What Can I Get You?

By Rachel

 

 

“Hey, Man…what can  I get you?” The bartender asked.

“Um…Yeah, a beer…whatever you have on tap.”

Pacey Witter took a seat at the bar. He hadn’t shaved in a week, and a dark cloud loomed over him. The bartender couldn’t help but notice.

          “You wanna talk about it?” He asked as he set the glass down in front of Pacey.

          “I don’t know…You got all night to listen?”

          The bartender looked around at the near deserted bar and shrugged.

          “I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem… Go ahead. What happened?”

          “Well,” Pacey started, a little smile at his lips. “Highschool ended…”

          “Life can’t be that bad already!” The bartender joked. “You’re what…all of 23? Life can’t be over that quick!”

          “25…” Pacey grumbled. “And it is…”

          “Sorry, please continue.”

          “Well, as I was saying… Highschool ended. My best friends, Dawson and Joey, er—uh, Joey’s a girl by the way…my two best friends went off to Ivy League schools, hundreds of miles away, together. My ex-girlfriend, Andie, got accepted to a good school in Maryland; her brother, Jack, headed to NYU. That left me, and Jen Lindley.”

          “Ooh! ‘Jen’ huh? Sounds like a fox!”

          “Yes, she was!” Pacey laughed. “She was crowned homecoming queen her junior and senior year…”

          “Ah, a socialite,”

          “No, not at all. Not exactly… Popular; yes. Stuck up, self-centered; no. She was…cool. Very cool. The most down to Earth girl I’ve ever known… We had a lot in common I guess. We both didn’t have any real goals or plans so we enrolled at good old Capeside Junior College.

          Slowly we lost touch with pretty much everyone…except Jack. He and Jen had been close and so they phoned eachother constantly. And he’d visit from time to time. But everyone else… my so called “best friends”… Not a ring. Not a postcard. Nothing.”

          “But you had Jen.”

          “Yeah…” Pacey smiled. “I did. She had been dating this guy, Henry since she was a junior. He was a freshman at the time, and she dated him all through college. But when he graduated highschool, he got accepted to a west coast school and left. After a few months they broke up…I was her shoulder to cry on.

          She wasn’t really surprised about it…she knew what to expect. But it still hurt her. I was there for her, I helped her get through it. We were friends, occasionally ‘more’…but friends. We always had each other’s backs, always…

          We rented an apartment together; we partied every weekend; we were having fun. A couple of years later we got word that Dawson and Joey had become engaged.

          We were happy for them, we really were. But it slowly started to sink in how everyone else was off building lives for themselves, growing up and settling down…building nests or whatever. Everyone except for us…

          Here we were, going on 23 years old, not even close to earning any kinda degree in college, still undecided on a major…no idea of where we were headed, and still living in the same crappy apartment partying until 2 or 3 in the morning…still getting drunk until we threw up or passed out or both, still staring at each other’s lonely face over black coffee, dry toast and a bottle of aspirin every freaking morning of our existence… It was really… sad. We were depressed.

          Well, Dawson and Jo got married. It was like a big reunion. We had a few laughs, recounted a lot of old memories, drank some champagne… Then Dawson and Joey climbed in their limo and headed off into the sunset. Andie boarded her plane, Jack boarded his bus, and me and Jen just sat their, drinking champagne and staring at eachother.

          When we finished that bottle, for whatever reason, we decided to snag another for later at home. I tucked it under my jacket, and we caught a cab home.

          To this day, I can’t remember what happened after that. But a day and a half later, we woke up in bed together, completely naked, and calling dibs on who got the toilet. We spent the next two days puking our guts out, trying to loose the hangovers, and puking our guts out some more. And then we stared at eachother. I mean we just looked at eachother for hours. Finally we came to the conclusion that if we were going to be hopeless, we might as well be hopeless together.”

          “Sounds like a match made in heaven…”

          “Yeah! It does doesn’t it!”

          “What happened next?”

          “Well…the next nine months we spent together…just fucking around. We shared a bed, the shower; we had great sex, I mean really great sex… It was fun.

          We’d go home together…that was the most important part, coming home together. Nothing else mattered except for us coming home together. It guaranteed…it…I guess it guaranteed completeness…in our lives. Or something.

          We never got caught up in that whole “I love you” mess. But we were close…as close as two people could get, and honestly, she meant everything to me…everything.”

          “Sounds like you were in love.”

          “Love?”

          “Yeah.”

