Relapse

By Rachel

 

 

It was Monday morning.  Andie looked at her reflection in the mirror, a deep sigh escaping her and a frown forming on her lips.  This breakup with Pacey was looming over her head like a dark cloud, and unfortunately, it didn’t look like this dark cloud had a silver lining.  Andie found it harder and harder to pull herself out of bed in the morning. 

She had tried to evade her depression by ridding herself of any and all evidence of their relationship, but it didn’t help.  She had thrown out countless letters, as well as stuffed animals, clothes that he had left at her house…and every photograph of him that she had ever owned.  Every photograph, that is, except for one.  She couldn’t bare to part with this one, and it now lay, hidden, at the bottom of her sock drawer, untouched since the day it had been banished.

Although she refused to look at it, she couldn’t help but want to keep it (for sentimental reasons of course).  She didn’t need to look at it.  The image was burned into her memory.  She merely closed her eyes and think, and it was there.  In fact, every time she closed her eyes, it was there.  It was starting to be a nuisance.

The picture was a Polaroid shot that Jack had taken of them last summer, after a barbecue at the Leery’s.  That afternoon, she and Pacey had fallen asleep together in a hammock in the backyard, and Jack had snuck up on them.

It was her favorite picture, but besides Jack, she had never shown it to anyone, not even Pacey.  She had wanted to keep it for herself, to keep the memory pure.  She wished she could go back to that day… 

She caught herself missing him again.  She absentmindedly reached into the drawer.  Digging through the socks, she took out the picture.  She held it to her chest, against her heart, then lay it face down on her bureau.  She sighed louder, and swallowed her morning pill.

 

She had struggled to hold herself together, but everyday became more difficult.  Somehow still, she managed.

 

Andie pulled her Saab into a parking space at school and turned off the ignition.  She pulled down the sun shade and glanced into the vanity mirror one last time.

“Hair-check.  Makeup-check…”  She slouched in the seat for a moment, taking a deep breath.  “Now time to put on that happy face, Andie.  Don’t let me down…”  She put on the biggest smile she could possibly manage, and proceeded into the building. 

Andie could change her whole character in a heartbeat.  She had had lot of practice at acting put together, and she acted very together right now.  

She stepped along at a steady pace through the halls towards her homeroom, flashing cheery smiles at anyone she made eye contact with.

“Good morning, Mr. Leery!”  She said gleefully as she passed him entering his classroom.

“Well, ‘morning Andie,”  Mitch Leery replied.  “You seem like you’re in a good mood…”

“Everything’s great!”  She remarked.  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh…okay.”  He mumbled, puzzled at her exuberance, but she had already moved on down the hall.

 

Andie slid into her seat and opened her notebook.  She took out her assignment, placing it neatly on the desk in front of her, and folded her hands in her lap as she looked ahead, waiting for today’s lesson to begin.

“You look like a goddam Stepford wife,”  Pacey grumbled, sliding into his assigned seat next to her.  Andie let out a phony laugh.

“Pacey, Pacey, Pacey…”  She smirked.  “Such an endearing wit for such an impossible person,”

“Shut up, Andie.”  He muttered.

“No need to be rude, now…”
          “Oh, I think there’s lots of ‘needs to be rude’ now,”  Pacey slumped back in his chair.

“Pacey, we broke up.  Get over it.”

“‘We broke up, get over it’”  He mocked.  “I’m sooo glad you’re sooo content with your life…”

“Pacey, you broke up with me, remember?  You made the decision, and now that I’ve moved on, you won’t let it rest.  My life is perfect.  Leave me alone.”  She turned away, ignoring him, and looked to the front of the room.  The bell rang, and class began.

 

“ARGH!”  Pacey growled as he treaded along the street, kicking rocks out of his path.  Dawson laughed.  “I can’t BELIEVE he’s actually partnering me up with her!”

“It’s one assignment,”  Dawson said simply.  “Do the assignment, then you never have to face her again.”

“It’s not quite that simple, my friend,”  Pacey said.  “You see, Ms. Mc Phee has it in for me…I know it.  It’s like this conspiracy thing she’s got going on…”

“Now you’re just being paranoid.”

