screeching and howling made the two agents hold their ears

in agony and look behind to see what could have caused the racket. 

   Several people were crowded around the cat, which was laying down

on the sidewalk. Then Mulder and Scully noticed why: a speeding bicycle

that had passed them had hit the cat, breaking one of its hind legs. The

person on the bicycle had gotten off to attend to the animal, shouting

out apologies at no one in particular. The cat, however, would not be

touched. It sat there, licking its wounded leg and kicking up a great

fit, hissing and spitting and clawing at anyone who dared to come near. 

   Mulder looked at Scully. "Remind me never, *ever* to get a cat."

Scully was about to answer when she glanced down at the puddle they were

standing in. She gasped with horror at the realization that the water was

tinged red. "Mulder, you're hurt!!"

   They climbed out of the puddle. Mulder's suit was torn up pretty

well, and he had several scratches on him. But the thing that attracted

Scully's attention was the long, red gash on his lower left leg. 

   "Cats never did like me much," Mulder mused.

   Scully knelt down to observe the cut. Luckily, the cut didn't go

as deep as the bone, and his leg wasn't broken. But the gash was still

fairly deep, and there was a considerable about of blood leaking out. 

   "Mulder, this needs medical attention."

   "Let me know when you find some magical healing gnomes."

   Scully ignored him and stripped off part of her pant leg to make

a bandage. "Mulder, what did you think you were doing? That cat

practically almost ate you alive. Did you think it would just ignore you

if you played dead?!"

   "Yeah," Mulder moaned, embarassed. 

   "Never mind. I think we've seen the last of that thing. Here,

hold still while I wrap this around your leg."

   Mulder watched with slight fascination as Scully went about her

medical business. She tore off several strips of her pant legs and some

of her shirt and tied them tightly around Mulder's leg, making a

makeshift bandage. Mulder stood up and tested it, moving his leg about

experimentally. "It fits. I can walk fine."

   "But can you run?"

   "Probably not as fast..."

   "Well then, that's a problem," Scully sighed, looking out at the

street. "We've reached another corner. There's nowhere else for us to go

except across the street. And it's not like we can just wait for the

light to turn red."

   Mulder glanced out into the street. An endless line of cars and

trucks and taxis and all manner of vehicles whizzed by, stopping only for

short periods of time at the red lights. Not nearly long enough for

Mulder and Scully to make it even halfway across. Avoiding people's feet

seemed like a walk through the park compared to avoiding people's

pulverizing car tires. 

   "We couldn't get across unless we stopped traffic altogether."

Scully commented. 

   Mulder looked up at the traffic light high above them, almost out

of sight. He looked at the street, then back at the traffic light. Then

at the post that held the traffic light to the ground. An idea slowly

surfaced from the corner of his brain. 

   "That's what we'll do, then."

   "Huh?" Scully asked, confused. 

   "We'll stop traffic!"

   "And just exactly how do you plan to do that, Mulder?"

   Mulder lifted a finger to the traffic light, and Scully followed

his motion. Then she watched his finger as he led it from the light, to

the post and down to the ground. She realized that she was looking at a

small, black wire that led into the ground.

   "That's the means through which the light changes," Mulder

explained, pointing at the wire. "If we can shut that off, then..."

   "No light!" Scully cried, the realization hitting her.

   "Exactly," Mulder continued. "The traffic light will go out, and

no one will go anywhere. And while the cars are sitting there, we can get

across!"

   Scully looked across the street. The street was extremely wide,

as well as bumpy. To someone their size, it was probably three to five

miles across. "Mulder, they'll get a policeman out here sooner or later

to direct traffic, and then they'll get it moving again. Then where will

we be? Stuck in the middle of a busy intersection with cars zooming all

around overhead us, that's what." 

   No response.

   "Mulder?"

   She looked behind her, and found her partner trying with much

difficulty to pull the wire out of the ground in hopes of disconnecting

it. He grunted and strained with the work, but still tried. 

   "Mulder, did you hear what I just said?"

   "Scully, come on! Help me get this thing out."

   She watched him tug forcefully on the wire for a while, a very

frustrated expression dominating her face. Then she rolled her eyes

dispairingly and walked over, trying to find something they could use to

cut the wire. Looking over the edge of the curb, she found herself

staring into the gutter, where an interesting collection of miscellaneous

objects had been gathered. 

   There were two coca-cola soda cups, both wet and crumpled. A five

dollar bill, also wet, that Scully wished she had a wallet big enough for

it to fit into. There was a chewed-up ballpoint pen, three moldy

cigarettes, which coincidentally were all Morleys, a plastic ziploc

baggie and a plastic nail filer. 

   Both of the two agents were too busy to notice one of the

passers-by on the street that just happened to glance down in their

direction. The man stared at the two tiny agents for a minute, eyes wide,

and then hurried on down the sidewalk with a dumbstruck look on his face.

   While Mulder continued his fruitless attempt to yank the

well-built wire right out of the ground, Scully leaned over the edge of

the curb to try and reach the nail filer. After much straining and twice

nearly falling over into the gutter, she grabbed ahold of the heavy

piece. 

   "Mulder, help me with this," She called to him, trying to heft

the nail filer up onto the curb. Mulder turned around to see her and

instantly understood what her plan was. Together they both heaved the

nail filer up onto the sidewalk beside them. 

   "We can give that wire a good stab, and maybe it'll go out,"

Scully explained, motioning to the nail filer. "I think it'll be sharp

enough."

   "Right, we'll do it together," Mulder concluded, picking up the

front end of the filer. Scully went around and took up the rear. Mulder

aimed it carefully at the wire. Then they both rammed the sharp edge

directly into the tough wire skin. 