          “I don’t know… I remember some nights we wouldn’t even go out. We’d take a hot bath and just lay on the couch, listening to the silence. We’d lay…you know, with our head at opposite ends and we’d rub each other’s feet. I used to play with her feet… She had the prettiest feet…” Pacey smiled to himself as he got this far off look in his eyes. “Sometimes she let me paint her toenails. I miss that.”

          “I bet.”

          “This once we were laying there…just talking… I was telling her about something funny that happened at work…some prank this guy pulled on the boss that almost got all of us fired, and she was giggling, and she started tickling my feet… And I kept telling her to stop. She’d laugh and say okay, so I’d start talking again, and then she’d start tickling me again! And I say stop it, and she’d say ok, then I’d start talking again…and she do it again! I told her to stop, she said okay, I’d start to talk, and suddenly she started sucking my toes.”

          “WHOA! Brave woman!”

          “Yeah! She was fearless that way…”

          “She’d have to be!”

          “Well, you kinda gotta be for that I guess…I mean, me…my feet…aw, you get the picture.”

          “I’m sure I do!”

          “Seriously though…it wasn’t gross, really… Actually, I think it’s the sexiest thing she’s ever done. Sex that night… it was incredible. The best I’ve ever had…I still remember that.” Again Pacey smiled to himself. “Anyways… As time went by, we started staying in more and more and going out less and less. We ditched the clubs and tequila for Blockbuster and Hagen Daas, and soon…I don’t know; we were just completely enveloped in eachother. The outside world didn’t matter anymore.

          Then one day we got a postcard from Dawson and Joey… It seems they were in Europe yucking it up. They bragged how happy they were together… We laughed. They’d actually gone to Europe, and after months and months of nothing, they just happened to decide to drop us a line… We thought it was hysterical.

That weekend, we decided to hop a plane to Vegas and get married.”

          “WOW!”

          “Yeah…I know…”

          “How’d you decide that!”

          “I don’t know… We were messing around, joking about it, and I just kinda asked her what she thought, and she said yes. I will never forget the look in her eyes… She had these wide, sparkling green eyes, and they were just…just…alight… They were so intense…and she said yes.”

          “How were things after that?”

          “The same really… Not much changed. We got married, signed the papers, blew a wad of cash that weekend, got drunk on what we had left, then came back home. She didn’t change her name or anything, hell! We didn’t even tell anybody… To this day no one else knows.”

          “And nothing changed…”

          “No. Nothing. Everything was exactly the same…still fun. Just…fun. I think that’s when I started to take her for granted…”

          “Uh oh!”

          “Uh oh is right…” Pacey lowered his eyes to his half finished beer. “Dawson came home. He came to town just out of the blue one day… He and Joey had decided to separate from eachother for a while, and Dawson wanted to visit his roots. He needed some time to think, get his mind off things. He called me.

          We ended up at this strip club…it was sort of in tribute to this old memory actually. Well, we both got wasted, and when the club closed, we took a couple of the dancers out for drinks. It was Dawson’s idea, but I went along with it. I didn’t really worry… I mean, me and Jen were just having fun, right? Just fun…

          The next morning I woke up with a hangover and a rash.

          I went home, and I remember as soon as I walked in, the look on her face… She already knew. I remember how I started to launch into this big old explanation, I started to tell her everything…but she just put her finger up to my lips, hushed me, and told me she didn’t want to know. And she was smiling. She turned around and walked in to the bedroom… I followed her, I was speechless. I stood in the doorway as she packed her bags. I just stood there and watched her pack her bags, and when she was finished, she came up, told me she’d miss me, and kissed me goodbye. I followed her to the door, but I still didn’t say anything…not a damn word.”

          Pacey grew quiet as he stared at his hands. The bartender watched him sympathetically.

          “She left…I guess she had to. I didn’t leave her with much choice. I didn’t deserve how she treated me. She was way too cool about it. She was too easy on me.

          The worst part was…the look in her eye as she turned around and closed the door. I never realized what I’d loose when I lost her.

          I sat down on the couch and stared at the door for what could’ve been hours. And although I’d never actually said it, not once, I knew…that she’d been…the love of my life. She was it, and I just let her walk away. And every morning I kick myself in the ass, and every night…

Every night I’m sure to kick myself again.”

          “That’s tough…”

          “Not tough enough,” Pacey sighed pushing away his empty bottle. ”The toughest part is her not being there. She left a month ago, and everyday I wake up feeling like part of me is missing.

          I miss the little things mostly… The way she’d dry off in the shower…She’d never get out right after shutting off the water. No, she liked to wait in the stall and drip dry in the steam, for whatever reason…I guess she didn’t want to get cold. And we’d have whole conversations in the bathroom while she shaved her legs…Sometimes I’d just watch her.