“Oh!  Am I Dawson?  Think about it!  She knows how I feel, she knew how much my heart was breaking…Still she insisted on returning to school and continuing on with her life!”  His voice lowered,  “Cold hearted b…”  Pacey mumbled something Dawson couldn’t hear, then screamed at the sky, “Why couldn’t she just crawl in a hole and hide for the rest of her days?”

“Now you’re being dramatic.”

“Oh, I’m the dramatic one?”  Pacey jested.  “Mr. ‘I’m Dawson Leery, I live my life like it were a movie’.”  Dawson smirked in amusement.  Pacey continued.  “No, no, no…I’m not the one being dramatic here.  It’s her.”

“Well, you’re the one obsessing about it.”

Pacey spun around and looked at his friend.

“Obsessing?”

“I mean it, Pace.  You’re the one who keeps resurrecting the situation over and over and over again, beating it like a dead horse…”

“Oh, thanks for the support, Benedict Arnold.”

“I’m not taking her side, Pace.” Dawson shrugged.  “It’s just that it’s obviously not affecting her the same way it’s affecting you.  She’s not moping around, bitter at the world…You are.  She’s not taking it out on her friends-”

“Okay, I get the point.”

“I’m just trying to say that, from where I stand, it’s your dilemma, not hers.”

 

“I can’t believe this!”  Andie wailed, flinging herself across Jen’s bed.

“I can…”  Jack chuckled.

“Oh, Jack!  It’s not funny!”  Andie whined, burying her head in Jen’s pillow.

“Look at it this way,”  Jen said, crawling onto the bed next to Andie.  “Now you’ll have a whole week to spend together…He’s required to!  Try to think of it as a good opportunity to let him know how you feel.”

“What? That I hate him?”  Andie cringed.

“No, that  you still love him.”  Jack interrupted.

Andie’s face looked hopeless.  Jen put a hand on her shoulder, and smiled assuringly.

“It’s okay, Andie…we’ll get that frown turned upside down…I have a plan.”

 

“So when’s your ‘first date’?”  Dawson asked, amused.

“It’s not a date!”  Pacey moaned.  “I told her I wanted to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible…in retrospect, that means right away…so I’m meeting her at Jen’s.”

“That soon, huh?”  Dawson winced. 

“Yeah, in fact as soon as we get to your house, I’m heading next door.”

“Kinda dangerous territory, don’t you think?  I mean with her brother and Jen there…it’s kinda like some sort of an ambush…all her allies and you alone.”
          “Oh great.  Now I really feel paranoid,”  Pacey said kicking the dirt.

“Stop kicking the dirt, you’re making it all dusty.”

“Sorry.”

“Pacey, why don’t you just make up with her?  Make it easy on yourself, and all of us.”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re entitled to an opinion on that…I spent the last two years of my life listening to you go on and on relentlessly about Joey…you’re one true love, you’re soul mate, disparaged forever…I had to suffer, now it’s your turn.”

“Hey,”  Dawson said holding up his hands submissively.  “Do what you gotta do.”

“Alright then,”  Pacey said, shoving his hands in his pockets.  Hmnn…Do what you gotta do…

 

It was Friday.  They met after school everyday this week working on their project.  Pacey had thought they had collected enough research to finish three days ago, but Andie insisted that they do more.  He acted like he was bored and reluctant of the circumstances, but secretly he liked being stuck with her.  They would meet everyday at Jen’s and then she would drive them to her house, where they would study in the kitchen. 

Today was no different, so far.

 

“This color looks great on you,”  Jen said applying gloss to Andie’s lips.  When she had finished, she made a smacking sound.  “Wha-la.” 

Andie looked into the hand-held mirror, unsure if it really looked that great.

“You really think cosmetics are going to make Pacey change his mind, Andie?”  Jack asked, laying back on the bed, tossing his Nurf football into the air.

“It’s not the cosmetics that are going to win him back, Jack,”  Jen said matter-of-factly.  “Its your sister’s ginger sex appeal that’s going to make him come a’runnin.”

“Eww!  Don’t include ‘sister’ and ‘sex appeal’ in the same sentence.  It’s too weird…”

“Too weird.,”  Andie said.  “Like the way you’re gay yet you never, ever, EVER comment on any guys?”  Jack smirked, then threw the ball at them.  They ducked, and it hit the wall behind them, tumbling to the floor.

“Hey! Watch it!”  Jen laughed.

“I look at guys…”  Jack said, assuredly.