   Both agents lept back as a small shower of sparks lept out as a

result of the nail filer penetrating the wire. There were a few snaps and

a loud pop. And then, in response to a chain reaction, all four traffic

lights for each side of the street zapped out of existance.  

   A unaminous sreeching and honking came from all sides of the

street as cars and trucks alike stopped in a squeal of tires at their

traffic direction's sudden disappearance. A few drviers sat there,

dubmfounded, some honked their horns, and some rolled down their windows

so they could yell at everyone else that it was the government's fault

and that they were going to sue. 

   Scully looked at Mulder, surprised that their scheme had actually

worked. Mulder just smiled. "After you," He said, gesturing to the edge

of the curb.  

   It took some considerable effort to get off the edge of the curb

because of its daring height, but by helping each other down, they

finally made it into the gutter. They sloshed through waist-deep sewer

water for a few minutes before finally getting out into the street.  

   Their journey across the street was most exhuberating. Unlike the

sidewalk, the street was a much more bumpy terrain, slowing their

progress by a little bit. They walked mostly, but at a fast pace, and

also took some time to run. 

   Mulder ended up being a little slower because of his hurt leg, 

but he still managed to keep up. They had decided that they would not 

stop at all until they reached the other side of the street. Every minute 

on the street put them in considerate danger, even with the traffic 

lights out. The ground was hard and rocky, and slightly damp, but they 

didn't care. They concentrated only one their single goal- to reach the 

other side of the street.  

   Meanwhile, the normal people were having a hectec time in order

to allow two inch-high FBI agents to cross the street. It took a

considerable time for someone to get out there who had a vauge idea on

what was going on, during which there was much honking, cussing, shouting

and groaning. When an official finally came into the melee, there was

instant demand for a policeman to direct traffic until the lights could

be fixed. But there were no available policeman because they were down on

the other side of Washington D.C. investigating a robbery and a murder.

Well get one down here anyway, everyone shouted. But it would still take

another hour or so for an experienced policeman to come down and get in

the middle to sort things out. Then get someone who knows how to fix the

lights, they demanded. Well, a light repairman still needed to be

contacted, and they still didn't know what the problem was with the

lights. Then get the h*ll out of the street before we run you over was

the next demand.  

   It took nearly four hours for Mulder and Scully to go across the

street at a reasonably fast pace. During that time, they talked little

except when encouraging the other to keep going. After an eternity of

walking past round, deadly boulders that were car wheels and trying to

ignore a neverending chorus of echoing horns and shouts and  occasional

footsteps, the agents reached their destination: the other side of the

street.  

   And not a moment too soon. Almost the moment they managed to

climb back up the other side of the curb, a policeman finally arrived to

direct traffic and regain order. Mulder and Scully stood there on the

curb and watched cars and trucks zoom by to their various destinations.  

   "I never would have believed it," Scully sighed heavily. "We made

it across that thing. And without ever once getting into some form of

danger." 

   "I guess we could be charged with destruction of federal property

and jaywalking," Mulder mused. "But we'd get out of it because they don't

have hamster cages in jail." 

   "Don't even mention that," Scully grimaced. "Reminds me of what

could have happened to us if Spender had ever found us back in the

office." 

   "Yeah," Mulder agreed. "Remind me to force a cup of hot coffee

down his throat if we ever get back to normal size." 

   "And remind me to demand him to return my trench coat," Scully

added. 

   "Better not put that thing in the wash. If it shrinks, you won't

ever be able to find it again." 

   Scully rolled her eyes. Then she gazed around at this side of the

street, and at the last leg of the journey that lay before them.  

   This side of the street was much more forbidding and dangerous

than the FBI headquarters building on the other side. It was mostly a

section of warehouses and storage facilities, many long abandoned. Dark,

damp alleys and cracks and crevices where evident between almost every

building. Very few people were on this side of the street, since this was

also the territory of the occasional gang or two, which Scully found

ironic considering that the FBI headquarters were right across the

street.  

   Mulder checked his watch. "Good grief, Scully, it's almost 5:00.

Where did the day go? Did it really take us *that* long just to get

across the street?" 

   "Well, it took us about four hours to cross that thing, and about

half an hour starting from when we were chased out of that cardboard box.

Remember, we didn't go to sleep until around one last night, and we were

really tired. We probably slept in until about noon." 

   Mulder nodded. "We'll have to find food again. We haven't had

anything to eat since that sandwich last night." 

   Scully groaned. "How long until we reach the Gunmen's

headquarters?" 

   "I'm guessing that we'll have to find another place to stay the

night. We'll probably reach their office by tomorrow morning, if we move

fast. Luckily, it should be easier for us to find someplace to stay, and

there won't be any more rain." 

   "If our luck holds out, it'll be pouring within an hour," Scully

grumbled.  

   And with that, the two agents started out into the last leg of

the journey.   

   Kersh frowned with resentment at Spender. The little squirt

stared back at him with equal discontent. Spender shifted around in his

chair with slight nervousness and looked back at Kersh expectantly. 

   "Well?" The assistant director stared down at the miniature

trench coat that lay on his desk. Spender could tell that Mulder and

Scully's boss was having a difficult time swallowing this story, even

after Spender had showed him the 'evidence'. Kersh picked up the coat and

turned it over in his hand before looking back up at Spender.  

   "Agent Spender, do you expect me to believe that Agents Mulder

and Scully were not present at work today because you accidentally

spilled a solution into their drinks that caused them to shrink to the

height of about an inch high?" Spender nodded slowly.  Kersh rolled his

eyes and rubbed a few fingers against his forehead. This agent was

starting to get on his nerves.        "Please explain to me again how

you came to acknowledge this fact." 

   Spender cleared his throat. "Well sir, I already told you how I

ran into Mulder during lunch and spilled some of the liquid I was

carrying into the drinks he was carrying. And then about a few hours

later I walked into their office to check on them and they weren't there.