And I miss the way she’d mumble in her sleep, or walk around in my t-shirt and a pair of cotton panties while she watered her plants…let me tell you, I’ve never admired cotton so much. I miss the way she’d curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch Roswell reruns at 4 in the morning. I miss how she’d eat pizza…breaking off little pieces and eating them one by one. I miss how she’d move her lips when she read, or how she’d close her eyes when she listened to Tori Amos, and how every Thursday she’d clean the house with all the right cleaning products…

She’d eat ice cream out of the carton…” Pacey’s eyes started to sting. “I miss her. I miss everything about her.”

          Pacey stopped talking and put his elbows on the bar and rested his head in his hands.

          “She’ll come back…”

          Pacey didn’t reply. The bartender walked away.

          “If she doesn’t, these are the consequences,” Pacey mumbled. “There are no get out of jail free cards in life.”

 

 

          It was almost midnight when Pacey finally got in. As he came through the door he walked around the lonely apartment and switched on all the lamps. He always did this when he came home… It made him feel not so alone.

          It had started to rain on the way home, and now he stripped off his wet coat and hung it in the closet. He went to the fireplace, placing a few logs on the spit. After a few moments the flames started to rise, and he sat back, sighing. The warm glow always made him feel better. He adjusted the screen the went to the kitchen and took a beer from the fridge.

          He sat down on the sofa sipping his beer, watching the flames crackle higher and higher. He watched it for a long time before finally deciding to settle in. He started to rise when there was a soft knock at the door.

          Pacey paused, startled as he heard it again. He got up and swiftly opened the door.

 

          “Jen.”

          “Hi,”

          “Jen…Wha--”

          They stared at eachother, and it seemed like an eternity. Pacey felt as if his heart would cave in as he stared into her eyes. Water droplets fell from her hair and he realized she was sopping wet.

          “Come in! You’re soaked!”

 

          As she walked through the door, Pacey could smell her perfume, freshly awakened by the rain. He thought his knees would buckle. He wanted to grab her and hold her and keep him with her forever, but he knew it wasn’t his place. He was stunned just at the sight of her… He’d never thought that tonight---that she’d---that’s they’d---he just had never imagined…

          “Wha—how—why—” He stammered as she turned around to face him. She smiled and looked away shyly, the water droplets falling from her hair…

          He couldn’t hold back anymore.

          He stumbled towards her, taking her chin in his hands and kissed her.

 

          As he pulled away tears brimmed his eyes, and he realized Jen was no longer smiling. She stared up at him like a scared little girl.

          “Oh, Jen!” He said apologetically. “I—I—I’m so sorr—”

          “You missed me?” She asked in a little, quavering voice. Pacey looked at her in confusion. She took a step toward forward closing the gap between them and peered up into his eyes, her eyes wide and defenseless. “Pacey! You—you—you missed me?”

          “Yes! Of course!”

          “I am so relieved!” She smiled, falling against his chest. He did grab her and he held her as close as he could.

          “I’m so glad you’re here… I’ve been a mess! I really screwed up, I really messed things up…”

          “Pacey,” She said pulling back. “We have so much to talk about…so much to say…”

          “I know, I know…” Pacey suddenly realized again how wet she was. “God! Let me get you a towel!” He rushed passed her into the hallway. “And dry clothes!” He said going into the bedroom. He reemerged with a towel and one of his pullovers. She smiled as he handed it to her.

          She slid down and took a seat on the sofa as she started to squeeze the water out of her hair.

          “Can I get you anything?” He said, turning towards the kitchen. “A Beer? Coffee? Anything! Anything you want!”

          “Pacey!” Jen said grabbing his hand and holding him back. “Please, please…sit down. We need to talk…”

          Pacey sat down and looked at her. He felt giddy. He folded his hands in his lap, it was all he could do to hold still as a smile stretched across his face.

“Pacey?” Jen dropped the towel in her lap and smiled. “I came by because…Well, see…” She paused and laughed nervously. He looked like such a little boy staring at her with those wide, blue eyes. “Pacey, we’ve known eachother since we were fifteen years old…”

“I know,”

“Don’t you ever wonder how after ten years we end up like this? Doesn’t it make you question everything? Our whole existence…

“No…”

“Doesn’t it make you question the meaning of our lives? Why we were put on this Earth? How we made the decisions that we did to end up here…”

“Jen, no…”

“I mean? What are we doing! Why are we here together like this? Why were the cards dealt like this…me and you, why us? Was it meant to be? Or was it something we just stumbled into?”