“Oh yeah? Like who?”  Andie daunted.  Jack shrugged, then a look of subdued panic rose in his face.

“Yeah, Jack? Who?”  Jen teased.  “I bet you see a lot of potential ‘meat’ in the locker room after football practice, huh?”  She  giggled, and Andie’s jaw dropped.

“Shut up Jen!”  Jack said, laughing uneasily.

“Jen! Have you no shame?”  Andie shrieked.  Jen shook her head.

“Not when it comes to men.”

 

“So are you going over there?”  Dawson asked, swallowing the rest of his sandwich.

“Yeah, yeah…in due time.”  Pacey said, taking a swig of his soda.

They were sitting around Dawson’s kitchen table.

“I’m not rushing you, I just want to know what you’re going to say…I mean this is the last day of the project…”

“What do you think I’m going to say?”  Pacey asked sarcastically.  “I’m going to say, ‘Hello, Andie. Nice to see you. Can you stab me in the heart one more time? I don’t think the first time did the job.”

“How have you been handling this whole situation?”

“I don’t know Dawson…It’s been really hard being that physically close to her without giving in to the urge to wrap my fingers around her throat-”

“Are you ever going to forgive her?”  Dawson asked.

“No.”

“Come on.”
          “No! Dawson, why should I?”

“Because she’s the only girl you’ve ever loved.”

“Gee, Dawson.”  He said sarcastically.  “I marvel at your wisdom...”

“Well?”  Dawson added.

“You mean she’s ‘the only girl so far’,” Pacey grinned.

“Oh, right…like you’re really going to find someone as phenomenal and eccentric as Andie,” “Eccentric is right.”  Pacey said, shaking his head.  “What about neurotic and over-obsessive?”

“That too…”  Dawson said, smiling.  And after a moment added, “Those are the things you fell in

love with, remember?”

“Dawson,”  Pacey said, seriously now.  He paused, and looked at the floor.  “Dawson, I can’t forget what she did…I can’t…no, I won’t put myself in that situation again..”

Dawson leaned forward in his chair. 

“Pacey, have you thought about it from her point of view?”  Pacey shook his head, and Dawson added,   “Honestly, have you?”

“Dawson-”

“Think about how she must’ve felt…all alone in that institution.  Alone and scared, far away from everyone she loved and everyone who loved her…Try to understand how she could’ve slipped up-”

“It was more than a ‘slip up’, Dawson!  She slept with somebody else, she screwed some guy!”  Pacey roughly ran his hand across his forehead and back through his hair.  “Do you know how that makes me feel?”  He was becoming more and more agitated.

“Pace-”

“How would you feel if you found out Joey had screwed some guy somewhere when you thought she was off trying to get better for you?”  Pacey jumped out of his seat.  His chair fell back slamming against the floor.  “Huh? Tell me how that would feel.”

Dawson sat there.  He didn’t know how that would feel.  He hoped to God he never would.

“I didn’t think so,”  Pacey uttered in distaste.  He grabbed his backpack and walked out the back door, letting it slam behind him.

 

          Dawson leapt to the doorway and watched his friend venture across the yard towards Jen’s house.

 

          Pacey had never felt so angry as he did now.  He hadn’t meant to boil over at Dawson like that, but he couldn’t help it.  It was too much to bare…picturing Andie alone with another guy, holding her…God, he wanted to scream…No. He wanted to kick the shit out of somebody.

          He stopped in his tracks.

          He was in no shape for this.

He turned and walked instead towards the dock in front of Dawson’s house.  He got to the end, over looking the creek, and sat down.  He put his head in his hands trying to muster up the strength to get through this.

“You okay, Pace?”  He heard, a hand on his shoulder.

“No…”  Pacey’s voice quivered.

Dawson sat down beside him and sighed heavily.

“You’ll get through this, man.  I know it’s tough, but you will.”

“I hope so…I need her back.”  Pacey said, his head down.  Dawson put his arm around his friend and looked out over the water.

 

“I wonder what he’ll think of you in this,”  Jen held up a very sheer and very short slip of a dress she had pulled out of her closet.

“Oh no! I am not going to wear that.”  Andie objected.

“Why not?”  Jen clamored.

“Because!”

“What’s wrong with it?”  Jack asked looking up from his homework.  He was sitting on the floor leaning against the bed, chewing gum.