I looked all around, but I couldn't find them, sir. I noticed that the

trash can had been knocked over, and then I noticed Scully's trench coat

on the floor, sir. And so I went to tell my partner, and you asked me if

you knew the wereabouts of Agents Mulder and Scully, so I told you." 

   Kersh stared at Spender, then at the tiny trench coat. Then at

Spender. Then the trench coat. He coughed.  

   "Agent Spender, you are dismissed. I will think over what you

have told me and give you my opinion on this matter later."

   Spender nodded and exited Kersh's office. 

Two hours later, the lonely alleys of Washington D.C. found agents Mulder

and Scully trudging along slowly, going ever forwards, with Scully

helping Mulder along when he experienced occasional lapses of pain in his

leg. A chill wind blew into their faces, causing them to pause and bend

their heads to avoid direct contact with the freezing air. The buildings

loomed up above them like mountains, cold and threatening. They stumbled

along cracks in the sidewalk and jumped over those that were too wide to

step over. The puddles in the sidewalk that were too wide for them to

walk around they swam through. And by now they were both wet, muddy,

tired, and hungry to the point of exhaustion.  

   "I think..." Scully gasped after tripping over a lone pebble, "We

need to stop for the night. We can get a good night's rest, and then

start out early again in the morning. I just hope the Lone Gunmen are

there when we get there." 

   "Oh, don't worry, they will be," Mulder assured her. "That

cramped little office is practically home to them." 

   "So I figured," Scully said glumly.  

   Mulder looked ahead. "Look Scully, I think I can see their

building already. It's just a little ways ahead. Are you sure you don't

want to try and reach it tonight?" 

   "I'm sure, Mulder. I can barely move my feet, much less walk all

the way past a single building." 

   Mulder sighed and gave in. It made him upset that they were

stopping so close to their goal, but he didn't want to overburden Scully,

-not to mention his protesting leg- so he agreed to stop and find a place

for the night.  

   They stopped right in an old alleyway. The alley was basically

empty, except for a few trash cans and wet newspapers.             "I don't

see anyplace we can go, do you?" Mulder asked.        "No," Scully

sighed, "But I see some food over there by the trash can. Let's go get

some." 

   A few pieces of leftover food had been left by the trash can, but

they were old and slightly moldy. However, both Mulder and Scully were

too hungry to care, and filled themselves with as much food needed until

they were full. During that time, Scully had spotted something in the

alley that they could use to spend the night in: an empty drainpipe. 

                                                                "Not exactly a four star hotel,"

Mulder mused as he peered inside. "But it should be big enough for both

of us." 

   "Isn't there something we can use to keep it kind of dry?" Scully

asked, squirming uncomfortably. "It's pretty wet in there." 

   Mulder glanced around. "Everything in this alley is wet. There's

nothing here we can use that's actually dry." 

   "Why am I *not* surprised." Scully sighed, climbing into the

drainpipe. Mulder took a quick glance around to make sure that everything

was clear and climbed in after her.  

   Scully had already attempted to make herself comfortable. She

squirmed around until she found a relatively passible position, and

curled up to try and go to sleep. Mulder himself laid down near the

entrance of the drainpipe and tried to get as comfortable as the smooth,

damp edges of the pipe would allow. Once he was settled, he stole a

glance back at Scully. 

   She looked over at him sleepily. Her clothes were all torn and

splattered over with mud and grime and clung to her wet body pitifully.

Her white shirt was practically dripping with mud. Her hair was tussled

and strewn all over the place, including her face, which was also

slightly pale and splattered with mud.  

   He began to laugh aloud.  

   "What's so dang funny?" Scully shot at him. 

   "Oh, nothing...just this. Here we are on this normal work day.

Shrunken down to the height of an inch by some liquid that was

accidentally spilled into our coffees, and having just been through an

ordeal which included falling into trash cans, avoiding getting stepped

on by giant agents, leaping over crevaces in order to get on the

elevator, taking hours to walk across a single hallway, drowning in

puddles, getting chased by alley cats, living off of other people's

leftover food and spending the night in cardboard boxes and drainpipes." 

   "And you somehow find that funny."  

   Mulder stared back out the drainpipe entrance at the night that

was swiftly coming on. "Actually, Scully, I'm scared to death. If this

shrinking effect was going to wear off, it should have done so by now.

And what if the Lone Gunmen can't help us? What if we stay only an inch

high forever? What's going to happen then?" 

   Scully sighed heavily. "I don't know, Mulder...I really don't

know." She paused. "But I do know that whatever does happen...that I'll

feel a lot better about it knowing that we're in this thing together." 

   Mulder looked at Scully. He smiled slightly. "Good night.....

Thumbelina." 

   Scully rolled her eyes. "Good night...cat food." 

   Mulder was about to counter that comment, but then thought better

of it. Despite the cold and damp of the drainpipe, both agents were soon

fast asleep.   

   Mulder opened his eyes and rubbed them slowly. He groaned from a

sharp crack that sounded in his back, due to the uncomfotable position he

had slept in within the drainpipe last night. He moved his arm to look at

his watch. 

   9:09. 

   He let out another groan and moved his head in Scully's

direction. She wasn't there. 

   "Scully?" 

   "I'm right here, Mulder," He heard a familiar voice call from the

outside of the drainpipe. "I'm just taking a stretch. It was way too

cramped in there." 

   Satisfied with his partner's location, Mulder twisted around to

try and get a few more moments rest before they had to get up and get

walking again. His pants and coat were wet from leftover water that had

trickled down the drainpipe during the night, and his leg still ached

from the gash that the cat had caused. He had not slept well last night,

and it showed.  