“Jen…”

“Is is fate, Pacey? Are we here because of fate? Or did we do something to make it be…”

“Jen!” Pacey exclaimed, starting to laugh. She finally looked up at him. He took her hand.

“But Pacey! I need to know! Is it?”

“Is it what?”
          “Is it fate? Or did we choose this?”

“I don’t know…it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter! How could you say that!” Jen was stunned. She stared at him, her mouth ajar, pulling away from him abruptly. Pacey’s expression was soft, but Jen mistook it for something else. She felt a bale of tears welling up in her eyes, and anger in her chest. Pacey leaned forward and took both of her hands. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her.

“Fate…choosing…I don’t care about any of that crap Jen. None of it matters, not of it,”

“But!”

“As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter…”

Jen slumped back against the seat.

“Jen…you, YOU, have been the reason I wake up in the morning for the past five years, you…and it doesn’t matter to me if we chock it up to fate or our own decisions…I don’t care. I don’t—”

“But don’t you wonder ‘what if’?”

“What if’ what?” Pacey asked, leaning closer and closer. “Why would I care about ‘What if’?”

“What if you had ended up somewhere else? What if you had ended up somewhere better?”

“What could possibly be better than being with you?”

“Pacey—”

“Jen, I wouldn’t change a thing! Not a thing… Even if it took my stupid mistakes to make me realize it, then I wouldn’t change that either! I admit it Jen—“

“Pacey—“

“I admit it! After all these years, I am head over heels in love with you! I love you so much more than I’d ever imagined possible—“

“Oh, Pacey—“

“And I know you’re way too good for me, and too beautiful, and too sensible to need me hanging around,” Pacey was down on his knees by now, still clutching her fingers in his. “Oh, god, Jen! I’m miserable! You’re my best friend, and I can’t go through life without you…I can’t! I just can’t do it! I wanna know you don’t hate me!”

“I don’t!”

“I know for every sane reason, and for all the stunts I’ve ever pulled, you should be saying no, but I’m gonna take a chance and ask anyways! Jen, will you be my wife!”

“Pacey!”

“Jen I mean it! I want you to be my wife!”

“But I already am!”

“I want you to marry me!”

“I already did!”

“Then will you do it again!”

“What?”

“Will you do it again? So that everyone will know? I want everyone to know! I want to give you the big wedding and have you wear the big poofy dress and I want to stand there and wait, and watch you as you come down the aisle!”

“I can’t believe this!” Jen said in astonishment.

“Believe it!! I want to really be married to you! I want to give you the little house with the picket fence and the dog in the yard and the station wagon in the driveway…”

Pacey was shaking. Jen started to tremble herself. She shook her head in disbelief, a smile forming in the corner of her lips.

“Pacey…I never thought…”

“I think I could make you proud Jen! I honestly think I can make you proud!”

“I just—I just—“

“What?”

“I just always thought…the proposal…that it would come after the marriage…” Her voice fell to a whisper. “…and pregnancy.”

“What?”

“Pacey…I’m pregnant, that’s what I came over her to tell you.”

“You—you’re—you?” He stared at her dumbly, and Jen felt self doubt wash over her like a fever. Her smile started to fade as he gawked at her.

“I’m sorry, that’s why I—”

“Y-you—me—? YOU???”

“Yeah.”

She shrank back in her seat, lowering his gaze from his as Pacey tried to look for the right words.

“You’re pregnant!” He finally blurted out. “Jen! You’re pregnant!”

She started to cry.

He grabbed her in a tight hug.

“This is so great!” He shouted.

“You’re glad???” Jen was shocked.

“Yes, I’m glad! I am so glad!” Pacey squeezed her tighter and tighter until she finally had to push away to breath. Pacey stood up and started to pace the floor excitedly. “When?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear. “When! HOW! When? When did you find out???”

“This morning…” Now Jen was the one to gawk. Pacey spun around and went to her, kneeling before her again.

“Jen, I swear to god, I’ll make you so happy…”

“I was…I was so…afraid, that you’d be upset. That you wouldn’t…want it.”

“I do! I do!”

“Really?” She asked sniffing back a tear.
”Yes! Oh yes!” He took her in his arms again.

“God, Pacey! I’m so relieved! I want you to be happy!”

“I am! I am so happy!”

“Really?”

“Really…” He kissed her forehead and rocked her gently as she sighed against his chest. “Jen…I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too.”

“Its going to last us a life time.”

“I know it will.”

“We’ll last a lifetime.”

“I want you to kiss me now.”

“I want me to kiss you now too.”

He did kiss her, and that kiss did last a lifetime.

 

 

The End.