“What’s wrong with it!  It’s completely see-through!”

“You wear a slip underneath it,”  Jen said, holding it up to herself and checking her reflection in the mirror.

“Oh…”  Andie said, still not thrilled with the dress.  “I just don’t think its me.”

“Well, how ‘bout this?”  Jen said holding up a plum-colored knee length skirt and a lavender angora sweater.

“That’s cute,”  Jack said chewing on his pen.  His gum got stuck all over the end of it, and he pulled it out of his mouth with a scowl.  “Yuck!”

“Don’t get that on my floor, Jack.”  Jen said bringing the outfit to Andie for inspection.  When he kept pulling at the gum, Jen said, “I mean it. You wanna play with your gum, do it in your own room.”  He smirked at her.

“I like this,”  Andie said.

“Try it on.”  Jen suggested.

 

Andie stood at the sink wearing the outfit Jen had prepared for her.  She looked into the mirror, seeing the depressed and frightened Andie cowering behind the fake and phony one.  She sighed, then looked down at the sweater she was wearing.  Angora.  She had always loved angora, although it had always made her brother sneeze.  Not Jack.  Tim.  Her dead brother.

She ran her hand down the front of the cardigan.  It was so soft.  The three quarter length sleeves didn’t even make her itch.  And the matching tank top she wore beneath it was so low cut, it made her cleavage look bigger.  That had to be a plus. 

She admired the skirt, wondering where Jen had bought it.  It had a deep slit on the left that exposed her thigh.  That felt a little weird, she wasn’t used to showing off her legs.  And even though Pacey had seen her naked…(he had seen her naked for god sakes!) being this exposed led her to feel more self conscious.

Jen knocked at the door.

“You okay in there, Andie?”

“Y-Yeah.”  Andie said.  “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Okay, I wanna do your hair next.”

Andie looked back into the mirror and sighed again.

 

“I’m sorry, Dawson, I didn’t mean to ‘melt down’ like that,”  Pacey said.

“Hey, don’t apologize…I’m just glad you got it out.”

“Yeah, well don’t expect it to happen again.”  Pacey said dryly.

The guys sat there, staring out at the open water.  A breeze descended through the air, rustling their hair back from their faces.  It was quiet except for the slapping waves on the banks, and a cry from a bird somewhere over head.

Pacey finally got up the nerve to stand.  He brushed himself off.

“You want me to go with you?”  Dawson asked, looking up at him.

“Nah.  I can do it.”

“Alright, see ya later.”

 

Pacey walked up onto Jen’s porch and rang the bell.  It was Jack who answered.

“Hey.”
          “Hey.”

“You’re sister here?”

“Yeah, come on in.”

 

“How are things going…living here?”  Pacey asked once Jack had closed the door behind them.

“Ah, you know…”  Jack shrugged.  “Pretty good, actually.”  He smiled.  “I think it was best that I stayed here instead of moving back in with my dad…Mrs. Ryan is great.  And me and Jen have a lot of fun.”  Then he was quiet.  It had been a while since they talked.

Pacey put his hands in his pockets.

“Its normal here, ya know…”  Jack said apprehensively.  “It’s easy to get used to.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Listen…”  Jack went on, lowering his voice.  “I know you’ve got a lot to sort out, Pace.  But my sister still really cares for you.  Don’t be too mean to her.”

Pacey pursed his lips, and looked at the floor.

“And don’t tell her I said that, she’d kill me.” 

Pacey nodded.

 

“Andie, he’s here.”  Jack said quietly, slipping in the room and closing the door.

“Ooh Andie! This is it…”  Jen squealed.  “Remember this is a first impression after the fact…so make it good.  Tonight is the night!” 

Andie smiled uneasily.

Jen had pinned her hair up, close to the way it had been on the night when Andie and Pacey had first…well, consummated their relationship.  He had told her she looked sexy with her hair up like that, and she had never forgotten it.  She hadn’t forgotten anything about that night.

Andie stepped out into the hall.  The door was shut abruptly behind her, leaving her to fend for herself out here alone with Pacey.  Jen and Jack had giggled and crossed their fingers…and they now sat listening with their ears to the door.

She stepped down the hall with ease, wearing the white platform sandals she had borrowed from Jen.  Little silver earrings dangled from her ears and wisps of hair tickled the back of her neck.  As she got closer to the living room, Andie felt a flush creep up in her cheeks. 