   "Oh, rats." He heard Scully exclaim. 

   "What, did you strain a muscle or something?" Mulder mumbled.  

   "No, Mulder, I mean literally." 

   Confused, Mulder forced himself up to see what Scully was talking

about. As he stared out the drainpipe entrance, he instantly noticed.  

   Three large, gray sewer rats stood facing the agents in the

drainpipe, scowls of hatred and fury all across their faces, backs

arched, claws barred and whiskers twitching dangerously. Each rat was

about the size of a truck, and about as tough as one, too.  

   "Hey, I didn't know Krycek was having a family reunion," Mulder

said. One of the rats hissed in anger and gave a challenging wipe at the

agents with its paw.  

   "Look, I know it was a bad joke, but there's no need to get all

fussy about it," Mulder shot back.  

   "Mulder..." 

   The rats had had it with that. They hissed and squeaked and began

to advance on the agents, moving very quickly.  

   "I thought rats didn't eat meat!" Mulder cried. 

   They're not looking for food, Mulder. We just intruded on their

territory." 

   "Then maybe they should put up a 'PRIVATE PROPERTY: NO

TRESPASSING' sign." 

   A rat lept at Scully with a squeak, intent on knocking her to the

ground. Scully dodged just in time, and the rat hit the opposite wall. It

let out a wail of rage that persuaded the other rats into action. Scully

yanked Mulder out of the drainpipe as another rat attempted to leap into

the pipe, claws and teeth barred. Mulder and Scully began to back away as

the rats scampered forward, hissing at them like a gang of enraged

hillbillies.     Mulder pulled Scully behind him in an effort to

protect her and picked up a nearby old toothpick. Using it as a spear, he

lunged at the nearest rat, driving it back.  

   "Back, ye ancient monsters, back or I'll stabbeth thee!!" Mulder

cried out in the best heroic voice he could muster. 

   "My hero," Scully mumbled sarcastically. She had just about

decided that the insainity of the situation must be getting to her

partner's head.  

   The rats stayed back momentarily, wary of the toothpick. Mulder

and Scully slowly started to back out of the alley. One rat attempted to

come close. Mulder gave a swing with the spear-like toothpick, and blood

spurted from the rat's nose. The rat gave a screech of rage and lunged

forward, provoked into a direct attack. With one swift bite, it snapped

Mulder's toothpick in two. 

   "Ohhh, shoot...." Mulder cried as the rats advanced on them with

renewed eargerness, ready to finish them off there and then.                        

   MEOW. 

   "Ditto..." Scully mumbled.  

   The rats froze at the sound of a slightly familiar growl. Out

from behind the trash can emerged the gray striped alley cat, still just

as mangy and thin and ugly, only this time, it limped along pathetically

with its broken hind leg. Mulder and Scully continued to back out of the

alley slowly as the rats stared in fear at this new, much larger

intruder. The cat lashed its tail dangerously and pounced. The three rats

scattered in all directions admist a spitting and hissing cat. Then they

took off in the other direction of the alley with the cat close behind,

clawing and meowing up a big fit.  

   "Let's get out of here," Mulder whispered to Scully. She nodded

in eager agreement. Still hearing the sounds of fighting in the alley,

the two agents sprinted out of their hiding place and began to run down

the sidewalk. 

   Mulder could barely make out the Lone Gunmen's headquarters aways

ahead, just past the one warehouse building. It had seemed so much

farther away last night in the dim light, but now, he could see it was

only a long run ahead. He motioned for Scully to start walking, and they

set off at a steady pace. 

   "How'd that cat manage to get all the way over here?" Scully

mused. 

   "I don't know, and I don't want to know. I just hope that those

rats will keep it occupied until we can reach the Lone Gunmen."  

   MEOW. 

   The two agents slowly turned around at the same time.

   There stood the familiar striped alley cat, looking at them with

the same hungry gleam as the first time they had run into it. It had

chased the rats for a while, but then grew bored and decided to come back

for a more interesting meal. 

   "Case in point..." Scully groaned. 

   Mulder just turned and ran, with Scully sprinting in his wake.

The cat gave a hiss and gave chase.  

   The only thing that saved Mulder and Scully from being caught on

the very spot was the cat's broken leg. Because of it's injury, the

animal's speed was reduced to half it's normal ability. It half-ran,

half-limped along miserably, meowing and hissing in an effort to catch up

to its escaping prey.  

   "Mom never did like it when I brought home pets that followed

me," Mulder wheezed. "Why won't that thing leave us alone?" 

   "It likes you," Scully joked, leaping over a crack in the

sidewalk. 

   "You mean it likes me for breakfast," Mulder corrected. 

   "Just run, Mulder. Cat can't have breakfast if cat can't catch

breakfast." 

   "I'll be sure to remember that next time I take a stroll through

India," Mulder countered. 

   The agents ran without stopping. Despite the cat's injured limb,

it was easily catching up, and getting ready to pounce on them with one

leap. For some reason, the animal seemed to enjoy the way Mulder had

tasted, and decided that it preferred him and the other small creature

over a trio of filthy rats. Mulder gave a moan of despair as their

pursuer picked up speed, ready for one final bound. 

   "Here!! Here's their front door!!" Scully shouted at the top of

their lungs. Mulder looked up and found himself sprinting by a huge, gray

cliff. Grabbing Scully by the wrist, he flung himself and her around in a

90 degree turn just as the cat leaped.          It missed, and landed on

the sidewalk face first. Shouting for her to hurry, Mulder pushed Scully

and himself under the tiny doorspace just as the cat regained its

composure and leaped to get them again.  

   "GO, RUN!!" 

   With one last final pull, Scully yanked Mulder under the door and

into the building. The cat hissed in fury and clawed at the bottom of the

door to try and reach them, but the space was too small for its paws to

fit under. Spitting with rage, it sat down by the door to wait for its

prey to emerge once again. 

   Mulder and Scully lay on their backs on the floor, panting and

wheezing for breath. Mulder winced and clutched at his leg in pain. 

   "Ow... it's starting to act up again. I don't think I could have

stood another minute of running." Scully coughed before answering. 

   "Well...we finally made it. After two days of surviving of the

streets of Washington D.C. being only an inch high, we finally reached

our destination." 

   "Yeah," Mulder looked at her, grinning broadly.  

   "And this had better be worth that trip or I'm going to throw you

back outside to that stupid cat." 

   Mulder didn't answer, but struggled to get up, making a face as

he put some weight on his injured leg. He stood up and tried to take a

look around. There were two doors in the Lone Gunmen's headquarters, one

which led to the hallway in part of the general building and the one they

had just came through which led outside. Mulder found himself staring up

at the leg of a large table and a tangle of wires and such for the

computers that he knew would be on top of that table. He couldn't see

beyond what they could see from the floor, which was mostly a bunch of

old cardboard boxes, some disgarded and forgotten files and other

miscellaneous objects. He didn't see Langley, Frohike or Byers.

   "Where are they? Did we come at the one time they weren't home?"

Scully asked worriedly.  

   "No, they should be here. This is a pretty big office." He

glanced up. "Let's get to the top of the table. We should be able to spot

them from there and then somehow get their attention."               Scully

noticed the computer wires. "And try not to fall into the trash can this

time, Mulder." 

   "Who says they have a trash can?" 

   Scully helped Mulder over to the table leg, since he had begun to

limp from the leg. The wound had bled through her bandage and had begun

to stain his pants. It was a nasty wound, but Scully was just thankful

and amazed that he wasn't really even more hurt after being chewed up by

a cat. They reached the table leg and began to scale the wires, which

turned out to be much harder than the first time when they just had to

slide down them. But after a while of upward tugging and grunting and

climbing, they scrambled over the edge of the table and onto its flat

surface.  

   Scully groaned and dropped her shoulders. "Well, I should have

expected as much." 

   Langley was sitting at the table, playing a game of Hearts and

losing miserably while listening to the latest 'Deftones' album. His

long, blond hair kept getting thrown into his oversized glasses as he

jerked his head from side to side with the music and lip-synched along

with whatever words he could actually understand. 

   "Frohike and Byers must be somewhere else back here," Mulder

mused. "Let's try and get Langley's attention." 

   Mulder and Scully stepped up as close as possible, although they

didn't want to get too close as to surprising Langley into doing

something unwise, such as swinging his arm and knocking them clear off

the table.  

   Mulder cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, "LANGLEY!!" 

   Langley didn't even so much as look in that direction; he was too

enthralled in the game and the music to hear.  

   "Let's try at the same time," Scully suggested.

   "One...two...three... LANGLEY!!!!!"

                                                 Still no response. 

   "LANGLEY YOU DORK, LOOK OVER HERE!!" 

   And still yet no response. 

   "It's no good," Scully moaned. "He can't hear us. Our voices

aren't loud enough." 

   Mulder looked around at what lay on the desk they were standing

on. There were several computers, one of which they were standing in

front of, and a small TV and VCR. There was a microphone and tape

recorder, several stacks of files, newspaper and magazine articles and

other things he couldn't identify because of his height. An idea formed

as he looked back at the microphone.  

   "Hey, Scully, look at this," He said, pointing to the microphone.

"We can use that to amplify our voices a bit. *That* should get his

attention.  

   "It's worth a try." 

   Mulder hefted the microphone up and set it down, then plugged the

end into the tape recorder. He pushed the volume on the recorder up

full-blast, and spoke into the microphone.     "LANGLEY!!!" 

   Mulder and Scully both covered their ears at Mulder's own voice,

which was extremely loud to them. Langley suddenly stopped. He switched

off the music, and glanced around at the office confusedly.  

   Mulder risked another sound blast. 

   "LANGLEY!" 

   "Huh?" Langley replied, starting to get nervous. "Mulder, is that

you?" 

   "LANGLEY, OVER HERE!!!" 

   "Mulder? I hear ya, but I don't see ya." 

   "WOULD YOU JUST LOOK OVER HERE ALREADY?!" 

   Langley got up out of his chair and began to walk around,

searching for the source of the sudden voice. 

   "Frohike, is that you playing some kind of joke? Mulder?! Come

on, this isn't funny!" 

   "LANGLEY, YOU IDIOT! OVER HERE!!" 

   Langley stopped. "Byers, Frohike, c'mere!! I hear Mulder but I

don't see him! I think he's having an out-of-body experience or

somethin'!!" 

   "OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE MY FOOT!!! OVER HERE, WHERE YOU JUST

WERE!!" 

   Langley stopped again, and followed the sound of Mulder's voice.

"Where are you?" 

   "DOWN HERE. ON THE DESK, LOOK ON THE DESK!!" 

   "Huh?" 

   "JUST LOOK ON THE DESK, STUPID!!" 

   Langley's eyes searched the messy desk extensively, he wasn't

exactly sure of what he was looking for, but he looked anyway. He saw the

computer keyboard... an old National Equirer... a coffee stain... some

broken advil tablets... Mulder and Scully waving at him next to the

microphone... 

   He looked back again. Mulder and Scully. 

   He rubbed his eyes and cleaned his glasses with his shirt. Still

Mulder and Scully. Only they were each about as tall as an eighty cent

eraser. They were just standing there by the tape recorder, smiling

broadly at him and waving.  

   "Hey, Langley!!" 