At each step, she heard her heart thud louder in her chest.  Time seemed to slow as she rounded the corner.  There was Pacey, waiting for her.

He had been looking up at a picture on the wall, and had spun to face her when he heard her enter.

 

When Pacey saw her, his jaw dropped.  Without a second thought, ‘Wow’ slipped from his lips.

“Hi.”  She said.

“Hey.”  He replied back, unable to take his eyes off her.

“So…”  She glanced uneasily around the room.  She suddenly felt very uncomfortable trying to play this role.  What was she doing?  This plan was so absurd.

“Um,”  He said.  “We got a lot of work to do so we should go…”

“Yeah, okay…”  She smiled, wanting to mask her mortification.

After an awkward silence, Andie made the first move towards the door.  Pacey reached out and grabbed the door knob before she had the chance too.  Being this close, he could smell her perfume.

“After you, please.”  He said, holding open the door.

“Uh, thank, you.”  She said, cracking a small smile.  She stepped out onto the porch.

They made their way down the porch and up the driveway to Andie’s car.  It wasn’t far to her townhouse and they drove along in silence.

 

After they had stepped out of sight, Jen and Jack had come out onto the porch, grinning like cats in a chicken coop.

“Ahh…”  Dawson said, slipping up the side of the house from the dock.  “You’re the masterminds involved at work here.”
          “Of course.”  Jen said, obviously please with herself.

“Well, Andie looked great…I could tell by the look in his face that Pacey was impressed.”

“I just hope it works,” Said Jack.

 

Pacey and Andie had just walked in.  Pacey stepped towards the kitchen and he was surprised when Andie headed to the stairs.  Without asking why, he followed her to the second floor, then down the hall to her room. 

She opened the door, letting him inside, and as he passed over the threshold, she swung the door shut behind him.  He jumped at the loud bang it made and suddenly felt claustrophobic.

“W-Wont your dad be home soon…I mean, won’t he be mad about us being in here, with the door closed?”

“He left this morning…he’s going to be away for a few days on business,”  Andie said crossing the room to her desk.  When she saw the look on Pacey’s face she quickly re-phrased her words.  “He’s not going to be here…so it’s okay…that we study here, I mean.  And the kitchen is so…I just thought we’d be  more comfortable in here…” 

When that didn’t come out the way she had meant it, she added,

“I mean, its so cold in this drafty old house…”  She stopped.  Everything had already come out wrong and she felt like an idiot.

“Well, lets get to work…”  He said gruffly.  “I don’t wanna waste anytime in getting this assignment over and done with.”  He sat down in a chair and opened his backpack.

“Okay,”  Andie said, hiding her disappointed that he had gone back to expressing his regular behavior.

 

After an hour had passed, Pacey got up to stretch.  He walked in a circle around the room.  He hadn’t been up here in such a long time…it felt weird.

“Do you want me to get you something to drink?”  Andie asked.

“Don’t bother.”  Pacey said.  “I don’t plan on sticking around here much longer.”

“Okay…geez.”  Andie said, trying not to become defensive.  “Well, I’m going to get a drink.  If you want something, this is your last chance.”

Pacey shook his head stubbornly.  Andie sighed to herself then headed downstairs to the kitchen.  This wasn’t going according to plan…no, not at all.  But then why did she think this stupid plan of Jen’s was going to work anyways?  Getting all dressed up…she felt like an idiot.  This was just studying, pure work in Pacey’s eyes…nothing more.

 

Pacey was relieved to be alone for a few moments.  Now he had time to think…to sort through his confusion.  Andie looked really good.  She smelled really good.  He caught himself thinking about how she would feel, how she would taste.

“Snap out of it, it’s over,”  He mumbled to himself.

He walked around the room.  Everything looked different.  It was still the same furniture it had always been, still the same color walls…but something had changed.  Something was missing.  Then he realized what it was: Him.  He was missing from this room.  Not himself literally, but his significance.  Before, her room had been filled with various keepsakes of the relationship…gifts he had lavished on her, pictures she had taped to her walls, pictures of them together, once smiling and happy.  Now her walls were blank. 