   Mulder and Scully's smiles dropped to frowns as they watched

Langley's wide eyes stare at them, then slowly roll upwards, and then as

his entire body leaned back dangerously....  THUMP. 

   They ran to the edge of the desk and looked down, only to observe

Langley on the floor, having fainted completely. 

   "Aw, shoot." Scully groaned. "Got any more bright ideas?"

   Before Mulder could reply, the other two Lone Gunmen, Byers and

Frohike, walked into the room. Frohike glanced around the office. 

   "Langley, did you call for us?" 

   Byers was the first to notice him. "Uhh...Frohike...I think

Langley just passed out." He pointed to Langley's still form on the

paper-covered floor. 

   Frohike's eyebrows raised. "Well, that's a first." He knelt down

and tried to revive him. "Come on, Langley, get up!"      Langley

cocked on eye open. "Are they still there?" 

   "Are who still there?" 

   "Mulder and Scully!" 

   "Where are Mulder and Scully?" 

   "On the desk!" 

   "What exactly are you implying when you say 'on the desk'?!!" 

   Langley grabbed Frohike. "I'm tellin' ya, I saw Mulder and Scully

on that desk, and they were *this tall*!!" Langley demonstrated with two

fingers their approximate height.  

   Frohike and Byers exchanged glances. "Right, Langley. Mulder and

Scully were an inch tall. I think you've been listening to that music

long enough now." 

   "BYERS!! FROHIKE! OVER HERE!!" 

   This time it was Byers and Frohike's turn to look surprised. They

both slowly turned around...and saw Mulder and Scully standing on the

desk, just as Langley had said.  

   "See? I *told* you..." 

   Frohike walked up to the desk slowly and stuck his face close to

the two tiny agents, eyes wide. Mulder and Scully grinned broadly back at

him. 

   "Mulder? Is.......that *you*?...." 

   "It's me, Frohike!" Mulder spoke into the microphone. "And kindly

back up. You have rather bad breath, not to mention a loud voice." 

   Frohike blushed and took a step back as Byers came forward. It

took a long time for Frohike to find his voice again.       "Mulder,

you're......*tiny*." 

   "Oh, well, gee, thanks for pointing that out, Frohike. I hadn't

noticed." 

   Byers took the time to notice some other details. "Not only

that... Scully's tiny. And you're both filthy." 

   "Look, Byers, Frohike, stop stating the obvious," Scully

glowered. "We came here because we need your help." 

   "I kinda figured." 

   Mulder launched into an explanation. "You see, about two days

ago, Scully and I had stopped for a lunch break, right? So anyway, I go

and get us some coffee and on the way to our table I accidentally run

into Spender and he spills this clear stuff all over our food. I just

ignore him and go back to our table and we drink our coffee even though

it now tastes funny. So when we get back to the office we suddenly both

feel really drowsy and doze off in our chairs. And when we woke up again

we were this tall! And so we think that whatever Spender spilled in our

coffees was some kind of shrinking poison, and since we drank it we both

got shrunken. And now it took us a full two days to get here so we can

ask you help in figuring out some way to get un-shrunken!!"

   Frohike coughed. "Could you run that by me again? I was too busy

staring to really catch all of that." 

   Mulder groaned. He told their story again, this time in more

detail, including falling into the trash can and narrowly escaping

Spender and getting stepped on by other agents and having to get out of

the building and trying to stay alive while it was raining and spending

the night in cardboard boxes and drainpipes and getting chased and chewed

by cats and crossing the street and fighting off rats and finally what it

took to get them to their headquarters. The Lone Gunmen stood for a long

time, sinking it all in.  

   A thought suddenly dawned on Frohike. "Hey, Mulder...you're

shorter than me!" 

   "Frohike, don't even start..." 

   Frohike was very pleased by this obvious fact. He began to chant,

"Mulder's shorter than me-e, Mulder's shorter than me-e..."          Byers

began to pound them with questions. "Do you think Spender meant to spill

that stuff in your coffee? Do you know if the substance is

extra-terrestrial or belongs to the government? Do you know what it's

chemical components are?..." 

   Mulder held up his hands. "We don't think Spender meant for us to

get shrunken. We don't know anything about the substance or where it

comes from or anything. We're just here to find out how to reverse it!" 

   "Could it wear off?" Langley asked.  

   Scully shrugged. "It could, but it hasn't yet, so we don't know."

   "Can you think of any way to cure it?" Mulder asked worriedly.  

   Frohike had pulled out a magnifying glass and was staring at the

two agents through its lens. 

   "Not unless we can get an idea of what the clear substance is.

Once we observe it's chemical properties, we may get an idea on how to

reverse it." 

   "Put that magnifying glass away, Frohike, it's annoying. We're

not *that* small. Well, how do you find that stuff out?" 

   "It would take too long to look it up on record. What would

really be helpful is a blood sample. You interested in giving us a sqeeze

or two?" Langley suggested, pulling out a syringe.  

   Mulder and Scully both immediately shook their heads no. To them,

a syringe was the size of a truck, and the needle itself was like an

enormous spear. "Langley, that thing is more likely to run us through

than to take a blood sample. Don't you have anything smaller?" 

   Byers shook his head no. "We don't have anything that can match

your dimensions." 

   Frohike had ignored Mulder's comment and peered closer with the

magnifying glass. "Hey, Mulder, you're bleeding." 

   Mulder looked down. "Yeah, I know. You know how I told you about

the cat." 

   "Think maybe we could get a small sample of that?" 

   Scully caught on. She ripped the old bandage off of Mulder's leg

and set it aside, then tore off more strips of clothing to make another

bandage. By now, she had nearly torn her sleeves off and her pant legs

off as well, and Mulder noticed.    "Just keep tearin' those clothes

off, Scully, and my leg will feel much better," He joked. 

   Scully gave him her oh-no-you-don't look and wrapped the second

bandage around his wound.  

   She pointed to the old bandage. "Use that to get a blood sample."

   Byers reached down and picked up the tiny bandage, walked over to

a microscope on a different desk and set it down. He adjusted the knobs

until they magnified enough times, and peered through the eyepiece.

Everyone waited before he announced his conclusion. 

   "This is extremely strange," He said. "There is an extra molecule

all over in the other molecules, with a structure that I haven't ever

seen before. This molecule seems to be......*draining the life* out of

all the others. It's as if the invading molecule drains the mass out of a

normal molecule, but doesn't affect it's function in any way. And as the

normal molecule gets smaller, the invading molecule gets bigger." 

   "That can't be," Scully countered. "It's scientifically

impossible for mass to be added or removed in any way, it can only be

changed into different forms." 

   "And it's scientifically impossible to get shrunken, too," Mulder

added. "And yet here we are. I'd say science kinda falls a few steps

*short* here, wouldn't you agree shorty, I mean, Scully?..." 

   "I know it's impossible, but that's what it seems to be doing,"

Byers insisted. He looked back at the microscope. "But apparently, the

molecules have to *continue* to gather the mass from the other molecules,

otherwise, the mass would just...*grow* back, or spring back to return to

normal size." 

   "Well then, isn't there some way we can get rid of that extra

molecule?" Mulder insisted.  

   "Not unless you deprive it of its food source, which is your

body," Byers looked worried. "And from what I can tell, this molecule is

getting bigger and bigger by the second. It probably started out very

small, but just continued to grow as it drained the mass from other

molecules." 

   "Which means...." Frohike said. 

   "...That this thing is getting worse and there may be no way to

stop it," Scully concluded with a groan. "Do you mean that we're getting

smaller? That this thing is still shrinking us?"               "No," Byers said

slowly, "Because of the normal molecule's tendancy to kind of *regrow*

it's own mass, it's counterbalancing the shrinking molecule. But it

doesn't appear as if it can be stopped." 

   Mulder and Scully exchaned horrified glances. "You mean we'll

have to stay an inch high FOREVER?!?!"  

   "We're not sure yet," Frohike said. "Give us some time to study

this thing and figure out exactly how it works, and we may be able to

think of a way to stop it." 

   "That may take some time, though," Langley added glumly. 

   Scully rolled her eyes. "Oh well, it's not like we can go

anywhere else right now." 

   "Yeah, you guys could sleep in a shoebox," Langley snorted.  

   "Langley, if I weren't only an inch tall, I would punch you,"

Mulder growled.  

   Frohike sat down next to the desk, still holding the magnifying

glass. "Well, what now?" Scully looked at Mulder.

   "Actually...right now, I'm feeling awful sleepy." Mulder nodded. 

   "Yeah...me too."

                                                                                Frohike raised his

eyebrows. "You guys want someplace to catch a few z's?" 

   Mulder looked off the desk in the direction of the old couch.

"Actually...the couch looks really nice right now." 

   "Isn't it kind of....*big*?" 

   Scully yawned. "Yeah, but it's a heck of a lot more comfortable

than a cardboard box or a drainpipe." 

   "Just don't forget that we're there and sit on it," Mulder added.

   "Okay, whatever," Frohike sighed. "Hop on." 

   He held out his hand on the desk. Mulder and Scully exchanged

glances before reluctantly climbing onto Frohike's hand and allowed him

to carry him across the room to the old leather couch in one corner.  

   "I can't believe how tired I feel..." Scully mumbled as she

stepped off onto the leather material.  

   "I know....it feels like that one time after the coffee....."

Mulder added, his vision starting to get blurry.              Frohike watched

in amazement as both agents suddenly collapsed onto a couch cushion, fast

asleep.  

   Scully felt leather pressed against her cheek as she slowly

returned to consciousness. Her body ached and she felt slightly dizzy, as

if she had just ascended in a bumpy airplane takeoff. At first she wasn't

sure what happened, but then memories came back of the Lone Gunmen and

Byers's discovery and suddenly feeling very tired... 

   She blinked and forced her eyes open to look around. The first

thing she noticed was Mulder's head resting on her hip. He was still

asleep. Then she also noticed how much...*smaller* everything seemed to

look since the last time she saw it. 

   "Aw, don't wake up yet, Scully! Mulder and you look so cute! I

was going to take a picture!!" 

   Scully was surprised as to the fact that Langley's voice sounded

normal, and not the usual booming echo that came from on high. She tried

to force herself to wake up more, but sleep still brimmed her vision. As

a test, she tried to stand up. Her feet slid off the couch and touched

the floor.  

   The *floor*.

                                                                                               She looked down.

Yes, the carpet floor looked like carpet, and not a waist-high meadow of

string and yarn. Looking behind, she saw that the leather couch that had

looked like a mountain range now looked like a couch. She stared around

quickly, and soon discovered that *everything* was it's normal size!  

   Byers was looking her in the eye, his head about level with hers.

   "Surprise, Scully." 

   Scully turned in a full circle, eyes wide, and then turned to

Mulder and began shaking him as he had first shanken her.

   "Mulder, come on, wake up! You gotta see this!!" 

   "Huh?" Mulder groaned. 

   Scully shook him again, a huge smile plastered across her face.

"They fixed it, Mulder!! We're normal size again!" 

   "Huh?" 

   "Mulder, get up!" Scully exclaimed, pulling him to his feet. He

stood up dizzily and looked around. A few quick glances soon brought him

to the same realization that Scully had. He turned back to her, eyes wide

and grin big.  

   "It worked!! We're alright!" Mulder exclaimed, hugging Scully

tightly and swinging her around in a circle.  