He went to her bureau and opened the top drawer.  Sure enough.  This was the drawer she had kept for him.  He had left shirts and boxer shorts, pants, even a toothbrush, in this drawer.  Now it was just full of her socks.  He slammed the drawer shut with spite.  He leaned forward, looking into the mirror, with his hands down on the surface of the dresser supporting his body weight.

“Aghh…”  He growled.  He looked into the face of the man looking back at him.  “Get a grip, Witter.”  He said.  “You can handle this.” 

After a moment, he leaned back.  Then something compelled him to look down.

 

He saw her bottle of pills.  ‘Those damn pills,’  He thought.  He averted his eyes.  That’s when he saw the picture, laying face down on the bureau.

 

Andie closed the refrigerator, grabbed her glass, and headed back towards the stairs.  She took her time making the climb to the second story.  As she neared her bedroom door, she realized how quiet the house was.  There wasn’t even a sound from upstairs where Pacey was.

She swung open the door to find Pacey leaning against her dresser holding her picture in his hands.

“Pacey!”  She shrieked.  “What are you doing!”

“Where did this come from?”  He asked.

“Give me that!”  She said trying to snatch it from his grasp, but Pacey averted her.

“Andie,”  He said, sounding very confused.  “Why did you keep this?”

“I-I…”  She babbled, feeling embarrassed.  “I must’ve forgotten to throw it out.”

Pacey’s face hardened.  He looked back at the picture. 

His chest hurt. 

“After we broke up, I threw everything out…”  Andie said brusquely, trying to make herself feel confident.  It didn’t work though.  She just felt worse, and she saw Pacey recoil at her harsh words.

“Do-Do you…”  Pacey felt like he was plunging head on into chaos.  Something made him decide to leap.  “Do you…miss being with me?” 

“What?”  Andie asked, astonished at the honesty in his words.  She suddenly had this need to protect herself, so she turned against her own heart.  “Why would I do that?”

Pacey flinched.

“Why would I miss being with you?  You only dragged me down…You made me sick all over again.”

Pacey felt the knife plunge into his heart.

 

“You bitch!”  Pacey screamed.  “How could you! Didn’t I mean anything to you?”

“Pacey, that part of our lives is over,”  Andie trembled at his rage.

“Over? Over? It’s so easy for you, isn’t it!” 

 

She realized he was shaking.  Andie’s eyes widened.  Of course this wasn’t easy for her.

“No!  Of course not,”

“OF course not! How can you say that!  You didn’t care about me!  You just threw me away!”  Pacey screamed.

“I did not!”  Andie screamed back.

“Well, what do you call it!”

“I made a mistake and you couldn’t handle it!”

“Damn right I couldn’t handle it!”  He said, starting to pace the floor.

“I don’t love you anymore, Pacey! Get it through your head!”  The words bit at her heart as she outright lied to his face.

Those words hurt him more then she knew.

Pacey rolled his head back on his shoulders, cracking his neck.  It made him so angry how she just spouted this stuff at him, without even an ounce of consideration.  He stepped towards her, looming over her angrily.

“Andie, I am begging you to rethink this…We both made mistakes, but don’t say you don’t love me...”

“I don’t!”  She said adamantly.

“Andie, you do!  Admit you do!!”

“No!”  She was shaking.  He peered into her eyes, and it was quiet for a moment.  Then he said,

“You know, you’re a good actress, Mc Phee, but I don’t buy it!”  He crossed the room to her bed, then turned on her again.  “You think you’ve got everyone fooled…everything’s okay with you…but deep down inside I know we’re the same…we’re both screwed up!  I’m a loser, and you’re a nut!”

 

He had pushed her too far.  He knew it.  He immediately wished he could take back those last words.

 

“You know what, Pacey?”  Andie said, in a small voice

“What?” 

“Just get out.”

“What?”

“I said GET OUT!”  Tears welled up in her eyes.  She tried to hide them but one slipped out before she could wipe it away.  She turned her head away, but he had already seen it fall.

“Andie! I’m not leaving until you admit how you feel!”  He took her by the shoulders and peered down into her face.  She kept twisting away, avoiding his gaze.  He shook her still.

“I can’t!”  She wailed.  “I’m afraid!” 

When she broke into sobs, he melted.  His eyes welled with tears too, and he grabbed her, hugging her.

She tried to pull away from him, but he gripped her tighter.