   "I don't believe it! We actually got big again!!" Scully laughed.

   The Gunmen simply stared at the two as if they had just lost

their minds. Mulder turned to the three Lone Gunmen, joy spelled all over

his face. "How did you guys cure it?!" 

   "That's just the thing, Mulder," Byers answered. "We didn't." 

   Mulder looked confused. "Then how come we're big again?"

   "Our guess is that the effect of the shrinking molecule wore off.

The shrinking molecule grew to such an enormous size that it wore itself

out and just dissiplated. And once there were no more molecules feeding

on the other molecules' mass, they were able to grow back to normal size.

The same thing happened with the blood sample." 

   "It was pretty funky," Langley broke in. "You both just kinda

grew. Wish I had it on tape." 

   "Yeah, so do I," Mulder said sarcastically.  

   "So that's it?" Scully asked. "After almost three days of only

being an inch high, it just wears off?" 

   "Kinda lame if it were ever going to be used for a chemical

weapon," Mulder mused. 

   "I don't care *what* it could be used for," Scully sighed. "I'm

just glad it's over." 

   "The problem now is that there's no evidence. We've got nothing

to show that we were ever shrunken," Mulder complained.            "Who

cares about evidence?" Scully countered. "Why would we want to tell

anyone that we got shrunken? All they'd do is perform a whole bunch of

stupid tests on us. And that's one thing that I really want to avoid." 

   "So we're not going to tell anyone that we were shrunken?"

   "No, we're not going to tell anyone," Scully decided. "All it

would do is get us into trouble. This entire incident should be labeled

as an accident only, and then forgotten." Scully looked at the Lone

Gunmen expectantly.  

   "We won't tell anyone," Frohike sighed. "It'll be hard, but we

won't tell anyone." 

   "So what are we going to tell Kersh when we come back and asks

where we were for the past two days?" Mulder looked down at his leg. 

   "We were in a serious car wreck and I got injured so we stayed in

the hospital for two days." 

   "We have no medical records to prove that." 

   "I was walking home when I guy jumped out and tried to mug me and

stabbed me on the leg." 

   "Who'd be desperate enough to mug you?" 

   "A cat bit me." 

   "*That'll* work." 

   Mulder sighed and turned back to the Lone Gunmen. "Thanks so much

for helping us out, you guys. I know you didn't do much, but you were

still a great help." 

   "No problem, Mulder." 

   "Anytime!" 

   "Yeah, Mulder, whenever you get shrunken, switch bodies, grow

extra arms, get possessed or drink orange juice after brushing your

teeth, we'll be here to help." 

   Scully tugged Mulder by the arm. "Come on, we better get going."

Mulder waved goodbye again. 

   "See, I *told* you the Lone Gunmen would help us out somehow!" 

   "Don't they always?" 

   Mulder opened the front door that led to the street and glanced

down. The striped alley cat, that had been waiting for him to remerge the

entire time, stared up at him with a look of shock and horror all over

it's muddy face. The thing twitched a whisker at him, stuck in a stare of

shocked surprise at the fact that his breakfast had grown six feet since

the last time he saw it. Mulder leaned down aways. 

   "Woof." 

   MREEOOOW!! 

   The cat gave a terrified howl and ran sprinting down the street,

meowing and hissing with absolute horror.  

   "Well, back to the old drawing board, Mulder." 

   Mulder sighed as he signed a few papers that related to the case

that he and Scully were working on. It was a day later, and they now sat

in a police office, working through the tedious task of filling out mug

shot forms for some suspect in a murder case. Kersh, of course, had been

extremely upset when they walked into work the next morning after being

absent for two whole days with an 'unsatisfactory' explanation as to why

they hadn't been present. 

   Kersh had accepted their story on the car crash with a bit of

skepticism, although not as much as he had with Spender and Scully's

one-inch trench coat. Despite Mulder's leg injury, they had been

immediately given another boring case to tire themselves out on. At least

until the next poison was spilled into their coffee.  

   Mulder filled out another small box. "Scully....do you think that

the entire trip we took from the FBI building to the Lone Gunmen's

headquarters was a waste of time? Do you think that we actually learned

anything from being an inch high?" 

   Scully sighed. "I don't know, Mulder. There may have been

something we learned from that experience. But to tell you the truth, I'd

rather not ponder over it. I'm just glad it's over."            "And that we

don't have to worry about anyone finding out," Mulder added.  

   The two sighed and went back to their paperwork. They filled out

forms for a while, but then looked up again in interest as a pair of

policeman trod by dragging a somewhat hysterical man between them. 

   "I'm telling, you, I saw them!" The man exclaimed. "There were

little people! A man and a woman, and they were really tiny!! I went back

to get a camera and they were gone! There were tiny people, I tell you!!"

   Mulder and Scully exchanged a look before going back to their

paperwork.  

--------------------------------------------------------  

   THE END  

---------------------------------------------------------

   Author's Notes: Wow, that turned out to be a lot longer than I

thought! 

   Anyhow, there you have it! Nothing important and kinda whacked, I

know, but I hope you thought it was funny enough. And yes, I did manage

to squeeze in some MSR and UST. I think I'm getting better! 

   Oh, and about all that stuff about murdering you if you sue me or

don't send feedback....I'm kidding.   

   Now, don't sell me *short*, and don't think me to be

*small*-minded...I will never *shrink* from any feedback you send me! I

treasure it and always respond, no matter how *little* it is!!  

   SHIPPERS RULE FOREVER!! ANYONE ELSE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE CAN GO

FEED A MALIKUDDA!!!  

   DOWN WITH ALL RATS!! (That includes Krycek, Spender and Bill)  

    Mulder: "Well Scully, I was afraid your short little feet

wouldn't reach the pedals." - 'Syzygy'