“Let me go!”  She screamed.  She pushed him away and this time, reluctantly, he did let go. 

She fell to the floor in a heap.

“Get out of my house! I never ever want to see you again!”  She wailed beating her fists against the carpet.  Her crying grew louder and stronger, but her words were muffled by her breath.

 

Pacey watched helplessly as she lay on the floor, trembling.

 

He was scared.  Last time Jack had been there to help.  This time he was alone.

 

Andie felt reality crushing her.  She felt dizzy as the room collapsed around them.  She thought she had succumbed to dementia and that fear terrorized her, paralyzing her body.  She felt herself plunge into blackness as she fainted.

 

“Andie!”  She heard Pacey scream, lifting her from the floor.  She wrapped her arms around his neck as she came to and he laid her across her bed.  

“Andie, wake up! Wake up! God, please wake up….”  Pacey ripped open her sweater to give her air.  He fanned her face and she started to open her eyes.  “Oh thank God!”  Pacey said in relief.  “I’m calling 911!”  He said, suddenly reaching out for the phone.

“NO!”  Andie heard herself say, gathering enough strength to clutch his arm and pull him back.

“Andie, you’re sick!”

“No, Pacey, please! I-I just got a little overwhelmed…I’m okay now…”

The urgency left his voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”  She said closing her eyes, and then opening them again.  She took a deep breath. “I’m fine.”

 

Pacey sat over her, straddling her and breathing heavily.

“You scared the crap out of me, Mc Phee.”  He said finally calming down, smiling as the situation stabled. 

“I scared the crap out of myself too, “  She mumbled, smiling, then wincing as pain shot through her temples.  She rubbed her head, finding a terrible headache surfacing there.

“What can I do?”  He asked, wiping her hair back from her face.  “Tell me…what can I do?”

 

She stared into his eyes for a long moment.  Then he got up.  He disappeared into the bathroom, then reappeared with a wet cloth.  He folded it up and then, sitting back down beside her, he placed it over her forehead, holding it there with his hand.

“Please don’t tell anyone…”  Andie pleaded.

“But Andie…”
          “Please, Pacey…please.”

Pacey frowned.  Then nodded reluctantly.

“Oh thank you…If Jack or my dad found out, they’d think something was wrong, and send me back to that hospital…”

“You’re sure you’re okay…”  Pacey said.

“Yes…I just got dizzy.”

“Okay, then I won’t tell.”

Andie smiled.  She felt safe now, not susceptible to the angst that had seized her minutes before. 

 

Pacey stayed with Andie that whole weekend.  He couldn’t help but feel guilty, and he couldn’t bare to leave her alone.  On Saturday afternoon, he had finished the project himself while she napped.  She was wiped out, exhausted…‘Probably from working too hard,’  He thought…and he didn’t want her over exerting herself.  He had slept on the floor next to her bed the first night, but the second night she bid him to sleep with her. 

He made a promise to himself that he would not take advantage of the situation, he could control himself.  But now that he was alone with her, this close in the dark, in her bed, he found it more difficult then he had expected.

That night, she had been the one to advance on him, and he had given in.

 

Sunday morning came and the two lay in bed together, Pacey’s arm around her, and her head resting against his shoulder.

“This has been some week,”  She murmured.

“Yes, it has.”  He replied.

“Should we get up soon?” 

“Nah…lets stay in bed for awhile”

 

They had fallen back asleep so they hadn’t heard the car outside, or the front door opening, or the footsteps coming up the stair case.  They hadn’t heard the first knock at the door. But when Andie heard the door hinges creak, she shot up and pushed the door shut, locking it.

Pacey sat up, dreary eyed, as Andie turned back to him in panic.

“My father’s home!”  She whispered.

Pacey started from the bed with a jolt, grabbing his pants.

 

“Andie?”  Her father called from the hallway.  “What are you doing, honey?”

“Sorry Daddy!  I’m-uh-getting dressed!”  She ran to the closet grabbing a dress, and slipping it over her head.  “Pacey!”  She whispered, as he struggled with his pants.  “Hide!”

“Where?”  He whispered back.

“In the closet!”  He grabbed his shirt from the bed post and flew to the closet.  Andie closed the door behind him and took a deep breath.  She went to the bedroom door where her father stood outside patiently waiting.  Just as she was about to fling open the door, she saw Pacey’s shoes on the floor and his wallet on her night stand.  She rushed over, tossing the shoes beneath the bed and storing his wallet in the drawer. Then she let her father in.

“Honey, what’s  going on?”  He asked, bewildered as he entered the messy room.

“Nothing, Daddy…as I said, I was just trying to get dressed and I didn’t want to be walked in on.”
          “Oh.  Well, I did knock, but you didn’t answer me.”

“I’m sorry, I was in the bathroom.”  Andie lied.

“Oh,”  He said. Was he buying it?

“You’re home early…I didn’t expect you to be home until later tonight…”  Andie said.

“Well, I finished sooner than I thought, and I thought I’d come home early to take my little girl out to Sunday breakfast.”
          “Oh, okay…well, can I get finished up here and meet you down stairs?”

“Sure,”
          “Dad? What about Jack?  Should I call him?”
          “Uh…no.”  Mr. Mc Phee said.  Andie looked at him.  “I’m going to call Jack later this afternoon…I want to spend some time with you.”

“Oh, all right.”  Andie said, unconvinced of his intentions.

“Well, then…I’ll see you down stairs.” 

 

Andie’s father left and Andie again locked the door.  Pacey stepped out of the closet and reached under the bed for his shoes.

“He still has a problem with Jack, huh?”  Pacey said in repugnance.

“Yeah,”  Andie sighed pulling on her socks.

“That really sucks.”  Pacey said.

“I know, but I think he’ll get over it….soon.”

“I hope so, for Jack’s sake.”

“Me too.”  Andie sat back after tying her shoes.  “So…what about us?”  She asked.

“Us?”  Pacey asked looking at her.

“Yeah, where do we stand?”  She looked for his reassurance.  Pacey took her hand and smiled.

“I am never going to let you go again.” 

“Good.”  She smiled.

“I love you.”
          “I love you too.”  Then they kissed.

 

“I guess I’ll sneak out after you leave, then”  Pacey said getting to his feet.  He walked her to the door.

“So, when will I see you again?”  She asked putting her hands around his waist.

“Tonight.”  He kissed her again.  She grinned at him .  “I’ll sneak in the backdoor and surprise you…”
          “Oh, really?”

“Yeah…Say about nine-ish?”

“Okay…I’ll see you then.”  She went out pulling the door closed behind her and he smiled to himself.

 

Pacey made his way across the grass to Dawson’s backdoor.  He knocked and was welcomed in by Mitch.

“Hey Pacey,”

“Hey, Mr. Leery…”

“Hey, I get ‘Mr. Leery’ enough at school, do me a favor and at home, call me ‘Mitch’.”

“Sure, Mr. Leery.”  Pacey said grinning.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”  Mitch said.  “Dawson is upstairs.”

 

“Hey,”  Pacey said slipping into Dawson’s room.

“Hey, Pace-“  Dawson smiled.  “I haven’t seen you all weekend. What happened with Andie?”

“OH-ho-ho, my friend!”  Pacey grinned, hopping on the bed.

“What?”  Dawson was curious now.

“Let’s just say I saw quite ‘a lot’ of Ms. Mc Phee this weekend…more then I had expected.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“How did that happen?”  Dawson asked.

“Hmmnn…”  Pacey thought.  “Well, I can’t exactly explain it.”

“You talked to her?”

“Uh, yeah…we talked.”

“And?”

“And…I told her how I felt…she told me how she felt, and we just realized that we were meant to be.”

“And you forgave her?”

“I would do anything for her.”

“Good,”  Dawson said.

After a moment, Pacey said,

“You were right, man.  She didn’t know who she was.  She didn’t do it to hurt me, I accept that now…”

“I am soo relieved.”  Dawson gushed.  “This is great news, Pace. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”  Pacey said.  “So…I have approximately ten hours to get back to my lady love, what do you say we watch a movie?”

 

That night, Andie left the backdoor open for Pacey, and he slipped in, past her father, unnoticed.

 

“Hey, beautiful…”  Pacey said as he entered the room, closing the door behind him. 

Andie was sprawled out across her bed reading a book.  When she saw him, she perked up.

“Hey.”

“I missed you today.”

“I missed you too,”  She said embracing him as he sat down next to her.  “I thought tonight would never come!”

“Yeah, me too…” 

 

 

 

The End